Short, Fat and Noisy. Just like a woman.

[EscapedMentalPatientParticipant 1489]

Just thought i’d post a whimsical general interest item here. Apologize that the picture isn’t my own; some of the pic-hosting services irritate the s~~~ out of me.

I collect firearms; over the years, my collection has fluctuated between the ultra-modern to antiquities. At this juncture, I’ve been focusing on Dog-Lock, Matchlock and Flintlock pieces.

Every now and again I like to freak the s~~~ out of modern/younger hunters and shooters out in the bush. It can be quite the sight to come upon a guy in a tassled, hide jacket, beaver fur on head. Throwing tomahawks dangling from belt. Mirrored pilot’s glasses to f~~~ up the continuity. A bandolier of black powder, a dirk and most importantly: a HUGE f~~~ing bang and a massive cloud of smoke. I’ve thought of wearing a pair of flippers to really f~~~ with stumblers-upon.

My latest baby arrived in the mail today. She is Short, Fat and Noisy as f~~~, and absolutely bellowing smoke; for these reasons I’m certain its a woman. As these pieces are generally fairly inaccurate and poorly designed, it would almost guarantee to me that it’s a woman.

I haven’t named it yet. Perhaps you gentlemen could be of some help:

Badass Blunderbuss

[TaxGuyParticipant]

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

My latest baby arrived in the mail today. She is Short, Fat and Noisy as f~~~, and absolutely bellowing smoke; for these reasons I’m certain its a woman.

Gotta go with Judy, my generic name for a chick. Of course, there’s always Killary….

Order the good wine

[EscapedMentalPatientParticipant 1489]

TaxGuy wrote:

Of course, there’s always Killary….

hahaha i love it.

[Anonymous 7]

TaxGuy wrote:

I haven’t named it yet. Perhaps you gentlemen could be of some help:

PB
Plucky Bitch

My Mossberg is Miss Piggy.
Actually I like Miss Piggy for the Blunderbuss.

[OldBillParticipant]

Nagatha.
My Portly Bitch.
Ol’ Barky.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[EscapedMentalPatientParticipant 1489]

Anonymous wrote:

My Mossberg is Miss Piggy.
Actually I like Miss Piggy for the Blunderbuss.

I’m with you on the descriptiveness and creativity of this moniker, brother. So much so that I’ve actually named an old bolt-action, variable choke .16 gauge goose gun this very name. Thanks for the reminder, bud and its certainly an apt name for the Mighty Mossberg. 😀 Plucky Bitch is fairly cool. I might reserve that for a slimmer, French Marine’s Musketoon that I’ll soon be acquiring. Thanks for the perfect name for that one, sir knight.

OldBill wrote:

Nagatha.
My Portly Bitch.
Ol’ Barky.

I gotta tell you, Sir William; “‘Ol Barky” is pretty damned awesome and is a frontrunner. Sweet.

[Anonymous 7]

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

I gotta tell you, Sir William; “‘Ol Barky” is pretty damned awesome and is a frontrunner. Sweet.

Yeah, ‘Ol Barky 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Being the plagiarist that I am I got the name Miss Piggy from an old Vampire movie.

One of the Vampire Hunters named his riot gun Miss Piggy. I thought it was funny af.

[AwakenedParticipant 35201]

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

. She is Short, Fat and Noisy as f~~~,

Roseanne (Bar)

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Awakened wrote:

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

. She is Short, Fat and Noisy as f~~~,

Roseanne (Bar)

Rosie. Whoopie.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 42]

She can’t defend worth a s~~~

She’s french, isn’t she?

Name her Paris…

[OldBillParticipant]

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

I gotta tell you, Sir William; “‘Ol Barky” is pretty damned awesome and is a frontrunner. Sweet.

A range buddy of mine has a Webley Mark VI replica. You know, the top break revolver the UK issued for almost 100 years? It uses a special .455 Webley cartridge. My friend calls it his “bulldog” because it’s stubby, loud, and ferocious. Believe me, you and anyone in 3 or 4 meters is going to fail a GSR test after that thing fires!

He’s pretty cool about letting others try it out so we’ve all put some rounds through it. It’s a favorite around the range even when it isn’t being used. The top break mechanism really intrigues people. Everyone has all sorts of dog-related nicknames and references for it.

Another guy occasionally shows up with a Pennsylvania long rifle he inherited from a relative who had it made at Colonial Williamsburg’s Gunsmith shop back in the 70s. He had to wait something like over 2 years for delivery and shell out what was more than the price of a car back then.

We call that one “Fuss and Feathers” and not because of Winfield Scott. It’s fussy to load plus the owner has a beaded leather sling and beaded leather case for it.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[ZarathustraParticipant 2246]

So weird… I am not a gun guy and had never heard of the Webly Mark VI until less than an hour ago it was featured prominently in a murder mystery I was watching on T.V. and then an hour later you bring it up. Looks like a cool gun. Weird coincidence.

[OldBillParticipant]

Zarathustra wrote:

I am not a gun guy and had never heard of the Webly Mark VI until less than an hour ago

For the Brits and Empire/Commonwealth, the Webley is what the Browning M1911 is for Americans. Counting upgrades to the basic design, it was the standard issue service pistol from the Victorian era up through the 60s.

It’s a revolver, so there’s a cylinder. The cylinder doesn’t swing out to reload however. The gun breaks open at the top instead with the cylinder and barrel pivoting down and away from the hammer and trigger. It’s really unique and instantly recognizable when it’s broken open.

It’s also short and solid with one helluva a bark and bite!

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Ranger OneParticipant 16836]

Long, Big and Noisy.
My S&W Model 686

Looks much like this one:

All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

[EscapedMentalPatientParticipant 1489]

Awakened wrote:

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

. She is Short, Fat and Noisy as f~~~,

Roseanne (Bar)

LOL! That’s great haha.

Anonymous wrote:

She can’t defend worth a s~~~

She’s french, isn’t she?

Name her Paris…

lol Tower. Another good one, and yes: one basing their home defense on an 18th century piece had better be good on the first shot ’round. Speaking of that though, that was entirely the premise for the design of the Blunderbuss. She be the grand-daddy to shotguns. Most coach riders, mail carriers and the like carried them as a very early form of “Spray and Pray”. Much quicker to load, and less accuracy needed than a standard .50, .62, .75 cal musket. Drop five or six .30 cal shots down there after a powder charge, quickly pack a bit of wadding in, and God help the early “Highwayman” on a relatively random shot. It’s certainly not my “home defender” 😀 Love the name though, except I utterly cringe upon hearing the name you’ve uttered. A classic example of all that is wrong with the world.

OldBill wrote:

A range buddy of mine has a Webley Mark VI replica. You know, the top break revolver the UK issued for almost 100 years? It uses a special .455 Webley cartridge. My friend calls it his “bulldog” because it’s stubby, loud, and ferocious. Believe me, you and anyone in 3 or 4 meters is going to fail a GSR test after that thing fires!

I know it well, sir. While I don’t have one in my collection, it absolutely has it’s stout place in history. I really liked your comparison of it to the M1911. Or perhaps the Luger, Walther P-38 and the like. Sidearms designed so pragmatically and with sometimes simple perfection which had almost no need to be replaced by arms which were meant to eclipse them. The Webley was NOTHING if not powerful and absolutely reliable. That unique cartridge was just fine for knocking over a horse OR a human 😀

Ranger One wrote:

Long, Big and Noisy.
My S&W Model 686

Looks much like this one:

F~~~, yeah, Ranger. A stellar piece. A true “Regret-Maker”.

[Anonymous 42]

Ranger One wrote:

Long, Big and Noisy.
My S&W Model 686

The guns that have a harmonic “ting” like an anvil, or like a silver dollar! Music to my ears! I’m not talking about ringing ears because you forgot to put on hearing protection!

By the way, an SW .44 mag without hearing protection is good for 3 to 5 minutes of ringing in your ears! I know!

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

I utterly cringe upon hearing the name you’ve uttered

ME 2!

[MonkParticipant 16985]

Whoa! Lets get realistic here. You can’t give a female name to anything that works or is useful.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

EscapedMentalPatient wrote:

It can be quite the sight to come upon a guy in a tassled, hide jacket, beaver fur on head.

It’ll be an even bigger sight when one comes across your corpse after mistaking you for a deer in that getup and shooting you.

I hope for your sake you’re wearing a lot of day-glo orange on top of all that.

[AttonParticipant]

Andrea Dworkin

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[EscapedMentalPatientParticipant 1489]

sidecar wrote:

It’ll be an even bigger sight when one comes across your corpse after mistaking you for a deer in that getup and shooting you.

HAHAHAHA sweet release. 😀

But yes I have some identifying garb, sidecar 😉

[Author]

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