Interesting… Being that I won’t be married or have kids though, I’m terrified of being alone at that age to be honest. Aren’t you? Being completely dependent on someone else….lots of potential for elderly abuse. No man…I’d rather, in Ke$ha’s words, “die young”…and by that I mean after a fulfilling life but before seriously damaging illnesses and organ failure. I will look forward to going to God and being there at that point for eternity, provided that I have served my fellow humans well and done a lot of good humanitarian service.
I can understand your fear of being alone and potentially subject to abuse when you get older. However, I honestly do not think that either getting married or having kids is going to help you feel any less anxious about this issue. Just think about the following issues:
(1) Spouses rarely die at the same time, which means that in the vast majority of cases one of the spouses is going to be without a partner until death anyway.
(2) Unlike the case of Chinese culture for example, it is standard practice in the West to take non-self-sufficient elderly to a nursing home. This does not necessarily mean that the children are dicks and are only going after inheritance money (although it just might), but, for example, consider that people need to work more these days and are unlikely to have time to take care of you.
(3) Objectively speaking, people (especially women) no longer think in terms of ‘until death do us part’, which is reflected in the statistics. This means that even if you did get married, then, statistically speaking, it would be more likely than not that you would get divorced at some point and not only end up alone, but also with emotional damage, financial problems, no kids and so on. In other words, you would most likely be only temporarily trading your fear of being alone when you get old for the fear of divorce, financial ruin etc..
(4) In a civilised country, there are basically two ways that I can think of right now that would result in your being abused as an elderly for a prolonged period of time: (a) you do not care about the abuse – it might just be a small thing (e.g., a nurse being mean); or (b) you are to sick to even notice. Either way, it would not be a problem, by definition. However, if the above are not the case, then there should be nothing to stop you from either immediately changing the nursing home and/or speak to whoever is running that place and telling them that unless they change their conduct you will (a) stop paying for their service as well as (b) inform the authorities of the abuse. Of course, there is also the remote possibility (most likely seen in Hollywood horrors rather than in real life) that someone abuses you in a way that makes you suffer, but you cannot voice your problem. However, in that case you would also not be able to inform your ‘loved ones’, by definition, and so they would not be able to help you anyway.
All in all, we will all have to take the journey to ‘the other side’ alone. There are no exceptions. It does not matter if you had a successful marriage and grateful kids or not. It does not matter if you have a rich social life or not. In my opinion, your fear has nothing to do with marriage or kids and has everything to do with facing death. I personally have a s~~~ty life, due to serious illness, so I actually look forward to it. However, I suspect that you may feel differently. I have no doubt that sooner or later you will embrace your fear and live your life without a worry.
Artur 4 years, 5 months ago.
