Hello fellow brothers.
I have just found out about MGTOW, although I was considering this path before knowing it existed.
I will make my introduction a bit long, but in hope that it might help others.
First let me say I am asperger. If you dont know what it is, I can briefly say its a kind of brain where your instincts are undeveloped in regards to understanding emotions (yours and others), and social complexities. Sometimes this is compensated by a powerful mind for more objective things, so much that eventually you can learn what is instinctive with other people.
As an example, it is natural for an asperger to believe in what people say to him. It does not compute that people could lie to manipulate him, as he himself would not consider lying or manipulating others. And if he tried, he would suck at it.
I know… This is the perfect nightmare if you add a woman. She does not have to try much.
For me this all started with my mother, that I once called the “secret service”. She would fool me constantly and deny the evolution of my social skills. If I had a reasonable suspicion that my brother had told on me she would discard this as silly notion (“how could you think that about your brother!”) and say she knew things by “magic”. Any kid would know better, but it would take me decades to retrospectively understand that my instinct was right at the time.
I was thrown to the large world like an innocent baby white knight. I actually got lucky to find a “quality” woman that did not take TO MUCH advantage of my nature.
It all started as a dream when we where dating. I remember saying “I am always sexually satisfied”. I had positive attention, love, care, tenderness, and I would mirror everything back. All changed once we married, and I mean literally in the wedding night: for the first time I experienced sexual denial. Then the molding begins, as my opinions had to conform to hers, my behavior to her standards, and all my activities to her authorization. But the worst of all is that nothing is ever right. Even if I do everything as “instructed”, there is something that should be done differently.
I am married for 20 years now, and I have been dreaming of divorce since the 5th year. It was actually very fast, since I was so white knight that I would kill myself before considering it. But emotional pain does wonders to your learning curve, it got so bad that one day I said “divorce could not be worst than this!”
But there were kids, and I was willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of my kids, or so I thought I was doing.
Another thing about aspergers is that we are “all or nothing” people. If a situation could escalate to limit, we weight the situation as reaching that limit. So, my wife could insult me and I would not react because that specific situation was not enough to divorce.
I shut down emotionally. I was alive outside the house, but dead at home. I wanted to do nothing more than sleep and watch TV, when I was allowed to, of course.
One day I found this site explaining why married men have a lousy sex life. I was lucky because it was high quality material. I learned that I was a low quality man, without standards or values, without a backbone and manly attributes that excite a woman.
I sent for the books and changed myself. I discovered my fears and was able to overcome them. I started to deal with her bulls~~~, and managing many things right.
I learned that sex for a man is the signal that the woman belongs to him, that he has value and is successful. It is not a physical thing, it is an emotional bond. Women talk and men have sex. I learned about self-validation and emotional self-sufficiency, but I still had the need for sex.
The situation improved a lot and my wife was a lot happier. But sex did not improve much.
After two years of this I had a revelation. My wife would not be attracted to me because of MY VALUES! She would respect and be attracted to a man with values that where compatible with her values! So, either I would change my core values to have sex or I would never be fully satisfied.
That killed everything.
I was back to square one: married to a woman that I was now sure would never respect me or give me what I needed, while at the same time I was giving her everything I had. Worst, I was quite sure that it would be almost impossible to find a compatible woman for me due to the changing nature of women.
Eventually I concluded that I would be a lot happier alone, and the sexual instinct was the only thing preventing me to be happy. I started dealing with the sexual instinct like I did with my fears. It improved a lot.
The problem now is that I want to initiate a divorce at a time when my wife is recovering from breast cancer. It’s a social suicide especially since I live in a very small community and my wife is very much loved. So, I need to be smart here.
Money is not an issue. I will give her everything and my left foot, and I will be dancing with joy to leave this hell.
A few days ago I found Sandman in youtube and discovered MGTOW. I can confirm by my experience every single thing that I read here, and much more. I am also learning a lot of new things.
The great eye opener to me in MGTOW was the manipulative nature of women. I knew things but I believed all of it to be instinct and wild emotions. I was failing to see it for what it is: lying and willful manipulation. Again, it is my asperger part that was stopping me to see it.
So, I would like to thank this community for giving us this important knowledge, so that men can avoid unnecessary suffering.
Anonymous 3 years, 10 months ago.
