Questions about emotions.

[Anonymous 3]

I would like to ask your input on some things I have been thinking lately.
The issue is emotions, their nature, their usefulness and their handicaps.
I know every man is manipulated by its emotions. I am manipulated by my wife because of my prides, my fears, and my emotional needs. I am also made weak by my respect, my consideration, my pity, my capability to sacrifice myself for others that I love.
From all cultures, from our own recognition, we respect men of honor, integrity or values. People that put rules above their own emotions. Is that an indication that we should ignore emotions?

It is easy to recognize fear as negative. Socially we also recognize pride, hate, disdain as negative. Again, socially, we have love, respect and goodwill as positive.
But are things this way?
Is not pride a great motivator?
Is not wrath a barometer of people doing us wrong?
Is not hate a natural result of being hurt for to long, and a failsafe to avoid the people that hurt us?
Is not love a blinding mechanism that shuts down our self-preservation?
I fail to see clearly what is positive or negative…

It is clear to me that emotions have a natural origin and a psychological origin. Its nature’s way of controlling creatures, so that they take care of their offspring, they survive their predators, and they learn new lessons about danger or rewards.
But humans go beyond nature. We have philosophy, religion and cultural norms. Have we progressed or regressed?
Are we to overcome emotions or tune into them?

I have some interesting personal experience in this field as an asperger. When I am highly intelectualized I am dumb as a door. When I am relaxed I’m smarter socially.
This intelligence is intuitive. The real intelligence that “gets” things, without any intellectual connection or reason. It just knows.

So, is it possible to suppress emotions? Is not that the opposite of an intuitive approach?

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Anonymous wrote:

Is not wrath a barometer of people doing us wrong?

OK, that’s a good one. Let’s use “anger” as an example.

Anger is a perfectly legitimate emotion in the face of injustice.
But as you go through life as a man, you will hear bulls~~~ like:

• “You’re so EMOTIONAL” (complaints that you’re TOO emotional)
• “Calm down.”
• “You mad bro?”
• “Boys don’t cry”
• “Stop being so emotional”
• “Stop overreacting. Stop whining.”
• “Men are not in touch with their emotions”. (complaints that you’re not emotional ENOUGH)
• “He wasn’t emotionally available”.

— and my personal favorite —

• “Men are less emotional than women”.

It’s all crap. Exactly the same person will tell you that you’re “too emotional”, and then tell you that you’re not emotionally available. And when you are treated unjustly, the same people who say “men are less emotional” will attempt to tell you you’re reaction is unjustified.

When a man emotionally snaps and goes on a violent rampage, I am not surprised. And then what happens? They say “oh he’s just crazy”. But he’s not “crazy”. He’s f~~~ing P~~~ED OFF.

Men are NOT “less emotional than women”. Men wrote the greatest love stories, symphonies, Operas, films, love songs, and lyrics. And when men are justifiably angry, you’re often met with blank stares and confusion. You’re gonna get a HELL of a more extreme reaction from really p~~~ed off man. And when a man cries, it’s because something is REALLY wrong. He’s not just being moody.

“You’re just bitter”.

Note the use of the word “JUST”. “You’re JUST bitter” – implying reacting bitterly is something a man is not permitted to be, while the expression “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned” gives women free license to behave like a violent bitch without consequences.

F~~~ that. Anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice – just like laughing is a legitimate emotion in the face of something funny (or very true). Laughing is OK. But as a man you’re not allowed to be ANGRY? An emotional reaction is an emotional reaction. But when you’re a man, and that emotion is anger, you’ll be told you’re “reacting emotionally”. I call bulls~~~ every time.

When I’m justifiably angry an someone says “you’re just bitter” or “stop being so emotional”….. I tell them “anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice”, and they shut the f~~~ up on the spot.

Anonymous wrote:

I fail to see clearly what is positive or negative…

THE NEGATIVE — >> is making emotionally-based decisions.

• You don’t sign a lease on a dare.
• You don’t sell a stock just because it dropped 10%
• You don’t race some asshole just because he calls you “chicken”.
• And definitely don’t sign a marriage contract because it “feels like you’re in love”.

All bad emotionally-based decisions.
Emotionally-based decisions are BAD for you.

But there is nothing wrong with “being emotional”.
Anyone who tells you otherwise needs to be corrected.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 3]

Keymaster wrote:

THE NEGATIVE — >> is making emotionally-based decisions.

• You don’t sign a lease on a dare.
• You don’t sell a stock just because it dropped 10%
• You don’t race some asshole just because he calls you “chicken”.
• And definitely don’t sign a marriage contract because it “feels like you’re in love”.

All bad emotionally-based decisions.
Emotionally-based decisions are BAD for you.

But there is nothing wrong with “being emotional”.
Anyone who tells you otherwise needs to be corrected.

Keymaster, you are the MAN. Your response has also been my experience with women: they will say whatever is necessary to controll you at one particular time. Consistency or decency have no place in this game.

Obviously we have emotions. Obviously we are emotional creatures, and in some ways a lot more than women that can be f*** blocks of ice.
A man does not base his decisions on what he “feels at that time”, but rather in a larger picture. And our emotions do play a part here. If it was a logical decision-making process only, then women would be in trouble.
So, that is my question. Should we ignore emotions even in a “big picture” kind of way? Translating this: what is the requirement for self-sacrifice?

[Anonymous 54]

Emotions are a barometer.Give them there due,but use logic to over ride them.Individuals are different,some more emotional than others. Give up the idea of shareing them with a woman. KM gave great exzamples why.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Anonymous wrote:

Should we ignore emotions even in a “big picture” kind of way?

Once we understand it that all attempts to shame you for “being emotional” are bulls~~~ ( and you make an effort to steer away from emotionally-based decisions )…… it is still wise to not always reveal what you’re thinking (or feeling).

All the world is a stage. Right? It’s a performance. And the number one mark of professional performer is being a master at covering up your mistakes.

Mastering your emotions is a skill like any other. It’s a SKILL. There are times when it’s unwise to lose your s~~~. There are also times when it’s totally appropriate. You decide when, and where, and why. Nobody else does.

When being professional, your “feelings” don’t get in the way of business, and you remind yourself not to make emotionally-based decisions. That’s the key. So you have to train yourself to know the difference between an “emotional reaction” and an “emotionally based decision”.

GET MAD if you think it’s right. It’s OK.

Just don’t walk into a crowded movie theatre waving a gun.
That would be a very bad emotionally-based decision.

Alternatively, sometimes when you’re angry, confused or unsure…. a SMILE is often the best reaction — no matter how genuinely p~~~ed off you might be. When someone tells you something you don’t like, it’s often best not to react AT ALL, and never let them know what you’re feeling or thinking — leaving them wondering “why doesn’t that bother him?”. Just as often, people will WANT (and expect) you to react emotionally. So mastering your emotions is a skill.

All the world is a stage.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 3]

Keymaster wrote:

Mastering your emotions is a skill like any other. It’s a SKILL. There are times when it’s unwise to lose your s~~~. There are also times when it’s totally appropriate. You decide when, and where, and why. Nobody else does.

Again you get to the point. I knew that a real man is one that controls his emotions. I missed the concept that we can use them.

However I would like to address one last point. Forget everybody else, every woman and any other man. Just for ourselves: what is the value of our emotions?
It is said in Zen that people derive reality from their feelings. Personally I have learned to change my emotional framework just by adjusting my thinking. I can produce emotions, I just have to conjure the appropriate thoughts or images.
So, if I can fake emotions, how real are they? How can I base anything on them?

P.S.- just to clarify my question. Let us say that a situation would warrant an emotional outburst of anger. I feel no anger, yet I know I should feel it or it would be advantageous to show it. Would it be a break of integrity to fake it? And let us think the opposite: if I am angry yet rationally I know I shouldn’t, should I dismiss my anger or embrace it,even if I do not act on it?
I am not talking of social or life strategy, I am talking of inner truth and integrity to ourselves.

[Author]

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