Parental relationships

[JollyMisanthropeParticipant 3356]

I was going to add this to OldAtHeart’s thread about cutting off contact with his mother but I figured it got off tangent enough that it was better off being put in a dedicated thread.

I’ve felt the desire to avoid my mother for the most part from time to time in recent years but my relationship with my parents and my mother in general were never all that bad when you look at the big picture. I was given a lot of independence as a kid, she wasn’t domineering or overprotective and didn’t try to rule the roost and give my dad s~~~. Though she took me to church at a young age she eventually realized I wasn’t interested and didn’t make a big deal about it. She isn’t a holy roller or anything, it’s personal for her and she stopped going to church because she saw most of the members as a bunch of hypocritical scumbags that were only their to socialize and go through the motions during services. It’s a personal thing for her and she doesn’t bring it up to anyone and has never tried to preach at anyone. My dad has no interest in religion whatsoever though he’s read a few books on Buddhism and other eastern philosophies as well as some stuff dealing with American Indian traditions but it was more academic than anything. The only thing he ever brings up is one of the noble truths that life is difficult/suffering.

My mom mentions from time to time about how young women behave these days and how it would be considered disgraceful to say the least if it happened when she grew up. She pretty much is disgusted by liberal politics and is semi-intelligent but of course logical thought processes are not her strong suit and she’s easily frustrated when her arguments are dissected and proven wrong, as if she’s being picked on when that’s not the case. My dad, who is a retired engineer, and I pretty much destroy her when it comes to debates but it’s all in good fun. So from a political/philosophical viewpoint she has no interest in modern day feminism but still supports when women got the right to vote, etc. Again it’s not something she brings up all the time and in conversation she doesn’t really get all that upset if I argue some “misogynistic” viewpoints from time to time.

My dad, as I mentioned above, is a retired engineer with a degree in chemical engineering but ended up retiring as a hazardous waste manager at a big international company. I’d say he hovers right at the border of red pill/blue pill because even though I love my parents I am not sure how he was able to stay with my mom for so long as she has gotten worse with age. I think part of it is from his upbringing as his dad died when he was like 15-16 and his mother was a drunk who cheated on his dad when he was away. He worked on fishing ships up in Alaska and so was gone for months at a time. His first marriage was when he was in college and he had two male kids who are my half brothers with this c~~~ who cheated on him and then divorced and took the kids out of state. This was when he was like 21 so he got to taste the bitter pill at an early age. He didn’t marry my mother until he was 35. When it comes to money he is very frugal and never let my mom freely spend his money but basically gave her an allowance, mainly to buy groceries and other household necessities, so from that point of view he was definitely Alpha. I wasn’t spoiled but being essentially an only child as my half brothers, whom I’m not really close to, only visited during the summer I got more stuff than some kids. But again my dad wasn’t going to p~~~ away money on things just because I wanted them, which unfortunately didn’t get ingrained in my head as I’m not very smart when it comes to financial matters. Thankfully my needs are pretty basic and I don’t have to have the latest and greatest of everything.

Even given all that I just find that she tends to annoy the hell out of me more these days, as she has an issue with nagging and guilt tripping for petty stuff and expects me to be some kind of go between for her and my dad if she can’t communicate her point directly. I gave her the business about this and nipped it in the bud with some pretty angry words. Thankfully she knocked it off. I got enough emotional stuff to deal with in every day life I don’t need to be a mediator between a married couple. I think she’s realizing more and more her mortality and it isn’t having a very positive effect on her outlook. She’s more bitchy towards my dad seems to want to argue about most things and uses the typical “well I guess it’s all my fault” whenever she is in a situation where she’s accountable, though sometimes she’s in the right. I just get that irksome feeling where I don’t want to be in the same room with her after awhile, maybe it’s some latent s~~~ from childhood that is now coming to the surface. One thing is for certain my mother and I know how to push each other’s buttons and sometimes I think she does it to get under my skin.

I pretty much visit my parents so I can hang with my dad and shoot the s~~~ as we click on an intellectual level and given he had to work long hours when he was putting food on the table I didn’t get to spend as much time with him as I could have, part of it being I was kind of a jackass like most adolescents/teenagers are and didn’t have a lot in common when it came to hobbies and what not. Nothing unusual but it’s like making up for lost time and getting more wisdom from a man who is in his late 60’s and has gone through a lot of s~~~. My mother bitches because I don’t spend as much time with her and puts the guilt trip on me, asking  why I even bother coming over. It’s at the point where I just don’t want to socialize with her at all, not because I hate her or resent her, I just find myself having less in common and not really wanting to put up with her old age crankiness. I literally get those anxiety panic/attack type feelings when I’m around her alone for any length of time, and given that it’s manifesting physically I think it’s good for my health to stay away.

Guess this could have been an intro. as well, lmfao, but that’s some of my life story in a nutshell. I’ve definitely been able to dissect her behavior a lot more since learning more and more about MGTOW and female behavior. It’s been very enlightening to say the least.

The Children of Doom... Doom's Children. They told my lord the way to the Mountain of Power. They told him to throw down his sword and return to the Earth... Ha! Time enough for the Earth in the grave.

[YuriParticipant 185]

It was said before on this forum by i think KeyMaster: We do no get to choose our family and relatives, but we do get to choose who we let into our lives.

I myself cut off my older sister, large parts of my family i no longer contact. I don’t answer their e-mails, i no longer provide free tech support, to be honest i do not even care anymore what goes on in their lives, as they are seperate from mine.

If i could i’d interact with my mother as little as possible, and she is destroying herself over this. She still thinks we are “soulmates” because her Horoscope said so (Ugh), the truth is we got nothing in common other than me being her son. I love her for raising me, providing for me and for unconditionally loving me…but if you have nothing to talk about, nothing to discuss, nothing of interest in common and if you can’t be in the same room together for 5 minutes without feeling strangely uncomfrotable or forced, it’s hardly a relationship worth caresing.

The right man at the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

[JollyMisanthropeParticipant 3356]

That’s pretty much the conclusion I’ve come to. I’m not going out of my way to try and improve things, I just go about my life and try not to think about it much. These days if she gets on my nerves I just tell her straight up that she’s annoying me and not walk on eggshells around her, as they say. If she’s having a hard time coming to grips with her own mortality and all that then that’s her own personal struggle and she needs to come to terms with it. I’m not there to be a crutch to lean on if her motives are purely selfish. I think if my dad didn’t have abandonment issues from childhood he would have probably moved on by now. I hope he doesn’t fall apart when her time on this is earth is over.

As far as my two half-brothers are concerned, that’s probably been the hardest part for me as far as family goes. They are both 10+ years older than I am and we didn’t grow up in the same household like typical siblings, I just saw them during the summer time when my dad had custody of them for those few months. I worshiped the ground they walked on and them visiting for the summer was usually the highlight of my year, even more so if they came over for Xmas. Unfortunately as I got older there wasn’t any real lasting bond that formed between us that might have formed if we had lived together all year around. I think my brothers hold resentment against my dad for being divorced and not being there for them since their step-dad ended up being a complete piece of s~~~. They are under the delusion that their mother is infallible when she was basically a complete back-stabbing c~~~ who should be blamed for re-marrying such a piece of s~~~ to begin with and bringing that kind of destructive element into the household. Of course she was probably only thinking of herself and not her children.

The middle brother I haven’t seen or conversed with in any form whatsoever in over a decade, and the eldest I have barely talked with or seen over that same period of time. The eldest still stays in touch from time to time with my parents, but the other has pretty much cut everyone off, and a big part of this is due to his wife being a manipulative harpy that has exploited his beta-maleness completely. She has poisoned his mind but I still can’t let him off the hook because he has always been trampled under hoof by women and still remains a mangina. He has always been into classic American muscle cars but she won’t let him have one because the neighbors will think they are “white trash”. On the rare occasion he has emailed my dad (I think he hates my mom who actually treated him with kindness unlike his self-serving biological mother) or his wife has emailed for him, and it’s usually just him being a whiny bitch and complaining about how things should have been and that everything was fine until I came into the picture. Sure makes you feel wonderful to know that one of the people you idolized growing up resented your existence because of petty jealousy.

What’s hilarious is the final straw came when my parents visited him and his wife in Hawaii (where he used to live and worked for some Japanese bank like a slave) and my mom really doesn’t have a filter when it comes to expressing her opinions when people say or do stupid s~~~. His wife is acting as entitled as always and has to make her usual demands in regards to whatever plans are being made and my mom basically says “well we wouldn’t want princess to be upset”. The “princess” storms out and my brother, like the little bitch that he is, follows her. That’s the last time my parents have
seen either of them. Even the eldest brother knows what the score is. The eldest brother and his half-brother (son of the guy his mom re-married, so not related) visited the middle brother and the c~~~ wife is so delusional that she thought these three guys would want to sit down and watch re-runs of Regis and Kelly. I f~~~ing kid you not. She thought the show was so hilarious that everyone else would be rolling on the floor. When the oldest brother basically said how f~~~ing lame it was she told her husband to make the other two (his own flesh and blood) leave their house. And he complied. If that isn’t enough to make you puke in your suit I don’t know what is.

I could go on and on about the eldest brother, his two divorces and his inability to not be in a relationship for more than a couple months, but it’s just as nauseating. Let’s just say the first time around he married this Mormon chick (she was a phony, just wanted a social group to belong to and to have a way to be a condescending self righteous c~~~ by using religion as her weapon), had triplets with her, had to deal with her being physically abusive, as well as having to help raise the two children from her previous relationship that were royally f~~~ed up from that disaster of a marriage. She even made him wear that stupid undergarment that has the symbolic holes where Joseph Smith was allegedly shot. It’s some crazy Mormon cultural practice.

And people wonder why I avoid relationships like the plague and have no desire to get married. And this is looooong before I knew what MGTOW was. I’ve seen upfront how f~~~ed up being in a long term relationship with a woman can be.

To para-phrase a line from the excellent HP Lovecraft story Pickman’s Model

“I have looked upon hell and known the meaning of what I saw.”

The Children of Doom... Doom's Children. They told my lord the way to the Mountain of Power. They told him to throw down his sword and return to the Earth... Ha! Time enough for the Earth in the grave.

[YuriParticipant 185]

To chip in a bit more, my relationship with my mother and older sister has been deterioating for some time now. My mom thought it was just teenage hormones taking effect and even thinks that one day i will be the same Yuri i was before. She simply can’t accept the fact that i am fed up with her constant mood swings, emotional states, boring monolouges and endless lessons on how i should live my life. She is the type of woman that if you don’t do everything exactly as she would have done it at that age, she gets mad at you.

I chose a different order and pace at which to deliver official documents that she would have? She gets mad.

I chose a different style in which to search for a job than she did? She gets mad.

I clean the floor differently than she would have? She gets mad.

What more she always makes these annoyed “Sighs.” to bring about her dissatisfaction, a sound that never fails to make me want to punch a baby.

My sister is very much like that, but even more extreme, and i cut her off completely, and yet my mother simply does not get the message.

Regarding your brothers: He who doesn’t want to be helped can’t be helped. Better to leave them be and forget about them.

The right man at the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

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