Spending the 4th alone…

[FocusParticipant 123]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this or if it should have gone somewhere else. I’m new and if you haven’t already read my intro or my post in the Marriage & Divorce forum, read this in the context that I’m in the middle of a divorce after 11 years.

Not enjoying today and I knew last night it was going to suck.

I usually made a huge deal out of the 4th. All my red, white, and blue stuff would have been put out a few days ago and there would be at least one little red, white, and blue decoration or something in every room in the house. Not to the scale of Christmas decorations, just something here and there.

Then, normally I would have been up and out first thing this morning stocking up on fireworks, getting tons of food to grill, buying special drinks and mixers, and getting ready to have everyone over. I’d usually spend around $250 on a solid selection of mortars (always Excals), 500g cakes, roman candles, and then a bunch of little things for the little girls (three 5 yr. old grandchildren) to play with. We’d usually end up with a dozen people at my house if you count the little girls. People would start showing up around 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon and would stay until about midnight.

Instead, I woke up at 6:00AM and took a bunch of Benadryl so I could go back to sleep. I had no reason to get up. I slept until 11:00AM and haven’t left the house. There’s no reason to go anywhere and nothing for me to do. I don’t have any plans and no one to spend my day with. It doesn’t help that my wife was my only friend. The only other friend I have is a buddy who lives out of state I last saw 9 years ago. He’s good for a phone call, but that’s about it. What I’ll do with the other 23.5 hours of my day… probably not much I suppose.

I thought about going out and getting a few fireworks and something for the grill and doing what I normally would do, but it would be just me, but I thought if I end up doing that and drinking it might be fun at first but would end up with me drowning in the silence of being alone after the last firework went off. I’d probably end up being more depressed than if I just do nothing.

Is today a hard day for anyone else? What was it like for you guys when a given holiday rolls around and you have no one to celebrate it with? Do you shoot fireworks alone? Do you go out to eat on Thanksgiving and eat by yourself? What do you do when it’s your birthday and you have no partner or family to celebrate with you? I bet Christmas will be a real joy this year… smh

43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.

[Billy&The CloneasaurusParticipant]

I can relate 100% brother.

I remember even going out shopping for groceries felt so hollow and empty after the betrayal/discarding. I just wandered the aisles in a daze, trying not to break down.

I don’t have the answers man. Hang in there.

The answer, is no.

[JackpineParticipant 283]

I get it brother but it does get easier. This is my fourth 4th (WTF) without all that s~~~ and it’s the best yet. I won’t bother you with what I did because it’s meaningless except to me. I just wanted to pass on, I know that feeling but hang in there. It does get better.

[JackinovParticipant 5229]

I mean there are tons of other peoples parties you can frequent, even if you don’t know anybody.

are you a chia pet in man drag

[JB BooksParticipant 3182]

Thanks for sharing, Learnedtoolate. A couple of observations, and they’re not meant to be harsh. First, change your handle to something peppier because “learned too late” implies that you can’t change your situation, and the fact is you can! Also, if you might be suffering from depression (and I’m not saying you are), consider seeing a doctor about it. Finally, have confidence that things will get better. It usually does for fellow MGTOWs. Please keep posting, and the best of luck to you, brother. You’re not alone here!!

We just don't realize life's most significant events while they're happening. Back then, I thought, "Well, there'll be other days". I didn't realize that that was the only day. - "Moonlight" Graham

[SkelatorParticipant 1261]

Try not to think about what was. I do it myself and usually end up getting p~~~ed.

Think about the future, the possibilities. Your time is now for you! Not handed out in allotments.

Get some hobbies, enjoy them and don’t dwell on the past.

Hell go out and get a steak. Celebrate this day of Freedom!

[Freeman_KParticipant 3524]

You might want to check Spetsnaz on such occasion.

The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny

[Anonymous 43]

yeah hard day for me for years. Ez wife threw lavish parties for her family but I was the one doing all the work. It was strange being set free from all of that like being fired from a job.

Make a new tradition go put flowers on some random soldiers grave go visit a historical site. Paint an American flag on a pallet and prop it up in the yard. Get up and do something new.

[DarkRyuParticipant 2354]

I’ve spent the whole day at Best Buy trying to get a couple of iPhone batteries replaced. I’d do it myself, but only an Apple Authorized Service Provider can get original OEM batteries so I have to deal with this BS or order some Chinese knockoff batteries and hope they don’t burn my house down.

I don’t celebrate ANY holidays. Birthdays, Christmas, none of it. It’s basically a forced day off, which I hate. I want to take time off when I want, not because society says today is a day that I should.

When I’m alone, I think about animals. That rabbit in your backyard. Is it lonely? F~~~ no. Everyone is alone. Not being alone is just BS forced on us by society. Governments want to enslave men and bind them to women, hence why they got involved in marriage in the first place.

Holidays mean NOTHING. They’re just a way to bind society together, and create a social obligation. Not to mention a way for corporations to take advantage of a LOT of stupid people. That’s why we have so f~~~ing many of them.

Humans are selfish, horrible creatures. They’ll do whatever it takes to f~~~ you and get what they want for themselves. Avoid people at all costs. People bring pain and very little joy. Maybe in another time, in another place…but that’s just wishful thinking. You live HERE and NOW. There’s no use thinking of a fantasy land where life isn’t complete s~~~.

[VerusParticipant 965]

Yeah this is what women and marriage tend to do to a man’s life – they isolate you from friends, they become your whole world. In my case my ex also did her best to separate me from the things I loved to do, that defined me before I knew her. This is part of why men are so crushed when their wives leave them or die, because they take the man’s world with them.

I got no advise for dealing with the emptiness, loneliness, and pain you are experiencing, except that it does get better. Over time you may find positives to focus on. Discover or rediscover things that make you happy and make you feel fulfilled. There are meetup groups out there for interest-based companionship. I know that end of the world feeling that comes with divorce. I don’t expect you to believe it now, but someday you may look back and see that divorce as a blessing and wake-up call to take back your life. My two cents.

[ForeverDoneParticipant 2928]

If it makes you feel any better, I (prob. most of us) had a similar relationship with our wives as our social activity partner. Funny how that is after we get married, our friends and other people we are socially active with wither away.. I too am alone on on 7/4, but I have no issues with it. We as men need to get used to being alone and being okay on our own bettering ourselves and our lives. Use this time to better yourself and your life. Rise like the Phoenix from the ashes and leave your past behind.

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

If you can, go to your doctor and explain your situation. They can give you proper dose of happy pill.

Each year you reduce dosage. Only mention this because you’re in deep.

Peace brothers

[Anonymous 6]

Hey man it’s the 4th, you don’t need others to appreciate the birth of the nation! I don’t know about where you live but here in Texas lots of people will be out grilling, walking around at the park, etc. Around these parts it’s not to hard to blend in to the crowd and just enjoy being an American and celebrate!

[hmskl’dParticipant 6419]

Focus wrote:

I had no reason to get up.

Where do I begin? to explain how this hit me like a mortar. Been alone here for over twenty two years .. I don’t give advice or tell anyone else how to live .. but in my world I have every reason to get up. Every reason.

[CuckSniperParticipant 449]

Quit drinking, get in shape and work on yourself.

You can also just go to some random firework show if you really want to.

Even if you live in the middle of butt f~~~ no where, there is always firework shows.

[Daryll55Participant 2960]

you Said:
I woke up at 6:00AM and took a bunch of Benadryl so I could go back to sleep. I had no reason to get up. I slept until 11:00AM and haven’t left the house. There’s no reason to go anywhere and nothing for me to do. I don’t have any plans and no one to spend my day with.

ok bud, It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It takes two to make a marriage, and it takes two to break one. It’s not all your fault.
Either way; LIFE moves on and you only get one pass on this merry-go-round. SO;……..
You can either get busy living; or get busy dying…..

Here’s a guyfrom a movie in a similar situation.
Get busy living

I am short on bandwidth hence the link instead of the post,sry.

Marry again, Hell NO ! ( Even JESUS was hung on a cross just once)

[743 roadmasterParticipant]

CuckSniper wrote:

Quit drinking, get in shape and work on yourself.

You can also just go to some random firework show if you really want to.

Even if you live in the middle of butt f~~~ no where, there is always firework shows.

This by Sniper.
The best revenge is to rise above it all. Getting in shape and working out is a multi level cure.
Women are happy when you are down trodden, take that away from her.

mgtow is its own worst enemy- https://www.campusreform.org/

[FocusParticipant 123]

Wow… I just checked back in on this post and holy s~~t, there is soooo much excellent advice and encouragement in here! This is the kind of thing I come back to and read again and again.

@billy&The Cloneasaurus, man, I did exactly that. Went to the grocery store about three days after she left, wandered over to the freezer section because I didn’t feel like doing real cooking (I always cooked in our marriage) and stood around for like 10 minutes before I realized I was just standing there and not actually even looking at anything. Then I walked around trying to actually look at stuff without breaking down.

@Everyone else – I also have an appreciation for and no aversion to a kick in the ass. Telling someone to stfu and stop feeling sorry for themselves is only rude in mixed company. When it’s dudes talking to other dudes who actually give a flying f~~k about how one of their brothers is doing, that can be some of the most caring advice, despite it seeming to be the opposite.

I am 50 lbs. overweight (6′ tall, weigh 250 lbs) and drink waaay too much. A gym membership, keto, and no booze is priority #1 in the next couple of weeks. Need a minute to catch my breath, but I’ve done some tough stuff like quitting smoking cold turkey after 28 yrs and am quit to this day (quit New Years Eve 2016), so the question of having sheer willpower to do insane stuff is not a worry for me. I’ve got plenty of juice in the tank when it comes to stuff like that.

To everyone who has posted in this thread, and anyone who posts after this, I really can’t thank you guys enough. Know that to the dude on the other side of the screen who needs to hear what you have to say, the couple minutes you take to respond to someone like myself is actually doing a real man somewhere some real good. Let alone anyone and everyone that comes afterwards and reads through a thread like this…

Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you.

43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.

[FocusParticipant 123]

@jb Books – you might be right. When I picked the name the thought in my head was, “Man, if I knew all this red pill s~~t years back I’d have never gotten married in the first place. Damn I was a dumbass. I totally learned too late and now I’m married and I’m f~~ked…”

It really is a defeatist name. I’ll come up with something else. I picked the avatar because I feel like I have to stuff my blue pill feelings for my wife and go to the dark side when I have to do the business about the divorce. Changing utilities to my name, opening the new bank account, initial consults with attorneys, you name it, I have to flip the emotional off switch and take care of business. Business is business, divorce is a legal process nearly unrelated to a romantic relationship, and I have to take care of my damn business because no one else is going to.

43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.

[FocusParticipant 123]

Anonymous wrote:

yeah hard day for me for years. Ez wife threw lavish parties for her family but I was the one doing all the work. It was strange being set free from all of that like being fired from a job.

Make a new tradition go put flowers on some random soldiers grave go visit a historical site. Paint an American flag on a pallet and prop it up in the yard. Get up and do something new.

Sounds familiar. For the 4th and every other holiday I was totally the work horse who busted ass and sweated my ass off working so much I didn’t even have time to enjoy whatever the event was. I was such a white knight that the harder I worked to make everything that much more awesome for everyone the more proud I was and I got a sense of accomplishment for putting on a huge production for everyone even though I never got to personally participate.

I am/was so f~~king pathetic. smh

43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.

[Author]

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