Greetings, men!
I’ve been a long time reader, but finally decided it was time to join and participate in the discussion. After reading and watching lots of MGTOW information, I felt like a boob. I am twice divorced. I fully accept responsibility for my first marriage. I didn’t know any better. A few years into the marriage, I chose to start my own business, with her blessing. A few months later, when she realized that these things take more time than she hoped, the abuse started. Verbal and emotional attacks, all directed at my lack of value as a man because I wasn’t making a bunch of money. I would have left at that time, but I had two young sons and I was not going to put them in a worse situation by my being gone. So, I hunkered down and prepared to protect my boys the best I could.
This went on for years. I willingly sacrificed my mental and physical health in order to protect my boys. Finally, she served me with divorce papers and a bogus protection order. The game was over before it even started. The only way I got to see my boys during the first 30 days was because it was baseball season and I was their coach. The divorce was brutal and lasted nine months. It felt like nine years. My attorney had been practicing law for over 30 years and this was the worst divorce he had ever been a part of. He said he’d never take a divorce with kids again. It finally ended and things settled into a routine. A couple years later, she decided to move 1100 miles away. Nothing I could do. My boys were gone. However, my oldest (15 at the time) didn’t want to live with her anymore and started to rebel. One day, I got a call from his mother, “Will you meet me on Saturday to pick up your son?” Just to make her sweat, I told her I’d call her the next day. Needless to say, I picked him up. Six months later, I was receiving child support payments! That was a sweet day!
Now, the second marriage. She fooled me bad. She seemed so different from all the other women and I was not armed with the knowledge I have now. After a couple years, she started to change. The worst of it was the lying. About everything! I would see her smoking (she said she stopped) and ask about it. She’d say I was incorrect. After several years of this, she finally decided she didn’t want to be married (this was last year). We coexisted for several months, me not knowing what was going on because she would never file for divorce. Finally, last October I got all the paperwork, filled it all in and said, “Let’s go get these notarized.” She reluctantly went with me to get them notarized and then we went to the courthouse to file them. We got our court date (right after Christmas) and then waited. Things finally broke for good on Thanksgiving. The night before, we were preparing food for Thanksgiving dinner. She said that she was going to help her mom with some food, so she left, and me and her oldest daughter finished preparing the turkey. I had a weird feeling, so we drove across town looking for her. Sure enough, her mom wasn’t even home. So, I called and asked her how the cooking was going. She said they had two more pies to make and then she’d be home. I said, “Well, you should answer the door because your daughter wants to help you cook.” Her silence was priceless. Turns out she was at the bar across the street. On Thanksgiving night, I had had enough and threw all her clothes and toiletries in the back of her truck and said leave. Her two oldest kids refused to leave with her and are still with me. The divorce was final just after Christmas. She didn’t even bother to show up for the hearing.
I’m a self-employed web designer. Business is limping along, because I’m not a sales person. That was the ex’s job. Two of her kids still live with me and refuse to have anything to do with her. They witnessed her lying and cheating firsthand and don’t care if they see her again. I’ll be 50 in a couple years. AWALT is true. Accepting that was difficult, but, after analyzing my past relationships, it’s true, with all the shades of grey thrown in. I’m enrolled in an online Bible college, which was a dream I put off because I was told to by wife number one. I’ve been going to the gym for several months and feel better than I have in years (except for the torn meniscus in my knee). While I’m not completely recovered from the garbage that I was put through, I’m getting better. The worst part is the regret at having wasted so many prime years.
I look forward to engaging with the community.
"Once you start focusing on moving towards something positive instead of away from something negative, you can truly begin to live."
Dr. Hammer 2 years, 9 months ago.
