Not sure of emotional tampon or…

[BrujahParticipant 579]

I have a friend whom I’ve known for several years. We met in college. Tried to date but it ended badly as she was emotionally unstable and since it was my first time, I messed up so many levels that everytime I think about it, makes me cringe. (That said though, those same feelings would eventually help me push forward toward MGTOW).

It’s been several years but we still talk on and off… mostly for her to discuss her problems. I used to confide in her alot but over the years I simply had… less to complain about as I improved my way of life and tried being less whiny. I used to tolerate being a listening ear because at the time I still wanted very much to get together but now after going my own way, it’s more of sympathy.

From what I gather, she has a hard time maintaining even friendships as once she gets too close to someone, the emotional dependence becomes too strong and it… scares people away?

It’s mentally tiring to hear her out but old feelings are creeping back nonetheless. The only thing keeping me firm right now from taking things to the next level is pure apathy and reluctance to chase and “play the game”.

I am not entirely sure what her ultimate motives are and I’m wondering if I am in fact, being used as an emotional tampon. I would love to just drop it and GTFO but I kind of pity her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[RhettParticipant 637]

Brujah wrote:

she was emotionally unstable

Usually that’s enough for me but if you need help…Think about the fact that women are incapable of love or compassion… The Florence Nightingale effect, hypergamy and the c~~~ carousel. She’s not worth the time or effort because AWALT.

Single guys come home, look at what’s in the fridge, and go to bed. Married guys come home, look at what’s in bed, and go to the fridge.......But the best representative of MGTOW is…………… an empty chair,.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Brujah wrote:

but I kind of pity her.

Abandon that pity and embrace schadenfreude.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Brujah wrote:

I messed up so many levels

Careful what you blame yourself for. A man will do what a woman said she wanted, and when she leaves (or loses interest) he thinks HE “messed up” and blames himself for s~~~ where he did nothing wrong. Time to take a load off and dump that baggage at the door.

Brujah wrote:

I am not entirely sure what her ultimate motives are

Who cares. They don’t matter.

If you’re not banging her, she doesn’t exist. Yes that’s a very direct over simplification, but eventually you will arrive at that place anyway.

Brujah wrote:

I’m wondering if I am in fact, being used as an emotional tampon. I would love to just drop it and GTFO but I kind of pity her.

This is the sweet spot for men. This is when you FINALLY get to not give a s~~~. ENJOY IT! Revel in it. Sit back and watch your phone explode with 200 texts an hour and make yourselves scarce.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

Emotionally dependent. I’ve always been wary of women like that. You want them to be a friend or maybe even a girlfriend but they want you to be their whole world. Then it’s up to you to fulfill all her social needs; boyfriend, best friend, mentor, etc. God forbid if you want to hang with your friends. That’s a betrayal in her eyes. “You’re my whole world. Why aren’t I yours?” It’s a recipe for disaster and they can’t even see why.

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[RoyDalParticipant]

When I got tempted to date [past tense deliberate] someone whom I suspected was yet another crazy, I reviewed in my mind the scissors stabbing scene in Play Misty for Me and the bunny boiling scene in Fatal Attraction. After that, I reviewed my times with the crazies I have known. None of them were homicidal and that’s pure good luck for me. It could have been otherwise.

This cured me 100% of my temporary urge to get laid. The price is too high, the risk too great.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22522]

Being used like an emotional tampon is like dealing with co-dependent person without the kindness. And I have found that members of both genders have tried to do this to me. I told them never to speak to me again.

[BrujahParticipant 579]

Thank you all for the response. I think I know what needs to be done. It’s a leaky faucet that needs fixing but I’m still fumbling to find a good roll of duct tape.

I would like to think I’ve done adequately enough to go my own way. Maintained or severed certain relationships, being financially independent etc… I still have loose ends to tie up.

@rhett What bothered me is that she used to “carry” emotional baggage of others like it was some sort of higher calling. I kind of get the feeling she may be expecting the same thing out of me. As for the Nightingale effect, I suppose it gets a little complicated since I used to fancy her. I don’t feel as strongly anymore. Even more so after going my own way but the last strings apparently hasn’t been cut yet.

@roydal, I’m no longer head over heels for her. I’m most certainly put off by any notion of repeating the same mistakes of overspending and exhausting my resources for female validation.

@keymaster, it’s great to be on the other end. To not be the one to text everyday. Call everyday. To always be on the ready to receive the next orders. It’s an incredible feeling to be free of the need for validation.

It certainly isn’t my business how she runs her life and since it’s no longer a give-take relationship, I could just f~~~ right off but I still feel like I need to drop the bomb as lightly as possible.

God damn it.

[ShrikeParticipant 5]

Sounds like you’ve got an emotional vampire on your hands. She probably does the same thing to everyone in her life. If you already have a suspicion you’re being used and the occasional calls are already tiring mentally I think you already know what you have to do.

[RockmaninoffParticipant 1641]

This is easily solvable. Ask yourself one question:

What do YOU want to do? Or: Do you get anything of value out of this relationship?

When you have the answer, just do that thing. No one hear can speak for whether or not this relationship is satisfying you.

". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Brujah wrote:

I suppose it gets a little complicated since I used to fancy her. I don’t feel as strongly anymore. Even more so after going my own way but the last strings apparently hasn’t been cut yet.

Brujah wrote:

I still feel like I need to drop the bomb as lightly as possible.

Don’t “drop the bomb”. Just walk away. If you try to make it “easy” you’ll only make things worse. If you lie to her and tell her you’re interested in or seeing someone else, you’ll only encourage her to bother you more.

Just walk away.

Trust me, in ten years (or more like five these days – the wall is hitting them younger and younger) she’ll contact you again. When that happens, take a good long look at her. You’ll see then the giant, massive bullet you are dodging today.

Just walk away.

[BrujahParticipant 579]

@sidecar, dear lord, I was hoping it wouldn’t reach this level but she called crying last night about the added stress she had to endure. I was a complete loss for words and could only tell her to calm down, take a shower and call me when I’m not sleeping.

Damn it damn it. I was afraid it would come to this. Anyways, I’m not looking for sympathy. Just venting is all.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Brujah wrote:

I was hoping it wouldn’t reach this level but she called crying last night about the added stress she had to endure.

Just walk away.

You aren’t doing yourself any favors being her eternal sad sack pillow to sob into. There are only so many precious seconds of your life and you are p~~~ing them away on a woman who is of absolutely no benefit to you whatsoever and doesn’t appreciate you regardless.

And you’re not doing her any favors either. She’ll never become a strong independent woman if you’re always there supporting her being her emotional crutch.

Just walk away.

[BrujahParticipant 579]

Holy f~~~ing s~~~. Don’t mean to resurrect an old thread but I need to vent a little.

I don’t know how or why I let this c~~~ made me feel like an absolute worthless piece of trash. Calls have been getting less frequent after I turned down a request to hang out. Everytime she does though, it can easily last almost 2 hours of just nothing but pure vent. I just listened… Then she comments saying why I no longer share with her as much as I do about myself. Got me guard down good.

So I let a little slip and holy f~~~, proceeds to turn around and say she’s not ready to take in any deep topics and then ends it with a “lol”. I ended up thinking the whole day and second guessed all my decisions. Managed to set it straight when a good buddy of mine slapped me back into rationality.

Stupid stupid stupid. I can’t believe I let it happen. Just when the red pill rage was simmering, here it goes back up to a full boil again.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

And now you know why you should have walked away.

So start walking now.

[Sam FisherParticipant 206]

Emotional instability, intense formation of relationships, along with an inability to maintain said relationships…

Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder.

Run, just f~~~ing run.

Fake your death, close your Facebook, tell her you’re gay, just do something that will get her off of your back. Please.

[foghornleghornParticipant 3449]

There are some lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Like the child who is told repeatedly not to touch the hot stove or you will burn yourself will keep playing until he/she gets burned. Then wisdom dawns.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

I saw this thread the first time around and didn’t say anything because it was so well handled that first time.

Ghost, stealth, go Galt; those are the easy ways.

If you are feeling vengeful, and this will cost you in increased interaction, tell her that men gauge the validity of a relationship on sexual energy. Since she rebuffed you when she was hot enough to warrant attention why does she feel that you are going to just take in whatever problems she’s having when you are no longer interested.

You’ll see the hamster spin it’s wheel until it’s poor heart explodes. Unfortunately you may also hear about her suicide, but it’s all in fun right?!?

Let me set it straight. Yes, you were her emotional tampon. She’s mentally and emotionally defective. Let her go. She’s an “adult”, as much as she can ever be. Don’t add to whatever BS she’s going through by being as flaky as a chick.

Either disappear or let her know that you think she’s taking too much on, but you can’t handle all of the drama. Done! This is too much effort for somebody that you once wanted to get with.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[bigboy83Participant 11312]

When a woman, got you thinking, “I blame myself,” you know she did something f~~~ed up to you.

Shit Tested, Cunt Approved.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

You can always give her the:

“Listen, i wish you the best, but i just don’t have time for this right now. Other things in my life take priority. Take care.” Click.

Honest & to the point. What’s she going to do, stab you? Bonus points come in the form of all the txt messages that she’ll send you, saying what an asshole you are, how selfish you are, etc. etc., because you’re not giving her FREE time to listen to her bitch about her problems. WTF?! Remember, 2 hrs * working a $10/hr job is $20 that you’re losing out on by listening to her complain. What are you getting out of these bitch sessions?

Brujah wrote:

Stupid stupid stupid. I can’t believe I let it happen. Just when the red pill rage was simmering, here it goes back up to a full boil again.

Don’t beat yourself up too much man. The process of self-improvement is hard, and full of traps & pitfalls. Plenty of opportunities for mistakes. The important part is identifying your mistake, forgiving yourself, & learning from it.

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