Hi all,
I’m 34, born in France and moved to western Canada 8 years ago.
I was (and still am, I guess) a well-mannered raised boy from a middle-class family, and was taught to be nice and respectful to all women. You’ve for sure heard of French chivalry, and I am indeed a fine representative of it…
Anyways, I met that girl in 2004 and it was the so-called love at first sight, for me at least (for herself, she phrased it later as me being “the kind of guy she thought she would never be able to date”). Got married and moved to Canada 3 years later, had two daughters now 5 and 3. Time before wedding was amazing, I was there to fulfill all her needs and I thought I was accomplishing my dream in life. She was for sure enjoying her time with me as well, but when I look back, she wasn’t doing so much to me than I was doing for her.
After the wedding, her behavior started to change pretty fast, and worsened when she got pregnant the first time (desired pregnancy from both of us). She became extremely lazy, always had excuses for doing nothing in and around the house, losing jobs because of laziness as well, her “light” psychological issues worsened, and the mother in law became more and more present despite the 8,000kms separating us from her. I was accepting everything. I was the man, I had to take responsibility for everything. Work my a$$ off and do everything in and around the house as well. Raise our kids much more than her since she was constantly too tired to do it. I gave her all the excuses possible: hormones, hard to be a Mom, missing her mother,… and accepted to have a second child. More for my daughter to have a sister than for anything else, actually. I didn’t desire to have another child with her, I guess, but it was the right thing to do. Gained quite some weight since I married her, I guess it’s my fault, but I’m starting to think what I rejected for long: her behavior was so hard on me that it might have been a factor.
So after 1 year without $ex, once did the trick. Her behavior worsened even more and I decided to start doing things on my own: my hobbies, my friends, my children. Tried to involve her in all that for years, I won’t push her from joining, but I won’t refrain myself to do it. Started to do less chores as well in and around the house. She was of course furious of it but I started considering I would stay with her for my kids’ sake, but won’t be denied happiness despite that. However, verbal violence from her to me became the norm as well as hard retaliation every time she felt she was wronged (basically…every week?). I kept smiling and be nice while enjoying time with my kids, my friends, my hobbies. I just accepted all of that, because I’m a man and men are supposed to do so. I thought.
Then last summer she hit me with a “I’m divorcing you and there’s nothing you can do about it”, in front of her mother. Can’t say I didn’t see it coming, but I was mostly worried for my kids. I tried to convince her to go with an amicable divorce resolution. But it was never in her plans. I’ll try to keep it short now. She accused me of all sorts of violence while she was the one being violent towards me, towards our children (she blames our oldest because she can’t make her hate Dad), police got involved 6 times for false accusations of abuse. I kept letting it go, and documenting, while trying to convince her to go the amicable way. Then back in November she kidnapped our kids, went to an abused women and children shelter, and filed a court application for sole custody over the grounds of physical abuse from me towards her and our children. The Judge made a fool of her. She was shortly after kicked out of the shelter since she lied. My children were returned to me but I had to fight hard for that, for 3 weeks. She then was happy to give them to me 2/3 of the time since she doesn’t care that much about them. Of course to date, I am paying for the totality of the children’s related expenses and she refuses to pay the child support she owes me. She also demands spousal support so that she can live off me, but fortunately where we live, she’s not gonna get it. She kept lying and crying and saying she was an involved, stay at home mother, for more than 3 years, but all facts go against these sayings. But since justice don’t punish women for false accusations and perjury, then why not trying, right?
Now 5 months later, we have a weak shared custody agreement. There will be no consequences for all the lies, the violence towards me and our children, I was basically said a mother can lose custody only if she beats her children (and it’s fully provable), she heavily addicted to drugs, or she chooses to abandon them. She even tried to take the kids out of the country, but I should have let that happened to maybe have gained sole custody. Or lost my children altogether. If I had done any mistake, even little (almost happened last month when she set me up when we exchanged the kids), then it would be instant custody loss. What she does is parental alienation at its finest and there’s nothing to do about it. Bias is not a word strong enough to describe it. Fun fact I discovered recently: she’s looking for a roommate, “male preferably”, to share a second condo she rented “by mistake” (long story…she did many mistakes, and relied on me and her own Dad to pay for all her mistakes).
Now let’s go back to the reason of me being here. I’m thankful to my ex for one thing: having showed me what some women are capable of, and what the society bias is. If it wasn’t thanks to her, I would still be in that situation, living a not so great life because I thought it was my role. I became interested in men’s and fathers’ rights and learnt a lot about men’s and women’s rights and what feminism is actually about. It’s been a journey and I’m not there yet, but I am trying to prioritize my needs and wishes over what women and society and dictating me to do. I am not a bad person for doing so. However, as a involved Dad of two little girls, there is some adjustment to do. I’m still learning. I heard only this morning about MGTOW and it appears to me to fully resonate as my new goal in life after I discovered marriage was a illusion. Don’t get me wrong, I am not mad or bitter at women in general, or even to my ex. I want her to behave like a responsible adult and parent, or get away from my children’s life. People tell me I’ll get married again, but I don’t think so. I will likely date again, but I don’t feel the need right now. I enjoy my life, just have to deal with some craziness that I hope will be behind me soon.
That was longer than expected…thank you for all that read me!
RoyDal 4 years, 9 months ago.
