The people I loved the most in the world: My sister comes first, my father second, my mother third and my niece the fourth. Now, as you can see, three of them are females. 3 out of 4. My love for them is so great that I cannot even describe it in words.
But once you take the red pill, there is no going back. As time is passing by, I am beginning to find more and more of the ‘womanliness’ in them and that is hurting! I love them and that’s why it hurts. I mean…. it’s hard to explain in words! I love them for who they are and who they are is something that I hate the most and to see my loved ones become what I hate the most, and still not being able to not love them is a terrible feeling!
My mother keeps nagging about a house. We have been living at rented apartment and she wants a house of her own. But my father cannot afford one right now. So, there she starts saying all kinds of cruel things to him. My father is no pussy, he would retort at every illogical reason her hamster wheel can produce. And whichever he would overlook, I would catch up on that and show her the error in her ways. Can you guess what did she do when her hamster wheel got tired? Of course, cry. Even as the fight was going on, I was thinking “Please don’t cry. It won’t make me sad because you are crying. It would make me sad because it would confirm everything I knew about women and I would see those ‘qualities’ in you.” But alas!
I can’t stop loving my mother or my sister or my niece, but that does not change the fact that they are women and they do all the things women do. A part of me wants to go back and choose the blue pill, because then, I would at least me able to love them unconditionally and be able to overlook their flaws. Sure, my dad is in a Blue Pill hell, but being in the middle of their outbursts, I am in a Red Pill hell.
Turns out that I am not a true MGHOW yet. I still have a long way to go. I feel like the only solution to this problem is just leaving behind everything and just…. going my own way. But I can’t leave my parents, because the society or our culture would not accept me doing so. And above all, I love them dearly, I cannot just…. do that. And I can’t live without my sister! Even when she is miles away from me right now, I still stir crazy when she does not call for more than 4 days. And if she doesn’t call skype, I don’t get to see my niece either. So, I can’t just give up everything and go my own way, live my own life without these people in my life, nor can I stand the pressure of the feelings I have described in this post. It’s hard to be a MGHOW. I commend you all for rising up to the challenge and being my bretherens in this way of life. All I ask of you now, is to teach me how to walk this path by holding my hands and overcoming this obstacle. Just like fathers do to a toddler.
