The final dying days of a Marriage . . .

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

Gooday my Brothers,

I thought it would be ‘fun’ if I was to start a thread which could possibly be of help to other ‘prisoners’ of marriage and that are either starting out on the putrid path to freedom, or are one or two steps behind where I am. A daily (almost) diary so to speak.

First warning – the final week will feel many, many times worse than whatever went before it. You have been warned. 🙂

8th May

The Decree Absolute has now been served . . . on the 4th.

I AM NOW A SINGLE MAN !!!!!!!! 😀

As seems to be par for the course, the (now) ex-wife will get her copy first. I had to phone the courts this morning to find out myself. Hopefully I’ll receive my hard copy soon? Still yet to receive a hard copy of the Consent Order – a full month after it was approved and after she got her copy. Still . . . 🙂

As anticipated (keeping in mind that the ex’ is a ‘serial’ control freak), she will be playing it by the book, or at least her version of the book.

With this in mind, she has said she will be waiting the full 7 days after the date of the Absolute (which will be the 11th) , before giving me . . . a cheque!!

Allowing 5 working days to clear, this means the funds wouldn’t be in my account until at least Thursday (18th) next week.

I insisted that this did not satisfy the terms of the Consent Order that she freely agreed to and signed and that she also assured me she would be following (to the letter).

I’ve contacted my solicitor, who assures me that an uncleared cheque does not constitute payment and is therefore in breach of the terms if the money is not cleared in my account by the 11th. I’ve said to her, that if she were to give me a cheque now (earlier today), I could pay it into my account today and it would be cleared by Monday (15th) next week. As I’m a nice guy, I’d be happy with this as a compromise. After all, I’m now legally entitled to my settlement.

She assures me the funds are fully available in her bank account (the secret one I didn’t know about until the court ordered a search), so I fail to see why she can’t just do a bank transfer, even on the 11th (Thursday). I’ve asked why and she just replies, “I have my reasons”??

If that’s not all, as Decree Absolute has now been served, I no longer have any rights to inhabit the property. Decree Absolute has to be approved first, in order to ‘activate’ the Consent Order. Perversely, I’m still the legal owner of the property, so that’s a weird one.

The ex-wife believes that as we’re now divorced, I’ve also lost ownership of the house. Despite explaining that the divorce has nothing to do with ownership of property or joint finances, she ‘knows’ otherwise.

With that in mind, she’s also said that today she will contact the bank and remove my name from the joint account. Ordinarily this wouldn’t be possible as it would require my authorisation as well.

Sadly with our bank, if they so much as get a sniff of the Divorce word, they freeze the account. They would then open a new account in her name and any money in the joint account would be locked for one month, in order to cover any incoming debits. She will of course be receiving income into her new account, in her sole name – money which I’m still legally entitled to a share of.

As a precaution, I have withdrawn slightly less than half of the balance, as if the account is frozen, I would be in the enjoyable position of having no access to joint income, and no lump sum divorce settlement. She’s out at the moment but I expect a full-on assault of the senses and strict orders to desist when she finds out (as is her want). Ironically, I would still be jointly responsible for that account.

My solicitor is currently putting together an email for her attention, which I’ll forward to her and also print off. I don’t expect her to take much notice of it, as she knows better, but it’s worth a punt.

The plan had been for me to drive down to the my new home (a boat) when the sale of it completes, taking all my worldly possessions with me. Then I would spend about 2 weeks getting it ready and finally returning the van (which she’s keeping). I would then spend a week or so finishing off at the house and finally catching a train to freedom.

As it stands, I’ve a good mind to hire a ‘one-way’ transit van and never return.

Of course, the ex’ is hurling all the phlegm fuelled vitriol she can muster. “Why am I being so horrible and unreasonable” etc. Needless to say, I’ve taken about as much as I can of the ‘nicey nicey, will you at least finish my kitchen’ bulls~~~ that I can handle, and have now downed tools.

She still insists that I will be signing myself off the title of the house ‘before’ I get the money. Advice to the contrary will also be in the solicitors email.

On the subject of property titles, I’m doing my own conveyancing and the forms are now together. Just need the deed witnessing and then we ‘both’ have to go to their offices (that should be fun), where they will do it on the spot for 40 pounds.

I never ever want to see another legal form again. I’ve done this entire divorce myself. The online solicitors really only act in a guiding capacity, which is why, all-in, it’s cost 690 quid.

I’m utterly exhausted in all respects and am looking forward to completely unwinding, and no doubt a huge body-shaking, teeth-rattling man-sob when the boat is launched and I’m finally on the water.

The final week (or thereabouts) is shaping up to be many times more unbearable than the preceding 5 months.

I know it’s not recommended but I would love to be able to upload a picture or video of myself. Then you would be privy to a glimpse of not only my lifeless and world weary expression, but also a fascinating insight in to how one man can age externally (and internally) about 20 years in only 5. 😀

—————

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

You’re almost there !!

Soon it will be NOTHING More then a Distant Unpleasant memory !!

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

Awakened wrote:

You’re almost there !!

Soon it will be NOTHING More then a Distant Unpleasant memory !!

Cheers dude. You’re quite right, I can almost smell that sea air. 🙂

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[narwhalParticipant]

I find it interesting the women tend to believe that all this separation of assets and such just happens so easily, exactly the way they believe is fair. I suppose you usually handle these matters in the past?

Ok. Then do it.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

What is a quid?

[OldBillParticipant]

PistolPete wrote:

What is a quid?

It’s slang for one pound, like someone saying “bucks” instead of dollars.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

No she has always dealt with those things, by the power of mental violence. Annoying because I was always a knowledgeable spectator and just as capable, but I could see her making a hash of things on a regular basis. Of course if ever I said anything or offered to help, I was ‘putting her down’ 🙂

Strangely, she offered no objections to me handling the entire divorce process from start to finish.

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

You got some more uphill to go so don’t let your guard down. Now is the worst time to be a good guy. Play hard ball this you know you’re out of the woods.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

OldBill wrote:

PistolPete wrote:

What is a quid?

It’s slang for one pound, like someone saying “bucks” instead of dollars.

Interestingly us Brit’s often call a pound a buck as well. I’ve often heard on American TV shows, people calling one cent a penny. 🙂

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

Stay strong brother. Your previous post that I saw, she hurled herself at you. You pounded and then came here to absolve yourself. You’re almost clear. Even if it takes a month to see your money the hard part is done. I’d question any decision to re-engage short of her absolute nonpayment.

It’s just a way to keep her hooks in you.

Enjoy the wind at your back and your rum. For her it’s loneliness and cats. Hire somebody to work the house issues in your absence.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[Emperor HeracliusParticipant 317]

Congrats, and best of luck on you new lease on life !

"Admit no woman to the imperial councils. Be accessible to no one. Share with few your most intimate plans."

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

Ogre wrote:

Stay strong brother. Your previous post that I saw, she hurled herself at you. You pounded and then came here to absolve yourself. You’re almost clear. Even if it takes a month to see your money the hard part is done. I’d question any decision to re-engage short of her absolute nonpayment.

It’s just a way to keep her hooks in you.

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Enjoy the wind at your back and your rum. For her it’s loneliness and cats. Hire somebody to work the house issues in your absence.

Yep you’re right Ogre, it’s been a monumental effort to get to this stage. The law’s now on my side and a few more weeks or whatever, is just putting in some more time knowing it ‘will’ all end, soon.

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[FreedomParticipant 965]

Freedom…….

Such a lovely word.

We’ve all been through it matey.and it’s f~~~ing great on the other side.

She cheated on me ..... my fault. I showed an interest in another woman......my fault.

[bstoffParticipant 4863]

Congrats. Your name is fitting for this particular scenario, and for GYOW as well. I also admire your JP avatar. He rocks.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

bstoff wrote:

Congrats. Your name is fitting for this particular scenario, and for GYOW as well. I also admire your JP avatar. He rocks.

Thanks. I used to be ‘Dead Inside’. Now I’m ‘No Longer Dead Inside’. Sounds like 2 good titles for blues albums? 🙂

Page, Hendrix, Angus Young and Lightnin Hopkins are the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse.

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

9th May

It’s incredible what difference a day can make, I hope.

Firstly, the ex was still adamant this morning that it would be a case of my name off of everything and then payment via an un-cleared cheque.

That was until she phoned the courts to confirm that the Decree Absolute had in fact been served (my word never counted for anything before, so why should it now).

(Secretly listening in), they confirmed that the money was due by this Thursday. She then mentioned that she was going to give me a cheque on Thursday . . . then followed by a long silence.

I’m not 100% certain of what she was told though surprisingly, she has now agreed to do a bank transfer Thursday morning.

Her fear is that she would give me the money and then I would not only refuse to sign over title to the property, but that I would instantly withdraw a large sum of money equal to the overdraft limit. I would of course be in breach of the terms of the Consent Order myself in doing this. I’ve explained this to her at length on countless occasions, but as I say, my word is worth nowt.

We’ve somehow managed to come to an agreement that as soon as the funds are in my account, we will instantly contact our bank and sort out name removal and/or closure etc. Strangely, this is exactly what I’d suggested just a few days previously.

An appointment has been made with Land Registry for Friday, where ID’s will be confirmed and the register altered etc. Conveyancing is, if you do it yourself, a legal minefield in it’s own right and is far more involved than the relative ‘walk in the park’ that is divorce.

I never want to see another legal form again, though I might have mentioned that before?

All of the above comes at a price though (what a surprise).

In return for her ‘doing me a favour’, she requires that I move out on the Friday, which is her legal right I suppose.

This means that I now have 2 days to load the van with all my goods and chattels (which have been packed in boxes for sometime). Then on the Friday, I will drive to Land Registry separately. The dirty deed will be done and then I will go on my merry way, a free man.

Weighing up the pro’s and con’s and whilst this isn’t an ideal solution, I am quite happy to do this. It will mean living in the van for a few days, or possibly a week but 2 or 3 days at my favourite campsite will provide a relaxing base for which to ease the transition. Besides, there’s a nice little pub just down the road AND the best Indian Takeaway I know of. A right little adventure. 🙂

Following this will be the culmination of my journey to the boat yard to finalise the purchase, then it’s just a simple (?) case of moving all my junk (sorry possessions) onto my new home, then spending 2 weeks or so carrying out various jobs for a life afloat.

I’ve been advised by my Father to ensure I relax with a couple of ‘lemonades’, but not to overdo it. No worries there, I’m only an occasional drinker and besides, the heroin gives me all I need. 😉

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[MemberParticipant 323]

Just remember….now that you have pulled your head out of the noose don’t ever let it happen again. There will never be a situation again that benefits you by getting married. It is a business contract of the worst kind and no matter how great they seem that contract will come back to haunt you.

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

Congrats on your pending freedom! For the rest of us still incarcerated within the icy walls of the evil skewed institution – keep us posted on your escape.

What kind of boat?? Where will you travel? I feel like I’m standing on my tip-toes trying to peer out of the barred window onto the prison yard to see a man gain his long awaited freedom.

[Anonymous 12]

MMmh… close

dontf~~~upnowdontf~~~upnow

[Author]

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