Yup, it was my archetype – the Knight in Shining Armour, galloping in to rescue the Damsel in Distress, who would then reward me by making me feel loved….
Ha, ha, f~~~ing ha!
It started with my mother, of course – a deeply disturbed, deeply needy, emasculating, hyper-critical control-freak. I so desperately wanted to make her happy – an impossible task, doomed to failure.
And it happened again with every woman I gave my life to, being there for them – whenever, wherever, whatever – hoping to support them through to happiness so they would smile at me and make me feel loved.
She was lovely, the one I eventually married. 18″ waist plus DD boobs. Classic hourglass. Phenomenal intellect. Amazing conversations about art, history, literature, philosophy etc. And insatiably physical!
Ten years later I was generating all the income, doing all the housework, doing all the cooking and doing at least half the parenting. And she was so fat I couldn’t get my arms round her, let alone find the way in…
But I was never going to leave. I was a White Knight, a New Man, a willing and proud mortgage-paying cook and cleaner.
I was rescued by the Perfect Woman. She said she wanted me and I left my wife within five days.
That’s when I discovered that Pure Evil comes with a beautiful face, a smoking hot body and a bed-breaking sex drive. I was completely taken in. It took me a whole year to escape from her venomous clutches. Once again I thought I could make her happy and reap the rewards. It was when she attacked me with a hammer I accepted I had to get out. Her mental and emotional sadism were far worse than her physical assaults.
So I became happily single and found a better friendship with my ex-wife, living next door while our kids grew up. I should have stayed that way.
And then…..
Another Perfect Woman! Her husband had dumped her in favour of a girl the same age as their daughter. I put her back on her feet, gave her back her confidence, made her feel heard, respected and desired. I helped her understand how her husband might be feeling. I helped her let go of her anger and hate, so they could have an amicable, quick and inexpensive divorce.
Guess what? After breaking up his marriage the husband’s bimbo unceremoniously dumped him, leaving him wanting to get back with the wife he had abandoned, the woman whom I had put back on her feet.
Did she tell him to p~~~ off? F~~~, no! I had done my job too well. She had forgiven him. She was happy to have him back, as long as she could have me too! So instead of divorcing they stayed deeply financially committed. So now she had two of us – his money (and mine) and my mind and body!
I should have walked away right then and handed her back to him. But, hey, I had my Alpha Pride. I wasn’t going to let him win!
That’s partly why it all went wrong and turned nasty between him and her. He wanted me gone. I wanted him gone. She wanted what she was getting from both of us. My life became totally subsumed by hers. Everything was controlled by her. My slightest attempt at independence resulted in screaming tantrums. My job was to support her, in the way she prescribed, through the stress of her never-ending and increasingly acrimonious divorce. I clung to the belief that one day it would be over, one day she would be less stressed, one day she would smile at me and make me feel loved.
Year after year I put up with it, while my life-energy was sucked out of me and my money poured down the drain. No space of my own. No time of my own. No clarity of purpose. No vision of the future. No ability to make things happen.
And then….
While surfing YouTube I came across various interesting videos on feminism and SJWs. Wow! Wow! Wow! And then, just last week, I found some videos by Sandman with the mysterious label “MGTOW”.
So I searched and found this website.
Joy, oh joy, oh joy!
Alphas, but not alphas! Just men. Men who know. Men who understand. Men who have been there too. Capable men. Compassionate men. Men with whom I don’t have to compete, with whom I don’t have to wear the mask, with whom I don’t have to jostle for my place in the hierarchy of female favours.
My shining armour has crashed to the floor and been kicked out of my life.
I’m going my own way.
Many thanks to all of you.
"If it flies, floats or fornicates - rent, don't buy." - Felix Dennis
The Manipulated Man 4 months ago.
