I was still in the Army during my first divorce. Because I was deployed, it should have been impossible for the c~~~ to divorce me, but the State made it happen. They also made sure to extract child support from my paycheck the instant the papers were signed by my ex-wife. They didn’t bother trying to send me divorce paperwork to sign during combat operations. It caught up to me a year later, already embossed with the official seal of the county clerk. Done and done.
Long story short, she got our daughter and all of our household goods, her attorney arguing and the judge agreeing that the Army gave me everything a man could possibly need. We were given joint legal custody, she was given full physical custody, I was given visitation (laughable at the time, as I was stationed overseas), and I had to pay a not insignificant amount of my paycheck to her every month. Coincidentally, she got a new car immediately after that.
My ex did everything in her power to keep me from my daughter and I could not get the Army, the State, the police, nor the sheriff to make her abide by the divorce decree. Yet, every month over one third of my pay was extracted and given to the ex and her new family. Incidentally, she became pregnant with their first child while she and I were still married.
A few years after the Army, I had switched jobs and the direct deposit did not take effect in time for one payment, which I made manually a day late. My driver’s and hunting licenses were suspended, which I had to pay to reinstate. Still, almost no visits with my daughter and no action from the relevant agencies. But, for 21 years my pay was faithfully extracted for her convenience.
Meanwhile, I was dumb enough to get remarried. Fifteen years later, we were divorced. I’ve already covered some of this in my introduction, so I won’t repeat it here.
Anyway, this time I got full legal and physical custody of our kids. She has supervised visitation and she pays me child support every month, as well as being responsible for 50% of any expenses incurred on behalf of the children for health or education.
Well, she is supposed to. She refuses to hold down a job for any length of time and went almost all of last year and some of the year before without paying child support. I called the State yet again earlier today, after calling again last week and many times before, to see what can be done. Nothing. There is an order to garnish her wages, but only to a certain percentage of her pay, regardless of how much she was ordered to pay, and she has to actually have a job for that to matter. I am told today that I can call back on 4 June to see what the “enforcement team” has elected to do. Again.
Do you notice the difference in these two scenarios? Do you notice the similarities in outcomes? Same father, different mothers, different circumstances, different jurisdictions, very different divorce outcomes; same net result: women have more rights and are not held accountable.
Rest assured that you or I would be in jail and the kids would be confiscated by the State were we a year behind in paying child support and were we to refuse to hold down gainful employment.
We have a lot of work to do, men.
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking! -- William Butler Yeats
Atton 1 year, 9 months ago.
