Screw the blue pills

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Hello gents.

I too have been seeking answers for the past year or so, and in the last few months have been reading through the many MGTOW posts. I am a former White Knight and serial blue pill swallower. Forgiven too much, understood too much and “maned up” to my “responsibilities” too much. Unfortunately for me, I had the opportunity to take my first red pill before I got married, but I was just too young and stupid and addicted to sex to swallow it so instead I went for the blue pill. I thought getting married would fix the relations~~~ (worst f~~~ing mistake). My second chance was the classic “I love you but I’m not in love with you”. My stupid little brain saw this not as a flag to turn and run, but as a worthy White Knight “challenge” to regain the heart  of my beloved wife. Third chance I had for the red pill was when she cheated and I caught her. I almost went through with it, but she pulled every trick in the book and lured me into the “Take a break” scheme during which she bombarded me with flattery, compliments, booze food and A LOT of sex. Guess what? Alcohol and sex lead to PREGNANCIES. Blue pill again, since I had to “man up” and be responsible for my pregnant wife and my future child. As you can imagine, from that point, the sex all but stopped (1/month at most), I took a back seat for everything. We moved where she wanted us to move, went on trips she wanted to go, …. I tried everything to get back to a loving husband-wife relationship. We shared house work and we both had jobs. It became a business deal, with the contract of course giving her all the power. We had the second child because she wanted to. I agreed because at that point the only thing I truly loved in life was my kid. I do love both my kids more than anything. During all this time I never stopped trying to make it all better. We would almost never fight because I am very diplomatic. I kept in shape (she is not bad either), I bought gifts, flowers, date nights, lost my friends and kept hers, suggested counseling (her answer: What for? We are very good.). Expressed my desires dreams, wants, and got the same BS: tired, depressed, stress, period, “I don’t know”, etc. So finally, after 13 years (john woods 13) in the relationship (8 married) I decided I had enough rejection so I would give her exactly what she claimed she wanted: I stopped asking for sex, stopped hitting on her, went full father mode with the kids, did everything in the house, entertained all her friends, never went out by myself and with my friends, worked extra hours bringing more money and buying all kinds of crap she wanted, got her the “replacement ring”, … in other words “the perfect husband”. The result was: she became depressed! This was a few months ago. So getting everything she claimed she wanted made her depressed? WTF? It was then that I finally swallowed the RED PILL and realized what the f~~~ women really want: CONTROL. If I did everything she wanted, how could she keep bitching at me and being a control freak? How could she keep barking orders when I did everything beforehand? How could she make me “feel bad” and play the guilt game if I was spending more time with the kids than her, doing most of the house chores and buying all the s~~~ she wanted? What was HER role? That’s why she got “depressed”. Her “job” as taskmaster was irrelevant now and she was left with nothing. Now, just to clarify, she is a good mother, she is not a crazy bitch, she behaves nice both in public and private, but she has the AWALT traits of ice queen, control freak and taskmaster that just kill the male spirit.

I wanted to make this short but it turned out very long, so I apologize (It was so nice to vent).

To conclude, because I love my kids and the situation is not unbearable I am still married, and probably will be until my youngest reaches 18 while also trying to avoid “temptation” as much as possible and also gather resources to go MY WAY. This might disqualify me as MGTOW, which I can’t claim to be yet, but I will stay on course to becoming one in the next 14 years (yeah… some people get that much for murder, and all I did was fall in love). Until then, I will try to impart my experience with the other men here and possibly help “save lives”.

Thank you all for making this format possible and a nice day to you all!

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[Anonymous 18]

Welcome John

I wholeheartedly agree with your decision to stay for the sake of kids. I admire people (men) who sacrifice for children they fathered.

Never been married, I don’t even want to consider the emotional attachments a man has to a woman he has kids with.

14 years is a long time but not long enough if it leads to self-reliant, well-rounded, mentally sound children.

Having said that, I want to ask you few things: How do you forgive a woman who’s married to you who then spreads her legs for another man? Is your goal for the next 14 years in tune with living the life you have been living thus far? Are you going to make any changes going forward? Have some mistresses/flings on the side?

I don’t mean these questions to come across as interrogative. I am curious.

 

[Anonymous 1]

Hey John,

I have never been married, but I can see your situation as a difficult one. Not going to judge you, since you at least realized what a rotten deal you have instead of keep deluding yourself.

I wish you all the luck in the world! Be strong, and hopefully you will regain your freedom eventually.

Take care.

Cheers.

[GunslingerParticipant 242]

Hello and welcome John…glad to have ya here. Thanks for sharing your story, it’s very similar to mine out side of having kids…two dogs though…not close I know. Anyway, I have been the white knight for so long as well, I am still in my marriage, but I’m working on getting out of it now. We are in our “separation period” right now. I too played up the white knight even though I heard the “i’m just not in love with you anymore” I did everything I could to win her back at the time…three years ago and a month after the wedding..lol. Should have ran then, but nope I had to “man up” and make it work. Well that’s now blown up in my face, about 2 months ago now. She’s back to “I’m just not going to be that girl that totally loves you, it’ll always be in a friend type of way” Even at that point I tried to fix it. Then a few weeks ago I stumble upon this site.

Immediately start realizing my mistakes, I ignore her, stopped complementing her and boy she was all over me. Didn’t phase me though, my mind is made up. As she went off on her business trip the other day, I didn’t say one word, didn’t help carry a bag or anything. Haven’t spoken to her, she’s texted me and tried to skype, I just ignore everything. We can’t fall for those traps, it’s tough but it’s what has to be done. Otherwise, we will find ourselves in this same situation in another few years.

Just know you can be married and begin your journey to GYOW…what is best for you is what matters. However, your life does matter too…I know you think all that matters are your kids…which is true to an extent…but once they get older they would rather see their Father happy, than bitter. I know I wish my parents had divorced when I was like 10, now they are just both miserable and can’t seem to leave one another.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome. Every kid needs a strong father in their lives. Yours are supremely lucky to have you. I was also lucky because I grew up in a two parent family. I saw and still see what comes of kids who are raised only by women. It is not pretty.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Anonymous wrote:

How do you forgive a woman who’s married to you who then spreads her legs for another man?

Now, I wouldn’t. But at that time, I was very much in love and I was at the height of my White Knight period, so I kept finding excuses for her, blaming myself, blaming the other guy and so forth, except her. I struggled with it for a few months until I had to make myself forgive her or let her go. I could not let her go so I forgave her (never forgave myself though, and never forgot). Believe me, it was a very very bad decision.

Anonymous wrote:

Is your goal for the next 14 years in tune with living the life you have been living thus far? Are you going to make any changes going forward? Have some mistresses/flings on the side?

I will not be living the same life. It will have to be a slow process of change so as not to trigger any warnings (remember, she gets a divorce, I loose my kids). I have already started for the last few months. Focus a lot more on the kids. I have two boys that i want to turn into men not manginas. Focus on myself an my interests(huge backlog there). Work out and keep in shape. Increase my income, hopefully with some money under the table, so I can start building a “freedom fund” for myself. Get even better at managing my emotions and try not to hate her (difficult to live with someone you hate) but not fall for the same tricks again. On the emotions part, I am already very strong.

As for mistresses, f~~~ them! I do not wish to associate myself with any woman whatsoever in any capacity or context. I have yet to see a NAWALT nor am I looking for one. And I will make damn sure that my boys don’t grow up believing in those fairy tales either. Screw the unicorns! I am no longer attracted to even the sexiest girls I see walking by. The big brain has taken over almost entirely. I will give myself the occasional release if I ever feel the need for that.

Also, I am sure that my wife will feel/see my detachment (already has to a point) and will begin her sex luring tactics. I will give it to her from time to time just so she won’t get too anxious and think of divorcing. But that will be that as far as pussy goes.

So, I hope this makes some sense to you, and thanks for the welcome.

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Gunslinger wrote:

However, your life does matter too…I know you think all that matters are your kids…which is true to an extent…but once they get older they would rather see their Father happy, than bitter. I know I wish my parents had divorced when I was like 10, now they are just both miserable and can’t seem to leave one another.

That is the thing. Since my RED PILL, I actually stopped being bitter, and my kids feel it. This is what I set out for myself to do: I will try to give my wife whatever I think she needs to be “happy” or at least content. This is my gift to my kids. I know it’s a mind twist, but think of it in the existing context, where she holds all the cards. To feel bitter you need to care about something, and I don’t. All I care about is raising my kids the way I want to and start doing things for myself. So when she starts playing the blame game or the taskmaster game I don’t care and I don’t get bitter, it’s actually funny for me now. So I anticipate and do stuff she wants. I keep her off my back and acting civilly at home while I focus on my kids and give them a relaxed and tranquil home environment. So because I don’t care about her needs anymore from a lover perspective, during all this time my mind can wander wherever I want it to wonder, and as soon as I am out of the house I go do whatever I want with ZERO remorse and guilt. It’s remorse and guilt that make people bitter. I have none of those now. While I am not yet physically free, I am so psychologically. My mind is free from the guilt garbage that make men bitter.

Thanks for the welcome and for the thought provoking comments. I just hope my answers make sense and I hope they can help other people get new ideas of how to cope with all the indoctrination BS that was fed down our throats.

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Thanks all for the welcome!

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[revistaParticipant 232]

My story very similar but ive always had abit of red pill in me.i stayed for the kids sake.i wanted to have as much influence on my boys as possible because id been a part time dad to my daughter whos now 18..but think she realised i was only staying for kids.id stopped initiating sex with her(waste of time)and just concentrated on kids and work.it was her who ask to split in the end.thats my warning to you.dont get caught on the hop,she will be thinking of a get out too.save your money.its not as bad as you might think anyway.got good relationship with my kids and i havnt gota put up with her moods/s~~~ anymore.good luck

[GunslingerParticipant 242]

That’s awesome John…you totally make sense. None of us here can truly put ourselves in your position and understand completely what you have to do to be happy.

John Woods 13 wrote:

It’s remorse and guilt that make people bitter. I have none of those now. While I am not yet physically free, I am so psychologically. My mind is free from the guilt garbage that make men bitter.

Very true…and it looks like you have checked out and honestly, it’s like you are already free, just not physically. Same boat here, I’ve checked out mentally but I am not able to check out physically until she gets back.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted on how things are going!

 

[FermatParticipant 3478]

Glad to have you here my friend.  What you said about NAWALTs is the biggest reason to go your own way. Once you stop looking then you start living. The nawalt is a lure not a promise.

I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Fermat wrote:

Once you stop looking then you start living.

How right you are sir.

This, in my opinion, is also why women can never really seem to enjoy life. They are always looking for something (outside of them) to GIVE them meaning and enjoyment. And of course they are always unsatisfied, since enjoying life has to come from within oneself.

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[Knights Templar RisingParticipant 5115]

Your last statement sums it up perfectly John, women are NEVER satisfied.  They need 24/7 validation, whether it be someone telling every day them how awesome they are – or a $100 par of shoes.  Welcome!

Sovereignty above all else.

[Anonymous 42]

@JW-13, every man that ever to came to this website, and has kids, says the exact same thing, “I love my kids” (just a thought).

All to often men in your circumstance are crucified and endlessly scolded by their (so called) loving wives.

You’re married to a modern TOXIC woman! Find something small (at first) to occupy your mind and time with something “you like”, then watch her go after it like a cat chancing a ball of yarn. The TOXIC mindset and reverse polarity will reveal itself as she makes it her “mission” to “control” or “limit” your occupation with something “you like”.

Like dominoes, it’s sure to happen!

I feel bad for you bro, you got bitten by the serpent, a good amount of time in the manisphere will act like a bite-kit and draw the poison from your system.

No apology “EVER” necessary for a long post, It’s good to spill the beans of gynocentrism, it exposes the reality men face when confronted with one of these monsters…

[Anonymous 18]

Thanks for your insight John. I, along with everyone else, am very glad to have you join this site and us.

Anonymous wrote:

No apology “EVER” necessary for a long post, It’s good to spill the beans of gynocentrism, it exposes the reality men face when confronted with one of these monsters…

+1. It’s reading and learning about other’s lives/circumstances whom I would otherwise almost never have a chance to meet in person that makes me so grateful for this site’s creators.

[AshcroftParticipant 59]

Hey man,

although I am in totally different circumstances (uni, no girlfriend, here and there the occasional flirt/kiss/f~~~) I can totally understand your situation. I’d also put my children first. I route for you that everything goes to plan.

I am glad I have/had a father like I have. He didn’t let my mother give him s~~~ whatsoever. He always stayed firm and although I hated him a lot for arguments in my mangina, white knight years, I can now clearer see, that his example teached me beeing a strong masculine man. I can now accept what I saw in the family. In this case he was the first real man, who showed me the ropes. Yes he was abusive at times, loud and a choleric, but now seeing how much stress it must had for him in his 20s and 30s, putting supper on the table for a family plus a stressful high position job as an engineer, I can understand his anger and stress. Top that with a women, who takes emotional posession of her child and protect it from his father. What a c~~~ she has been in these years.

He has not lost his swagger these days, but probably due to age has calmed down abit.

Try to be a strong father like mine was, show your kids that you don’t take any bulls~~~, manipulations from the wife and you will have strong boys in the future. You are their first rolemodel, along your own dad if he is around your children.

Thinking about this, makes me realize how long and often I have discredited him for being who he was and my mother would mostly agree with me and support me when I said “I don’t want to become like dad.” She said, and I disguise her for that “No, you won’t become like him.” She thought she could make this little obedient puppy dog out of me.

I could not see what hardship he put himself through for the god dam family. It makes him a hero in retrospec, because I know how hard it is working a dead end job, having to feed an additional mouth and having the responsibility for him. I have some remorse for times when he could have behaved in a more appropriate way, but with age, as is known, comes wisdom and I know why he exploded at times. If he hadn’t done it and eat it all up (“man up” what a bunch of bull crap) he probably would have killed himself sometime.

Whenever I hear a story about a man having two boys, I always hope and wish for him to raise their boys into real men. Not to societies men-standards, but standards like standing up for themselves, defending themselves whenever somebody attacks them, not taking the bulls~~~ from women/not beeing a slave to women, living the live THEY have chosen and honour the lifes of the men in their lives. Although I have not served (I kind of regret that and miss the brotherhood that is automatically formed between soldiers), I think serving some time in the military is very good for masculating a man. He learns about his psychological and physiological limits and to fulfill missions as a team.

I might have gone a bit wide here, but it is really late, I actually should study for my exams and it always gets to me when men waking up and children are involved.

Stay on this way.

Sorry for speeling or gramatical mishaps. It is not my first language and it has been ages since I learned it in school.

[alchemistParticipant 484]

Oh man, I feel for you! That is a relations~~~ and a half.

I don’t need to tell you this, because you already know, but from reading your posts I can tell you’ve got perspective, the kind of perspective that only comes from the red pill: That “zoom out” where you see what’s really important in life and everything else falls by the wayside and doesn’t bother you any more 🙂

You, John, are on the right path 😀 I’m happy for you.

We’re in a similar boat, you’re just 10 years further down the line than me, so I want to give you a really important insight which was really helpful for me:

What your wife was really doing, and what you may have been doing aswell, was catering to underlying psychological dysfunctions, I call it the “pattern”. Everyone seems to have their own patterns (even me) and if you’re not consciously aware of them, they subconsciously bite you in the backside. Your wife’s pattern was satisfied by a relations~~~, not necessarily just control, that control was part of her pattern: she doesn’t really want what she says she wants, she wants something to bitch about. She wants to crush your personal desires and individuality as part of her pattern- she needed that to be “happy”, she needed a degree of conflict and, frankly, cruelty to you. Most of us are not “happy” unless we pander to our patterns. Counselling would have helped you both break out of this subconscious prison, this is why she rejected that idea: she’d have to confront uncomfortable truths and actually improve as a person!!!! She would rather be in her subconscious pattern than in conscious freedom. Personal development and psychological insight (AKA personal red pills!) are the only path to true happiness or else you’ll fall back into the familiar, well-worn track of past patterns. Now, I can see you’re breaking out of your pattern with a healthy dose of red pills, which is fantastic and gives me a lot of hope for you, keep up the good work!

Break the matrix within! 😀

[FullMetalExoParticipant 2383]

I wish you the best of luck, great mental strength to make things right, become Free.

Welcome !

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[FullMetalExoParticipant 2383]

alchemist wrote:

Everyone seems to have their own patterns (even me) and if you’re not consciously aware of them, they subconsciously bite you in the backside. …..Break the matrix within!

my pattern is : > Anxious, Lazy, angry at people or a Need to Do X > calming down and doing X and more, being positive. Doing it for as long as possible.  > …Until stagnation again…and lazy.

only way I was able to break it was with: Self motivation, spontaneous to do X, spontaneous goals, new goals and things I like.

Got myself a bike, more doing less stagnating now, when I have nothing to do – Im on my bike. So Im in motion, positive and free more.

Also going to the Sea more, walks in the Park etc. Basicaly, less sitting at home. K guys have to run for this exact reason, was sitting doing nothing again. Cheers ! Life is motion !

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[Anonymous 5]

Thanks for sharing a very personal experience. You’re not alone. The dynamics of your marriage are the norm, not the exception.

It’s astonishing how many couples acknowledge they had a kid to fix a marriage. This strategy goes back to the beginning of recorded history. In hindsight it’s easy to say how stupid it is, but that’s hindsight.

Men, women and children who expect others to make them happy have a 100% failure rate.
The problem is modern women are conditioned to believe that a relationship is the end game and it will make them happy. Every romantic movie and book and magazine article they’ve ever come across tells them so. When a relationship fails to automatically do that, they blame their partners,,,,and after men are told we’re the problem often enough, we believe it,,,,and try harder and harder and harder.

There’s not much in psychology that’s concrete but happiness is an exception. It’s a decision, that’s all.
You can decide to be happy if you’re a quadriplegic, or blind or broke or buried in a small room 100ft underground.
People are about as happy as they decide to be. No one is more unhappy in this world than people who think the world or someone owes them a life. You’re in deep, like most of us are or were, but don’t decide to be unhappy, or worse still, try and make her or anyone else in this life happy.

[Author]

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