The Curse of Assumptions. And the bitterness and contempt that assumptions breed.
I hate getting up in the mornings, because I know I am walking into a battlefield. And not just for work, but I mean right when I still out of bed I have to deal with those around me in the home I live in.
And I am trapped in a situation I cannot leave.
All my relationships with other people are poisonous relationships
The reason these relationships are poisonous is that people around me are emotionally immature and for decades the people around me have never given me the doubt. And they always assume the worst of me, with them allowing their assumptions about me to breed contempt and bitterness towards me.
None of them ever just came right out and told what they thought this of me. That they think I am worse than Satan himself.
I have since come to the conclusion that this is ridiculous. And I do not mean this in a funny way. I mean this in a sad way. A very sad way.
I did not do anything to get into this situation. I did not have any romantic relationships to find myself in this living hell. I was born into this mess.
And given these people are emotionally immature I cannot talk to these people. There is no way to truly reason with them.
I do the only sane, mature thing I can do. That being to avoid these people as much as possible. Unfortunately, to survive, I have to talk to these people. It is not a choice.
Also, I have to get up in the morning. I am a schedule that I have no choice but to keep.
Well, this morning, one of the family members I live with was just looking for an excuse to tear me down.
And within thirty seconds of me waking, I found myself in a berating, verbally abusive situation that lasted for nearly an hour.
Thirty seconds is not enough time to wake and focus on one’s mental defenses.
And I took the full brunt of this while trying to get out of the situation.
Unfortunately, I could not just walk away from the conversation. That was not a choice, but the person berating me is one of the people whom holds my life in their hands.
So, to begin with, I have to walk on eggshells with this person.
I had to take it, take it, and take it. One insult after another insult.
But, I did not waste this opportunity to throw some back to figure out the core problem this person had with me. And I found out a few things.
Though, he kept looking for excuses to pile on the insults.
When he said a something I did not know. I said he did not tell me.
In response, he literally told me to my face that when I said that. That being, he did not tell me. That he thought that in his mind. His words, not mind. That I was accusing him of plotting to not tell me things.
He believes that I am accusing him of stuff, when I am telling him to his face that I am not.
How else to you reply that someone did not tell you, other than to tell him that he did not tell me. That is a rational, sane, human comment.
Also, when I show even a hint of any emotion. Even happiness. He and others also believe I am always assume I am angry and I did to be verbally beaten down.
Among such insults he kept lashing out at me, while not allowing me to defend myself, was he assumed that I viewed myself as more important that everyone else.
I understand the pecking order of my family.
The family dog is considered more important that myself. And I do not pretend otherwise. That does not mean I am not plotting my escape.
But, the true nugget of information was that he let ship that he thought I blamed and everyone else for the blames in my life.
I never claimed that. I have never hinted of that.
He just assumed that for decades. And he admitted that those he talked to assumed that as well about me.
None of them have ever confronted me about this.
Just an example of rumors hurt people. In this case, me. They talk to each other, and create rumors that bred assumptions, that bred contempt and bitterness towards me.
I made it very clear to him that I never blamed him, or others for the problems in my life.
The dumbfounded expression he showed on his face, towards me, after I told him, was truly enlightening for myself. It is clear the thought never occurred to him, or others, that I did not blame him, or other people, for any of the problems in my life.
That just shows how emotionally immature the people around me are.
From there I was able to verbally work my way out of the abusive situation.
Ten minutes after conversation ended, he was acting perfectly calm towards others.
This shows how emotionally immature he is. Because none of this matter to him. Except for him to do this as a way to yank my lease.
On the other hand, I am an emotional wreck because I had to deal with this s~~~ literally less than a minute after I woke up.
He even later asked why I was still being so quiet. I did not say much. But, I was still an emotional wreck from what he did to me this morning. And the fact he does not understand this further shows how he is emotionally immature.
I cannot really comment on how I feel about the situation I find my life to be.
Though, I will say that I no longer fear death.
That is not meant as a threat. That is meant as a point of fact.
What I am trying to say for all this is that you cannot communication with emotionally immature people. And they will talk about you behind your back. And as time goes on, their rumors about you will become more outlandish and cruel towards him. With them assuming the worst of the worst. With them bottling up these assumptions to become even more contempt and bitterness towards you, with them taking out their twisted opinions of you over the course of decades. And there is nothing you can do about they way they feel about you. They are too far gone.
Hitman 3 years, 6 months ago.
