Quotes on Why Not To Get Married

[Anonymous 6]

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
* Sam Kinison

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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers
that your wife will give you for free.
* Anonymous

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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t,
they’d be married too.
* H. L. Mencken

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Marriage is a three ring circus:
* engagement ring —wedding ring —suffering

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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a
ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

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I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
I told her, “How about the kitchen?”

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the
estimate.

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in!”

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Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get
married. He says “the wedding rings look too much like miniature
handcuffs…..”

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!

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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a
wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she
leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then smiled, “It really works!”

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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After
marriage, the “y” becomes silent.

[Anonymous 0]

Good one, Venom

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

“I won’t get married. I’m not gay.” — Me.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[Anonymous 54]

I recognized some Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield in there!

[HitmanParticipant]

why does the bride always smile as she walks down the aisle ?
.
because she’s given her last blowjob….

[BigDParticipant 3024]

Hitman wrote:

why does the bride always smile as she walks down the aisle ?
.
because she’s given her last blowjob….

Until after the divorce.

Don't stick your dick into anyone you aren't willing to put up with for eighteen years and nine months.

[RoyDalParticipant]

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.
— Clint Eastwood (1930 – )

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[OldBillParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I recognized some Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield in there!

Both were kings among men. Dangerfield, aka Jack Roy, began his career late but triumphed like very few before or since. Rodney was also an incredible comic mentor. The list of current comics who owe their careers to him is mind boggling.

Henny worked for decades and, while well known and a favorite among celebrities, never really made it over the top. I think it was because his act never changed. With it’s rapid fire one-liners, his act was perfectly suited for burlesque and night clubs but didn’t translate too well on TV or in movies.

Youngman never retired and was always on the look out to make some gelt (money) on the side. He’d be somewhere for a club or TV gig and check out what functions like a wedding or bar mitzvah were scheduled in the hotel he staying at. He’d walk into the function, find the host or other big shot, and tell them “I’m Henny Youngman, I’ll do 10 minutes for $XXX.” He’d set the exact price by looking over the room but usually got in the 100 to 500 dollar range.

He’d do this every night he was in town and sometimes multiple times a night!

Henny’s advice to always “nem di gelt” or “Get the money” is spot on.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Anonymous 54]

I’m gonna share this with you old Bill. (Some will say I made it up .dont care)I’ve been a bass player all my life. One time when I was much younger,I played in a band and had a gig opening for Henny Youngman! Before the gig we all ate dinner together at a huge round table. I’m not the intimidated type,so I went and sat right next to Henny!!!He was senile! He didn’t know he was Henny Young man! I though how’s he gonna do the show? Well he killed it!! His old self! I stood or stage left and watched him say “Take my wife…PLEASE! What a moment!

[RoyDalParticipant]

Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman are two of my all time favorite stand up comics.

Since it came up . . .

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.
— Henny Youngman

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Anonymous 54]

Check out clips of Dangerfield on with Carson on the Tonite show.

[OldBillParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m gonna share this with you old Bill. (Some will say I made it up .dont care)…

I believe you, Old Sage, because I’ve heard similar stories about the man.

A childhood friend of mine has always been in the restaurant and night club business. He was born into it like so many are. His parents ran a supper club in Rhode Island back in the 50s and 60s. There was this HUGE supper club circuit in the US back then with thousands of musical, dancing, and comedy acts touring between them. People today watching I Love Lucy or Make Room For Daddy are puzzled when the characters are talking about their successful nightclub careers. It’s like hearing people talk about making buggy whips for a living.

Anyway, my friend booked Youngman for a one night “hop” back in the early 90s. They were putting on a high-end big band/swing night at a venue in Providence and thought having an opener like Henny would be a huge draw. He was draw and the event was a success, but Henny gave them several heart attacks in the process.

They brought him up by car service the day before. NYC and Providence are about 3.5 hours apart making a plane flight worthless. They also thought a guy nearly 90 would want to rest up before going on. My friend was in the car with Henny and “babysat” him until the show. Like you, he was firmly convinced Youngman was completely senile and his performance would end in disaster. He says they called Youngman’s agent several times only to be reassured Henny “would be fine”.

My friend finally realized Youngman would be okay when Henny worked his usual schtick at a wedding rehearsal dinner at the Biltmore for a couple hundred bucks. It’s just a few hours before Henny was supposed to go on and here he is dressed for the show seemingly “wandering” into the rehearsal and making a couple hundred for 15 minutes work!

Anyway, Henny toddled around like some senile old coot, then stepped on the stage and did 20 or so minutes of knock out stuff. After a couple of hours of music, Henny stepped back out and did another knock out set of completely different material. After that, he was “senile” again and had my friend take him back to the hotel.

My friend remains convinced that Henny was acting senile to avoid having deal with people. It was a defense of some kind. My friend is also convinced Henny was “all there” because when he got to Providence he wanted the money up front!

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Anonymous 54]

@Old Bill Yea that’s ole Henny! He wasn’t fakeng it. We were back stage ,no fans. I starting making small talk with him,but nothing was making sense. I recognize altzimers when I see it. But when he did his routine he was fine. Ripping off one liners so fast you couldnt keep up with laughter! This was 1981 I think,so by 1990 he was really cooked !

[Anonymous 54]

@bill. I was in Boston. Probably have played your friends place. It may have been there but I don’t remember. Small world.

[OldBillParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

@Old Bill Yea that’s ole Henny! He wasn’t fakeng it. We were back stage ,no fans. I starting making small talk with him,but nothing was making sense. I recognize altzimers when I see it. But when he did his routine he was fine. Ripping off one liners so fast you couldnt keep up with laughter! This was 1981 I think,so by 1990 he was really cooked !

I wasn’t there to experience what my friend did, so your encounter and explanation both make more sense to me. Henny was born in 1906 for s~~~’s sake, he should have been “gaga” by the early 80s let alone the 90s!

Like anyone that age, Youngman probably had “good” and “bad” days and moments but, once he got on stage, the familiarity of it all would snap him back into “focus”. My grandfather was pretty much the same way the last couple years of his life.

He missed being 100 by a few months and was physically healthy to the end. He could dress, shave, bathe, and feed himself with no problem. The only daily “medicine” he took was a St. Joe’s aspirin and a couple of bourbon & waters. Mentally was another story however.

It was like he ran out of storage capacity. He just didn’t remember things anymore, names, faces, events, you name it. He could tell me all about his childhood in Sweden and his early adulthood, but after that was a blank. He didn’t remember being married, raising 8 kids, none of it. I’d stop by for a visit and it was like he’d never met me before. We’d have a drink and a chat, listen to some music, and occasionally step out for a meal.

He’d wake up every day and the world was new. Not a bad way to spend your last few years I think, much better than being plugged into machines that breathe, eat, and s~~~ for you along with pumping your blood.

So, if for those last decades old Henny was only really with it while he was on stage preforming more power to him. He made me laugh out loud and that’s all he ever wanted to do.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Anonymous 54]

Yes that sounds like altzimers. They can’t remember where they live,but can tell vivid stories of there child hood. Vaudille WAS Hennys childhood. His brain kept being able to do it. He was very friendly and talketive, but none of it made any sense.I didn’t know if I should tell the promoter or not. Hmmm..did we get cash up front ? See what I mean!

[OldBillParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Vaudille WAS Hennys childhood. His brain kept being able to do it.

Exactly. He’d done it for so long and after beginning so long ago, that he was able to “snap” back into that frame no matter how confused he may have been in the present.

He was like an old fire horse who’d been put out to pasture. Ring the bell and Henny would run…

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Anonymous 54]

We where at the table eating,he’s a senile old Man. Then his manger hands him his fiddle and bow,points him towards center stage. A spot like comes on,the crowd goes f~~~ing crazy,and all the sudden,he’s Mr. Henny Youngman! Incredible! Ready every one. .. Take my wife…..PLEASE!!!!!

[OldBillParticipant]

Like flipping a switch or ringing a bell.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[kbbroilerParticipant 886]

Here is one from the movie Anchor Man 2. It’s not about marriage but this applies here.

[Author]

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