Scared into MGTOW

[willastParticipant 23]

My last relationship lasted for 10 years.  I just turned 60. She was an alcoholic and smoker.  I should have known that something was up when I saw her recycle bin was full of empty large white wine bottles.  She said she would quit smoking but that never happened.  She said she would work.  Ya right 6 months out of every two years.  She would go out to the bar 4 nites a week at the end and stay out until 4 am.  She said she wasn’t cheating.  Ya right.  I didn’t really care at this point.  I am a new age guy, and know that I create things with my thoughts and that I was perpetuating the relationship by holding it in my mind.  As soon as I made up my mind that it was over.  It was. She came to me and wanted to have the “talk”.  She wanted to know where we were going.  I said nowhere and then she broke up with me and wanted me to move out.  It was at Christmas and I said no one moves out at Christmas time so she went to stay with her new boyfriend.  What a relief, she terminated the relationship and didn’t ask for any money or support.  (She was really stupid about money.  Liked to spend it but not earn it)  So I had dodged a big bullet.  She later married the guy  who is also an alcoholic smoker like herself who doesn’t work.  They can’t keep an apartment.  Hooray that is over.

For me the net result was that women scared me.  That no matter what I do there was no guarantee that they will keep their promises and once I was in a relationship, I was a nice guy and white knight and put up with a lot of stuff and craziness.  I could go on and on. I also found out that my Achilles heel is that any attention from a women and I am sucked right back in again.  I have avoided relationships since then because as I look back all the women I had dated were crazy.  I used to think it was me somehow attracting crazy ones.  That might be true or they might all be crazy.  IT is hard to tell but the end result is a woman doing crazy things.  I also gained a lot of weight.  I think this is subconsciously keeping women away from me.  So I have been so scared of getting into another relationship that I avoid them.  After reading the postings on this forum things are a lot clearer.  It may not be me at all.  It may be that they are all crazy and it shows up in relationships.  I am not angry with women.  It would more harmful to me to keep any anger. I let them do the crazy, weird and sometimes wonderful things they do but not with me. I am now accepting that it is ok to be by myself.  I will never marry or have another live-in relationship.  The cost is just too great.  I am not willing to give half my stuff to someone who can’t keep their word.  It is too risky.

What I need help with and maybe some of the forum members will be able to provide insight is the problem I have with attention.  It seems if I get it I will immediately try and and get more of it. If a woman pays attention to me, it seems I lose all reason.  Like I am addicted to it.  Intellectually, I know all about this but subconsciously I seem to be run by it.  I come from a large family of 8 kids.  I am second oldest.  Dad was at the factory all day or on shifts so we didn’t really see him.  Mother raised us and I think she was too busy putting out kids to really give us the attention we needed.  Probably didn’t get a lot herself as an adopted child.  I don’t blame her for that.  We all ate regularly and grew up normally, I think.  Still I am left with a need for attention.  How can I work through that so I am not bowled over by it?

Insights please.

MGTOW is the only way to go for a sane man

Thank you

[VoidraitheParticipant 477]

Welcome willast.

I doubt there’s anyway to turn off the enjoyment of getting attention but certainly this is something that can be exploited. I guess first off and the biggest step is knowing this about yourself and keeping it in mind during social encounters. Perhaps have a hobby or activity as something to take your mind off things. Give yourself time to reflect before doing whatever you decide.

I know I spent quite sometime playing online video games and enjoyed the additional social interaction with Guild or Clan members.
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[Anonymous 42]

@wallast, we have much the same weakness, but I overcame mine with a strong sense of self worth, In my mind I was worth $100, they were worth .05 cents. weather it was true or not, I believed it! call it what you will…. Devalue women 1st off. 2nd, belittle them, all of them, all 3.whatever billion of them….getting the picture? It’s your platform and let them know! Once you learn this you will be able to approach them confidently, play your game and not theirs! I think it’s hilarious when they blow their cork cause you’re not interested… It’s a game with modern women, a game I hate to loose! But wait, I can’t loose, remember I’m worth $100 they’re only .05cents.

[Smacktalk73Participant 296]

You need to figure out what it is about attention that you need.  Also, I have this theory.  It’s pretty dark, but at a time like this it might just be worth considering:

The theory goes like this:  Everyone is completely selfish.  Whenever someone is paying “attention” to you, they want/need something from you.  Just like you respond to attention out of your own need.   “Selfish” isn’t bad or good, it’s just reality.   And, paradoxically, selfishness is where the whole idea of “unselfishness” came from.  The very selfish dream that maybe there was someone “unselfish” out there who would basically be your unthinking, un-needing slave, wanting nothing in return, and only being happy by making you happy.

Think about it — isn’t it selfish to want someone to be “unselfish”?   Why else would you even CARE whether someone was unselfish?  You like unselfish people because YOU ARE SELFISH.

Once you’ve recognized your own selfishness (what some people deceptively call “loving yourself,” as though there’s something noble and unselfish about it), you can, it’s true, get along better with other humans because you no longer want them to be “unselfish” and basically act like your personal slaves without personal needs and feelings.

So there ya go.  You’re selfish.  What do you really want? What do you really need?  Stop looking for “attention” — otherwise known as trying to get a free ride from someone who is inexplicably captivated by you against their own best interest.  Instead LOOK FOR WHAT YOU REALLY NEED, and ask for it.  Because you are f~~~ing selfish, and if you don’t get out there and act on your selfishness, other selfish people will eat you for breakfast.

[Anonymous 42]

@smacktalk73 well said! I’m selfish, I value my self higher and therefore not purchasable. Try to buy a dollar with .05cents. this theory has worked for me just fine… It’s like removing their platform weather they know it or not. Give them no manipulative power, if you do they will eat you alive and spit out your bones!

[willastParticipant 23]

Thank you for your replies.  All of them are really useful.  @Smacktalk73, I see nothing “dark” about your response.  I had come to the realization recently that people only pay attention when they want something.  I never went the extra steps and looked at it from a perspective of selfishness.  It is quite something to think about.  Your logic and reasoning is very good.

@MG-Tower, I also like the idea of assigning values to things.  I probably do it unconsciously but I think I can have more control when I bring it to conscious awareness.

Good Stuff.  Any other guys out there.  Input is welcome.  I always think you get a better result when you have more information.

Cheers.

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