The story of how I became a MGHOW

[SuperPranxParticipant 25]

Hello fellow MGTOWs,

First, let me leave the short version here.
TL;DR; version: Me, a blue pill, codependent enabler, meet hot psychopathic narcissist. Four, almost five, years after that, I win and go my own way. The world can keep it’s imaginary box of hand grenades.

Now, here’s the long one.
I’ve been around the forums for a few months, reading your stories and life experiences. I think it is about time I share my story with you.

I was raised to behave like a gentleman towards women and, for a long time, I put every single one of them on a pedestal and thought of them as the equivalent of princesses, even goddesses if you will. It was this mindset of mine that probably made me one of the ‘nice guys’ and a blue pill guzzler of epic proportions. I had self-esteem issues, I was and still am overweight and I didn’t have a girlfriend before I finished faculty (at around 22 I guess).

My first (and only) relationship started two months after I graduated and it lasted around a month and a half at first, with a one year break after that and then it went on for 4 years. For the first month and a half I was the rebound guy who listened to her plan to get revenge on her cheating one month fling (with whom she was on and off during the next year). Having the mindset I had, I waited for this girl for the whole year. During that time there were numerous occasions on which we would all be out together, because we were part of the same group of friends. You don’t have to tell me I was stupid. I know I was.

Before I get into details, let me say that I know I was an enabler and most of the things that happened to me I could have avoided if I wasn’t such a spineless blue-piller.

After we got back together we had both agreed that this was a serious relationship. The first few months went pretty much OK, probably because of them being the ‘honeymoon phase’. After that, slowly but surely the problems were starting. She would expect of me to keep her entertained and when I couldn’t she would resort to making fun my manhood, mentioning how bad it was compared to others she had dated, even remarking that my neighbors manhood was really noticeable through his clothing. I told her to stop doing this, but as she said, she was just having fun ‘teasing’ me. When she didn’t stop I thought I’d strike back in equal measure. I made a comment about the cleavage of one of her female friends and that’s when all hell broke loose. Apparently, me doing the same thing, somehow, wasn’t the same. The ensuing argument went as far as good looking female colleagues at the office where I work. The reverse can’t be applied because she didn’t work, nor had she graduated at the time (she graduated around 27, is 30 now and still doesn’t work from what I hear).In the following 2-3 years I was forbidden to go out to lunch with my colleagues because there might be a girl present, so I brought my lunch from home or bought it at the market and I ate at the office. I couldn’t talk about this to any of my friends because I was aware of the great information flow that existed within our group. An information flow that she was actively using. Having no previous experience and no other support network to turn to, I would sometimes talk to my parents about minor issues, just checking whether I’m crazy for having some of the opinions I had. She would call me genuinely crazy every time I had an opinion that didn’t match what she was thinking. Having no previous relationship experience, I always gave the benefit of the doubt that I might be wrong and that my opinions might really be the opinions of a mad man. She was adamant that she wanted the parents to know nothing about our problems and I understand this, but I could think of no other way of checking my sanity.So, I lied. I told lies and then after a short talk I would tell her and then we would argue again and I would again promise I wouldn’t talk to them about it. She forbade me to help my sister when she needed help with her studies (in areas that I could, of course), unless I gave her a one week notice so that she can plan her time. I slowly drifted away from my family, feeling ashamed of the way I was acting around them, not being able to justify my actions. Not to confuse the situation, I still live with my father and sister. When I would lend money to my father he didn’t always return the entire amount, but I am still living under his roof and I consider that helping financially is something I should do. He never asks for such help except in months when his salary goes to wood for the winter or car repairs. The same car that I use. This money lending was obviously also not fine with her. I had to stop and I even had to only put as much gasoline as I had spent while driving the car. A liter, two, three. It didn’t matter to her, as long it was exactly as much as I had spent. I hadn’t always put in gasoline in the past. Only when the ’empty’ light flashed while I was driving and I put in a fixed amount every time, which was enough for a week at least. My father did the same and we had an understanding on this. But I had to stop. And I was feeling ashamed each time I would ask to borrow the car. Some time at the beginning of the relationship I had said that she would manage the money at home, because her family was better at saving money. Her father was working in another country and sent every penny to her mother, who then saved it to buy apartments. In the meantime, in winter, they only turned on the heating at night when the power was cheaper. They did this even if someone was sick. So, after a while I also had to give her my entire salary. If I didn’t she would throw a temper tantrum that usually ended with her puking from frustration. She was giving me a daily allowance from my own salary for food. The sex life was very stressful for me. All I got the first three years were BJs. In bed I had to know what she wanted without her telling me anything, I had to be a mind-reader otherwise she would get frustrated and start shaming me in any way that came to her. For me it was a depressing experience. Even when we had sex, she had an extreme fear of pain and that got in the way of her relaxing, but I was always the one to blame at the end. The last year that we were together, we were engaged (mostly her idea) and we were equipping one of her mothers apartments, from scratch, to live in. I had completely equipped it and we were about a week from moving in.

She would call me crazy and tell me I needed to go see a shrink all the time, but when I had proposed that we go together as a couple she wouldn’t hear of it because, as she claimed, I was the one with the problem. Even when I suggested that I would really go, even by myself, then the story changed and she wouldn’t be with someone that was going to a shrink (in her mind the people who went were ‘certifiably crazy’). At this point, my job had suffered as well. I was reprimanded for not working good and I was skipped for promotions and salary raises. I went to bed in anticipation of the sweet forgetfulness and I woke up with a sinking feeling in my stomach. Luckily, a year before I dumped her, I found a small amount of money I had saved from one of my business trips. I didn’t tell her about it and I used it to go to a psychiatrist. It turns out I wasn’t crazy after all, but I was severely depressed. I was at the point where thinking about my death brought tears of joy on my face. However, I wasn’t going to kill myself because I knew that wasn’t the answer. After a year of therapy sessions, a s~~~load of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills I managed to dump her sorry ass. At first she wouldn’t let me get the things I had bought to equip the apartment, but I hired a lawyer and made a court supervised checklist of all the things in the apartment. After the checklist was done, in her presence, she didn’t sign it. Even though she was asked about every item, the same as I was. They buckled under the pressure of an impending lawsuit and decided to settle this by letting me take my stuff. I emptied the place. I only left the bath tub and the toilet seat. In case she hadn’t forbidden me to take my stuff I would have left the bedroom and bathroom untouched as the furniture for the bedroom was custom made. She knew this and still she thought she would have her way once again.

This is a part of my story. It’s a long read and the entire thing would probably be a novel in itself. Looking at the length of it I guess that more than half of you probably won’t reach this point. If you’ve reached this point, thank you for taking the time to do so.

I know I’m not the personification of good and that I’ve done some things that you might not approve of, but I think nobody deserves to be tortured like this. At the end, let me say once more that I’m NOW aware that I could have ended my torture at any time. All it required was me, going my own way, wherever it took me.

[Anonymous 18]

Welcome brother.

We have all at one point or another gotten swept to undesired waters.

By moving on and cutting that cancerous lump from your life you have decided to build a bridge.

It has a special little corner where you can stand and throw lifelines to other men drowning to a woman’s manipulation.

Must say she was one controlling demonic manifestation of a woman.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Welcome brother!

The part about attempting to cut you off from the family brought back many memories and is a textbook narcissist move. Because a narcissist wants CONTROL. They have to control the narrative and she knows that your family will look out for you not her. She controls who you eat lunch with because over time they may see that you are the sane one and take your side. On the bright side, you didn’t marry her or have kids with her.

I am happy for you that you got here without going through any of that. I’m not sure how long ago this was so maybe you’ve already figured this out, but you’ve been on your own through that entire relationship. It will now be easier being on your own without carrying her luggage with you. Give it a few months and you’ll realize how much easier your life has become.

Order the good wine

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Welcome SuperPranx! Your story made my skin crawl as I re-lived the experience of one of my friends. I know exactly the type of evil c~~~ you had to deal with. And it was probably worst for you since you had nobody, at least my friend had me to talk to. Jesus Christ, I can only imagine the struggle in your head man. Being brought up as a White Knight thinking women can do no wrong, and then being dragged through hell by such a harpy. She most probably was even worst than you know. I could bet she was f~~~ing the previous guy or other guys on the side also, taking them out to lunches on you dime while you were at work.
But, you were strong and lucky. You got out in time. Can you imagine if you’d have gone ahead and married her or gotten her pregnant? You would have probably ended up killing yourself, or like her father, move away to a different country and send her all the money back just to stay away from her.

Anyway, enjoy your new found freedom and please share so that others can see and avoid your mistakes.

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[SuperPranxParticipant 25]

@iLearn, you can be damn sure that I’ll keep throwing those life lines to save whoever catches on. I currently have one friend being pressured into engagement, who I’m talking to and trying to help.

@taxguy, I ended the relations~~~ somewhere around August 2014 and managed to get my things back around two months later. Life is indeed much easier and I’m much happier now.

Thank you for you support everyone. It means very much to me.

[Dark KenshiParticipant 2132]

The time of pain and depression has ended, welcome home, brother.

Here, let me show you where your “bedroom” is, we have a special place at our table specially set for you, and you can change it as you see fit.

Leave the past behind, now you are free, you have your life ahead of you to live as you deem worthy.

I am glad that you made it, the brotherhood has been waiting for you for a long time.

Grab a beer, my friend, take the dust off your chair and join us, from this day forward.

Welcome to the brotherhood. Welcome to MGTOW.

"Young was I once, I walked alone, and bewildered seemed in the way; then I found me another and rich I thought me, for man is the joy of man." Odin, Hàvamàl, stanza 47.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome! And, congratulations!

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

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