Online Dating Pocket Translator

[Be Her DaddyParticipant 410]

“I’m quiet when you first meet me however once I become comfortable you will see my goofy side.”

Translation: I am better than you so if you do not exceed my expectations, you must entertain me and expect me to not add anything of value to the conversation while I act like a bitch as you buy me drinks, coffee or dinner on our first and only date.

“I currently live with my sisters who are also my best friends.” (28 years old).

Translation: I have not grown up yet and still live like I am in college. I expect you to own your own place, preferably a house and not a condo. I live 25 minutes from the beach so I expect you to live in Newport Beach. If you do not meet my requirements or my sisters tell me I can do better, then thanks for the free drinks and food. Good luck, you’ll find the right one for you someday…

“I love to travel and am up for adventure however I also like staying home and doing nothing when I have some free time.”

Translation: If you have enough money, status and property/investments for me to stick around, I will expect you to take me on trips within 2 months. Failure to do so will result in me back on this website (haha gotcha, I never stopped meeting guys on here). On the average day, I am mostly just a boring bitch because I don’t have the money to travel if I do not spread my legs.

“I’m a free spirit with a wild heart….”

Translation: I am a huge whore.

“I’m not here to play games, I’m too grown for that. I’m hoping to find a best friend who I can possibly start a healthy relationship with.”

Translation: I will do one or more of the suggestions mentioned in #WasteHisTime2016 but those are just jokes…. If you look like Bradley Cooper, are at least 6’1/225, drive a Mercedes, BMW or Audi, own your home, are established in your career, make 6 figures, take me on multi-thousand dollar trips, and do everything I say, we can open a dialogue about that mythical relationship I was talking about. Good luck.

“I’m also not here to waste your time so please don’t waste mine if you’re not serious about a relationship.”

Translation: I am a lying bitch.

“I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.”

Translation: I wrote my profile while I was on my period.

“Either dancing my butt off at the club or at home cuddling with my pillows watching a documentary. There’s no in between. Lol”

Translation: I am your average run-of-the-mill whore looking for Mr. Rich. That is why I signed up to advertise myself on this website.

“I know I haven’t finished filling all the questions out…”

Translation: And I am not going to. I am so perfect and I have a pussy, so I expect the man to do everything. If you are not creative enough to message a random stranger you know absolutely nothing about, then you’re not good enough for me.

“I have a 7 year old daughter”

Translation: My pussy was ruined at age 20, but I am still better than you and expect my Brad Pitt. My girlfriends tell me I am worth it. I leave my kid with my parents (who I live with) while I go out to the club on weekends with my girlfriends and a few dates a week from suckers like you on this website. I am a responsible person though and my daughter is my life….

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Great topic. Cap would unload great volume of these.

Some of my favorites are:

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“I hate talking about myself”

Manslation: “All I ever do is talk about myself”

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“If you want to know more, just ask.”

Manslation: Lazy.

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“Must love Dogs.”

Manslation: This is the kind of woman who shows more affection to pets – than other people. She would pet and stroke her dog more affectionately while watching TV than a man. I actually saw a man waiting for his girlfriend with his dog. When she approached, she talked to him normally, no smile, no hug, no warmth. … then she looks down at the DOG — SMILES — and starts stroking and petting IT!!! She will happily pick up her dog’s s~~~, but a man’s socks on the floor will trigger her c~~~ button for an entire day.

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“I hate drama.”

Manslation: “I love to create drama even when there doesn’t need to be any”.

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“I’m equally comfortable out on the town in a little black dress as I am curled up on the couch watching TV.”

Manslation: “I breathe air”.

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“I am done with jerks and assholes”

Manslation: Just hit the wall.

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“I hate losers and players.”

Manslation: How do you feel about “winners”?? She would never use that word to describe a man. Every man who was not interested in her is a “loser” or “player”.

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“Let’s see where this goes. “

“What other option is there?”

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“Don’t contact me unless…..”

Manslation: Trying to pretend she’s unattainable.

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“I love my kids. They are the number one thing in my life.”

Manslation: Aren’t they supposed to be? Expecting special recognition for that is like a man saying “I ain’t never been to jail”. You’re not SUPPOSED to go to jail.

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Gosh, I could on….

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[boisdevieParticipant 257]

Cuddly = Obese
Curvy = Obese
Bubbly = Overweight
Loves life = so dim I can’t think of anything genuinely useful to say.
Bottle of wine and DVD = I have no imagination. And I’m alcohol dependent.
I look younger than I am = I’m deluding myself.
Happy go lucky = see ‘Loves life’ (above).
Love to laugh = see ‘Loves life’ (above).
My children are my life = You will always be second best.
Looking for a gentleman = You’ll pay the bills sucker.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

40-ish: 48
Adventurer: Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic: Flat-chested
Average looking: Ugly
Beautiful: Pathological liar
Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin
Educated: College dropout
Emotionally Secure: Medicated
Feminist: Fat; ball buster
Free spirit: Substance user
Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as slut
Full-figured: Fat
Fun: Annoying
Gentle: Comatose
Good Listener: Borderline Autistic
New-Age: All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded: Desperate
Outgoing: Loud
Passionate: Loud
Poet: Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional: Real B*tch
Redhead: Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque: Grossly Fat
Romantic: Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous: Very Fat
Weight proportional to height: Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking
Widow: Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart: Toothless crone

“I like to have fun.” : Likes to run around the bar and get laid.
“I love to laugh.”: She is an idiot.
“I like tattoos and piercings.” : She believes everything she sees on TV as true and listens to the hip hop R&B music.
“I’m a single mom.” : She wants someone to come take care of her and baby, as she is probably on welfare and got knocked up at the bar (she is likely to put into her profile “I like to have fun.”)
“I am looking for someone who is religious.” : She likes alot of sex.
“I love to go to the casino.” : She is broke.
“I’m a nanny.” : She lives with a friend of hers for free and promises to clean up around the house for free rent because she has no job.
“I’m into art.” : Has a webcam to get naked on.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[The Moth Attracted to the FlameParticipant 2982]

Wouldn’t it be great if there was an actual app like this?

[experiencedParticipant]

The hole and I do mean hole, “single women with children” scenario illustrates an equation that’s impossible to solve.
Visualize a computer melting or an “I Robot” destroying itself before allowing it’s male master into a relationship with the “Holland tunnel” with legs.

The ‘primary bond’ is male to female. Man to woman. Husband to wife.

The ‘welcome addition’ to that primary bond is the children.
This bond is Supposed to be secondary in strength to the primary bond.

Now this is where THE LAYDEEZ f~~~ it all up.
They divorce the husband THEREBY DESTROYING THE FUNCTIONING FAMILY UNIT,
and then have the Gall to expect a single man to enter into a relations~~~ with them wherein ‘their’ bond is Lower than hers with her kids not to mention shortly thereafter she can sue him for child support, since the kids have looked to him as a dad figure without even being married to LAYDEE.

Computer meltdown, robot self destruct all = stay the f~~~ away from single moms.

Doesn’t matter if they had C-sections and you could snap off a number two pencil in her T~~~.
It’s like the song white lines, “Don’t do it” cause if you get to close it’s “do it, do it, do it.”

Pocket translation “online dating” = scraping the mucous out of the bottom of an old garbage can with your fingernails. As given by another member here.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[RoyDalParticipant]

“I like walks in the moonlight.”
“I like walks in the rain.”
“I like walks on the beach.”
Manslation: “The only exercise I ever get is dancing in clubs at your expense.”

“I like staying home with a DVD, takeout, and some wine.”
Manslation: “Dinner and a live show at your expense.”

“I have conservative values.”
Manslation: “You pay for our dates and you don’t get laid. I’m getting laid by a drug dealing biker who won’t spring for dates.”

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Silverstone the SecondParticipant]

Keymaster wrote:

“Don’t contact me unless…..”

Translation:

I think I have room to dictate terms even though I’m over weight, have a s~~~ty job, live with my parents, and have 50 grand in debt. But YOU better measure up to MY expectations because clearly I’m perfect.

Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.

[MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To GiveParticipant 6635]

Stupid sluts!

Never lose sight of what brought you here.

[Anonymous 12]

“no hook ups” usually accompanied with nude/semi nude pics = Will hook up if you are hot and/or rich.

“No married men” = It is suggested that if you are married don’t let her know.

[Cap285Participant 6007]

Keymaster wrote:

Great topic. Cap would unload great volume of these.

I think our young apprentice op has a good grasp on it.

And you put up the mega list.

I’ll see if I can add anything off the top of my head.

I don’t like drama.
F~~~ing lie. Women need drama as much as food/oxygen/water.

My kids come first.
Pecking order:
1. Kids
2. iPhone
3. ‘career’
4. Starbucks
5. Her f~~~ing idiot friends
6. Pet
7. You (maybe)

Friends first.
This mostly is said by women my age who are lacking in the looks/body department, but they all say it. Prepare to shell loads of cash on multiple dates for nothing in return and listen to my ceasless prattle until you want to stick ice picks in your ears.

I love to travel.
With your money.

I (insert exercise here).
I am fat and out of shape.

Curves – fat
Full figured – fat
BBW – obese
Body type blank? Stand the f~~~ by….

I’m tired of the bar scene.
Fired off c~~~ carousel at warp 8.

I’m a career woman.
I’m an insufferable ball busting c~~~.

Looking for a man who is:
Motivated – rich
Career driven – rich
Secure in his career – rich
Business oriented – rich
Driven – rich

Good wine!
Add $40 to your dinner bill, chump.

I like all kinds of music.
I like the s~~~ that’s on the radio.

I’m a (insert sports team here) fan.
I’m a f~~~ing idiot who can’t explain icing or off sides but stuffing my t~~~ in a tight shirt with the teams logo and screaming like an idiot at something I don’t understand makes me just as big a fan as you.

More if I think of them.

Fuck this planet.

[LurchParticipant 3866]

Found this gem. Fair warning, the guys get a bit of a ribbing too, but eh… it’s worth it for the second half.

Blue-Pill Virgin: Women hate me! That's what it is.
MGTOW Man: Hate them back; it works for me.

[Won'tGetFooledAgainParticipant 3293]

Just found this comment on the profile of a 35 year old on POF.

“I’m a normal girl, looking for a normal boy.

Had my fair share of fun, looking to settle now.”

Roughly translated = “I spent my 20’s and early 30’s riding the c~~~ carousel and I have now been thrown off for younger girls. I never bothered buying property and I am massively in debt so I need to find a blue pill provider as soon as I can.

I know I left it to the last minute but I am an entitled princess who was led to believe I could have it all and was encouraged to slut it up and have fun in my 20’s and early 30’s. I am actually p~~~ed off it has come to this as I thought a rich Brad Pitt lookalike would have snapped me up by now.

I will tell you that I had to date those bad boys to realise that I actually crave a nice and dependable guy who will provide for me but that is bulls~~~. I seriously expect a guy to pay full retail for this past it’s best pussy that I have given away free to hundreds of men who were complete assholes and treated me like s~~~.

Unfortunately I love getting f~~~ed hard by assholes so expect to be divorce raped by me once the youngest child is at school full time.

For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.

[Anonymous 11]

Here’s a gem from my POF:

“I love my boys and enjoy my time with them my son’s come first! I don’t care who you are”

Cool that you love Chad’s demon spawn, but exactly where would I fit into your life. Slave????

I don’t care who you are either. My chickens appreciate me more.

[God is DeadParticipant 63]

Be Her Daddy wrote:

My girlfriends tell me I am worth it. I leave my kid with my parents (who I live with) while I go out to the club on weekends with my girlfriends and a few dates a week from suckers like you on this website. I am a responsible person though and my daughter is my life….

The sad thing is that I know someone who fits this description to a tee, she seemingly sleeps with just about every guy she comes across (she tried to seduce me too, in front of my best friend who was hooking-up with her at the time, and when I didn’t deliver the goods she latched onto another guy’s dong who happened to be in the room at the same time). She has a daughter, but dumps all of the parenting responsibilities on her mother, as if raising her wasn’t enough of a nightmare. I truly feel for that child, wondering why mommy is never around to give her the love and affection she craves, being introduced to strange new men every night…

Keymaster wrote:

Manslation: This is the kind of woman who shows more affection to pets – than other people. She would pet and stroke her dog more affectionately while watching TV than a man. I actually saw a man waiting for his girlfriend with his dog. When she approached, she talked to him normally, no smile, no hug, no warmth. … then she looks down at the DOG — SMILES — and starts stroking and petting IT!!! She will happily pick up her dog’s s~~~, but a man’s socks on the floor will trigger her c~~~ button for an entire day.

This is the same type of woman who wants her dirty dogs sleeping in bed with her underneath the covers. I have a few coworkers who LOVE my boss’s dogs to death, while actively LOATHING all other animals such as cats because they aren’t loyal and act like pussies (ironic much?); when I told them about how I was interested in owning a low-maintenance pet like an iguana or chameleon they exasperated in horror, telling me how only “creepers” like lizards, because they’re cold-blooded

[LurchParticipant 3866]

God is Dead wrote:

This is the same type of woman who wants her dirty dogs sleeping in bed with her underneath the covers.

That line reminded me of Five Go Mad in Dorset, from the long-running series of The Comic Strip Presents.

Timmy’s wagging tail is seen sticking out of the girls’ tent.
GEORGE: Oh Timmy. You’re so licky!
ANNE: You shouldn’t let him do that George. It’s not hygienic.
GEORGE: We like it, don’t we, Timmy?
TIMMY: Woof!

Blue-Pill Virgin: Women hate me! That's what it is.
MGTOW Man: Hate them back; it works for me.

[Author]

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