Now if some if you are christian and think it’s offensive what I did today, I apologize. I had a couple of glasses of wine this morning. Now I try not to get drunk normally, but when I do I have this tendense of being very cheeky
I have this tradition of going to the local Church every Christmas. Even though I am not a believer in the book, I like to pray a bit to god and thank the “Big Kahuna” for life and an apology for not being able to fully believe in him. I also thank my patrons Uriel and Raphael for helping me in my daily life. Anyway as you may have guessed this happened at the church.
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Now just a small description of 2 of my features that have been been the envy of several women. The first is that I have black hair, but I also have several white strands among the black. This in general is not noticeable in the winter in Norway, but if a bright light hits my hair it makes my hair. NOW DO NOT LAUGH! It looks like it glitters.
The second is my eyelashes, which I have gotten a bit of flak for a couple times. They are a bit curvy and looks like I have used mascara. Yes, you may spray that beer through your nose and break down cackling a deranged villain.
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Well to the story. I was at the local Church and said my prayers to God, and thanked Uriel and Raphael for their help in my life.
While sitting there and thinking through my life I suddenly get this couple sitting next to me, around my age I guess 18-20? Well I just take a glance and focus my eyes back to the cross. I got this feeling and then suddenly.
– “You have very beautiful hair, who colored it for you?”
Now I start thinking okay “just ignore her, she will pout and just leave you alone”. But as we all know women are not like that.
– “What mascara brand do you use to fix your eyelashes? Because they are simply fabulous”
Now I’m thinking “Oh God, please not now”.
(Now I’m going to use [Male] for her boytoy and for me)
– “Why do you not answer her? It’s rude to not answer a women”
How rude, here I am sitting giving my prayer and you guys are interrupting my prayer all the time. Anyway I was just finished with my prayer and decided to let my inner jerk out.
– “Now I do not know what kind of uncivilized family you are from, but here in the church it’s considered very rude to interrupt a prayer, so please learn some manners”
Now I am standing up and putting on my coat and leather gloves, I look and see that they are slack jawed at my response. Feeling very cheeky (Pretty sure the wine was affecting me) I put a couple fingers her chin and closed her mouth. Leaning down I whispered to her.
– “Sweetheart, I was born this fabulous. Merry Christmas honey”
Straightening up I see the boyfriend furious and I smile at both of them and bid them adieu.
This is why try to stay away from alcoholic drinks most of the time. I can’t control my inner “Jerk” when I am drunk, the worst is that I always remember everything.I don’t know if it’s a sin to be in the church drunk though.
RealityBites 3 years, 1 month ago.
