Self Confidence

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

I could use some advice?

How does a average guy developed self confidence / self-esteem.

Not looking for dating advice. How can I become better for me?

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Start small. Work up to bigger and bigger. The more successes you have, the more self confidence you will have earned. That is the key: You have to earn it for yourself.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[RockmaninoffParticipant 1641]

To live, man must hold three things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason—Purpose—Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge—Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must proceed to achieve—Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means: is worthy of living.

—Ayn Rand

For self-esteem, you need to believe not that you’re perfect, not that you can do anything, but that you are fit for living and thinking. Do you believe that? Self-esteem means that you believe that you, your core person (that means, the person you think you are, not the one you present to others), is generally okay, decent, and worthy of happiness. If you don’t believe that, and don’t know how to start believing it, I recommend getting a really good therapist to help you work through it. Good luck!

For confidence, best advice I can have is fake it. Fake it: ask yourself what a confident person would do in a so-and-so a situation, and then do that thing. It’s not a lie if you believe it. Eventually, it will come without having to do this.

I really wish I could offer more, because this really is an area that I (and I imagine a lot of other men) struggle in and really wish to help guys going through the same thing. Good luck!

". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée

[SnakeSpectator 2080]

Martial Arts

[KeymasterKeymaster]

I believe at least 50% of it is just flicking the switch to the “ON” position.

Completely ditch an approval-seeking mentality. That’ll kill you. An old coach and teacher of mine (whom I respected greatly as “the dad I never had”) had to die before I arrived at that realization. His approval really mattered to me, and when he died, he wasn’t there anymore, and I realized it has to come from within. Approval-seeking is cancer for a man.

This doesn’t mean you bark orders at people or just think you’re hot s~~~. No. It means….. trash the approval seeking , and big chunk of confidence come as a nice side effect. If you’ve ever been driven to try and impress others, stop it now. Just do your s~~~. As long as it meets YOUR approval and standards, that’s what matters. Many people we try to impress have LOWER standards and abilities. Don’t try to impress those people or care about their affirmations.

Also… shut the f~~~ up.
That’s a big one.

You don’t have to respond to everything, everyone, answer questions, or say what’s on your mind. Holding back a smile goes a long way. What you don’t say……. is many times as important as what you do say. Let them wonder about you – and what you’re thinking.

••••

No more “yes” man. Start with a “no”, and let others work to try and turn your “no” into a “yes”. That’s a position you want to be in. An automatic “yes” from you devalues what they are asking from you.

Like Mr. Scott. When Captain Kirk asked “can you fix it?”…. he said “It’ll take 3 days, but I’l try and do it for you in 2”. (outwardly insecure)
And then he did it in one. He never said “SURE!!”. He just internalized it. (inner confidence)

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

Do you want confidence or approval?

Great question.

I want self confidence. I always second guess myself. I’m to afraid to take resonable chances, fear of failure, so I don’t try. I lack confidence in myself.

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Each day must suck a little.

Effort!

F~~~ that s~~~. That’s gynocrat slave programming.

I think what BunkerMode’s getting at, is that for men, the struggle forces boys to become men. This is why you’d always hear stories about young guys “seeking their fortune across the sea” or “going off to war” as a noble pursuit. [The war itself may or may not be a noble cause, but for the boys going off to it, for those that survive, they come back as men.] This is a key difference between boys vs. men: men face adversity & triumph in some way. Boys haven’t, or didn’t make the cut.

One of the chief influences in my life is a guy named Dr Robert Glover. He wrote a book called “No More Mr Nice Guy”. He also defined a framework for men, that i find to be the single most important guiding factor in my life today, and for the past 1.5 years or so. No s~~~. And it’s only 5 bullets long (copy/paste here, full link @ bottom):

<<BEGINNING QUOTE>>
In general, I define the key ingredients of a man’s great cake [of life] as including:

1 pursing passion
2 spending time with guy friends
3 getting regular, strenuous exercise
4 leaning into challenge
5 giving his gift to the world
<<END QUOTE>>

Notice that there’s no mention of women in here. This is just for guys, wanting to live his life for himself. Putting all this s~~~ together, finding your passions & group of good bros & strenuous exercise are all good. But the comments above re: #4 – leaning in to challenge. Women run from challenges; men love challenges.

I’m coming to the conclusion that for me, thinking of each challenge as a potential trophy on the mantlepiece is really empowering. Before i used to run from challenges. Now i try to see each one as an opportunity for victory & excellence.

FULL LINK (caution, Glover’s responding to a mangina’s email question. Don’t bother with that s~~~. Just hit the good stuff, about halfway down.)
http://www.drglover.com/blog/x_post/is-living-a-great-life-demeaning-to-a-woman-00058.html

[OldscoundrellParticipant 412]

Study zen teachings. It is a great way to remove doubt from your life.

Zen simplifies.

What is important?
Whatever the fk you want to be.

Why is it important?
Because you thought, therefore it is.

Remove the bulls~~~. Simplicity creates focus. Focus creates success towards your goals.

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

Don’t spend a second caring about what other’s think about you. Unless its you boss at work.

Develop hobbies and spend time enjoying life doing these hobbies. Set realistic goals for getting better. Once you reach these goals, you can be proud of yourself, be more confident, and set another goal.

Spend time in nature, and observe the beauty and confidence in animals. There is zero stress when you observe mother nature.

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[BubParticipant 1403]

My $0.02…
Read KM’s post again.

I live by “it’s easier to gain forgiveness than get permission”.
Just blaze your own trail, go your own way. You most likely know right from wrong so follow your gut. You’ll make mistakes but learn from them and grow into a better man.

The thing is people like to criticize and blame when things go bad, but those are the ones who rarely have the initiative or the drive to do whatever it is they are tearing apart in the first place. They never step out on the limb but only wait for someone else to fall off it.

F*ck ’em, do it your way and leave them in the dust. Be a leader not a follower…

Just rolling down the road

[Silverstone the SecondParticipant]

Find something, anything, and get very good at. Doesn’t have to be money related. Maybe you’re the best pool cleaner in town, maybe you know your stuff, and then you will get self confidence and esteem follows shortly thereafter.

Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

Something that hasn’t been mentioned is that you need to do it for yourself, not other people. Once you find a hobby around self improvement, you don’t need to necessarily keep it a secret, but don’t announce it to everyone. For one, they will probably discourage you for aiming above the mediocracy they settle for. Two, it is not about them.

I do strength training. I squat, deadlift, etc. In a outbuilding behind the house. Its not fancy and doesn’t need to be. I load up the barbell and do what I do for no audience except for my cat. I don’t use Facebook, and even if I did, I wouldn’t share videos of my achievements. I don’t do it for applause. I do it because I believe it betters my life and I enjoy it. That is self-confidence. This one man team doesn’t need cheerleaders or teammates to cheer me own.

Although I love to praise it for what it has done for me, strength training isn’t the only thing that boost confidence. Maybe playing an instrument or becoming a programming god like bunker mode would do it.

[NotMyProblemParticipant 965]

How does a average guy developed self confidence / self-esteem.

First off, stop viewing yourself as “average”. Start viewing yourself as awesome, above the crowd…

The fact that you’re MGTOW puts you firmly in the smart category. Smarter then probably 90% of retards out there.

MGTOW means you have more time and money then the typical mangina. This is a huge competitive advantage.

You have the economic potential to be above the 90% of retards out there that don’t save any money.

The way you think of yourself is exactly how everyone else will think of you. F~~~ them tho. It all comes from within.

Not my property... Not my problem

[HitmanParticipant]

as my friend told me years ago ” never miss the opportunity to shut the f~~~ up ” ….don’t seek approval ..look in the mirror and tell yourself you are f~~~ing AWESOME !

[FreeatlastParticipant 24]

Blue Skies wrote:

Don’t spend a second caring about what other’s think about you. Unless its you boss at work.

Screw what the boss thinks about you. This is also approval seeking!

The boss hired you to do a job. Make sure you do the very best at that job. Just like a bitchy ex wife, they will think of you what they will. You can’t change that ONE BIT!

You know, being fired is a great thing, I’ve found. Causes introspection and in a smart persons life, IMPROVEMENT!

Cheers
Free!

[JasonParticipant 282]

Stop seeking or desiring approval – doing so makes you weak.

Start acomplishing – doing so makes you strong. You don’t have to accomplish something big, or something greater than someone else – you do it for you, because you need no one’s approval except your own.

As long as you accomplish something every day, whether finishing a workout, cooking a good meal, doing your job or simply cleaning up your place of residence – as long as you accomplish something, as long as you improve yourself, your confidence will grow. You will grow. You don’t have to grow quickly, nor do you have to grow more or larger than someone else; you just have to grow. As long as you grow, it doesn’t matter how fast or how much. Never stagnate; always keep growing.

There lies serenity in Chaos. Seek ye the eye of the hurricane.

[Anonymous 26]

Jan… I just found this stuff off YouTube, thought I would share the page with you

Navy SEAL Motivation – Forge Your Self-Confidence

[BDParticipant 1146]

KeyMaster’s post was great, read it 10 times.

Face your fears, get out of your comfort zone, demolish your imaginary barriers, and design a life that you want to live.

Put the hard work in, embrace failure, failure is the path to success. When you fail, you identify what you need to work on and then you can correct it. Learn to love failure and break through it.

Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.

[Bob BashboshParticipant 160]

All good advice.. I suggest self-reliance. You don’t need a partner, you don’t even need a helper.. all you need is a goal and the motivation to reach it. Historically, men have always done the grunt work, we built everything you see, the edifices, the cabling, the plumbing.. hell, we constructed civilisation. Women did a great job of raising children once.. the job we weren’t too fussed about. But lo and behold, we’ve been exposed for the manipulators that we are… secretly, women always dreamed about being sewage workers and bin collectors. They wanted to mash strangers heads with hollow point, high caliber rounds… they just weren’t allowed to because they were being actively suppressed. Meanwhile, good men return return from pointless wars suffering from emotional trauma as women bitch about the inequity of ‘gender’ politics.

I rambled didn’t I..apologies…

[Author]

Posts