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The Dude… Abides
“The Intro to the Dude” or His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
Now, there are two definitions to “abide”.
1) accept or act in accordance with “I said I would abide by their decision” – “OBEY”
2) lasts, survivesMy story starts with definition (1) and ends with (2).
20 years ago, the Dude was a MAN – at that point, he was out of college make serious $$ and had a brand new Camaro (green, Corvette engine). The Dude dated a lot in high school, college and afterwards. Dude was a “catch”. No problem getting laid. But, as a kid a heart, the Dude wanted kids and a family. When he got seriously looking, a petite blond with dark brown eyes caught his eye – a Britney Spears look alike – 5 years early. She was a daughter of a Doctor. Stable family. What could go wrong?
So the Dude – Abides. He went in accordance to society’s norms… got married, had three kids and the 5-bedroom house. This went great for about 13 years. Around that time, she (the wife) was running 10ks, volunteering at school and working part time in Women’s shelters.
Then a switch went off. Like someone pulled a plug. Like a phone call came and someone used the trigger phrase “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.” – and she completely changed. She quit everything, running, volunteering, working, being a useful normal human being. At first the Dude … Abides. “You’ll find an interest, honey.”, “I support you.”
But as the months dragged on, no progress. Counseling was all about what the Dude could “do” to make her “feel” more “loved”. No calling out the wife – only the Dude was at fault. Then the drinking started. Mind you, the dude likes his White Russians, but – after hours. At first, she was slightly tipsy when the dude got home from work. Then it was bombed by 4pm – with nothing done at all the entire day except calling “girl friends” to bitch about men . She started calling the Dude at work, bitching over and over. Threats of divorce. Way over spending. Checks bouncing. The Dude puts his foot down, makes her have a separate account. He gives her $400 a month spending money. Mind you, most people would love free housing, free food, free clothing, a free car and $400 a month “me money”. This does not sit well. The Dude is forced to grocery shop, cook and do homework every night because by 7pm she is passed out in the bedroom. The Dude is a single father even though he is married.
The violence starts. Pushing. Yelling. She gets so out of hand one night; the neighbors her it and call the cops. They interview me and the kids and haul her to jail for DV. Tears. Promises of reform. This works for a while – 6 months maybe. The drinking starts again, earlier and earlier in the day. One day, after the Dude’s oldest daughter comes home from high school – a drunken argument – and she slaps her across the face and draws blood. (The dude was working from home office upstairs at the time, heard the whole thing). Dude sees a lawyer next day. Advice: drunks never stop until they hit rock bottom and take everyone with them. Hide money. Cut her off – watch out for threats of cops.
The Dude was making plans and taking steps. It came to a head when his two younger kids called him, crying, that mom was hitting and scratching them because they were trying to take away her wine. The Dude was not there, but he called the cops. Because there was no man present to blame and she was drunk, the cops took her away again. The Dude did NOT get her out this time (she spent 3 days inside) – Dude went to a lawyer again. Emergency custody. The Dude, with a witness present, picked her up from County Jail, dropped her at a hotel with a $1000 check and a suitcase and said good riddance.
Lots more to the story: divorce battle, more cops, rehab, crappy in-laws, online dating horrors. Let me know if you want to hear more. Bottom line: a woman can go crazy at any time and try to take everything – and she feels entitled to do this. The Dude Abides.
Hell yes Dude, tell us more! Sorry you and your kids went through all that.
Awesome intro btw…
Jeff Bridges is the dude we can only hope to hold up his dudiness. His family used to live in Tucson half the year and I love the whole Bridges family. I am the Great tattoodave ski
I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d
Anonymous42sup dude?
I think the first step in being able to become a great anything begins with you accepting the fact that you are terrific and so am I. About six months ago I decided to grow my hair and I have not regretted it ever since I will soon look like our Big Lebowski except that I will be my own man. Good to know you sir
I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d
The Dude is sipping on a Scotch, about to eat a steak the Dude grilled, listing to 60’s Tiki music.
And NO ONE is bitching.The Big Lebowski: What makes a man? Is it doing the right thing?
The Dude: Sure, that and a pair of testicles.keep abiding dude !
these situations are so very common,
my ex goes/went out drinking constantly.
left me with the kid many times ..
holidays etc..
i’m SO glad to live alone..
it was a nightmare when she left, at first..
then it became that i have a house to myself,
if my kid isn’t here with me..
ENJOY the time you have !!!The violence starts. Pushing. Yelling. She gets so out of hand one night; the neighbors her it and call the cops. They interview me and the kids and haul her to jail for DV
Welcome Dude and count yourself lucky,too many tales of
the guy getting hauled away after doing nothing.Lifes a bitch,but you don't have to marry one!
then it became that i have a house to myself
Enjoying the house to myself! Can’t imagine another woman creeping in to “improve” everything. This is what led me to MGTOW. The Dude was thinking – should I be looking for another wife? He Googled it. MGTOW was referenced in some article.
The Dude realized after 2 years of being alone that he was MGTOW, but didn’t, until now, have a name for it.Hitman wrote:
then it became that i have a house to myselfideal..
you live alone,
get to do what the f~~~ you want,
WHEN you want..
.
tastes like freedom to me..
.
i left home when i was 18..
this house is the 27th place i have lived.Yes, more stories! Your personal stories are the core of this site. So many men come here, read a story like yours, and realize they aren’t the only one going through this.
Welcome!
Nice one, dude!
"A man's feelings are inconvenient to a woman's needs".
Damn dude… more stories!!
Welcome, Dude! Glad she didn’t cut off your Johnson!
"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K
Welcome Dude! Wonderful introduction. Having never been married, never had children, I have not had anything near your experience with women. I appreciate the stories. Will read with fervor when posted. Thanks man.
Dude, welcome.
I’m sorry all this happened.
However, I’m glad you made it here. Just from reading your post, I can tell your a quality man on a life path that will bring much happiness.
Read all that you can here, it will help you in those troubling times.
Welcome again, and keep writing!!
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Anonymous0[…] listing to 60’s Tiki music. […]
That takes me back. I used to have a collection of Ulta-Lounge CDs: Tiki music, lounge music, etc.
Example: https://www.amazon.com/Ultra-Lounge-Tiki-Sampler-Ya-Ultra-Lounge/dp/B00000IP2Z
I had to leave the Ultra-Lounge collection with my second ex. Maybe I’ll order up some more.
Enjoyed your story, Dude. Welcome!
Being newer here as well, yes I would enjoy hearing more. There are parallels between our stories, though mine is not quite as advanced as yours yet… so I would enjoy hearing the outcomes.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
Warmest welcome.
I can attest to the wtf moment when the switch is flipped. That is the analogy I used.
It truly is a shock when you discover you are the mayor of crazy town.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
The wife allude to any reason as to why the “switch went off?”
-Miserable with life choice?
-Adultery? (She doesn’t seem to have a lover)
-The “I never you see you because you are always working” line?Because it appears that between “talking to girlfriends” or “working in women’s shelters” she developed a grievance against men.
I want to hear more about the story because, no offense, its seems like a good standard of “everything went well then to s~~~” over nothing.
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