I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I can’t go a day without reading a story on here about some act of submission performed by a willing mangina.
What I would like to do is understand what’s really going on in their head. Here are some of my questions.
Are they under some kind of hypnosis?
Are they mentally ill?
Do they lack confidence and feel insecure about themselves?
Do they lack testosterone?
I understand they have been socially brainwashed but what about their natural instincts?
Some of these men are physically imposing as well. It’s as if it’s all for show.
I am not sure if there is a study done on this but I would be keen to see one. Interested to hear y’alls thoughts on the subject.
I was reading a self-help book about how people grow up to become people-pleasers, and the description of people-pleasers reminded me of manginas. So I’ll tell you what that book said about people-pleasers.
Psychological explanations always start with the childhood. So the book said that people-pleasers often grew up in households where parents didn’t have much tolerance for a misbehaving child. When the people-pleaser was a child and threw a tantrum or got angry, the parents would react with anger, hurt tones of voice, long silences, yelling, illness. The child learned that he is only loved when he is compliant. In other words, it’s emotional blackmail. The kid learns not to trust his own negative emotions. He grows up terrified that if he says “no,” or sets limits, or makes demands, it will end in severe isolation and abandonment for him.
So in order to get his needs met, the people-pleaser focuses on securing friendship and love by engaging in people-pleasing and complying with the demands and needs of others. He might even take his people-pleasing to the extent of becoming a hero, that is, a white knight or rescuer of damaged people. He imagines that the people he helps will be grateful and will anticipate and meet his needs in return. But really, it’s just manipulation. That is, he is trying to buy the respect and love of others by complying with their unreasonable demands and needs, and meantime he’s sugar-coating his own needs by trying to hide them behind noble actions.
Naturally, the people he “rescues” don’t necessarily feel all that grateful. In fact, all that rescuing may cause people to feel resentful. It “infantilizes” the people that he rescues by implying that they can’t take care of themselves. Also, rescuing attracts abusive partners to the people-pleaser, because abusers want others to take care of them and do everything for them. Meantime, the people-pleaser usually isn’t getting his own needs met either, since he isn’t being direct about expressing them. People really don’t know what the people-pleaser expects in return, so they blow him off.
So ultimately the people-pleaser would do better to cut out the rescuing. It’s much better to be honest about who you are and what you want, and do some horse-trading (negotiating) about what you and the other person can do for each other. In other words, be honest and show people who you really are, and it’s their choice to adjust to you or walk away.
Anyway, that’s probably more than you wanted to know about manginas. But the subject of people-pleasers was fresh on my mind because of that book I mentioned. (The name of the book is “Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How To Say No To Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.)
Anonymous 2 years, 4 months ago.
