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Hey, everyone.
I’m PayableOnDeath. But you can call me POD for short. I don’t want to disclose much details about me. Just know that you could consider me a young adult, white and agnostic.
If you’ve guessed that I chose my name because of the band – you’re right, I did. Ever since I was a young child I could relate to a certain song composed by them – Youth Of The Nation.
I don’t want to shoot up a school, quite the contrary. I just strongly relate to a particular verse in the song:
“Johnny boy always played the fool
He broke all the rules
So you would think he was cool
He was never really one of the guys
No matter how hard he tried
Often thought of suicide
It’s kind of hard when you ain’t got no friends
He put his life to an end
They might remember him then
You cross the line and there’s no turning back
Told the world how he felt
With the sound of a gat”I’ve always related to “Johnny.” I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and ADHD pretty much all of my life. I’ve never had any real friends before. I just broke the rules and acted bad to fit in – to have somebody to care about me. However, not a single person gave a s~~~ about how I was feeling, and still feel.
Nobody cared that I repressed my emotions. It got so bad that when I was younger I was convinced that I was a robot, not even human. Nobody cared that I used a razor to actually feel something; even though I saw women getting comforted for doing the exact same stuff. Nobody heard my metaphorical “gat” when I tried to overdose on my prescription pills.
There’s nothing to help men with mental illness and I’m sick of it. Society just expects men to be bulletproof. To just “man up” to the challenge without a single iota of support.
Anyways, I digress. I’ve never been successful with the ladies. Probably because I don’t fit the typical, masculine archetype. Which I’m sick of men being expected to adhere to, whilst women are pretty much freed from the shackles of their traditional role. It’s hypocrisy at its finest.
However I’m gonna end it here. I don’t want this thing to be too long.
I’ve never been successful with the ladies.
That’s because there is no such thing. In fact, a man is actually going to be more “successful with the ladies” when he successfully avoids the WRONG one. Don’t listen to that PUA bulls~~~, “success with the ladies” is one of the WORST things to believe in.
REALLY THINK ABOUT THAT.
It’s like saying “I successfully played Russian Roulette”.
What’s the BEST thing that happens? — >> You don’t die.Wow. Is it even worth it? I am successful with the ladies because I never paid a woman a woman monthly to f~~~ off and get out of my life. Hows that for “success”? It actually pays better than meeting a unicorn!
Is woman’s approval of you ever gonna pay you monthly or reward you?? What with?? A simple sex act and a possible pregnancy or an STD? Thats the best thing “success with the ladies” will ever bring you.
So get that “success with the ladies” s~~~ out of your head – RIGHT NOW – because THAT’S HALF THE F~~~ING SOLUTION and it’s a million dollar secret not to many men know. It’s the secret women don’t even WANT you to know. They want you to be “devastated” by their rejection — like you’re losing out on something and her approval matters.
Welcome to the Forums.
I just can’t stand to see a guy beat himself up over NOTHING which has been pumped into his head since the crib.
Why not start telling yourself you don’t have “ADHD”. Look closer. It may be time to start de programming yourself from all the s~~~ you’ve been hanging on to.
Start here:
There is no such thing as “success with the ladies’ and take it from there. You can have 5, 50, or 500 girlfriends and lovers in the next 12 months and the conclusion will be the same. There is no “success” from that. You would be successful not getting falsely accused and not getting your car keyed. But that’s still not “success”. It’s complete bogus.
Welcome and please join in any time.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.
Anonymous54Trying to fit in when your different will twist your poor brain around.
Be honest and open with yourself here, and you find nothing but support.
Read others post for a while, get a lay of the land.
Welcome Brother!
“I’ve always related to “Johnny.” I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and ADHD pretty much all of my life”
Don’t believe everything you have been told. Put that s~~~ on a shelf for a while, and hang out here.
Smart kids have very real issues with fitting in. Notice that many of the popular people in high school do not do well when they get out. Like a woman post wall, they cannot understand why the “privilege” went away. Those of us who were forced to stand on our COMPETENCE succeed and bloom when you don’t give a s~~~ what others think.
Welcome
When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.
I get thoughts of suicide, too, sometimes. But at tough times like that there’s usually something that has set me off. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. As for success with the ladies? OK, maybe KM’s take is a little extreme for some. Talk to No about oil change dating(I love that term, LOL). Welcome!
"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."
I know that song well.
I’ve always related to “Johnny.” I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and ADHD pretty much all of my life. I’ve never had any real friends before. I just broke the rules and acted bad to fit in – to have somebody to care about me. However, not a single person gave a s~~~ about how I was feeling, and still feel.
I obviously don’t know anywhere near enough about you, but there are few things that seem pretty clear. You feel that people don’t care about you and that absolutely could be true. It’s also appears that you make it very difficult for people to care about you. I have limited experience with people are suicidal, but the one person I was friends with who was suicidal was very very difficult to show emotion to. She would emotionally beat the crap out of anyone who dared get close to her. Everything was everyone else’s fault.
Not once in your post did you mention anybody that you care about. Do you care about other people at all? Do you think it makes sense that if you don’t care about other people, they are going to find it difficult to care about you? I’m not at all saying that everyone is worthy of your time and care, but just that maybe it’d be worthwhile to think about people in your life who might be worthy enough for you to care about.
I will also for me personally, there aren’t too many people that I care about. Sometimes, I wish that someone else cared about me strongly, but knowing a care about very few people allows me to accept that for what it is. More importantly, I like myself. I don’t really care if I’m well liked because I’m the person I want to be. Trying to please others so they like me usually just makes me miserable and disappointed.
Again, I’m no expert, but you sound like you want to hear…something. That’s what I got, take it or leave it.
Ok. Then do it.
PS.. and most sincerely meant…
Just in case you thought I was a little too direct and not exactly “warm” in my welcoming,
A woman once attempted to falsely accuse me when we didn’t even have sex. I was ALL “gentleman” and even sent her home in a cab at my expense before things went too far – because we had both been drinking. I behaved totally honorably, but she was a f~~~ing bitch who felt “scorned” when another woman answered my phone 2 weeks later.
I “successfully” avoided the potentially disastrous ramifications of that.
That’s what I’m talking about.That was my “success” with that one and it was 100X more of a challenge than what it takes to have sex with her. Hope you understand what I meant.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Welcome and you’ve found a rare group of men here. We see through the illusions put up by modern society and take that knowledge and run with it. Glad your here and welcome.
I know that song well.
I’ve always related to “Johnny.” I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and ADHD pretty much all of my life. I’ve never had any real friends before. I just broke the rules and acted bad to fit in – to have somebody to care about me. However, not a single person gave a s~~~ about how I was feeling, and still feel.
I obviously don’t know anywhere near enough about you, but there are few things that seem pretty clear. You feel that people don’t care about you and that absolutely could be true. It’s also appears that you make it very difficult for people to care about you. I have limited experience with people are suicidal, but the one person I was friends with who was suicidal was very very difficult to show emotion to. She would emotionally beat the crap out of anyone who dared get close to her. Everything was everyone else’s fault.
Not once in your post did you mention anybody that you care about. Do you care about other people at all? Do you think it makes sense that if you don’t care about other people, they are going to find it difficult to care about you? I’m not at all saying that everyone is worthy of your time and care, but just that maybe it’d be worthwhile to think about people in your life who might be worthy enough for you to care about.
I will also for me personally, there aren’t too many people that I care about. Sometimes, I wish that someone else cared about me strongly, but knowing a care about very few people allows me to accept that for what it is. More importantly, I like myself. I don’t really care if I’m well liked because I’m the person I want to be. Trying to please others so they like me usually just makes me miserable and disappointed.
Again, I’m no expert, but you sound like you want to hear…something. That’s what I got, take it or leave it.
Yeah. I guess in a way I do make it hard for people to care about me. I don’t emotionally beat anyone up though. I just don’t open up to anybody because the few times I did I was made fun of or brushed off.
I care about my parents. Even though we have never been close emotionally. However, they’re the only ones really. I also have maybe one friend but he’s kind of like me, emotionally distant. I think I care about him too. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him and stuff like that.
I guess you could say I have severe trust issues.
I’VE BEEN LISTENING HARD TO PUSA (PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA) SHE’S A MIXED SOB HAS A GOOD FEEL.
AND FRENCH GIRL!!! ANOTHER BLAST OF SANITYI LIT THE HOUSE ON FIRE WHEN I WAS 3-4 . IN MY GRANDMOTHERS ROOM , LIGHTING MATCHES AND HEARING THE ZIPPING SOUND IT MADE THROWING THEM FROM THE STRIKER. PITCHING THEM IN A CLOVER CLUB POTATO CANISTER , WHERE GRANDMA WAS USING AS A WASTE PAPER BASKET, OH YEAH DID I MENTION MY MOM WAS YELLING AT ME EVERY TIME I WAS A OUT OF SIGHT . NOT TO MENTION THAT THE MATCHES HAD CAUGHT THE PAPER canister ON FIRE , FLAMES NOW CATCHING THE WOOD PANELING ON FIRE AND LAST LOOK THEY WERE LAPPING AT THE CEILING NEAT!!!.
MOM HAD A STROKE SO I COULD HEAR HER TAP WITH CAIN THEN SLIDE LEFT FOOT AND PLANT RIGHT FOOT WITH STEP.
I QUICKLY OPENED THE DOOR AND SHUT IT.
STARING UP AT MY MOTHER SHE’S STILL YELLING AT ME. THEN SHE SHES THE LIGHT OF FIRE FLICKERING FROM UNDER THE DOOR .
THE FIREMEN WERE NEAT!!! ONE CARRIED ME OUT ANOTHER GOT MOM. HAD THAT FIRE OUT IN MIN’S
DAD GOT HOME EARLY CAUSE OF THE FIRE. HE WAS A MASON AND A SHRINER OF THE 32 DEGREE. HOGWASH I THOUGHT , THATS ANOTHER STORY.
PUNISHMENT FOR LITTLE JIMMY WAS WHAT I THOUGHT VERY HURTFULL MENTALLY . THEY GAVE ME THE SILENT TREATMENT. NOT A F~~~ING WORD WAS SAID OR HEARD FROM EITHER PARENT, OH THAT P~~~ED ME OFF, BUT HOW I HANDLED ANGER, I WOULD PICK MY NOSE EAT BUGGERS, BANG MY HEAD ON THE WALLS AND WINDOWS, I REMEMBER TAKING THE PLUG FROM THE COFFEE POT AND PUTING IT IN MY MOUTH, I GOT A GOOD SHOCK OFF OF THAT. IT STUNG AND I TASTED COPPER LIKE A PENNY. I THINK IT WAS THAT STUNT THAT GOT THEM SPEAKING TO ME AGAIN . AFTER WHAT SEEMED to BE LIKE A MONTH, IT WAS REALLY A WEEK. THEN DAD GIVING ME STIRN LESSONS ON FIRE AND SEEING BURN CHILDREN AT THE BURN WARD , MY GRANDMOTHER WAS A BURN TRAUMA NURSE , WORKING AT THE HOSPITAL. I WOULD WAIT TILL THE ELEVATOR WAS FULL I’D PUSH NEAR THE PANNEL, PUSH EVERY FLOOR , JUMP OUT .
WOW I HOPE TO BE HEARING FROM YOU READING SOME GOOD TALES FROM THE FOLD.
OH YES, AND WELCOME TO THE FOLD.LILITH IS THE HEAD SUCCUBUS AND SHE LIVES ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
PS.. and most sincerely meant…
Just in case you thought I was a little too direct and not exactly “warm” in my welcoming.
No, I was quite happy with your welcoming. A lot of it makes sense. Sorry to hear about your predicament as well. I just don’t know how I think towards ADHD being fake. It could very well be possible. I guess I’ll have to do some more research about it. Thanks for the welcome though.
Smart kids have very real issues with fitting in.
Thanks for the compliment, but I don’t exactly consider myself a smart kid. I do get decent grades. I normally get B-Cs. But I don’t exactly try in most of my classes like the smart kids do. I find a lot of them monotonous. Except for Biology and Sociology.
Anyways, thanks for the welcome. The community seems very cool and understanding.
I just don’t know how I think towards ADHD being fake. It could very well be possible. I guess I’ll have to do some more research about it. Thanks for the welcome though.
Today, they take any boy with energy or masculine qualities and medicate the s~~~ out of the kid. Most of my buddies and me would be classified ADHD when we were boys.
When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.
Seems like you have a tougher go of it than I did when I was younger. There’s a lot of stress in attempting to fit in, when you really don’t.
Linkin Park -numb
I think once you learn to go your own way and not give a f~~~ about fitting in and what others think of you, you’ll be a lot happier. It helps to have a few good friends that you can relate to as well.
"He didn't marry until now, so he won't ever do it. Think about it, why would a man like him ever marry? It's too late to catch him. " ~some cunt
Smart kids have very real issues with fitting in.
Thanks for the compliment, but I don’t exactly consider myself a smart kid. I do get decent grades. I normally get B-Cs. But I don’t exactly try in most of my classes like the smart kids do. I find a lot of them monotonous. Except for Biology and Sociology.
Anyways, thanks for the welcome. The community seems very cool and understanding.
You possibly are. I was the same way, skating by because I found the classes and pace of classes boring. High grades aren’t always indicative of higher intelligence or greater understanding of the material. It possibly just means much more effort put into the assignments by the person with higher grades.
"He didn't marry until now, so he won't ever do it. Think about it, why would a man like him ever marry? It's too late to catch him. " ~some cunt
Yeah. I guess in a way I do make it hard for people to care about me. I don’t emotionally beat anyone up though. I just don’t open up to anybody because the few times I did I was made fun of or brushed off.
I care about my parents. Even though we have never been close emotionally. However, they’re the only ones really. I also have maybe one friend but he’s kind of like me, emotionally distant. I think I care about him too. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him and stuff like that.
I guess you could say I have severe trust issues.I’m betting you have reasons for your trust issues. It sounds like you have a pretty outlook on things. If you are willing to admit then you might be part of the ‘problem’, that means it’s a problem you can solve.
All I can say is, keep this in the back of your mind. This will help you deal better when people don’t seem to care. It also might make it a little bit easier to care when the time is right. Works for me anyway. This attitude allows me to take personal interactions a little less personally, if that makes sense.
Ok. Then do it.
Smart kids have very real issues with fitting in.
Thanks for the compliment, but I don’t exactly consider myself a smart kid. I do get decent grades. I normally get B-Cs. But I don’t exactly try in most of my classes like the smart kids do. I find a lot of them monotonous. Except for Biology and Sociology.
Anyways, thanks for the welcome. The community seems very cool and understanding.
You possibly are. I was the same way, skating by because I found the classes and pace of classes boring. High grades aren’t always indicative of higher intelligence or greater understanding of the material. It possibly just means much more effort put into the assignments by the person with higher grades.
That is true but when I took an IQ test that my school made me take it said my IQ was 95 and that I had a learning disability. So I’m only of average intelligence. Unless IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence. Which would honestly seem counter-intuitive. Although it could be worse. I was a premature baby so I could be intellectually deficient instead.
Thanks for the compliment, but I don’t exactly consider myself a smart kid. I do get decent grades. I normally get B-Cs. But I don’t exactly try in most of my classes like the smart kids do. I find a lot of them monotonous. Except for Biology and Sociology.
Hey bro, I’m the same. Look, you don’t have to be smart, you just have to have common sense and see the truth. And you being here just proves you have woken up. I recommend you check out some MGTOW videos. I will link them at the end of this post. At high school I cruise and aim for the minimum work to pass unless it is my good classes like Economics or Outdoor Education. Tegardless of what grade I get, at the end of the day I will gain my achievement certificate for level 3, which is for the last year of high school. Some subjects suck arse because it is either the subject itself, the teacher, or both. Its just the way it is.
If you’re looking to strengthen yourself, of course start here and watch the videos, but I would also recommend the army. That will harden you physically and mentally and gives you a decent wage. I’m going in next year in the NZ army and I cannot wait. School feels like prison. My father joined in the 70s and he said he never regretted joining the army. Idk. Just a suggestion.
Videos:
Had to make another post as it covers the reply section 😛
/forums/topic/look-in-the-mirror/
EDIT: Apologies for spam.
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