The Glass Closet and the Conservative

[peterfaParticipant 833]

This one lesbian once accused me of being in the glass closet. I thought that was so silly since why would I have a problem with being gay if it’s OK? Also, I’ve known I was straight since kindergarten. If I’m gay I should have some evidence. I should have had dreams or something, but nothing like that has ever occurred. Also, she should know that just because someone doesn’t look the part, doesn’t mean they aren’t. There are gay men who walk around acting like straight men but they’re totally gay. The fact that she’s stereotypical is so hypocritical.

The conversation started when I made a complaining post about how people tend to accuse me of being gay. The thing is I’m entirely straight. I do understand people wondering though, but it does get annoying.

First of all, I’m not as masculine as most men. I just don’t care about cars, sports, drinking, and a whole lot of traditional male tropes. I have my own interests though they are not like fashion or anything (though I try to take care of myself). I do work on computers and I love heavy metal, and those are male tropes. I also love fighting movies, my favorite is The Legend of the Drunken Master. I’m a thinking type and a student of life. I enjoy helping people.

I also don’t act typically masculine. I walk my own way, I move my own way. I talk my own way. I have ADD and I think I’m dyslexic but I express myself so differently from all other men. I’m also lively when I converse.

When I lived in Washington, I got away with being me a lot. Nobody ever cared if I was gay or not. When I moved to Texas, suddenly everybody thinks I’m gay (or at least it feels like it). If you are asking a total stranger a question and you feel the need to prepare that person for a possibly offensive question and say, “It’s OK if you don’t want to answer,” then you should probably not be asking that question. If that person then answers it’s probably not a good idea to follow up with letting him know that you’re not judging him. The thing is, it’s not any of your business, and there’s no way to prove that I’m done sorting the issue out and that I’m not lying about it. So, when I say, “no,” when asked, “Are you gay?” the question is answered.

A surprising number of people keep thinking I’m gay here in Texas. It’s a tad revolting. I have decided to slip in references to being straight to protect myself. It’s not like 90% of people think I’m gay, but that every once in a while someone will ask me if I’m gay. It gets annoying after a while.

When have we gotten to the point where men truly have to love all the same things and do all the same things in order to not be seen as gay? That’s sad.

[Proud MasculistParticipant 39]

When men have false hair, they are mocked and shamed for wearing a ‘rug’.   Yet, women wear false faces with paint, powder, lipstick, fake/painted nails, hair extensions, hair dyes, fake eyebrows/lashes, etc., etc.  Any shaming there?  Of course not.

[peterfaParticipant 833]

They do however claim oppression because they have to do it and it takes time, or they emphatically tell us they do it for us. My sister once came home to tell me that. I couldn’t figure out why at all. I decided a week ago that she must have a mental illness.

[Soldier-MedicParticipant 2566]

I have noticed that when a person makes the assertion that you are something or someone (weather it’s true or not) they are in some way projecting.

Projecting either their fears – fear of being gay

Insecurities – person is gay and is actually insecure about it.

Desires – perhaps she wants to watch

Hatreds – hates men and wants them to be gay so that they are less in their eyes in some way.  I believe that Barbarossa had something to say about this.

In high school I was generally labeled gay.  Odd since I played football, dated (not a virgin by 15), rebuilt my own 1967 GMC pick-up truck.

In the army, homosexuals frequently labeled me as gay.  I believe that it was primarily because I don’t have any homophobia.  As a medic, I had my fingers/hands in or on every part of the male anatomy.  If you are homophobic in that profession you are going to have problems.  I even had a gay Captain that was a physician hit on me.  I don’t act gay or have any feminine mannerism.  Maybe they thought I was a top.  I don’t know.  I didn’t care then and doubly don’t care now.

If you are acquainted with people that may think you are gay and they have a problem with it then move on.

Life is too short to have to constantly validate you identity with people that don’t matter in your life.

"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.

[KeithParticipant 482]

People (men and women) will frequently play the “gay” card and ask about a secure man’s sexual orientation because historically it has been used as leverage and to denigrate.  Pyscho-sexually secure men don’t give a flying f*** what anyone thinks about their sexuality.   Its a subtle attempt at behavior modification as if making the allegation will force the guy to find a woman or have sex in the middle of the street to prove he’s a “real man”.  Its bulls~~~.

Over the years the subject has come up many times because the vast majority of people cannot fathom that a mature man with an education, who can carry on an intelligent conversation, who has a job, a house, a car, a career, etc. has never “settled down” (dust settles down, I don’t want to be dust). The question “are you gay” or any subtle variation doesn’t come from the outward behavior of the person being questioned, its based on the fact that inquirer finds it unbelievable that some guys aren’t married or in an oppressive, restrictive, unquantified, unrewarding relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Over the years if someone asks if me if I was gay, my response(s) are “why?, would you like to take me to dinner?” or “do you find me appealing in a sexual way?” or if it is coming from someone close to me, I respond with “what difference would it make?”  That usually puts a stop to the questioning with all dispatch.

I believe that questioning someone’s sexuality says more about the person inquiring than about the person being questioned.  I really do think it is such a non-issue and totally irrelevant and I refused to allow the question to diminish me or raise fear.  It is a question I NEVER answer.  I do not need anyone’s approval about how I choose to live my life and if they think that I “must be gay” because I have never been married, too frigin bad, get over it and I have said as much, out loud.

I am glad that marriage equality and gay rights have advanced at light speed, because I have been an unintended beneficiary of the movement.  No longer does it matter if people are gay or not, it has no leverage or power to diminish, we have learned its irrelevant and if you don’t have a dog in the fight, why should anyone care?    This coupled with the decline in marriage overall has made it easier for all of us who choose to live life on our own terms because it is now approaching an average position on the “bell shaped curve” and we are no longer seen as outliers because we don’t buy into the relationship/marriage fiction of “happiness”.

I cannot devote any energy to focus on who is sleeping with whom, I can only worry about myself.  No retreat, no surrender.

Keith

 

 

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a man who never found a wife and he lived happily ever after. The End.

[Cipher HighwindParticipant 1144]

If one is tripping off gay-dar, why not use it to one’s advantage? I could see it as being useful in networking.

[DakotaParticipant 341]

peterfa wrote:

When I lived in Washington, I got away with being me a lot.

I’ve lived in a lot of different areas and my observation is that each place has it’s own back-ground or wallpaper.  Washington (West of the Cascades), Portland, SanFran, etc…definitely have a metro sexual/gay/feminized wallpaper going on.  People, like geckos, tend to take on their back ground instead of the environment taking the character of the person.  It’s just the way it is.

Texas is a great example.  You don’t have a metro-sexual/gay/feminized character about the place.  If you’ve been to Paris you quickly notice how all the men have taken on feminine qualities.

So what can you do?  I say f~~~-it, but if it bothers you that much, here are some things you may want to try:

Don’t wear Converse all-star type canvas shoes, or Vans type shoes, and don’t match your shoes to your shirt.
Skinny jeans, especially with a hoody, are out.
Frosted hair…oh god.
Avoid growing your hair so it hangs in your face.
Avoid Jeans that are stone-washed with holes strategically cut out in both knees.
Avoid talking about nonsense and actually have a point to what you say. Your point should not be that it’s okay to be gay. Just sayin.
This might be counter intuitive but the current gay fashion seems to be heroin-addicted/grunge/unkept. Dress nice but not too neat.
Say things like…”The f~~~ing liberals are ruining this country” and “If Tim Cook from Apple would take a 5 minute break from getting f~~~ed in the ass he might actually make a product worth buying.”

Good Luck, my friend.

[Author]

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