Obesity explained scientifically — sortta

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

It is common knowledge that the more you eat the more weight you gain. However, like the common knowledge that the farther you travel is dependent upon the how fast you are going and the time spent, this information is less useful than when it is coded into a formula.

D = r x t Distance is equal to rate of speed multiplied by the time.

Likewise, obesity can be reduced (pun intended) to a formula. First, let me explain. I am located near the University of Arkansas, where the sports teams are known as the Razorbacks (Hogs). I suspect that few or none of you have ever heard of the former legendary hillbilly physicist, Elbert Einswine. I have been privy* (pun intended) to Professor Einswine’s papers, and found that he had discovered the scientific formula for obesity. Here it is:

E = mc2

E = Extra weight (obesity)
m = mass of food
c = calories squared

Sad to report that Professor Enswine died before an IgNobel Prize could be awarded to him for this great achievement and the Nobel Prize committee was too pigheaded to award him their prize while he was alive.

*privy – 1) Sharing in or having knowledge of something private or secret. 2) An outhouse, a latrine.

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