The Soul can Bleed

[Anonymous 0]

When a man has done wrong and he can not seek forgiveness from who he has wronged what is he to do?

Its a question I am struggling with. In recent months I cut ties with a man very dear to me. We had quite the argument. I felt very strongly on my position at the time. How ever he has died and we never reconcilied. Shortly before cutting contact I wrote him explianing my issues with him and what he was doing. He did write me back. How ever I did not read it when he left me his reply. I saw only what I had wrote returned to me and discarded it.

Recently I found this folded page and upon looking at it closely. I read what he wrote me. It hurt, to read his testimony to me. He seemingly still did not see what I did but hoped we would stay close and continue dialouge and reconcilie stating how close we were and how he cared.

We did not ever speak again. Now it is far too late. I miss him greatly. I wish I could tell him how much I cared. This haunts me. I feel I wronged him.

How does one rationalise this? It may be “just the way things played out”. Or We were both stubborn. But I find no solace in it at all. I know he called for me at the end and I wasnt there in time. What time I had was brief due to his evil manipulating c~~~ of a sister.

In someways I feel I deserve this wound but it is not what either of us wanted. I also do not feel entirely wrong about my inital position but feel wrong about how things turned out.

Perhaps its a form of grief or self loathing for the results or dwelling on the past far too much. Maybe even a combination. I try to live not in stagnation but forward moving in a better way. I wish things were different. I was fortunate to know him and have as much time with him as I did. This man was my father.

Perhaps I just need more time. It doesnt feel as if that will help though.

This is not a moral delimma I would normaly post, but I no longer have a fellow man in my family I can talk with about this. I am seeking the advice of those brothers here I have had much help and advice from in the past that might be able to relate.

[TheSpiceParticipant 2644]

It’s not uncommon for us to have rough relationships with our fathers. I know my dad and I didn’t get along much towards the end.

I don’t have the right words to help, but I understand your pain, brother.

"I've been thinking about what it would be like if we got back together."
"You know it's too late for that."

[Old BuckParticipant 3596]

Help someone else who may be facing the same issues as your friend did.

You may help someone else from making the same mistake.

I bet there are other men in the same type of situation on this forum, and by sharing your story it will help them give old friends a second chance.

If your friend had a hobby or a social event, go visit them and talk to them. Maybe even donate some time or money to a charity in his name?

Don't chase tail. Turn yours around, walk away, and live free!

[Anonymous 0]

An understanding alone is a monumental contribution to another man. At times I think men may find more solace in understanding from other men than actual advice. Even writing and sharing helps. I cannot say what it is I truly need. However I feel it is no longer viable to keep it all in.

A second chance is indeed the most valuable thing a man can give another man. I strive to live better and in some ways as he would. He knew my flaws and I his and we shared our observations. It now is what I can find myself doing almost naturaly. His wisdom exceeded my own. As time goes on I want do more in his name. Right now there is still an element of shock I feel at his loss. I hike still, we used to do that, see how fast we could get done with a trail.

I hope many men can read this, and learn from it and find a greater understanding outside their own perspective. If I had that type of understanding at the time things would have turned out much different for me.

[Anonymous 43]

I am in that place with respect to my kids. They told me to go away, but neither kids nor i have each others contact info. We have all moved and new phone numbers since we last spoke. I sort of know where they can be reached, but a court order prevents me from contacting them. The kids can initiate contact, but cant find me. I could use my lawyer but id have to pay a $5000 retainer. I have a website. And a YouTube channel. Maybe they will find me that way. Im sorry you were estranged from your father. Losing my dad made me appreciate what i lost

[Anonymous 0]

Anonymous wrote:

I am in that place with respect to my kids. They told me to go away, but neither kids nor i have each others contact info. We have all moved and new phone numbers since we last spoke. I sort of know where they can be reached, but a court order prevents me from contacting them. The kids can initiate contact, but cant find me. I could use my lawyer but id have to pay a $5000 retainer. I have a website. And a YouTube channel. Maybe they will find me that way. Im sorry you were estranged from your father. Losing my dad made me appreciate what i lost

I am sorry that is your case May, I hope that one day soon you and your children can reunite and reconcile. I do not want this to be the case for anyone else! No one needs that hurt because if let to go on, one day it cant be taken back. It does not end when one person does but gets only worsened by the finality of death.

And I just have to say what evil creatures women are, getting off on the seperation of fathers and children. I have gained new found hatred for women through my exprience.

[Anonymous 43]

You and me both brother. I have forgiven the ex c~~~ for all except poisoning my kids against me, that is unquenchable rage there.

Forgiven, but not forgotten

[LosPukeParticipant 514]

I’m feeling your pain tonight, SoylentGeneration. If I had a few drinks and came across your post, I would swear that I had written it. My father and I grew apart due to my past drug use and his alcoholism. It seemed like we never could put our relationship back together the way it once was. At one time, he was my best friend.

I remember a week before he died that he called. As soon as I saw the caller ID, I let it go to voicemail. At that time, I was p~~~ed off at him. I never did bother checking that voicemail until a week after he died. The voicemail was, “Son, this is your father. I would like for us to spend an evening together and just talk.” I could have been the better man and answered his call. I could have at least listened to the voicemail that night. I could have done a lot of things different. I will forever regret my decision to ignore my father in his time of need. It can be really hard not to hate yourself, SoylentGeneration. How do you make amends to the dead? If you ever find the answer to that question, let me know.

[Blood AxeParticipant 1179]

I haven’t seen my father since I was 14. It’s been about 23 years. He must be in his mid 60s by now. He was a mean SOB and had serious mental issues but he had many good qualities as well. I learned a lot from watching him work. I can see him every time I look in the mirror, and it hurts. I think I know how you feel.

Back off Barbie!

[MonkParticipant 16988]

If you consider that you did wrong then, then take that knowledge and use it to make yourself a better person today.

You might also consider the possibility that physical death is not the end and that you may meet again.

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