Single Dad, Directed to MGTOW

[MaillesmithParticipant 64]

Hello everyone,

I’m a single father of a 4 year 10 month old boy, and have been caring for him as a single father for 4 years-2months now (Since August 28, 2010).

I’ve been through the PoF “dating” crap with nothing but hours (and hours(and hours(and hours))) of wasted time to show for it, and one night a couple weeks ago I drunkenly posted a reply to this craigslist ad: http://barrie.craigslist.ca/rnr/4727261848.html

My reply was posted as (and since, soberly removed to maintain some sort of professional dignity where I live):
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I too, have grown exceedingly tired of being depressingly single. 4 years ago, I once thought I had the world ahead of me, was only months away from being married to the woman of my dreams and I had just welcomed my one and only son into this world. I was happy, and I thought I was loved.

I had fought through an extremely difficult pregnancy with my partner, worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs to cover the medication costs that were piling up because of her problems carrying our child. We made hospital visits beyond count, I cleaned up immeasurable amounts of vomit daily and dedicated every waking moment to either physically and emotionally caring for my future wife, or working myself to exhaustion to provide for the two, soon to be three of us.

That is what I was taught a man does. I didn’t curse my luck, or pray that fate had been kinder to us; I pulled up my socks and did what needed to be done.

Eventually, our tribulations came to an apex, and the arrival of my son very nearly took both of them from me. I would be a husk of the man I am now if it wasn’t for the skill, knowledge and dedication of the medical staff in the hospital my son was born.

Then we were happy. All of my hard work, her suffering and the toll it took on both of us had cumulated into a tiny rendition of my face gazing up at us. We revelled in those few days we had alone with our new son, and then we joyously introduced our family to the first member of the new generation in either of our families.

But then one day, a few months later, I came home from work to discover illicit conversations between my fiancée and various men left open on our computer screen as she sought to leave me, from the fear that one day she might not be happy with me. No reasons why, nor cause to think I would not strive to do what I can to make her the happiest woman on the planet (I had, after all, shown time and time again my devotion and love for this woman).

The most reasoned explanation I have ever received from her was “I don’t think this is the life I want”. And she left me for the arms (and c~~~) of another man, leaving me alone with our son.

So I gave up my career that I was a few months away from being accredited in, returned to Ontario for the solace and compassion that only family could provide me in such a time of grief. 6 Months went by, with sporadic Skype video calls she this woman could see her child until she too returned to Ontario, to be part of her child’s life. With her, came the man she chose to leave me for, leaving his own daughter on the other side of the country.

Despite all I had faced at the whim of my one-time lover, I pined to have her back, desperately tried for 3 years to rebuild what we once had – ignorant of her lack of compassion or love for me. I tirelessly worked to provide for our son, raising him independently from 8 months of age, becoming a social pariah because I wasn’t entitled a life outside of parenthood. In this time, I have never received financial support from her to care for our child, but have had to accept the fact that she has just as much legal entitlement to him as I do, despite all that had transpired.

Why doesn’t the term “Dead-Beat Mom” exist?

Now, my son is nearly 5 years old; all her promises of helping to provide for his needs have turned to dust and she is but a few days away from giving birth to her second child, this time to the usurper. For the sake of our son, I’ve had to put on a smile every time I see her; despite the rage, jealously and pain that gnaws at me when I see how much effort she is now putting into a relationship with this man. One question that haunts me, and will until the day I die: “Why wasn’t I worth trying for?”

I’ve been single for the 4 years since she pushed from my arms, a large portion of which was due to my unwillingness to move past it, to continue with my own life and seek happiness once again But over the past 18 months I’ve attempted to once again live my own life. I’ve tried online dating, speed dating, craigslist, singles mingles and even trying to strike up conversations with woman I’ve found appealing. But none of my efforts have yielded results, and in the case of online dating – hardly a reply to my polite and well-written messages.

I constantly read about how women want to find a dedicated man, a loving man, a hardworking man – someone who is good with children and is compassionate and considerate. Over and over, I peruse profiles of single mothers who would like to be considered, not by the children they have from a past relationship, but for the person they are. I have grown tired of hearing women say they want a “Man not a boy” yet continue to make the same poor choices in romantic partners, I’ve lost count of the number of women I’ve seen leave a dating site only to return a few months late with the attitude “All men are the same”.

On more than one occasion my attention has been rebuked by various castes of women, with children in tow and without – not because I have fathered a child, but because I have the custody and responsibility of caring for him. This is not simply just my perception, as I have had those words spoken to me directly, thrice; twice from women with children of their own, and another that was expecting a “fatherless” child of her own in a few months.

To echo the words written previously by the poster on October 22:
“I’ve had enough of trying to impress girls, I’ve had enough of the control, I’ve had enough of the head games, I’ve had enough of the insecurity, I’ve had enough of the being ignored, I’ve had enough of the hypocrisy and I’ve most certainly had enough of the hollywood model type standards all the girls seem to have.”

I’ve had enough of uneducated, uncouth and self-entitled women acting like they deserve the best this world has to offer, women who hold the “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” attitude like a loaded shotgun at their side. (Side note: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4673582 well worth a read.)

I’m not an unattractive man, although I’m not quite movie star material; and I have no mental or physical shortcomings that don’t afflict nearly every other human on the planet. I keep myself in good physical shape, have solid ethics and morals and have proven myself as a responsible parent and reliable provider.

And yet I cannot find a woman out there willing to give me the time of day, let alone take the time find out about the man I am. And this baffles me, even more so when I see the type of men that often succeed with women, the ones that forever sully the female perspective of my gender. I see it again and again, with the same women, and the same men who brag about their “conquests”. The bulk of the posts that can be found here on Craigslist sicken me… Married men looking to fool around with random women, attached boyfriends hiding their homosexual lust from their girlfriends and misguided tools who seem to think all it takes to inflame a woman’s loins is a close up photo of their hairy, misshapen c~~~s.

Despite once holding love in my heart, a partner in my arms and having glorious dreams of a loving family to come home to after a hard day’s work, I’ve little faith that I will once again know what feels like to be loved for who I am and what I do.

So to anyone who might be reading this, I pose the question. Why is it that a man like me has such difficulty finding someone to go through life with while I watch the cyclical events of unfaithfulness, disrespect and abuse transpire all around?

I expect no serious reply, and more than a few poorly written email telling me to “suck it up” or “jump off a bridge”. And that’s ok. I’ve lost all faith in humanity years ago, and have yet to have my cynicism proven wrong

*****

 

I was contacted by the original poster (at least the replier claimed to be the original poster), and was referred to this site. I’ve been browsing it for a few days now, and while I’m not entirely sure if I wholeheartedly agree with the mindset, I can identify all too well with much of it. So yeah… Hi!

[SandmanParticipant 12]

Good day Sir:

I know exactly how you feel, most of us here do or are well on their way to feeling the same way. I don’t know what  you do for a job or how much safety thinking is involved, but here’s something analogous. RISK MITIGATION. It’s not about if something is going to happen, just a matter of when and how severe it’s going to be. Work Place Safety and Women are much the same. So let’s say you work at a plant that has a lot of hydrocarbons flowing through the piping to different processes. In these plants you are NOT allowed any device that can arc, spark or have open flame or that isn’t rated “intrinsically safe”. Not because there are hydrocarbons floating around the atmosphere all the time, but that once in the plant’s history when a flange does spring a leak, they don’t want it to burst into another Texas City Refinery accident. Yes, the probability is  fairly low, but the consequences are VERY VERY HIGH. Now take the opposite, you work in a laundry mat working on the ironing station.  The likely hood of you burning yourself is fairly high, but he consequences are low. Relationships, now are a combination of the refinery and the laundry mat, the likely hood of the bitch f~~~ing off with at least half your wealth and your kid(s) is fairly dammed high.  The consequences of the bitch f~~~ing off with your s~~~ and your prodigy are also very high (unless giving 1/2 to the government wasn’t quite charitable enough for your bleeding heart of compassion and willingness to give)?  So you see, do the hazard analysis on the bitches, the risk vs reward is far too high of a price for most of us now. Now, you wanna hook up with some rich bitch who is naive enough not to get a prenup, give you access to her bank account and won’t have her boy toy driving anything that isn’t high powered and foreign, well then, analyze that s~~~ and get yer dinky stinky Brother, you found the holy grail!

Please note: The Holy Grail is not to be confused with the Unicorn.

Cheers Brother,
The Sandman

[RoyDalParticipant]

Gut-wrenching story. Welcome to being awake to the nature of women.

Regarding your son, my fondest childhood memories are from things I did with my dad. I still remember him teaching me to play catch, cook, and play poker. I do not remember much of any TV we watched, except being in front of the set with him. Besides, playing catch, cooking, and poker are useful life skills.

I saw a quote once. It went something like: The way to be happy is to make others so.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

Trust me when I say this. Not dating is a lot better because the number of quality women are few in between. The chances of finding a decent women is like winning the lottery. I had more than handful women wanting to date me, but I lost trust with these c~~~s because many had hubby or boyfriend. Even if a good one came along I would just ignore her.

Women are a burden. They cost money, emotionally crippling and the with the controlling and games. It’s a wonder my brother in laws haven’t filed for divorce because my c~~~y step sister are total controlling bitches.

You have a son he will be loyal to you until the day you die. Women will never be loyal to a man she is loyal to money that’s about it.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[MaillesmithParticipant 64]

RISK MITIGATION. It’s not about if something is going to happen, just a matter of when and how severe it’s going to be. Work Place Safety and Women are much the same. So let’s say you work at a plant that has a lot of hydrocarbons flowing through the piping to different processes. In these plants you are NOT allowed any device that can arc, spark or have open flame or that isn’t rated “intrinsically safe”. Not because there are hydrocarbons floating around the atmosphere all the time, but that once in the plant’s history when a flange does spring a leak, they don’t want it to burst into another Texas City Refinery accident. Yes, the probability is  fairly low, but the consequences are VERY VERY HIGH. Now take the opposite, you work in a laundry mat working on the ironing station.  The likely hood of you burning yourself is fairly high, but he consequences are low.

Interesting,
I happen to be pursuing a career in Occupational H&S with the college program I’m in. You chose the perfect analogy for me to relate to. Its one reason I vowed 4 years ago to never father another child, the consequences are far too high. My son is my life and my legacy… and thrives in my care. Hell, today I was teaching him the exponents of 2 (2,4,8,16,32 and so on) and he already has a firm handle on he basic of multiplication. He walks all over his mother at times, especially now that she just spawned less than a week ago.

I identify strongly with the basis of MGTOW “We now provide for ourselves and our immediate families, protect our interests, make selective sacrifices when the situation warrants, and conquer mountains of poon” (Manosphere). I spend much more time than I would like in my son’s mother’s presence, and in the best interests of my son I am friendly with her and >:[ HIM. I will never forget this past Monday when I shook that man’s hand because he just had a child with my son’s mother, because I wanted I wanted my son see how a man acts. Or at least the type of man I’d like him to be. I make my sacrifices, a hundred little cuts for the sake of my child. But that’s all.

(I seldomly feel the urge to kill him anymore… but that time… …)

Here’s my dilemma though.
I enjoy sex, I had a good 5 years of no less than 3 times a week on average, but now, I don’t conquer any poon. None. It’s been an easy 12 months since I’ve had sex, and that’s was about once a week, lack luster and for a couple months. I’d like to have sex again, but prostitutes just don’t do it for me and I rarely have the opportunity for an option otherwise. I’m not the best off financially although I make due well enough(I’m never worried), but never seem to get ahead, so I’ve gone back to school. Between my studies, “part-time” work and my son I hardly have the time to dedicate to the quest for poon, and it subtracts from my sometimes limited resources.

That is why the idea of a relationship appeals to me though. At least one in which I get regular (and very enjoyable) sex with the benefit of an extra pair of hands to help around the house. Even if she brought a kid along with her, as long as he/she wasn’t a s~~~ and at least passably bright. I demand equality in the household, financially and domestically; if I bring home the bulk of the bacon, I don’t do the bulk of the dishes. (S~~~… that’s how it works between my lesbian mothers).

I still haven’t figured out what to do. I have no game, and no ability to pick up women. It’s not a lack of confidence but social ineptitude, and being a redhead. That’s not self depreciation, just an observance that few women are redophiles. I polite and respectful, intelligent and curious, hardworking, loyal and humble; and I can often win over the woman I want with time with these qualities, but with that effort comes the drain to my resources (sleep, money, ME time).
Do I “waste” my time in pursuit of fulfilling my want of satisfaction, or do I deny myself and stock the coffers for the next3-6 years? Will I even be interested in any women close to my age then?

Forgive the rambles, I’m stuck at home with the boy sleeping. He would be at his mothers tonight, but she’s actually putting an effort into caring for her newest child.

Here’s to Capt’n Morgan’s Privates

Errr… Private Stock.

[JediTimParticipant 50]

Maillessmith – first of all, welcome. You are in good hands and great company. I’m currently transitioning into the single dad role (although I will be non-custodial parent). While I can’t tell you how to live your own life (that would defeat MGTOW) – I can share my own thoughts and insights into the topic.

1.) A relationship – long-term that would involve another woman and my kids? Hell no. My kids (1 and almost 4) are too precious to share with some nut job – and they’re all nuts. I’m a loving, devoted, dedicated father when I have them in my custody. I recognize you are “on” full-time round-the-clock, and I want to be sensitive to that. I just can’t imagine ever trusting a woman enough to bring her around my kids. Women are inherently double-sided and two-faced. How do I know some new broad won’t smile to my face and be hot between the sheets and then do something terrible to one of my kids when my back is turned? I don’t know. And that’s the rub of it.

2.) I’m a whole, complete, wonderful parent. Period. A woman cannot enhance my characteristics in my primary role as father – so aside from pump ‘n dump encounters, what good is she to me? I don’t need her to be a mother figure to my children.

3.) I refuse to pick up the pieces of some single mom’s life. Granted – I love BBWs, and the mom-pouch/potbelly/FUPA drives me crazy with desire (I like the big girls. What can I say?) – and single moms fill this category neatly. Some have had success with blended families. I don’t need to try.

4.) I would also counter that there isn’t a problem with YOU in light of your inquiry as to why the cycle of rejection. There is a problem with WOMEN. There is a problem with the SYSTEM.

Welcome to the crew.

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