Prioritise wellbeing – a cautionary tale about stress

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Hello Gentleman,

I have not posted on MGTOW.com for about 2 and half months as I was busy with moving location and I did not until last week have internet for my PC at my new location. It is good to be here again. A MGTOW shout out to you all.

I received great advice from fellow MGTOW on one of my posts 2 and half months ago. I was seeking advice ‘on how to deal with a narcisistic mother?’ as I was moving location close to my parents house. I thank you all again for that great advice.

I hesitate to post this though as I do not have a success story to tell – this story of ill health may sound ridiculous to some as writing it down it sounds ridiculous to me – yet it happened. In hindsight I made the wrong decision to move here (I moved into the house as my tenants moved out) – I should have stayed far away. I incorrectly thought I would be okay as I had such a high level of wellbeing before I moved and I felt I should move into the house as I had to do repairs on the house anyway.

In hindsight the question I should have focused on is WHETHER OR NOT I should EVEN CONSIDER making the location move close to the narc. Before I moved I was happy, healthy, calm, and mentally strong and secure in MGTOW life – 3 months of being regularly on this great site had a LOT to do with achieving MGTOW wellbeing. Now 2 months after the move I am sorry to say it has been a disaster and my wellbeing mentally and physically has detiorated very very badly. It appears I did not deal with the situation correctly or that I have simply been unable to deal with it.

I should have interpreted the advice to ‘GO NO CONTACT’, ‘WALK AWAY’ from the narcisist as ‘DO NOT MOVE CLOSE TO HER’. I feel foolish that I made this mistake of moving back here. I know many people would have been able to handle this situation, but I was not (or must still learn how to). I should have stayed far away.

The first month was okayish as my storage tank of wellbeing was full – but as time passed my health unexpectedly spiralled downward very badly. I must acknowledge there has been/is something in me that simply finds it very difficult to handle the stress/anxiety of being here in the general vicinity/area of this narcisist. The phrase out of sight out of mind is true for me. The trauma/memory of many years of verbal abuse (that was best left behind) has been triggered by being back here and has left me in constant fight or flight mode (constant high alert) and I could not relax being back here in this area. I avoided this person as much as possible – but as I mentioned before it was inevitable there was going to be some interaction as the houses are so close – I attended family events and assisted my father with things and the underhand verbal criticism/control tactics were of course present again when the narc was around, which triggered something inside me – perhaps a legacy of unexpressed anger – narcissists are experts at this – it is often counter productive to engage with them in verbal arguments as this is what they want. Even when im avoiding this person I have tension as this house is close to my parents place. I had learned over the years to detach myself from all this when living far way and if visiting my father I could put up with her for a bit knowing I would be gone again soon – but living here means I no longer have that feeling/escape route.

Its hard to believe but in fact I have become extremely extremely ill and unwell and I now have a debilitating health condition. I have no doubt this condition has been caused by severe stress. I will not provide details of this as I do not want to dox the situation – but part of the problem is I am constantly exhausted/lacking energy. This state of exhaustion, illness, stress and narc situation led to a state of extreme anxiety. I am shocked that I have gone from very good health to very very poor health in such a short space of time and I have no energy to do anything at all – I cannot work. I feel devastated by this change.

What makes is so much worse is that I spent many years trying to heal myself into a position of self confidence away from this narc and I over the past 3 years or so I felt I finally was quite well and had improved self confidence as a MGTOW – but now I have lost health. Plus I am so ill/unwell and tired I do not currently have the energy/calm to deal with this person if I need to.

I know this all may sound ridiculous to some as I am mature man who has had a successful career, yet from a position of good health I somehow after moving:
1. became nervous, ill and tired
2. As a result of this illness and the situation I started suffering from anxiety, dysfunction, panic attacks, and lack of self confidence
3. The stress of not being able to defend myself from the narc made me feel worse and the narc used my vulnerability as an opportunity to insult.
4. Pharmaceutical medication made me feel even worse and groggy during the day.
5. I hope I am starting to recover a little. I have started taking herbal medicine as opposed to pharmaceuticals. I think the value of MGTOW life, friends, positive thinking, spiritual life, independence and focusing on personal goals is important.

I realise there is something in me I need to fix / heal / strengthen. Logically I realise I shouldn’t have become ill like this. Friends from my spiritual life are helping me to rebuild my self esteem, self confidence and sense of independence. I have also to face the fact that I must learn to relax and learn to be capable of dealing with this situation internally or either will have to move location again, which I think I SHOULD DO ANYWAY when I can. I have to learn to detach myself so that it makes no difference if this person is 10 feet away or 1000 miles away.

I have learned that a good thing to do is not even think about/or focus thoughts on the narc or the illness – but to continue to focus on your own projects and goals regardless. Your focus determines your reality – focusing on the narc drains your energy. I am doing a mental exercise also that a counsellor taught me to reframe the past and create a new better story in my mind and this helps to reprogram the brain that everything is okay. Logically, there is no need to be affected by the past or anything anyone has said or done in the past, yet I was affected.

I hesitated to post this as I know all this ill health simply from stress may sound ridiculous to some. I am as shocked as anyone that I fell into this state of ill health simply from stress. I did not expect it.

I want to regain my health and the MGTOW NO F~~~S GIVEN attitude I was developing before and am grateful for the resource of MGTOW wisdom on this great website.

All for now and stay healthy
Christopher

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Anonymous 18]

I think courage is overstated as acts of outward change.

Your mind, body, and proverbial soul is screaming to get out – and despite what pressures/shaming language you might be subjected to – it is an act of courage to do what is best for you.

Being selfish is for men with courage.

C~~~s and weak men are selfless because they lean on mercy of others for their wellbeing.

Take charge of your situation and start living.

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Anonymous wrote:

I think courage is overstated as acts of outward change.
Your mind, body, and proverbial soul is screaming to get out – and despite what pressures/shaming language you might be subjected to – it is an act of courage to do what is best for you.
Being selfish is for men with courage.
C~~~s and weak men are selfless because they lean on mercy of others for their wellbeing.
Take charge of your situation and start living.

Thank you very much indeed for this Ghân-buri-Ghân. I like this ‘Being selfish is for men with courage’. I know you are right. It is time to heal myself.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[It’sallbsParticipant]

Stress kills people. I have worked in many ultra high pressure sales jobs and have seen people who always hit or beat targets suddenly just break down, many are alcoholics or drug abusers and some end up with bad clinical depression.

I’m a tough fcuker but it nearly killed even uncle It’sallbs.

http://www.leavemeansleave.eu

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

It’sallbs wrote:

Stress kills people. I have worked in many ultra high pressure sales jobs and have seen people who always hit or beat targets suddenly just break down, many are alcoholics or drug abusers and some end up with bad clinical depression.

I’m a tough fcuker but it nearly killed even uncle It’sallbs.

Hey there it’sallbs. Good to see the familiar names logged on here. Yep you are right. I have never experienced anything as bad as this before in my life. Health is your wealth as the saying goes. I feel a bit better just posting on here again.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[RomulusParticipant 4667]

This may be of help to you:

NLP Life Change Pattern – VK Disassocaition.

http://www.nlpskills.com/blog/uses-of-disassociation-and-disossociation/

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

I equate a narcissist with a fire. In order for a fire to burn you need three things: heat, fuel and oxygen. It’s called the fire triangle and all firefighting methods are some combination of taking away one or more legs from the fire triangle.

With a narcissist, they are the heat source, nothing you can do about that. The fuel is the past, your personality, anything that can be lit on fire and get you to respond. The oxygen is the amount of attention you currently give to the heat. So, two things. Stop giving her fuel and stop giving her oxygen.

I know it sounds easy and I know it isn’t. But you have to learn to take a step back and analyze her behavior and see it for what it is. What fuel is she currently trying to start on fire? And then deny her the oxygen. Don’t respond, walk away, stare off into space. But don’t give in. Because as soon as you respond, she has the fire lit.

Look at it as a final test. Maybe she was put in your life just to teach you this lesson. That you have to put yourself first. And it’s ok to tell someone to f~~~ off if needed, even your mom.

Good luck.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 13]

Stress is a silent killer.

It’s REAL.

Some are affected more by stress than others.

If you’re stressed then you’re going to go down hill.

Narcissistic people, negative people and c~~~s all have nasty low frequency vibrations.

They interact with your higher frequency energies and pull them down to theirs.

They literally feed off you.

Get away at all costs.

Feel better soon.

[Anonymous 14]

Very true Matrix.

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Thank you very much for this Romulus. I must start to apply such techniques effectively to myself. Cheers.

Thanks very much for this TaxGuy. All makes good sense. Yes maybe its a final test to teach me this lesson. Cheers.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Anonymous wrote:

Stress is a silent killer.
It’s REAL.
Some are affected more by stress than others.
If you’re stressed then you’re going to go down hill.
Narcissistic people, negative people and c~~~s all have nasty low frequency vibrations.
They interact with your higher frequency energies and pull them down to theirs.
They literally feed off you.
Get away at all costs.
Feel better soon.

Thanks very much for that Matrix ! You hit the nail on the head. I wrote in my notebook a few days ago that I needed to regain my higher frequency energy. This dissipates when a person like me is not focused enough on their own wellbeing and is too empathic to family or those around him. Yes I think you are right I must get away from all this so its not even on my radar. Thank you.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Anonymous 1]

Welcome back brother I was wondering what happened to you.

[hmskl’dParticipant 6406]

The late Dr. Wayne W. Dyer has some very good material .. especially topics concerning stress. wb.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

One of the things I’ve learned during my MGTOW journey so far is that above everything else there are two things, two things only. They are HEALTH and STABILITY. I’ve wanted many times to move from my shoebox-apartment but reminded myself that lack of space is nothing compared to lack of peace. I hope you find a positive solution soon Christopher. Thanks for sharing and welcome back.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[ShineParticipant 1696]

I was down and out a few years back, completely being consumed by a combination of stress, depression, anxiety, blue pill bullies and a whole bunch of other s~~~ I was dealing with. It was a slow build up over years and it hit hard when it boiled over to a certain level.

Now I’m doing great through a combination of support from other mgtow, and knowing that I’m not alone as a sometimes loner, getting some breathing space from the stress and small victories along the way, and finally I significantly improved my health through strenuous physical training and put on some decent muscle mass which also helped feel good about myself.

I guess what I’m saying is, stress got to me, I got out of it, brothers are here to help. If anyone ever needs a voice to bounce ideas, vent or just a g’day how’s ya day, fire me a private message, have time will chat.

Another thing I have changed recently is sleeping to meditation music, I find it is a good way to drift off. Small changes, but always think of the big picture and where you want to be. Small goals, keep busy.

"Society is to blame" Denton

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Anonymous wrote:

Welcome back brother I was wondering what happened to you.

Hey thanks Kowalski ! Good to see your avatar. Time to watch the Vanishing Point movie again.

hmskl’d wrote:

The late Dr. Wayne W. Dyer has some very good material .. especially topics concerning stress. wb.

Thanks indeed for that hmskl’d. I have his book ‘Change your thoughts change your life’ which I used to read regularly years ago. I should have applied this concept properly after all this time. I will open it again. Cheers.

Point Of No Return wrote:

One of the things I’ve learned during my MGTOW journey so far is that above everything else there are two things, two things only. They are HEALTH and STABILITY. I’ve wanted many times to move from my shoebox-apartment but reminded myself that lack of space is nothing compared to lack of peace. I hope you find a positive solution soon Christopher. Thanks for sharing and welcome back.

Thanks very much indeed Point of no Return. You also have summed it up very nicely. I should have stayed where I was before as I had HEALTH and STABILITY and peace there, despite the fact that it also lacked space and location was not ideal. I should have retained that accomodation (at least until I had someplace else that worked for me).

Shine wrote:

I guess what I’m saying is, stress got to me, I got out of it, brothers are here to help. If anyone ever needs a voice to bounce ideas, vent or just a g’day how’s ya day, fire me a private message, have time will chat.
Another thing I have changed recently is sleeping to meditation music, I find it is a good way to drift off. Small changes, but always think of the big picture and where you want to be. Small goals, keep busy.

Thanks very much indeed for your words Shin. Good to hear you got out of it and are doing great. Thanks for the PM suggestion – likewise if anyone feels like firing me a brief message I will appreciate it. I will try the meditation music you suggest as getting to sleep naturally has become a huge problem for me. Yes small steps toward goals keeping busy sounds good. Cheers.

Once again this site is great thanks to you all. Time to improve things, focus and have a healthy MGTOW day. No F~~~S Given.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[ShineParticipant 1696]

Here’s my goto for sleep music, I find it really helps me zone out.

https://www.youtube.com/user/numeditationmusic

I’d recommend everything except the binaural beats, so far they don’t agree with me. Some of the shaman chanting can be a bit full on too.

I also listen to alot of classical music thanks mostly to some of the gents posting here, esp pistol pete, it’s nice to reprogram the mind without all the commercial music, plus in a busy city makes for keeping calm driving in traffic.

Cheers

"Society is to blame" Denton

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Shine wrote:

Here’s my goto for sleep music, I find it really helps me zone out.
https://www.youtube.com/user/numeditationmusic
I’d recommend everything except the binaural beats, so far they don’t agree with me. Some of the shaman chanting can be a bit full on too.
I also listen to alot of classical music thanks mostly to some of the gents posting here, esp pistol pete, it’s nice to reprogram the mind without all the commercial music, plus in a busy city makes for keeping calm driving in traffic.

Cheers again Shin. I am going to play some meditation music at low volume tonight. Yep I was never much into commercial music – these times I generally play relaxing calming music.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[ReclusParticipant 96]

Hello Christopher. I have experience of living in a smallish community and dealing with toxic narcissists. You need to cordon your narcissist off from you as much as possible. Any unacceptable behaviour requires you either just get up and leave or you offer a firm no-bulls~~~ riposte – your choice, depending on what you are up to and what you feel the circumstances demand. I have used both options in the past and it is always a judgement call to be made by the individual on the ground.

Check out Richard Grannon’s videos about how to deal with narcissists. Here are 2 to start with:

This guy has a pile of helpful videos on-line – watching one a day is very therapeutic.

[ReclusParticipant 96]

For some reason the links didn’t show. Here they are again:

[Author]

Posts