Thanks Guys,
All in all, it was a stupid move on her part and I didn’t want divorce although we both were resentful of things. She had some kind of motivation. Family or friends or something deeper. I used to want to know but it doesn’t matter.
Kids were over voting age. By the end, I lived in our old house mostly and family lived in the newer one. My goal was to sell it after they graduated and perhaps that was a trigger, she didn’t want to return to the slums that we could afford and live happily miserably ever after.
There was a lot of numerology comedy but I’ll get back to that later.
The best thing I can say. I SURVIVED, I got kicked rather hard in all the vitals but I’m okay. I don’t want to see my kids mother in the gutter or schlonged up with misery. ( I did for a minute, but I got over that rage )
What would you do differently?? I’m on the brink here and any strategic moves would be appreciated. Would you serve her first? Would you shelter money somehow? ??
Best of Luck, keep your chin up and you will better off and happier once you weather this storm.
Thanks CombatRoll.
First stay calm. Breathe. Make sure the kids if any are safe and sheltered from any foulishness. Talk to some local confidants that have divorced locally and do see at least a few lawyers and learn to ask questions to expand your understanding of your state’s normal financial formulas.
Serve if there are grounds. Serve in your county of choice. Serve if timing/danger is looming. Physical, financial, psychological, children. In my state it doesn’t matter who files. Try to negotiate a disillusionment if possible.
I would change how much IRA equalization I stumbled on because I funded both and gave half again as much additionally. grr me.
I would change how we valued certain assets during court supervised mediation.
I would change the DATE of asset value to the DATE she filed, so when it was final 13 months later I’d have had a little more on my side.
Again, my bloodsuckers just sat and watched. They were not actively advocating for me. I was. I hit eight out of ten speedb~~~~ thrown as a rookie but I’m now retired from the game.
And there are standard formulas that you can’t change very much.
Your best offense is to negotiate and strike the best deal together away from the bloodsuckers.
Your bloodsucker will not fight for you. Won’t negotiate for you. You have to be the driver of this train and try not to get blown off the rails. Her bloodsucker will expend a lot of energy to tamp her emotions down.
Don’t get petty with petty stuff. Don’t get emotional about petty stuff. Although you can use this to your advantage sometimes.
My state imposes a basic 50% split of family assets, which means any possessions acquired since the wedding including real estate, retirement funds, investments, equity, possessions, etc IF YOU HAD BEEN MARRIED OVER 10 YRS. Inheritances are hands off.
Child support is based on family income, usually quite imbalanced for the father to pay.( but if it actually goes to the kids thats cool, not cool if it goes to the piazza delivery sleepover boys and the like )
Spousal support is calculated to equalize incomes for 1/3 the time of the length of the marriage.
Those things are pretty cut and dried unfortunately. If her income is near zero, you will supply most of her 50%.
What you may be able to negotiate outside the lawyers on agreeable terms is your best way for both of you.
Don’t open a separate account. Don’t get caught doing something to p~~~ the lady judge off. If you don’t have time, stash cash or sell certain assets and set it aside. My lawyer cost about 20,000 USD and
I literally went hungry, a few days a week for months. Luckily I turned that into a positive. Lost weight steadily. 55lbs as of this writing.
Do everything the court orders promptly. Its going to hurt and you will make out okay.
Give her the Cats. < nothing bad or personal to any viewing bloodsuckers. they keep the paperwork straight >
Anonymous 2 years, 3 months ago.
