Hey guys!
Boy, how did I get here? It’s an interesting story in several parts so hope you bear with me.
July 14, 2015 will be the end of my second marriage and it cannot come quickly enough. At 35, I am eternally grateful that I still have a long life in front of me where I can enjoy the red pill and ensure I raise my kids to be the best young ladies they can possibly be.
In my first marriage, I found myself hopelessly in love with the idea and romanticized vision of the happy marriage and proposed to the first serious girlfriend of my adult life. On moving in with her, I quickly learned that she had hidden things from me prior to our marriage such as her rampant alcoholism and mental instability. Four months into the marriage she shattered a wine glass in my face, the cops showed up and cuffed me. Fortunately, they were rational, listened when I spoke (the blood all over me was mine) and ultimately hauled her off to jail. I moved out of the apartment less than 12 hours later taking basically my clothes, my computer and my rifle. In the divorce proceedings, despite making significantly less money than her, if you can believe it I was ordered to pay a lump sum of a couple thousand dollars to her! Yep, that should have been the red pill moment for me, but I was enamored of the idea of NAWALT.
Fast forward a few years to when I was working for a bank, nearing the end of my twenties and this good looking 19 year old coworker invited me to her house to have a couple drinks. About 8 months later (October 2007) I bought a house and invited her to live with me with the agreement she would pay rent (an exceedingly paltry $400) and we’d share expenses. The rent lasted one month and sure enough on New Year’s Eve I made her take a pregnancy test because it was pretty obvious she was knocked up. You can probably all see where this was going.
A few calculations started going through my head about how to deal with this situation. On one hand, I was excited about becoming a dad. I’d always wanted kids. On the other, the immediate need for ensuring the soon to be family was financially secure started going into overdrive in my mind. I came to the conclusion that financially, it was much smarter to marry her because I did not know how I was going to afford the medical bills with her having no insurance and various other benefits. I can conclusively say that was the most inaccurate financial decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.
I continued to work hard and advance my career to ensure the family was provided for. During this time, I changed companies, changed job function, was promoted and worked long hours all in the service of the kids and her. It seemed like a very exciting and great time to be me. In a period of about 6 years, I nearly tripled my income to the point that I started to lose tax deductions. I bought a bigger, nicer house in a wonderful neighborhood and fathered a second little girl. All seemed to be going right for me and my family to the outside world. I think everyone here knows that this was only a facade though.
Underneath this outward success a malignant growth was thriving off me in a parasitic fashion. It started when the ex and my sister had a rather public explosion between each other on Facebook resulting in many accusations of my professed desire to stay out of it being false or cowardly (honestly they probably were). A few short months after this happened, I discovered her first affair. Text messages I read because of clues from her behavior that made me suspicious. I forgave her because, being the blue piller I was, her assurances that she had never actually had sex with the guy and she was so sorry somehow satisfied me. She was, of course, recommitted to the relationship and our children and would never stray again. Growing along with this now known infidelity, was her alcoholism and tendency to stay out late at the bars while I was home watching the kids. There were times when (despite guys buying her booze) she burned through $300-$400 per week in debt and cash bills at the bars. It was not uncommon for her to return home, barely able to stand, at 3:00 in the morning despite getting off work at 7:00-8:00 in the evening. The worst part wasn’t the abandonment that I and the kids felt, it was probably that I was paying for all of it.
Ultimately, additional affairs were suspected, some admitted to and some not. Why these were not my red pill moment I can attribute to my devotion to my daughters and the incorrect assumption that an intact, but unhappy home was better for them.
I came very close to my actual red pill moment when, while in IL for my great Aunt’s funeral, she spent most of the evening flirting and carrying on with my cousin. It was commented on by many attendees and I dutifully pretended it was not a major issue. Later that night I walked in on the two of them in a compromised position. He with his hand up her shirt and her with hers down his pants. I’m still not sure what stopped me from beating him to a bloody pulp other than the realization that she was a fully willing participant. This was March of 2014 and by August 25th a fight resulted in her kicking me out of my house for the second time that summer. I never returned and refused several times when she begged me to.
It was my moment.
We had discussed multiple times the possibility of divorce and how she didn’t want my money and even felt I should have full custody of the children due to her alcohol abuse and diagnosed (but rarely treated) bi-polar disorder. I actually believed that was how it would go; how wrong I was. You see, CO is one of those no fault divorce states and has some of the worst sets of laws around calculating payments that exist in the entire country. Payments are mandated by formula even if they result in severely ridiculous amounts of money far exceeding what she would need to live by. On the plus side, at least I know when it will end because that clock started ticking based on the retroactive payment start (man did writing a single check 6 months of alimony hurt…ouch!). 2 years from September and the extortion of alimony ends. I’ve already marked the date in my outlook calendar.
What I’ve learned through all of this though is that it’s all just noise. What matters is my time with my kids (which I’ve got half) and just moving forward my own way. Did this crazy chick entrap me into marriage and tie me down with kids against my wishes (lied about the pill), yes. Did she endeavor to make my life miserable for 7 long years, yes. Will that work anymore? No.
I tell my attorney that I have one goal and one goal only in this process: to be left the f~~~ alone. I suspect some you guys understand that feeling.
-Jake
harpo-my-“SON” 4 years, 8 months ago.
