Ah, well my red pilled moments, the awakening moments I should say, the times I could observe reality objectively through an unfiltered lens:
I was married for just under 4 years. My marriage was chock full of mental suffering, gas lighting, love bombing. Wife took off while I was at work not to come back again but for one time, without our kids present, to rob the house of liquor, sex related items (lube, condoms), and some clothes, you know certainly the things the kids needed as that was the stated reason for her visit. On this visit she brought another friend, this one whom was carrying concealed. I tried for over a year to expose the affair into ending, enlisting a support network to shame her out of the negative behavior and improve my chance of saving it. I quickly realized that my attempting to do the right thing was being labeled as if I was the most evil and abusive bastard on Earth, I was dangerous for not giving up.
Now during this time my wife and I had a mutual female friend, more of her best friend actually, though she was certainly a friend of the family as well. That friend disagreed with everything my wife was doing, knew she was full of s~~~, and came to my aide in a meaningful way. It’s thanks to her that I didn’t immediately end up homeless after my wife took out an EPO against me accusing me of doing the very thing that she’d actually done to me, just reversing the roles. The temporary EPO saw me barred from the family home, which was luckily just being rented from her family. Now my best friend she saw me quickly into a new and more affordable location, after only a short time of surfing her couch. We began to share meals, I began to take on more and more responsibility for her son and she helped me cope with the separation from my own family. As we approached two years of this strong friendship, we decided to date. Her son asked me to be his dad since his real dad didn’t want him. (I tried to talk to the biological father about things, for one reason or another he wasn’t willing to maintain a relationship with his son and was actually looking forward to me adopting him so he could drop paying child support). At this time I still didn’t quite understand red pill philosophy, obviously, I made some pretty serious mistakes. All the while I was working through the VA for mental health support, I was suffering immensely the continued death of my children in my life, the endless grieving process ad-infinitum. I’d warned my now girlfriend that I didn’t want her to bite off more than she could chew in respects to helping shoulder my heavy emotional burdens. Despite her affirmations to the contrary, about 10 months into the relationship she burnt out, and I found myself with no support network and beginning a new medication.
Now at this time we were no longer functioning as a couple, yet we hadn’t broken up, and she wasn’t being forthright and she wasn’t communicating in any meaningful manner. I began a new medication to help me with college, or so I thought, the VA actually took it upon themselves to begin treating me medically for the very real depression and anxiety I was experiencing. Now, I know it sounds weird. I did not want pharmaceutical treatment for anxiety and depression, only something to help me focus on my studies. I had also sought therapy, and I was assigned a blue pill therapist who didn’t know how to help. At about the year marker for my relationship I was going through my days with a fairly steady state of confusion, brain fog, depression, anxiety… It was at this point where I began to come into contact with red pill and MGTOW content. Entering the Red Pill Rage at this time was nearly a death sentence. I wasn’t myself, and now I wasn’t myself, angry about my dehumanization, and my expend-ability not only from my own children by someone who I finally had the answers about, that she was a Narcissist and Borderline personality individual, but now, this wonderful creature whom was as close to a unicorn as I could imagine suddenly displayed the classical signs of narcissism as well, or at least a high level of neuroticism.
A leap forward to today:
I’m myself again. I’m grieving heavily an unjust past. I’m grieving from allowing myself to be quite literally rendered effeminate pharmaceutically and as a result creating the renewed grief cycle ad-infinitum for a woman and child. I have quite a bit of understanding now though, I’ve taken responsibility for that which I’m responsible for. I just keep spiraling around in my head seeking a method to find an apology from any one, or offering my apologies for the things I had done wrong. So much today is the same as ever though. Suck it up, Man up, Drive on, get over it, get back to work, work harder, improve yourself. We’re told that time + change = healing. Nothing seems further from the truth in my mind though. You can’t heal, you aren’t allowed, because you aren’t suffering an emotional wound, you’re suffering an existential wound, a wound based in logic, a wound that is kept artificially flowing by a state functionary created by the feminine to protect themselves from accountability.
My eyes have been opened so much, and yet the less obfuscated the view the more conscientious I become about the true level of suffering being experienced by those around me. I’m finding that the blue pill/ red pill dichotomy is less about the tint to the lens, in fact, there is only one lens that is tinted. The red pill offers clear sight into the chaos, an unfiltered view. The Blue pill offers ignorance, and not necessarily suffering itself, but the ability to create suffering through a complete lack of conscientiousness, and more than that, an inability to view reality with any objectivity.
The Manipulated Man 2 years, 4 months ago.
