This is a revision of a previous introduction. It contained a little too much detail for my comfort. As has been stated, most people look at MGTOW’ers as anything from weird to crazy and I prefer to remain anonymous. To those that read my long story and replied I wanted to say thank you and tell you how much I appreciate you and this group. There are plenty of people and places to gripe about divorce, but I thought I was alone and certainly had no one to talk to. I’ve been an unofficial MGTOW since my divorce five years ago, but never knew there was a name for it. So, here’s my new introduction:
I’m 43 and was only married for two years from age 36 to 38, but it was bad enough that I haven’t even been on a date since, and really have no desire to. In all fairness to my ex-wife, I got married because I was supposed to. After struggling with my career and school in my twenties, in my thirties I finally got my act together and it was the next logical step. There were lots of red flags…selfishness, she didn’t share my morals or work ethic, etc. In my gut I knew it didn’t feel right, but my efforts to put on the brakes didn’t match her foot on the gas pedal.
I grew up in a strict household, tough but fair, where everyone bent over backwards to help each other. I don’t know why that made me think that everyone thought and acted that way. I was in for a rude awakening. In my business dealings I got screwed over by everyone from my landlord to my employees. My ex made me feel as if my value was simply as a penis and a paycheck, nothing more.
In my first intro, I went into great detail about specifically how all of these people, not just my ex, wronged me. But there’s another reason I wanted to delete that intro. While I think it’s great to vent and to have someone to relate to, that’s not what I was doing. I was reliving every awful moment, and by doing so I feel I was doing several things I don’t want to do; first, it was giving time, thought, power to people who certainly don’t give me a second thought nowadays. Second, it took a long time to get over the resentment and I could feel myself being pulled back there. I refuse to let the rest of my life be defined by two bad years. At this point what’s more important to me is trying to objectively look at it and learn something.
I don’t know if I agree there aren’t any good women out there. My mother was a great wife to my dad and I just assumed that was what my ex would be like. I do agree women like that have become scarce and for the last 5 years I’ve considered it more trouble than it’s worth to go looking. A few years ago I said to someone, “God help the next woman I date, because after this I’m not putting up with one ounce of crap.” That may be true, or funny to some, but it’s not the way it should be. I think in a marriage there should be love and RESPECT on both sides. Maybe that’s not possible in this day and age. But that’s not the reason I don’t date. The reason is not them; it’s me.
Everyone here has probably experienced this. You’re dating a girl who is always accusing you of cheating, even though you’re not. Her excuse is her last boyfriend cheated on her. It’s not fair she’s projecting this on you. Guilty until proven innocent. Now, I certainly will recognize those red flags in the future, but even if I found a “good one”, it would never work because I’m already assuming she’s guilty from day one. Does that make any sense?
Please don’t read this as I’m letting the women off the hook. I’m just not willing to treat someone poorly to protect myself or use them for sex. A lot is made about men being the grown ups and women behaving like children. So, in trying to look at this like an adult, this is what I’ve come up with. I mentioned my business dealings before. I dealt honestly and fairly and got screwed. I was naive. Now that doesn’t mean I can’t ever do business with anyone or have to screw them before they screw me. It means I don’t have to be SO selfless that I give them the opportunity. A little wiser, a little more careful.
So I’m trying to look at the women thing the same way. With that being said, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It wasn’t until I made the conscious choice to swear off women that a weight has been lifted. There’s no pressure to be, look, act, or acquire. My relationships with family and friends are just better because I’m always in a better mood. If I see an attractive woman in the mall I’m not looking to see if she’s making eyes at me or worrying about the clothes I’m wearing. So, for those that post that all women are evil, etc or that you should just have sex with them and never call them again…I don’t want you to misunderstand this post. I’m not saying you are wrong or judging you. What I wrote above is what works for me. Others might say I’m not in touch with my anger, and that’s ok too. Life is too short to spend it unhappy. So whether it’s one night stands or celibacy that works for you, I say do it:)
Anonymous 4 years, 10 months ago.
