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Tagged: isolation
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robotron 4 years, 4 months ago.
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Hi all,
I find it hard to make friends and most friendships I make tend to feel superficial and don’t last long. Part of the problem is that I’m so focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life. With work commitments, there are only so many hours in the day. The other part is that I don’t do bulls~~~ very well.
In some ways this worries me because once my parents are gone, I have no real social net. When I was with my ex I felt like I had this in ways,, but we broke up because she pushed the marriage issue.
I had some s~~~ blow up in my face in work this week. I’m in my first managerial job and I hate it. I would much rather go back to programming/database work but the pay is good and it’s secure. I had nobody to talk to about this and it kind of hit home. Is this something any of the rest of you experience and how do you cope with it? I used to write things that were bothering me out and this helped me to externalise and get perspective on things. What do the rest of you do?
What do the rest of you do?
I changed jobs and took a step down to get away from the ulcer inducing stress of upper management. In other words, I chose to let the suits die young, while I stayed poor but honest and alive. Hope this helps.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Thanks for replying man, I’m thinking of doing the same. I feel like I want to go back to doing DBA work, but I guess it’s the social programming holding me back. The reality is that I live well below my means and have no family to support.
I find it hard to make friends and most friendships I make tend to feel superficial and don’t last long. Part of the problem is that I’m so focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life. With work commitments, there are only so many hours in the day.
Well…. YEAH!! And a lot of people (not just MGTOW) can related to that sentence. This is not a MGTOW problem. You’re competing with a handheld device. I had to dump a friend who would jump for his phone like he was attached to it by an electric dog collar. Mid-sentence – or even mid-meal(!) – he would drop everything to text someone back like it was a matter of national security. After 2.5 years I couldn’t stand being around him for a single second any more. Much better off.
The other part is that I don’t do bulls~~~ very well.
When you don’t do bulls~~~ very well, people will be sliding off your “friends” list before the ink dries. My mom (for example) had 3 really “good friends” who she knew for 45 years since nursing school. After 45 years – and having them over for Christmas – one day she realized they were never really her “friends” at all. FOURTY FIVE YEARS and it was all bulls~~~.
The TRUTH is….. if you have ONE or TWO “friends”… you’re doing very well.
Don’t be fooled by these people who have +500 friends on Facebook and in their “social net”. A recent study revealed it is IMPOSSIBLE to maintain more than 160 simultaneous ACQUAINTANCES who you can spend ANY quality time with. Never mind “friends” And if you can’t spend quality time with them, a friendship can’t possibly blossom. They devided up workdays, time required to manage a successful life, do your laundry, cook, work out, and you’d better believe even Katy Perry and her massive “social circle” feels totally f~~~ing alone.
I personally met her bodyguard at a coffee shop. He’s a body guard for celebrities. We talked for 4 hours.
And if you think YOU live on an island…. wait until you’re FAMOUS.Every person who thinks they have dozens of “friends’ are LYING to themselves. That’s a fact.
•••••••
Take Lady Gaga for example. By her own admission, she once said in an interview she had 3 or 4 platinum albums out, 12 number ones, and one morning she woke up and realized she was BROKE. How could that be with all her “friends” and ENORMOUS social net?? She realized all of her “friends” turned out to be f~~~ing parasites.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life
Most people do this through common interests. Just as one example, there are a few other guys that go to my gym as regularly as i do. It went from just recognizing them, to giving them “the nod”, to saying “What’s up man” to casual chit-chat about workout routines, the benefits of freeweight squatting vs. Smith machine. It would be easy to invite any of these guys to grab a beer or BBQ or whatever (for context: the gym’s in my apartment building, so they’re all neighbors; building also has a common BBQ area).
I’d recommend meetups or other similar meetings for people that share your hobbies. You can also do study groups within you educational institution, or if it’s like a traditional university, i’m sure they have a million different events. Re: self-improvement – there’s even a No More Mr Nice Guy meeting group in NYC that i frequent – lot of good guys there, all working to improve themselves.
You can also meet people via proximity, but will take a bit more to “filter out” people you don’t want to associate with. For example: i chitchat w/almost everyone i meet at my local coffeeshops/delis, but one of the managers is a cool guy who’s been through the divorce grinder in a similar way i have. So after a few months of casual chitchat we hit on that topic, spoke more in depth for like 15m, then i had to run but we may get together for a casual drink/cigars/whatever.
There isn’t really a silver bullet to making friends, and this becomes a bit more challenging after college. But definitely can be done. If you don’t mind my asking, do you typically find it easy to talk to strangers? (e.g. the checkout girl at the supermarket, the guy at the deli, pizza delivery guy whatever)
I have 2 other MGTOW friends for 15+ years that I drink with once every couple of weekends.
Apart from random chit chat in my weekly bar crawl on payday I don’t open myself up for new “friends”.
Rather work on my muscle car and drink beer in my garage listening to loud music then BS with strangers personally.
A wise man told me if you are lonely, you don’t have enough hobbies!
how do you cope with it?
I used to feel like I was in social isolation….til I found this site.
What do the rest of you do?
I invest time here as my main way of coping with it.
I realize, in the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t do anything out in the world, day to day living. But if I had to choose between this site or having “good” friends, this site wins hands down every time.
For myself, there is just no contest. A better bunch of guys I have never found anywhere else, and the benefit to me of being part of it is beyond measure to me.
.
What do the rest of you do?I only have a few close “friends” that I can actually have an intelligent conversation with… but before any of that, I was alone… What did I do?
I worked on myself and decided to care for myself.
For some reason I wasn’t too interested in social-interaction as it would mostly be about mind-numbing gossip even from my male peers…
As I’ve grown and decided to communicate with other people, I’ve learned social-interaction is all a game… You can either play it fairly well or you don’t… That is just how I see it…
Never open up though… especially around women.. it shows weakness and people tend to use that to shame or prey on you from that weakness..
Sorry for thr short post. I was behind the coupon lady at the mart.
Make a list of what you really want in life.
Forget your current life.
Get back into programming, head phones on and be happy.
Create yoyr own web ventures for fun and profit. I love seeing my sites come alive.
I am rather loke you.
Social bs chatter bores me.
Fill your phone with books on tape.
Read more.
The human to human validation is a trap.In the end we are all islands.
A few months after they close the lid on a man’s coffin, it is like he never existed.
See life factually and not what should be.
People just are.
A project focus will give your life meaning. For example, look at our good friend and mentor Keymaster. Ot must make him feel good that he if freeing millions of men as our posts ripple throught time.
This is why I post here. It has GREAT meaning to me. Mgtow are the stealthy guys who are telling the slaves the combination to their shackles.
Once freed word spreads.
Feminism actually freed men, not women. Yeah, have fun working the rest of your life “gurl.” “You go girl.”
Now they are all empowered and do not need us. COOL.
Time to really dug into MY S~~~.
Dude, get a batcave. A male or self only space. Your learning area.
Sounds like you are thinking too much.
I used to be like you.Now I crave MY TIME.
For companionship and human interaction….strippers. works for me.I do not care if it is all fake. Marriage is fake.
If you are an IT guy you have a mind. Join an astronomy club. Hang with older thinking gents. Go to a campout star party. Great fun.
Seek a higher caliber of minds to hang with.
For work..
STOP INTERNALIZING AND CARING.YOU CAN STILL DO A GOOD JOB, YET NOT GIVE A S~~~.
BE A STONE COLD MOTHER F~~~ER.
TRUTH: TURNING OFF TV REMOVES THE COMMIE FEMINIST CONDITIONING FROM YOUR MIND. YOU HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO THINK YOU NEED HUMAN VALIDATION. YOU DO NOT.Thanks for the reply Stealthy. I read every one of your posts on this site. TV and Facebook are gone a few months now. I think you are right – I am thinking too much
To everyone else I posted a reply to all you all earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be showing up. I got a message about duplicate post when trying to repost it. Can anyone see it?
Wow, thanks for all the replies. I feel better already.
Just go to a bar, sit down and start talking to anyone who listen. some will be putoff, but there are real gems of people out there too, mixed in amongst the pod people. Time for a little pua with a dude or a chick.
I used to do this, but I stopped when I changed jobs. Every Friday I used to go to a quiet place on the way home. I got to know the barman and it was like talking to one of my buddies every week.
I find it hard to make friends and most friendships I make tend to feel superficial and don’t last long. Part of the problem is that I’m so focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life. With work commitments, there are only so many hours in the day.
Well…. YEAH!! And a lot of people (not just MGTOW) can related to that sentence. This is not a MGTOW problem. You’re competing with a handheld device. I had to dump a friend who would jump for his phone like he was attached to it by an electric dog collar. Mid-sentence – or even mid-meal(!) – he would drop everything to text someone back like it was a matter of national security. After 2.5 years I couldn’t stand being around him for a single second any more. Much better off.
The other part is that I don’t do bulls~~~ very well.
When you don’t do bulls~~~ very well, people will be sliding off your “friends” list before the ink dries. My mom (for example) had 3 really “good friends” who she knew for 45 years since nursing school. After 45 years – and having them over for Christmas – one day she realized they were never really her “friends” at all. FOURTY FIVE YEARS and it was all bulls~~~.
The TRUTH is….. if you have ONE or TWO “friends”… you’re doing very well.
Don’t be fooled by these people who have +500 friends on Facebook and in their “social net”. A recent study revealed it is IMPOSSIBLE to maintain more than 160 simultaneous ACQUAINTANCES who you can spend ANY quality time with. Never mind “friends” And if you can’t spend quality time with them, a friendship can’t possibly blossom. They devided up workdays, time required to manage a successful life, do your laundry, cook, work out, and you’d better believe even Katy Perry and her massive “social circle” feels totally f~~~ing alone.
I personally met her bodyguard at a coffee shop. He’s a body guard for celebrities. We talked for 4 hours.And if you think YOU live on an island…. wait until you’re FAMOUS.
Every person who thinks they have dozens of “friends’ are LYING to themselves. That’s a fact.
•••••••
Take Lady Gaga for example. By her own admission, she once said in an interview she had 3 or 4 platinum albums out, 12 number ones, and one morning she woke up and realized she was BROKE. How could that be with all her “friends” and ENORMOUS social net?? She realized all of her “friends” turned out to be f~~~ing parasites.I gave up Facebook for exactly this reason. Been of it about five months now and have never looked back. Stopped constantly checking my phone in the process.
You’re living the dream, bro. Less is so much more than the sum of its parts.
Thanks bro. It really is.
focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life
Most people do this through common interests. Just as one example, there are a few other guys that go to my gym as regularly as i do. It went from just recognizing them, to giving them “the nod”, to saying “What’s up man” to casual chit-chat about workout routines, the benefits of freeweight squatting vs. Smith machine. It would be easy to invite any of these guys to grab a beer or BBQ or whatever (for context: the gym’s in my apartment building, so they’re all neighbors; building also has a common BBQ area).
I’d recommend meetups or other similar meetings for people that share your hobbies. You can also do study groups within you educational institution, or if it’s like a traditional university, i’m sure they have a million different events. Re: self-improvement – there’s even a No More Mr Nice Guy meeting group in NYC that i frequent – lot of good guys there, all working to improve themselves.
You can also meet people via proximity, but will take a bit more to “filter out” people you don’t want to associate with. For example: i chitchat w/almost everyone i meet at my local coffeeshops/delis, but one of the managers is a cool guy who’s been through the divorce grinder in a similar way i have. So after a few months of casual chitchat we hit on that topic, spoke more in depth for like 15m, then i had to run but we may get together for a casual drink/cigars/whatever.
There isn’t really a silver bullet to making friends, and this becomes a bit more challenging after college. But definitely can be done. If you don’t mind my asking, do you typically find it easy to talk to strangers? (e.g. the checkout girl at the supermarket, the guy at the deli, pizza delivery guy whatever)I used to go to a gym, but I switched to training at home. I’m trying to get into languages (currently learning Dutch) – this might be a good hobby for that. On talking to strangers, it depends on the person really. I tend to be guarded when I meet people initially, but I would find it easier to talk to some strangers than others.
I have 2 other MGTOW friends for 15+ years that I drink with once every couple of weekends.
Apart from random chit chat in my weekly bar crawl on payday I don’t open myself up for new “friends”.
Rather work on my muscle car and drink beer in my garage listening to loud music then BS with strangers personally.
A wise man told me if you are lonely, you don’t have enough hobbies!When I broke up with my girlfriend, I threw myself into the hobbies and that’s all I’ve been doing since. I think I just hit a low patch with the work stuff I had going on this week.
how do you cope with it?
I used to feel like I was in social isolation….til I found this site.
What do the rest of you do?
I invest time here as my main way of coping with it.
I realize, in the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t do anything out in the world, day to day living. But if I had to choose between this site or having “good” friends, this site wins hands down every time.
For myself, there is just no contest. A better bunch of guys I have never found anywhere else, and the benefit to me of being part of it is beyond measure to me.I come here everyday. I don’t post a lot, but I learn a lot. It makes me remember why I’m chose this life.
.What do the rest of you do?
I only have a few close “friends” that I can actually have an intelligent conversation with… but before any of that, I was alone… What did I do?
I worked on myself and decided to care for myself.
For some reason I wasn’t too interested in social-interaction as it would mostly be about mind-numbing gossip even from my male peers…
As I’ve grown and decided to communicate with other people, I’ve learned social-interaction is all a game… You can either play it fairly well or you don’t… That is just how I see it…
Never open up though… especially around women.. it shows weakness and people tend to use that to shame or prey on you from that weakness..This. The incident in work this week made me realise this. From now on I’m keeping my head down.
My current friends are the people I work with and around. They are my social net, and even supply me with greens 🙂 .
Friends are transitional, I can be a friend, but I don’t maintain friendships well. not because people don’t like me, they do.
But I like the spontaneity of being alone. I don’t mind being alone.It’s another reason I don’t mind my job, the people I work with,
But I am craving the thought of having some of them over in a drug n’ booze fueled YouTube night!
Maybe even fire up the electric twanger!It’s common that after high school the amount of friends you have plummet, life happens.
You can't reason with unreasonable, there; women, figured out, there is nothing to reason.
I find it hard to make friends and most friendships I make tend to feel superficial and don’t last long. Part of the problem is that I’m so focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life. With work commitments, there are only so many hours in the day. The other part is that I don’t do bulls~~~ very well.
Dude, are you my long-lost twin brother or something. I’m the exact same way. I agree with people’s suggestions to follow your interests and meet someone that way.
The other thing I want to add, which has not been mentioned yet, is that if you want a TRUE, LOYAL, LOVING friend, get a dog. I’m completely serious. Get one of the companion breeds and do everything with it: go for runs, travel with it, chill at the beach with it, etc. A wise person once told me: “Forget humans- if you want to see selflessness and enjoy a good relationship, get a dog.” I’m getting one as soon as I’m done with school.
Or maybe two- These two Bichons look too cute and they’re awesome companion dogs:
Based on my research, a dog will cost around a maximum of $20-40K over its 16+ years of life (Bichons live till 20 in some cases). That’s just about $1K/year….for companionship, entertainment, fun, etc. Well worth it in my opinion.
Validation is a trap man.
THIS x 1000. Don’t RELY on anyone but yourself, but enjoy the company of others if you can.
I can totally relate to this. In fact, I’m starting a new job on Monday, so I’m going to keep it “clean slate”. I’ll chit chat, but I’m not making work friends. I’ve decided to get back into the hobby of miniatures wargames (Warmachine, to be exact) so I can start hanging out with friends I’ve had to disconnect with due to my work schedule.
Stealthy has the right of it. Do your thing, make your money, keep to yourself, and allow yourself some social time doing things YOU like. That’s the plan for me, at least.
Hi all,
I find it hard to make friends and most friendships I make tend to feel superficial and don’t last long. Part of the problem is that I’m so focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life. With work commitments, there are only so many hours in the day. The other part is that I don’t do bulls~~~ very well.
In some ways this worries me because once my parents are gone, I have no real social net. When I was with my ex I felt like I had this in ways,, but we broke up because she pushed the marriage issue.
I had some s~~~ blow up in my face in work this week. I’m in my first managerial job and I hate it. I would much rather go back to programming/database work but the pay is good and it’s secure. I had nobody to talk to about this and it kind of hit home. Is this something any of the rest of you experience and how do you cope with it? I used to write things that were bothering me out and this helped me to externalise and get perspective on things. What do the rest of you do?I would say here, that you have several parts to this. The big one on survival consists of you becoming financially independent. This would normally be thought of as retirement, but the idea here isn’t savings, it is income. Work to get this so you can quit. This means thinking like an entrepreneur and/or investor. To do this, I would recommend using strategy in organizing your interests, etc… You form priorities and goals and find out what works.
The other part is connecting. I would say find a church or something. Mainly, find some positive people you can hang out with, and do things with, that will help you get to the next level. I know with myself, I have some connections that may pay out, as far as helping with relocating for a new job I have coming up soon. I also have some family.
There is the loneliness side, which might be able to be met with some people who share common interests with.
I will say, what I have observed, is that it is pretty hard to die in western society. I saw that with myself. Even if things went horrible, there is too much backup to limit chances of dying. Only area might be medical, and that is in the United States.
"I am my own thang. Any questions?" - Davis S Pumpkins.
It’s not a contest, if you stay in the job you hate it will eat you alive, like a woman will. It doesn’t care about you or wants to know how you are
feeling. The last thing you need in your life is stress, it’s a killer. And what harm is there to going back to your other job? There is no shame
in it. Would you stay in a really bad relationship with some bitch dragging you down? So the pay is not the same, you are a man adapt.
I hope things go good for you.
Anonymous29Hi all,
I find it hard to make friends and most friendships I make tend to feel superficial and don’t last long. Part of the problem is that I’m so focused on hobbies, education, self-improvement I”ve always tended to neglect this area of my life.Like many things in life you got to work on friendships. Not all start well, and not all are as bad as the s~~~ you went through with you ex. Just think about that.
I had some s~~~ blow up in my face in work this week. I’m in my first managerial job and I hate it. I would much rather go back to programming/database work but the pay is good and it’s secure. I had nobody to talk to about this and it kind of hit home. Is this something any of the rest of you experience and how do you cope with it? I used to write things that were bothering me out and this helped me to externalise and get perspective on things. What do the rest of you do?
Usually managerial positions are liked or hated. In your case it is it’s hating it. Again, it is something you got to work on. Focus solely on performance and try and manage as your superior or your boss would do it. Engage them after work and discuss how to go about it. Remember not to be an asshole to those you are managing because they too can be of help.
There is no substitute for social interaction. Were wired to interact with others. Having said that I completely agree: its difficult to find TRUE good friends; and increasingly difficult in this fakebook, superficial society. I have the tendancy to give people MANY chances. Second, third, fourth etc because after all were all human and f~~~ up. But the older I become the more I realize Im just prolonging what is necessary: terminating a toxic relationship.
When you find the few rare gems of good friends you cherish them and maintain them for life.
As far as socializing and making friends goes:
He who has friends must himself be friendly
Its somewhat of a catch 22 because if youve been burned in the past by “friends” you find yourself being more guarded. I go through phases where Ill either go out every night after work to meet new people, or just become a hermit for a couple months. The latter isnt that healthy because you lose your sense of perspective.
Resident cynic.
First time trying to link a video, but I absolutely love this one about isolation. Sorry if I didn’t link it correctly.
"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."
To everyone else I posted a reply to all you all earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be showing up. I got a message about duplicate post when trying to repost it. Can anyone see it?
Yes I am going to delete this message to you in a few minutes. Your post actually went into “pending” which happens a handful of times a day. Maybe 1 or 2 out of a 600 can be held back by the spam / filter. It’s just a little safety measure. We go through them regularly and will publish them for you. Sometimes too many block quotes (or large quotes within quotes like yours) can do that. Its not a problem, we just need to review it and publish it. Just published your post and there is nothing else in pending or spam now. Thanks very much. This message will self-destruct shortly…..
To everyone else I posted a reply to all you all earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be showing up. I got a message about duplicate post when trying to repost it. Can anyone see it?
Yes I am going to delete this message to you in a few minutes. Your post actually went into “pending” which happens a handful of times a day. Maybe 1 or 2 out of a 600 can be held back by the spam / filter. It’s just a little safety measure. We go through them regularly and will publish them for you. Sometimes too many block quotes (or large quotes within quotes like yours) can do that. Its not a problem, we just need to review it and publish it. Just published your post and there is nothing else in pending or spam now. Thanks very much. This message will self-destruct shortly…..
Thank you
There is no substitute for social interaction. Were wired to interact with others. Having said that I completely agree: its difficult to find TRUE good friends; and increasingly difficult in this fakebook, superficial society. I have the tendancy to give people MANY chances. Second, third, fourth etc because after all were all human and f~~~ up. But the older I become the more I realize Im just prolonging what is necessary: terminating a toxic relationship.
When you find the few rare gems of good friends you cherish them and maintain them for life.
As far as socializing and making friends goes:He who has friends must himself be friendly
Its somewhat of a catch 22 because if youve been burned in the past by “friends” you find yourself being more guarded. I go through phases where Ill either go out every night after work to meet new people, or just become a hermit for a couple months. The latter isnt that healthy because you lose your sense of perspective.
You hit the nail on the head there. we are wired to interact with others. That was where I was coming from with this topic in the first place. You are right about losing your sense of perspective. I think like with most things in life it is striking the right balance
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