Repairing relationships with Brothers

[hollowtipsParticipant 681]

I spent the last month at my parents place due to the quarantine that’s been the longest I’ve been at home since I was 19 and I’m 26 now. I have a big family 5 brothers. 3 of them are younger than men and I guess I kinda realized that for the past 5 years I haven’t been very present in their lives, I feel like I’ve seriously let them down. When I moved out things weren’t so great for me at home, my parents weren’t very supportive or understanding and felt like I was wasting my time even though I’d already been attending college at that point and worked a part time job. Eventually I couldn’t stand it and they said if I don’t like it here than leave. So it did.

I’d seen my brothers for holidays but that was usually for 5-7 days and not like a month like this. I feel ashamed and angry at myself for how much time has gone by and how little I have to show for it. I got out of a bad 5 year relationship when I was 24, and was completely broke and spent the next 2 years just trying to have some savings for once in my life. And now I’m realizing this whole time I’ve been worried about only myself and not thinking about how to be there for them and a good role model as a big brother.

2 of them are in relationships, both of them live with there girlfriends. One a longterm girlfriend I’m almost certain has been cheating as she’s been going to college in a different state. He’s trying to pull his life together academically and I can tell has been having a hard time socially. And the other one he lives with whose mother made him basically swear to marry him. He’s actually doing great financially despite being the second youngest and while I don’t think his girlfriends mother is in the right, their family has done a lot for him that even my own hasn’t done.

I have 2 older brothers (I’m the middle child) one is basically a criminal we aren’t in contact with anymore and the other has had crippling depression and anxiety for years. I used to talk to him and see him frequently until very recently but he’s been down on his luck since 2016.

I guess I just want to be able to support them financially and emotionally, I don’t know if I should move back to the expensive place they live in or if I should keep saving money out here and try to buy a house in the next year or two so they can come stay with me when they want.

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