So I’ve literally always been MGTOW, I guess you could say. I’m 30 years old. (It feels weird, typing/saying that, still.) I’m a virgin. I’ve never even had a date.
Yet I probably don’t really fit the stereotype of what most people picture when they read the above. I’m 6 ft 3, low 180s (lbs) in weight, and I take care of myself. I’m definitely not a model, but I’m not ugly. I lift three days a week and play basketball twice a week. Nutrition is important to me, and my first two jobs were working at non-corporate local gyms.
In high school, I had a oneitis style crush on a popular girl. I was out of shape then and had low self-esteem. It was one of those, “we stare at each other and no one says anything” type of deals. I knew nothing about women.
The same thing happened for a women who was five to six years older than me at my first job. She worked out at the gym I was at, I worked with her brother as a camp counselor, and s~~~, we even went to the same church. I was still super intimidated by her (like a decade ago, she was a solid 8 by almost any standards) and, being a true woman, she refused to begin a conversation with me right back, despite showing signs of attraction/interest. I was very heartbroken by my own failure, but confused as to why she couldn’t just at least say hey. I felt worthless.
By my next job, at 23, I started to come into my own a bit. For four long years, I just focused on being a human and improving my social skills. I got better, I would notice some very attractive women giving me “signals,” but I would still think they were out of my league. I worked with a lot of very attractive 18-25 year olds at this (part time job,) but I was beginning to notice women basically saw me as asexual. I would be talking to an attractive woman I work with, just folding towels for the fitness floor say, and sometimes some dude would just like walk up and start talking to her. This is also the job where I started to notice how women really “operate.” I read a great article by Chase Amante about staying out of “auto-rejection.” I realized that I had put dozens and dozens of girls/women into auto rejection mode, and to be honest, I continue to do so.
Also at this job, at 24, I very nearly had the chance at a girlfriend. She was only 19-20 and going to a college about two hours away. She got out of school like in mid-April or something weird, and worked there in the summer of ’11. We got along very well, and had a mutual attraction. She was short and had a slamming body. I knew she had a boyfriend or I would have asked her out. Whether or not she knew I know, I’m not sure. She did her best to keep hat fact from me, but I knew from eavesdropping.
I was a good boy, and patiently waited for them to break up. I figured she would dump him for me. I figured I was clearly the better option or she wouldn’t be so obviously attracted to me. Instead of breaking up with him, she began to give up on me, and started “going cold” because I didn’t make a move on her. She went from being probably the sweetest woman to just—not any fun to be around anymore. By July they had finally broken up, but she was in wounded victim mode. I probably correctly calculated I would be nothing more than a rebound, and she left in a huff. She briefly came back to work the following winter but it was super awkward between us. She left again in full, “No you didn’t,” mode, and this time she never came back.
Oh, and shortly BEFORE the above time, I had an “ex-friend” of my sister constantly flirting with me on Facebook. I got her number, tried to make a move, and was roundly rejected. When I finally spelled out my interest to her, she pretended to be totally shocked, like I just flirted with her and got her number so I could send her cat pics or some s~~~. This after SHE was always the one initiating contact.
In the fall of 2012, I began to improve myself in earnest. I stopped drinking sugary drinks. I lost twenty pounds. I only had a two year degree, and I finally decided to go back to school to get a four year degree. The above experiences really were the best motivation I could have asked for. I’ve had that chip on my shoulder since.
Almost four years ago I got my degree. It took an astounding fifteen months after that to land a full-time job. Then I got one. Then I started on other improvements. More form-fitting clothes, brand names, all of that. Again, this all resulted in zero dates.
I’ve been at my current job for over two and a half years. I’m successful by almost any measure. I have paid off my student loan and my car. I’m looking at getting a place closer to work. I’m very well-liked at my job, have gotten promoted, have gotten a work award. That;s really who I am. I am of, at best, average intelligence, but I can outwork anyone.
But…women still just don’t really seem to care about me. I had been interested in seeing a younger one maybe, but I just—get bored with the game I suppose. If a woman shows any type of interest in me, which, as most of you know, can mean they smiled at you one time when you said hey, (or some s~~~,) and I’m not immediately humping her leg like a terrier, it’s, in her mind, because I either hate her and think she’s ugly or that I’m not alpha enough, or possibly all three of those things or any combination of those things. The women are children” tenant has always held really true in my experience. And you also wouldn’t believe the loser guys I see very attractive women with. They just seem to have no shame.
And for years, all I wanted was an equal. Someone to maybe put in a little effort for me personally.
But I realized that’s not how women operate. A woman can not only not love you in the same way you can love her, she also can’t even be attracted to you in as personal of a way, if that makes sense. Men are attracted to specific women, women want A MAN, and these days they have a basically never-ending pool to select from. That’s the difference. That’s why I’m MGTOW. All I wanted was for someone to TRY for me, me personally, and that’s just not how it works.
I don’t even watch too much porn. If I get too bored or horny, I get on Reddit and chat with some women on KIK. All I say is that I’m tall and fit, and I get messages. 60 to 70 percent of the women who reply to me are married. (Shows how much women care about men/marriage.) Some women are down to sext. Some are pretty attractive. It’s all low-hanging fruit, but it feeds the monster.
Can’t think of much else to say. Definitely feel at home with you guys. Sorry for rambling.
That’s my intro.
Anonymous 2 years, 9 months ago.
