The Dude… Abides
“The Intro to the Dude” or His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
Now, there are two definitions to “abide”.
1) accept or act in accordance with “I said I would abide by their decision” – “OBEY”
2) lasts, survives
My story starts with definition (1) and ends with (2).
20 years ago, the Dude was a MAN – at that point, he was out of college make serious $$ and had a brand new Camaro (green, Corvette engine). The Dude dated a lot in high school, college and afterwards. Dude was a “catch”. No problem getting laid. But, as a kid a heart, the Dude wanted kids and a family. When he got seriously looking, a petite blond with dark brown eyes caught his eye – a Britney Spears look alike – 5 years early. She was a daughter of a Doctor. Stable family. What could go wrong?
So the Dude – Abides. He went in accordance to society’s norms… got married, had three kids and the 5-bedroom house. This went great for about 13 years. Around that time, she (the wife) was running 10ks, volunteering at school and working part time in Women’s shelters.
Then a switch went off. Like someone pulled a plug. Like a phone call came and someone used the trigger phrase “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.” – and she completely changed. She quit everything, running, volunteering, working, being a useful normal human being. At first the Dude … Abides. “You’ll find an interest, honey.”, “I support you.”
But as the months dragged on, no progress. Counseling was all about what the Dude could “do” to make her “feel” more “loved”. No calling out the wife – only the Dude was at fault. Then the drinking started. Mind you, the dude likes his White Russians, but – after hours. At first, she was slightly tipsy when the dude got home from work. Then it was bombed by 4pm – with nothing done at all the entire day except calling “girl friends” to bitch about men . She started calling the Dude at work, bitching over and over. Threats of divorce. Way over spending. Checks bouncing. The Dude puts his foot down, makes her have a separate account. He gives her $400 a month spending money. Mind you, most people would love free housing, free food, free clothing, a free car and $400 a month “me money”. This does not sit well. The Dude is forced to grocery shop, cook and do homework every night because by 7pm she is passed out in the bedroom. The Dude is a single father even though he is married.
The violence starts. Pushing. Yelling. She gets so out of hand one night; the neighbors her it and call the cops. They interview me and the kids and haul her to jail for DV. Tears. Promises of reform. This works for a while – 6 months maybe. The drinking starts again, earlier and earlier in the day. One day, after the Dude’s oldest daughter comes home from high school – a drunken argument – and she slaps her across the face and draws blood. (The dude was working from home office upstairs at the time, heard the whole thing). Dude sees a lawyer next day. Advice: drunks never stop until they hit rock bottom and take everyone with them. Hide money. Cut her off – watch out for threats of cops.
The Dude was making plans and taking steps. It came to a head when his two younger kids called him, crying, that mom was hitting and scratching them because they were trying to take away her wine. The Dude was not there, but he called the cops. Because there was no man present to blame and she was drunk, the cops took her away again. The Dude did NOT get her out this time (she spent 3 days inside) – Dude went to a lawyer again. Emergency custody. The Dude, with a witness present, picked her up from County Jail, dropped her at a hotel with a $1000 check and a suitcase and said good riddance.
Lots more to the story: divorce battle, more cops, rehab, crappy in-laws, online dating horrors. Let me know if you want to hear more. Bottom line: a woman can go crazy at any time and try to take everything – and she feels entitled to do this. The Dude Abides.
Anonymous_American_Guy 3 years, 4 months ago.
