Story of My Fruition: Part 2

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

Hey bros, I decided to continue The Story of my Fruition Part 2, since the general consensus was positive. If anyone hasn’t read the 1st part you can find it here: /forums/topic/the-story-of-my-fruition-part-1/.
Reading the 1st part will give you some much needed context of how I got to Part 2.

Shortly, after experiencing all the insanity from part 1, I was placed into an orphanage with my 2 sisters. My mother was placed into a psychiatric facility. She was bat s~~~ crazy. Her bi-polar disorder had worsened. The status of my father was unknown. At this time, I was in a constant state of bewilderment. I couldn’t understand why I was taken away from my parents. As delusional as they were, life “seemed” normal to me. I was ignorant, and we all know that ignorance is bliss. However, my ignorance didn’t ever bring me elation. It just safeguarded me from my reality. I eventually just reached the conclusion that things would get better, but in the meantime I would just need to tough it out. Self-preservation was the only objective. There was a small remnant of optimism within me, and this is what kept me going. I had hope that my father could get us back. This was the only thing that could suppress the suicidal thoughts.

Well, I lived in this orphanage for about a year. It was a dilapidated multi-story old school building that was in the 3rd Ward of Houston. If anyone has been in the wards, they can tell you it is the epitome of the inner city. The wards are plagued with high crime rates, decrepit infrastructures, and large populations of destitute men. Life in the orphanage was rough to say the least. I was constantly being picked on by other kids because I was white. Blacks can’t be racist? Yeah that’s a load of s~~~, but I digress. I was constantly berated for being a “white” boy, or that my parents didn’t want me. I found the later statement to be rather peculiar since all the kids were there obviously for a similar situation. I was constantly getting into fights, since most of the kids would make ad hominem attacks at me or my sisters. Man I would kick the s~~~ out of kids for messing with my sisters. If kids messed with me, I generally would just ignore them. They weren’t worth the energy. This was the moral code I lived by: I could take the punishment, but my 2 sisters were ALWAYS off limits. If you crossed that line, I would deliver swift retribution. Damned the consequences. I would sometimes get my ass completely kicked, but I didn’t care. Again, I could take the pain. In in way it helped to numb the emotional pain I felt. It made me feel alive.

I was a bitter kid, with only a paucity of compassion. What little compassion I did have, was reserved solely for my sisters. Everyone else could f~~~ off. People were to be avoided. All people ever did was hurt me, so I kept to myself. It was better this way. This proved to be difficult when it came to my little sisters. They would often be the brunt of all the ridiculing. I wanted to protect them from all the bulls~~~, so I assumed the role of being the parent. Mind you I was only 9 at the time, and I consciously made this my responsibility. Who else would? I was constantly being placed in ISS (in school suspension) for fighting. Most fights revolved around me sticking up for my little sisters. Hell, life was nothing but fight or flight. It was as simple as that. No one really cared. I was on my own. The orphanage had become my 2nd hell. This hell was worse than my parents since I could not justify the bulls~~~ with mental gymnastics. It was a bad situation plain and simple.

After about a year my behavior became so reckless, that they removed me from my sisters and placed me into a Juvenile Detention Center (JDC). This place was s~~~ too. It had a large number of Bloods and thugs there. I guessed this was where I belonged. Caged like a wild animal. Same things that occurred at the orphanage occurred here. Rinse and repeat. I was extremely broken at this point. The suicidal thoughts were constantly on the forefront of my mind, I was placed on suicide watch. They kept anything sharp away from me. I would often slit my wrist to feel the rush. Hell it was better to feel something… The emotional pain was buried within the confines of despair. Yeah despair is all I felt.

The CPS caseworkers were utter morons. My situation became rather dire and they couldn’t figure out why. Gee, I don’t know? Maybe because you took me away from what little family I did have, my sisters. They were completely inept. I remember the child therapist asking me why I was living so recklessly. I told her because I want to be with my sisters. Because life just isn’t worth living. I guess the clue bird landed because they placed me into a foster home with my sisters shortly after.

This foster home was appalling. The house was a s~~~hole with way too many children. We were only fed Raman noodles, and the women had 5 other kids that she was fostering too. How she wasn’t rejected for fostering was beyond me. This lady was a fat, apathetic blob. I think she did it to receive a government stipend, but who the f~~~ knows. She didn’t give a f~~~ about me, and so I didn’t even have a curfew. I was around the age of 9-10 at this time. I would come home so late that she would often be asleep when I would sneak in. Quality role model I know. I was still up to the same antics, with only the frequency diminishing. My dad was beginning to visit me once a month. This alleviated a lot of the bitterness I had, so the fighting wasn’t quite as prevalent. He would assure me that he was going to get us back. This kept me going. This kept my demons at bay.

Things got worse as we were constantly moving. At our 3rd foster home, my sister Amber revealed to the caseworkers that she was sexually assaulted at the orphanage. This occurred at the same time I was at the JDC, go figure. I was furious, and I threatened to kill the f~~~er. I became indignant, and wanted revenge. I became too “disorderly”, so they removed me from my sisters yet again. Nothing CPS did ever made sense to me. They only aided to perpetuate my downward spiral. Yeah that sums it up best. I was just descending into an abyss, and the only light I saw was being back with my father. I didn’t have much reason to live…

After being away from my sisters for about 6 months, I was informed that my father was making steps to get us back. This was joyous news. I was on the brink of losing it. My father eventually was able to fulfill all the accommodations that were required of him. We moved back with my father when I was 11, and we lived in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. This was a significant upgrade from when my mother was in the picture. Speaking of my mother, she had a restraining order. She wasn’t allowed to be within a 5 mile radius of us. This was one of the major stipulations with receiving us. CPS also made monthly visits to my daycare to check up on me. I always told them to f~~~ off. I hated them. I blamed them for everything. This disdain for them hasn’t really ever receded.

Things were as normal as I could hope for. My dad was actually signing us up for sports, and church events. He even took us to Sea World, and Six Flags. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy. I remember telling my dad that things should always be this way. He would always reassure me that things would be different now. That he wasn’t going to lose us again. I finally obtained some peace. However, this peace would be short lived…
To be continued… (Part 3)

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[Anonymous 1]

Holy s~~~ that was tough, and heartbreaking. Especially knowing that things won’t be like that for long. Thank you for sharing with us. Please write more

[Y_Participant 4591]

Great post – I have no words.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

I need a drink — and make it a triple!

[MACHOParticipant]

Thanks for sharing.. Yep life often really sucks. I still have suicidal thoughts despite doing fine in many ways! I have gone through foster homes and had a very sick mother too! My father eventually took his life. Very well written..hang in there.

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

MACHO wrote:

My father eventually took his life. Very well written..hang in there.

Yeah man I just keep on persevering. I won’t let the past destroy me.

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[MACHOParticipant]

MGTOW Knight wrote:

Yeah man I just keep on persevering. I won’t let the past destroy me.

It’s not easy.. and when you start giving up just take it one day, one hour or even one minute at a time. The good thing about this amount of struggle is that what doesn’t kill you makes you much stronger in the end. I see men that were spoiled in their childhood whom haven’t become adults in their forties!

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[Anonymous 2]

Thanks for sharing Knight.

You have lots of strength of character.

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

Heh brother, you know you have a lot of really good s~~~ inside you. You could really help people I know it. I hope your sisters are ok, i really want to know how they are doing.

Let the good times roll

[Anonymous 1]

MGTOW Knight wrote:

Yeah man I just keep on persevering. I won’t let the past destroy me.

“The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” – Rafiki, Lion King

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

Anonymous wrote:

“The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” – Rafiki, Lion King

Dude I love the quote man. I’m gonna keep that one in the memory banks.

BlakeGuy wrote:

Heh brother, you know you have a lot of really good s~~~ inside you. You could really help people I know it. I hope your sisters are ok, i really want to know how they are doing.

TBH man, things with my two sisters aren’t going that well. My youngest sister hasn’t spoken to me in about a year. She ran away from home, while I was in college. She hasn’t really connected with me since then. My other sister, Amber, lives with my biological parents. I have told her that I won’t have anything to do with them. Nothing but heartache there…

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

MACHO wrote:

Thanks for sharing.. Yep life often really sucks. I still have suicidal thoughts despite doing fine in many ways! I have gone through foster homes and had a very sick mother too! My father eventually took his life. Very well written..hang in there.

@ Macho

Dude I would love to hear your story. I always find it eye opening to hear about other kids who have been through the whole CPS/Foster Care ringer. Too many kids are destroyed by the system. They are nothing but a number. I’m glad you made it out man. Only about 50% of children in foster care ever get reunited with their parents. Only about 20% of those kids gets adopted. I was very blessed. My adoption was an extreme anomaly since I was 13. Once children are over 12, the chances of getting adopted becomes very grim.

Here is some eye opening data on foster care statistics:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/foster.pdf#page=6&view=Outcomes

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[Author]

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