No one is YOU

[GeraldParticipant 3620]

That title is a bit cryptic or grammatically incorrect, but here goes…

So I am struggling to learn, and always have struggled with, the fact that no one else is me. Let me illustrate with two examples:

I just finished interviewing a candidate for a position I have on my team. The candidate is younger, seems to be interested, has some technical ability, but isn’t hungry. He isn’t a younger version of me. Thus I immediately became less interested in hiring him. Is he hungry (meaning does he have the drive to do the job and excel at it)? Probably. Is he determined (yes, differently than I am, and admittedly maybe not so much)? Yes, he is, but perhaps at a different level than I am. As a boss, I have to learn that not everyone thinks or acts as I do, nor do they have the same drivers I do. They are not me.

In a relationship, the other person is there for their own reasons. They have different goals, needs and desires. My wife for example wanted to be kept, romanced constantly and sexed up like a whore. That isn’t what I needed or wanted. She is not me.

I can hold others to a standard, but perhaps not the same standard I hold myself to. I am learning this as a parent again as my daughter fails at something I succeeded at. She isn’t built as I am mentally, and can’t handle what I feel is simple. This is a learning curve I have to get past and deal with, as I am frustrated she can’t get past this thing. I can’t hold others to the need I have to learn and grow, I can’t hold others to the fact that changes in me are now being welcomed, and I can’t expect them to understand when I deal with things with little disturbance (meaning remaining stoic in the face of burdens).

I say all of this to remind me and us, that new members are not US, they are not YOU… they are not ME. They may have similar back stories, they may have been through similar things… but they are not US. They will grow and develop at different paces through their red pill journey, they will have different experiences and may have different takes on everything as well. Try to remember that, try to help them see the light, but remember, their light may be different than yours. That is going your own way. I can’t ask you to go MY way, to go OUR way or any way. The way is up to you.

I will try to remember that going forward and continue to go my own way… as my journey continues.

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[AllenParticipant 146]

Well said. You can never know another person the way you know yourself and vice versa. You seek common ground with others and work with it as long as it’s beneficial to everyone involved, and go your own way when that ground differs. True in every aspect of life.

Woman - I picture a man, then take away reason and accountability. - Melvin Udall

[GregB0Participant]

Gerald wrote:

I can hold others to a standard, but perhaps not the same standard I hold myself to.

Absolutely right. The thought that “we surround ourselves by those we feel most comfortable with” is a direct reference to your post. We like comfort, don’t like change and as we age, it becomes harder to appreciate different things that come our way in life.

Hopefully others will reflect on this post and it’s points. Thanks for sharing.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

I think we often can get “hung up” on the differences between each other, and project our “expectations” onto others, and that can become frustrating when they can’t live up to them, or they choose not to.

I have let go a lot of this type of thinking as I have gotten older. I don’t need to know “why” they can’t do this, or are not doing this, that, or the other thing etc.

Personally, I just don’t really care anymore.

I just let other people be who they are, and focus on LETTING me be myself. If that makes any sense ?

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[StealthParticipant 5330]

This is a critical realization, and often onsets surprisingly late in life considering how simple it seems.

It’s the difference between the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” and the Platinum Rule, “Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.”

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

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