I’m a 24 year old psychology student at the University of Zagreb, Croatia. I’m obviously not living in a true western type of society and with all the stories I’ve heard and read so far I’m appreciating that fact more every day. Still, human nature is the same everywhere and so is woman’s. But let me ignore women for a bit and focus on myself.
Short story is I’ve dealt with a heavy clinical depression period of about 4-5 years of my life (18-23) which I dealt with all by myself and successfully managed to pull out of it (this includes “reasoning” myself out of suicide in what I’d say was the last moment). Through all my introspection and analysis I’ve never managed to pinpoint a clear cause(s) of it. Probably because there isn’t one (or just a few). I got a solid idea on what some of the main factors are and can list them if you guys wish to discuss. The whole period was the best thing that ever happened to me (seriously) and I’ve (un)learned a aweful lot of crucial things which I’m also willing to discuss and, hopefully, expand on.
This MGTOW thing is nothing new to me except the name to it. I was a really bright kid. I imagined my future self as a MGHOW, but I got lost somewhere along the way. It seems this may be innate in us men, but gets “beaten” out of us through social conditioning and that crap as we grow older and we lose our sense of direction (seems like a reasonable assumption).
I’ve managed to rid myself of depression completely, going step by step through stages, mainly doing a lot of introspection and self improvement, but finally with a change of environment. By the time I accepted that I’m clearly suffering from depression and went to find help on my own it was already late as I’ve almost fully recovered. It only served to confirm that I have, in fact, suffered from it all these years of my life. Neither of my parents would really acknowledge it even today, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I got a younger brother who’s on the low side of autism spectrum (probably Aspie) who’s awesome.
Now for some serious bragging time. I’ve finally realised what I wanted to do in my life and applied for these new nation wide standardised tests that weren’t there 5 years ago, prepared for them all by myself and ended up being #1 on the entry list for country’s top psychology program and “aced” a general intelligence type of test they used for admittance that was supposed to measure what they call “unschooling” factor, meaning they wanted to filter out people who learn automatically without thinking and understanding (sheeple idiots). I was 11,12% above the 2nd best among over 4k participants. I rarely surprise myself so pleasantly as I did back then 🙂 (btw I was in a LD sort of relationship arrangement with a girl from Toronto area at the time – mentioning this since I hear you guys love Toronto)
So here I am now. In a heavily female dominated field with 61 female students in my year, 13 other guys out of which 2 are openly (and somewhat stereotypically) gay, and the rest are quite soft, shy and insecure. It’s a situation I find extremely entertaining to be honest, but I also have an instinctive drive to help guide and protect not the women around me as I used to feel I should, but actually the guys around me who seem to struggle with a lot of things I’ve struggled (and still struggle) with. The girls are okay I guess, nothing too extreme. Though I got some s~~~ for telling them I’m not monogamous and that concept of “soulmates” is bulls~~~ but that’s expected anyway. Some like to say how extremely selfish and arrogant I can be. I agreed.
What I do know I need is some sort of a community of likeminded individuals that I have stimulating discussions with, that I can connect with when I feel islated and lonely and who will reasure me if I ever again doubt myself too heavily or start falling into that depression spiral again. Saw this today and figured I’d give it a shot. I’ve had some before, but they never lasted.
I’d also be extremely glad to help anyone by sharing my experiences or simply listening to them. Internet says I’m a rare snowflake called male INFJ (MBTI, Jungian Typology) and that I’m a heavy empath with deep understanding of human beings (totally true btw) so I think I can contribute some 🙂
I also enjoy writing walls of text. Thanks for reading.
Hash 4 years, 6 months ago.
