New Monk in your Midst

[BudtaoParticipant 293]

The name I chose for this forum, Budtao(pronounced Boo-dow) has some personal meaning. I chose to make my name a portmanteau of Buddhism and Taoism. I have studied both of these philosophies from a philosophical angle. I do not consider either to be religions because the root philosophies and philosophers are all very atheistic(its the folk beliefs that tend to theistic, especially with Taoism and the wide array of folk religions based around it). Buddha really had no use for the Vedic religions that existed in his day. And Lao-tzu, well he was just a crazy motherf~~~er who generally had little reverence for anything(look up some of the stories involving him and Zongzi[Confucius]).

Now the path that eventually brought me here, probably begins in my earliest memories and specifically my first real interaction with a member of the other sex. For the purposes of this story I will just refer to her as M. Now M had a mother who decided that she should change her hairstyle to a pixiecut.
Now the other girls, that she was part of a tribe with, decided that she wasn’t appropriately attired to be a part of their group. This is where I came in, she probably couldn’t get into any other female party, and the other boys were all playing sports mostly. I was just that weird(also largest size wise) boy who just spent his time exercising his imagination. Non-threatening and physically superior to the other boys, so guess where she found herself.
So I suddenly had not just more company but also female company. And honestly even at that young an age(maybe 8 or 9) I really liked girls. So here I was, my own girl to spend time with. Well I was in heaven, and I would even state that was probably in love with that girl. Then a few months later her hair grew out and suddenly she was gone. I spent a few days trying to find her, and when I did(in the middle of her clique) I confronted her.
It was that day that I got a full education of the dark side of female nature. I only remember it in hazy indistinct visions, but without going into painful detail, she and her hyena’s sent me packing. She basically informed me that I was only a tool for her use when she was alone. Now that she is queen again I was to never to show my face to her again. I am not sure I ever got fully over that day.

Well, after that day I never really made any attempt as socializing with females. At least not for a while. I did try to ask a few girls out in junior high, but man, unless you are a sports star or rich boy, you got no chance. It wasn’t until junior year in high school that I would interact with a female again.
It was in that year that I joined drama(I have no idea, people kept telling me to join a club and there weren’t many options at my school). That first quarter I was put on the publicity crew. On this crew, a girl(named W from here) started chatting me up. For those of you that are curious, I never dated her, she was a 3 at best.
Anyways, it was through her that I met my “second”(I always thought of M as my first, even if we never kissed or anything) girlfriend. The girl, who I shall refer to as J, would have probably been a decent 6 if she lost a few pounds, maybe 7 if you had a thing for Asians.(I don’t really care about the whole scale thing, I just figure a sizable portion of my audience would appreciate any and all details.) Anyways, after months of trying to get her interested in my I actually asked her out and she said yes.
Now if I had been more experienced I probably would have noticed that something was amiss. She largely never cared about going out, and she only really ever wanted to see me once every couple of weeks. Usually just wanted me to come over for a few hours. (FYI, she lived with her parents.) We kept this up until I went to college about a year later. It was then that this barely relationship became a long distance barely relationship.
We decided to try to make it work long distance(yes I know… now.) Fortunately it was a short one, only 3 or 4 months. So I returned to the place I came from and we stepped right into the same patterns we had before I left. This lasted another year or so. Needless to say, she ended it, and I got drunk once and was pretty much over her(hard to get attached to nothing).
Interesting afterward for this story, I happened to be researching and aspect of LGBT life at the time. I had some friends at the time who were all in some way a part of that acronym.(Had to have been one of the more interesting periods of my life.) Anyways, when I was digging around a lesbian forum I found a poster with her exact name and all the other details matched. Evidently she was a lesbian, I never even considered.

It was to be a very long time before I could bring myself to deal with another woman. I asked a few of them out from time to time, but their general attitudes turned me off. It was during this period that the bulk of my research into Buddhism occurred. I basically his every library in the area, even some academic libraries and just worked my way down the Buddhism sections. I just tore through every academically written book I could find on the subject(and I mean real academic, not gender studies caliber “academics”).

So I eventually moved to a cold mountainous town to see if I liked it any better than the soggy city I grew up in. This move would end up being the stupidest decision I made in my life(I really hype anyways). It was in this mountainous town that I met the cyclone that I still today refer to as The Harlot(For this story, just H). Now H is the one of my exes that I know that most about. At least I know what she told me, she had a rather loose relationship with Truth.
Where to begin with this girl, and I say girl very specifically, she had the emotional development of a 8 year old with a decent veneer of maturity plated over the top. She could act mature for as long as it suited her purposes but the minute that she didn’t need it, complete transformation. I really should have just passed, but I was already an addicted to her roller-coaster by the time I knew better.
Without spending the next 35 pages writing about this borderline barista of bats~~~ crazy, I will just say that these were probably the blue-pilliest days that I ever spent in my life. I don’t even recognize the simp that was dating and eventually proposed to. I am a walking testament to the lows that a woman can bring you to.
No to just finish this story cause honestly the ending is the best part. So she and I moved back to my home town eventually. Now that same summer my mother got cancer and my grandfather died. So put that in context to what happens next. Now we stayed with my parents until we could find some work and a place. This was difficult for me because I was barely holding onto my sanity with all the s~~~ flying at me.
It was during this low point that this barely human soul sucking succubus decided to strike. She dumps me a month into living at this new place and is immediately in the arms of another man. She dumped me in Facebook chat(I deleted my account a few weeks later, still can’t stomach that site). And here is where she really drives the splinters under my nails. While we are still living together because of a stupid lease, a month later, she announces that she is a pregnant.
After a few weeks of nail biting worry, I find out the conception date and thankfully its a month after the last time we had sex. To this day I still feel like I dodged the largest bullet of my life. At the end of the day, I don’t really have any resentment to her(even if she did leave me with several thousands of dollars of debt and a very small income). She was the last nail in the coffin of my “bluepill” self.

After her I just jumped into my own life and said females be damned. I do still enjoy the company of some women, but there is just something about the gender dynamics that is so wholly unequal that you have to be a fool to jump into that arena.
I started to meditate more and I started to grow my appreciation for nature. To that end I re-acquainted myself with the 10 acre forest that sits near my parents home.(I grew up playing in this forest every day. I find it sad that it sits so empty when it was filled with the screams and shouts of kids in my childhood.) I also started to develop my own philosophy on the meaning of life.(Or should I say lack of it.) I might write more on the subject if people are interested.

Now I came across this forum when I started to research the issues with gender relations in this current era. During these researches(which are still ongoing) I came across this site of similarly minded gents. I was astounded, of all the forums I have dug through I never found a place quite like this one. I never thought I could find a place on the internet where people actually speak with reason and respect. To find a group of men who understand that Honor is taking responsibility for your actions.
In this group, which I hope with welcome me in as well, I found men who taught me the meaning of masculinity, not through some cryptic definition, but through their actions and their philosophies. It was from this group in particular that I gained my inspiration for self-improvement.(Emphasis on inspiration, I always knew the reasons for self-improvement, but it wasn’t till this place that I felt inspired.)
So now I just plan to learn Linux, maybe add to some OSS projects. Building my body, recover from my year from hell(3 courses of physics and calc done in a single year, brutal amounts of hunched over the desk book work, ruined my lower back.) Gain greater insight into my emotional self, as well as how to read other’s emotions. Hopefully I can find some gainful employment so I can begin saving up for my exit.
Once I have the money I plan to find a group of like minded men and start a techno-commune.(My term, just a monastery like living environment with a more academic focus. Kind of like the way universities used to be centuries ago.) I wish to create a place where men can come and just live off the land and learn as much as they can on the subject of computers. That’s it, low impact living and studying the things that I have been interested in my whole life.

Nirvanna is never having to worry about a woman ever again.

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

Welcome to the site.

[TheroniusParticipant 975]

Welcome! You are among brothers.

"I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?" - George Carlin

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome Brother,
Every man’s path is different but we all end up here. Read. Post. Learn. What one man shares another learns.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome. I am glad you found your way here.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[BufordParticipant 935]

Welcome mate. There are no gender relations anymore, the women have destroyed them. Suits all of us here present just fine.

I meditate frequently, though not for any spiritual reason, just for the pure relaxation it brings.

"This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags. - Sheriff Buford T. Justice"

[Honorable_Juice_BoxParticipant 591]

Welcome Budtao, you are among friends

Budtao wrote:

It was during this low point that this barely human soul sucking succubus decided to strike. She dumps me a month into living at this new place and is immediately in the arms of another man.

From all the stories I have read this is a common theme, women abandoning men at their lowest points; yet women are perceived as the more caring/nurturing gender.

Budtao wrote:

I also started to develop my own philosophy on the meaning of life.(Or should I say lack of it.) I might write more on the subject if people are interested.

I am interested on your views of this. Throughout history people seek such meaning; though it seems to me that one must discover such meaning for themselves.

Budtao wrote:

I was astounded, of all the forums I have dug through I never found a place quite like this one. I never thought I could find a place on the internet where people actually speak with reason and respect.

To me it seems this is only possible within a group of men, once women squeeze their way into anything, reason and respect go out the window.

Budtao wrote:

I wish to create a place where men can come and just live off the land and learn as much as they can on the subject of computers. That’s it, low impact living and studying the things that I have been interested in my whole life.

That is the meaning of MGTOW, focusing inward and becoming self-sufficient.

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome bud !

[TheDigestedRedPillParticipant 165]

WELCOME DUDE TL;DR Damn you can write a book about your life man. Very interesting thoughts. Would like to hear more please. More More pleaserino.

Society live's as if we have reached the pinnacle of human potential. Technological Advancement and Innovation, intellectualism, critical thinking is substituted for useless innovations, nasty narcissistic games, tyrannical laws that destroy the very foundation of family, and the world as we know it.

[Total LeeParticipant 1573]

Welcome to the forums, Bud!

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