Temptation to 'Catch Up' and Relapse

[SolowayParticipant 63]

Hello brothers, been a while since I posted here but I’m reaching a sort of limbo and would like some advice.

-Been two years since the separation, a year since the divorce. Almost brutally destroyed through the court system with false allegations of DV, luckily only had to provide her insurance for a year, no alimony, no kids.

-Recently my mind has been messing with me by reminding me of the “good times” before the horrors of hell that I went through. My subconscious wants to identify my ex-wife through the good memories we had and disassociate from the traumatic evils she did.

-Part of this thought pattern is the desire to return to the blue pill; I’ve noticed I do not have the desire to date or even try to approach women**. It’s almost a defense mechanism when I see a cute girl– my brain goes “don’t touch the stove or you’ll burn”. So to compensate it reminds of better times.

**I’m 28 so I sometimes do wish to be in a relationship but when I see the reality and remember what I went through I think ‘hell no’. The biological urges are tough though.

-So the sticking point I’m hitting is one where I want to ignore/forget the hell I went through and want to reach out to my ex wife to see if there’s any good left in her. It’s still a shock to believe she did all those things to me and basically destroy me with no remorse. But I also know that she will also see me as the one to blame for everything and I feel that reaching out will only bring out the worse in her. Whatever good she was when she was my gf and fiance is long gone. It’s almost like mourning the death of her.

Sounds f~~~ed but that’s how I feel. Stuck in a sort of limbo state where I want to move on.

Apologies if it’s a bit rambly, hope it made sense. Thanks

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Soloway wrote:

false allegations of DV

Tape this to your bathroom mirror, rear view mirror in your car, refrigerator, stove, bike handle bars, toilet seat, tooth brush, closet door, you-get-the-picture . . .

Tatto it on your forehead if you need to.

I get it. At 28 the desire to mate up with a woman is very strong. Remember all of the “good times” were only in your head. Not hers. She was looking for better ways to manipulate you, and for criminals to blow.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[SolowayParticipant 63]

Been telling myself that like a mantra, the mind is a tricky bastard.

[ApexScorpionParticipant 602]

Instead of “f~~~ no”,I will give you another answer.

This can happen if you reach out to her.

-she can ignore you.

-she can blame you for everything again.

-she can use you as a temporary who boost in case she is struggling with male attention.

-she can utilize your own good will against you (honor, love, compassion, and other provide traits) for her benefit….again.

-she can continue to belittle you and think down upon you if she feels you haven’t moved on even if you mean well.

The bond you guys had will never be the same because you can’t forget. You will be reminded of her past transgressions against you. And you will end up in a rage once again, and right back here.

If you are are fully OK with the high possibility of those outcomes happening,then do it. Do not blame her for treating you like s~~~ once you do though.

Going back to a s~~~ty woman will communicate to her that you are s~~~ and should be treated as such.

Again, if you are not OK with this outcome, then go right ahead.

Your choice.

[BalthazarParticipant 722]

you’re the one that chose to allow yourself to open enough emotionally to want to pair bond with and commit to her. you’re the one that decided to escalate your commitment with her to marriage. there’s nothing particular or special about her, you could have done the same thing with anonymous woman # 1,2 or 3. and if anything she’s already proven herself awalt. there are a couple guys here that really espouse one chance, per person, per lifetime.

honestly if you strongly feel the need for intimacy with women, do it in a manner that’s responsible and low risk for you. get what you want out of it and get out and don’t get thrown by your feelings enough to get drawn in past your point of advantage in the exchange. it’s called oil change dating. once you break the cycle of pair bonding brain chemistry going on in your brain enough times, it will be easier to see that they’re faceless and universally interchangeable. you might like one more than another here or there, but awalt. and you will definitely lose any desire for your ex c~~~.

if they can treat us like utilities, we should do the same to them.

This body holding me is a reminder of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal and all this pain is an illusion.

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

Whatever you and the EX had is long gone and you can’t go back !!

The women I married almost 20 years ago is long gone. We still live in the same house, but the women that resides at the same address as I do is a COMPLETELY different person. Women change and NOT usually for the better !! Be HAPPY you got out at such a young age without any children.

Remember the good times, but also remember that part of the reason that they were so good was that you were blue pill, and you didn’t KNOW the TRUTH.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Anonymous 0]

Okay here’s how I see it.
If I kicked you in the b~~~~ and you required medical attention to save them, would you come to me and say “gee I want to remember when we were friends. Let’s go out for a beer and do it again. Of course you wouldn’t.
And there are several other options: fleshlght, escorts, oil change dating, winemaking, getting into your hobbies, motorcycles, hot rods, travel, etc.
You couldn’t trust her then and you can’t trust her now.

[WallyParticipant]

Soloway, I remember when you joined, you loved your ex, your a good man, she destroyed you. You have one life brother, it is tough sometimes to move on from the fantasy we were all told about the princess and when we find out the truth we are devestated.

Do not dwell on this, find many things you are passionate about and focus on these, I know it is cliche but it truly works.

"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."

[MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To GiveParticipant 6635]

Who wants to walk in a burning house?

Never lose sight of what brought you here.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

My brother, allow me to propose a new acronym for you: TWISLT.

That woman is still like that.

Soloway wrote:

Almost brutally destroyed through the court system with false allegations of DV,

[JVBParticipant]

She in no way is giving you a second thaught and her c~~~ count has steadily been rising since your separation. Think of that and what she put you through. Depending on your nature your brain will try to rationalize all this and try to see the good in her. That’s not good for you !!

Peace is > piece.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

That temptation is your brain’s releasing of your anger at being mistreated the way that you were. It’s in no way a permission to follow the urge or invitation back from her. It’s just part of the healing process so you no longer actively hate or want to get even with her.

It’s just post red pill rage, but it does require another red pill. Those good times were the audition, and your efforts to get and keep her were probably greater than hers even back then.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

Don’t . . . f~~~ing . . . do . . . it.

Had a similar ‘episode’ with my first ex-wife.

Only a few months afterwards, I was enjoying a pint or 10 with my good mate, when he said that it sounds like I still love her.

I hadn’t even thought about it but then I started thinking, maybe he’s right.

In a moment of weakness, I texted her, asking ‘if she would want to give it another go.’

Luckily for me she said she wasn’t interested but unluckily, I soon met my second wife 3 months later. 🙁

Be strong man, I wasn’t.

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

I suppose there’s a hint of Stockholm Syndrome involved when escaping an abusive relationship, a dependency on and a respect for, the abuser?

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[SolowayParticipant 63]

All valid points, many thanks. The temptation is so strong that it wants to override my logic and reasoning.

She has changed, I was used, and any food memory of her was just her wanting the ring.

My desire to reach out to her is my desire to get closure. It all ended in fighting and in the court. I wish we had an actual moment just so that I can see if deep down she has any glimmer of humanity left.

Damn the struggle is real.

[SolowayParticipant 63]

Damn, literally this almost happened last night with my mates. I wanted to text her but they stopped me. Looking around the bar I wanted to meet the new girl.

If u don’t mind me asking, what are some truths you faced that made the second wife just as bad as the first wife?

[RASmanParticipant 1994]

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

No problem.

The second wife was (still is as the divorce is nearing the end) 666 times worse than the first wife.

The first wife was just a ‘guard’, on duty at the prison I called a marriage. The second wife is the Warden of the prison (or even the Minister of Justice).

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

Why would you stab yourself in the eye with a hot stick twice??

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

CombatRoll wrote:

Why would you stab yourself in the eye with a hot stick twice??

I suppose the first time you just don’t know any different.

The second time you’re convinced you were just unlucky the first time.

The third time . . . well . . . there will be no third time.

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[Author]

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