Hi, guys.
Tbh, I really want to say “thank you” to everyone. You are making this movement alive and little by little people like me come across this movement and feel this “Wow, I am not alone” rush. Thank you.
There would be a slightly long introduction, since I feel this need to talk many things out. And I will mostly talk about how I came to MGTOW –
So, I am from Russia, and studying in Scandinavia now getting my second bachelor (all in all, I am an IT-guy). The reason why I mentioned these countries will be explained later.
I can’t really complain about my childhood or family – we all survived the 90’s in Russia (even though I don’t remember almost anything), I was reading A LOT since the age of 2 or 3, I was quite interested in many things, I never had any pocket-money and had to earn them if I wanted to buy smth that wasn’t really necessary. All of it, I suppose, gave me more or less solid foundation in terms of intellectuality, ability to see different things, valuing my finances and etc.
That is all nice, but I never had any good relations with my father, I just couldn’t bear him due to some reasons (he’s a good man but with some flaws), so that was the first problem (couldn’t see him as a good role model until recently), and I was brought up by my mother. Then at the age of 14 I started to spend more and more time with female-friends, and that period of their influence lasted for 5 next years. And I started to dislike manliness and became way too soft and feminine.
There was way too much of female-friends around me and it influenced my thoughts and perception of this world. I was weak.
And that’s how I become blue-pilled. I was raised as a gentleman, I was well-read, and I really wanted to be the best friend for them. So, hello some variation of “Nice-guy syndrome”. I even had the “Save the Hoe” syndrome. I had one long-term relationship and several of short-term ones, where everything was initiated by the girls (I literally didn’t do anything to get them started). But I was almost always manipulated to some extent. Needless to say, most of the girls were way too strange and inadequate. Nevertheless, I always managed to find some guts to break up with them (partly, due to my mother helping me to sort everything out in my head), which is nice.
————————————————————- Moving to the MGTOW-topic.
Russia is more of a traditionalist country, and I can say that we are totally different from Scandinavians. And the feminism movement is not that strong there.
I couldn’t stay any longer there. I just felt that I needed to run away somewhere, because I hated my university, I hated the system, I hated most people around me. And I wanted to move out of my comfort zone and see what I can become when I am on my own.
I moved to Scandinavia one and a half years ago to learn Programming, and that’s when everything started. I found myself completely alone. I didn’t want to talk to Russians here (well, I really wanted to improve my English), and I couldn’t talk about many things with Scandinavians (and still can’t). And I don’t really want to mention that theme of females here – you understand why.
The first year was quite difficult for me – different culture, different values, everything is different.
Everything is different, and I had to figure out how to move out of my comfort zone. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t see most of the people around me as equals. I wanted to try to socialize, but I couldn’t – <span style=”line-height: 1.5;”>I can’t talk about so much stuff I used to talk about – the only thing most of them seem to see is games, plus, I don’t like drinking.</span>
Then a couple of delusional dreams failed tremendously in November 2014. That was the time when I realized that there was smth fundamentally wrong about my perception of the world. I had seen many flaws everywhere in THE SYSTEM before, I had always thought and known that I was cleverer than many people around me, but I just couldn’t see some fundamental flaws INSIDE me.
Two first months were horrible – I just did the school stuff and then did almost nothing. Then during mid-December – mid-January I discussed a lot of things with a friend of mine, we talked a lot about psychology, sometimes for 5-7 hours. It helped me get back on track.
The first thing I did was to make friends with some Russian guys in the town I am living in now. I felt I needed male friends. And I knew that I could talk to them about many different things and they would understand. Then I also started to hang out with some Scandinavian guys. Somehow I realized that I need to add manliness in my life, and become manlier myself.
And then in the beginning of this February I came across “The Book of Pook”. That’s when everything started to make sense. All the pieces of the mosaic started to come together. MirrorOfTheSoul, Pook’s Mill came next. Sometimes I had to sleep for 12 hours a day, because I was so full of the information, that I couldn’t handle it. Sometimes my head hurt really badly when reading and I had to put off my tablet. Sometimes it was too much to handle.
The day before I turned 21, I read “The Manipulated Man”. That’s was the harshest blow I got, which I am grateful for. That’s how I started to try to change my mentality.
“The Polygamous Sex”, “A great female con”, “Book of Zed – the zen priest”, even Sandman who you appear to not like – all these little steps, that make me reconsider everything I knew and was conditioned to believe to.
All of your stories, conclusions, discussions – everything is so valuable, I have no words.
Right now I can’t look at things the way I used to. Sure, I need to understand much more, I need to learn more, I need to do more, I need to realize more, but I feel that this is the way to go. And you made and are making it possible for all of us to see the direction, and then choose our own way.
Thank you.
P.S. Sorry for ranting.
Keymaster 4 years, 6 months ago.
