Home › Forums › Introductions › New guy, thoroughly enjoy the site
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TheDigestedRedPill 4 years, 1 month ago.
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Apologize in advance for the lengthy of the post…
First let me thank the Keymaster for unlocking the gate.
Hi everyone, Been lurking for a month or two , figured I should at least introduce myself. I just heard of MGTOW while surfing Reddit, and no I’m not 20, just turned 50. Married 26 years, no kids thank God, some good times some bad times like most. But over the last few years I’ve been trying to save more for down the road and the extra could never be found. Relationship was going opposite directions. Well I won’t go into specifics. I knew it was time for a long time, very hard to realize/come to that conclusion and then “actually” act upon it. I knew for my own sanity (which was just about gone) and losing 30 lbs in the process. I am finally on my own, its been about a year, 10 months divorced. In Texas it’s actually pretty easy if you aren’t trying to end each other life.
After a year on my own I have learned that every minute of every day does not have to be spent-doing, running, repairing & always serving & spending. Over this period of time I have pretty much just kept to myself, saved money and I’m building (having it built) my own house.
It didn’t take long on my own to realize that I had lost my own identity. At first I didn’t even know myself, what to do, I know that sounds so foreign to many but its true . I have a very long way to go, trust me, finding a relationship is absolutely not on the “to do” list.
When we finally parted ways, I made the effort not to try to find anyone/everyone that “wanted” to hear my side. Basically just went dark. Focusing solely on work and getting my own house in order. I didn’t realize there was actually a place like this. I found this way, had to move this direction for my own shear self preservation, wished I’d have known about MGTOW sooner. More or less figured out on my own that this would be the life for me. It hasn’t been easy. I can take care of myself, spent 5 years overseas not a pussy. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are good and bad days but the pendulum is finally swinging in the right direction and it’s under my control.
I appreciate reading about everyone experiences, I have gained of knowledge. Love the lighthearted fare as well, you gotta smile right? One foot in front of the other, that’s what I had to tell myself at first. Life is looking up, I am slowly learning how you approach the day is of utmost importance.
Thank-you again…Welcome!
Welcome brother.
Welcome. Take a break, dude. It sounds like you need one after that long ass marriage.
Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.
Anonymous5Hi Vetten, Welcome!
Thanks for the intro, it helps other guys, just like it helped you to read other experiences.It didn’t take long on my own to realize that I had lost my own identity
I know the feeling well.
It wasn’t till many years later I realized it was because the focus of my life had become centered around the woman.
I’d inadvertently abandoned my own hopes and dreams as being childish and self centered and grew to believe her dreams were mine as well.
My entire life was a never ending effort to do the “Right” thing and be a “Good Man!”
Both goals are behavioral bullying masked as nobleness.Enjoy your marvelous solitude!
Welcome, Vitten.
You’ve hit on something important here about long term relationships… the fact that you lose your identity. It sounds like you got so caught up in doing things to maintain you life with your wife that you didn’t really have a life of your own any more.
Contrast that with keeping your own home as an unmarried man… it doesn’t really take that much time and effort, I’ve found, to cook, clean, do laundry, pay bills and generally stay organized. Where does all the extra time go when you’re in a relationship? I’m sure we all know.
I’ve never lived with a female as a couple but I was raised by a single mother and she treated me as though I were the “man of the house”…. which is to say she treated me like an indentured servant. It was a rare day that I had a few moments to myself. I practically had to ask for permission to excuse myself to use the bathroom and I would catch hell if I spent longer in there than she thought I should.
Maybe this is why I value my independence and freedom as much as I do today… and I hope it won’t be long before you value yours just as much and realize all of the things you can do with your resources when they’re not being absorbed by someone else.
The first thing I’d do? Start a garden. Even if you’re just growing basil in a window box, caring for a living thing that expects nothing of you except to provide you with pleasure and nourishment is a joy and very relaxing.
Welcome to the forums brother. I will be 47 in a few months, luckily for me I never been married or had long term relationships. I was lucky because I got a good warning back in 1986. I don’t bother dating or talking to women other than required. I don’t hate women, it’s just not worth it. Spending your time alone and get stuff done is the best thing.
"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
Anonymous18Welcome Vetten
Good introduction and congratulations for taking THE decision. You’d be surprised to know how many men never go through it despite knowing its time.
It didn’t take long on my own to realize that I had lost my own identity. At first I didn’t even know myself, what to do, I know that sounds so foreign to many but its true
Completely understand. It took ‘love’ and 7 months to turn me into a shell of my former self. I understand the comparison of women to parasites better now.
The first thing I’d do? Start a garden. Even if you’re just growing basil in a window box, caring for a living thing that expects nothing of you except to provide you with pleasure and nourishment is a joy and very relaxing.
Good point. If interested check out youtube clips of ‘That Old House’, its really the only mainstream tv program I watch here and there. On YouTube.
Great to have you here. And looking forward to hear from you.
Cheers 🙂
Thoroughly enjoy having you here, Vetten. Welcome to MGTOW and the Forums! Drop in anytime and thanks for contacting us!
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Thank-you all for the kind words.
I have some fish now, I hope to get my dogs back in March when my house is completed.
It’s taking some time, at first I was like WTF is wrong with me. I’m a loaner by nature and it really took an effort to go somewhere else besides work and the grocery store. Its definitely getting better. It’ll be much better when I get moved. Love to garden/landscape, its tough living in an apartment no matter how nice it is, just not home. But all good things come in time.
One of my favorite things to do now is check my bank account. It’s amazing what you can accumulate without having it drained on a regular basis.
Don’t beat me up for saying this. I had a moment with myself the night before I filed for divorce. I was home alone, emotions killing me knowing the decision that had to be made and what I was doing the next day. I felt like a failure, everything was my fault. I was under so much stress. I was staring down at the granite counter top with tears coming down and had a coherent moment. I told myself/promised myself, don’t you ever ever ever forget this moment as long as you live and the way you feel right now.
I would encourage other fellas out there just reading to voice your thoughts, it’s therapeutic, at least it is for me.
Don’t beat me up for saying this. I had a moment with myself the night before I filed for divorce. I was home alone, emotions killing me knowing the decision that had to be made and what I was doing the next day. I felt like a failure, everything was my fault. I was under so much stress. I was staring down at the granite counter top with tears coming down and had a coherent moment. I told myself/promised myself, don’t you ever ever ever forget this moment as long as you live and the way you feel right now.
Nobody here would beat you up for that. But they will point out that you’re beating YOURSELF up – when you shouldn’t. Far too many guys carry baggage and accept responsibility for s~~~ that wasn’t them.
When you cheat, you’re a bastard who should pay.
When SHE cheats, you’re a bastard who “didn’t take care of her needs” and you should pay.It’s bulls~~~.
Here…. you can take that heavy baggage and drop it at the door.
How much of it was YOU? So everything you blame yourself for…… toss it out TODAY.You’ll instantly feel 2 inches taller.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Welcome Vetten, thanks for the intro & I’m very glad you made it home. Your story really struck a chord – we have a shocking amount in common re: the emotional divorce grinder.
I had a moment with myself the night before I filed for divorce. I was home alone, emotions killing me knowing the decision that had to be made and what I was doing the next day. I felt like a failure, everything was my fault. I was under so much stress. I was staring down at the granite counter top with tears coming down and had a coherent moment. I told myself/promised myself, don’t you ever ever ever forget this moment as long as you live and the way you feel right now.
That is a deep, dark dark dark pit. And you were at the bottom of it. And it’s like when you look up it’s that much worse, because there’s no light. And it lasts. F~~~ing hell it lasts. 60 days straight for me – 60 days of being depressed, drunk, or asleep. And then the nightmares come, so you can’t even get a breath from it while you’re sleeping. Those were the longest 60 days of my life.
We’ve lost too many good men to those holes in the ground. I’m glad you took that moment of clarity & promise with you. Don’t ever forget it.
really took an effort to go somewhere else besides work and the grocery store
When it first hits you, it’s a scary thought. Someone else was always giving the marching orders before. Now they’re supposed to come from me?! WTF i’ve never done that s~~~ before?!
I remember that moment, going through my divorce. I must’ve joined 50+ Meetup.com groups to try all kinds of s~~~. And i’d also recommend volunteering in your local community – whether that’s just chilling with some dogs at the ASPCA, or working for a couple hours in a soup kitchen on a Sunday.
The good news is the healing starts faster than you think, as it looks like you’ve discovered. Now go do something nice for yourself with all that extra $$$ that’s piling up in the bank.
Don’t beat me up for saying this. I had a moment with myself the night before I filed for divorce. I was home alone, emotions killing me knowing the decision that had to be made and what I was doing the next day. I felt like a failure, everything was my fault. I was under so much stress. I was staring down at the granite counter top with tears coming down and had a coherent moment. I told myself/promised myself, don’t you ever ever ever forget this moment as long as you live and the way you feel right now.
Nobody here would beat you up for that. But they will point out that you’re beating YOURSELF up – when you shouldn’t. Far too many guys carry baggage and accept responsibility for s~~~ that wasn’t them.
When you cheat, you’re a bastard who should pay.
When SHE cheats, you’re a bastard who “didn’t take care of her needs” and you should pay.It’s bulls~~~.
Here…. you can take that heavy baggage and drop it at the door.
How much of it was YOU? So everything you blame yourself for…… toss it out TODAY.You’ll instantly feel 2 inches taller.
Thanks KM, I know you’re right, I need to leave all that behind. Working on it day by day, step by step. Its a process, I purpose to address this daily. I was raised christian and the man/husband is the head of the household and success as well as failure are laid at his feet. I know I “have” to let a lot of things go and move forward with no looking back. To learn from and never forget mistakes/missteps and not repeat them again.
Good news is I am the only one charting the course now and it feels damn good.
Welcome! I’m glad you made it!
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Anonymous42Love to garden/landscape, its tough living in an apartment no matter how nice it is, just not home.
Hey Vetten, I enjoyed your posts! very uplifting and positive! You have the right additude, you’re gonna love having your own property deed, entitling you to do whatever you WANT, my deed is real special, it came attached to a condemned family campground, now in essence an abandoned forest! I love doing whatever I want! I have legal claims entitling me to the abandoned properties, I don’t need them all, but there’s places in here named after what I had done, like Towers Dump, Tower’s Farm, Tower’s Junkyard, Tower’s trail, it helps to keep around my house clean as a whistle! Oh yea, Towers road. Others have done the same! It was a trend I started after being placed under CEASE AND DESIST back in July,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,1997!
Anyway you’re gonna love modifying and customizing your home and property to fit your needs! Nothing will mysteriously move around, nick-nack dust collectors and pussy s~~~ won’t be allover the walls! you can leave the toilet seat up or down, doesn’t matter, curling iron? What f~~~ing curling iron? Wait, you’ll see! but look out for all the branch grabbing monkeys looking to put a free roof over their heads! They are extremely crafty and motivated to latch on! So “metaphorically” shave all your hair off, lard your entire body, and don’t wear any cloths, you’ll be able to get away, unless you let them grab the only branch they can!Welcome Vetten. Thanks for introducing yourself and making it a good one. The replies to your intro are great.
Here are some thoughts that came up from reading your intro: I was slow to act on getting the divorce. Even though I could rationally see too many reasons to do it, the whole process was painful and heart wrenching.
Now I can’t imagine how I lived in debt, without money in the bank/ free time, and without my own “man space.”
About owning your own home, it’s a mixed bag of pros and cons. I turned my property into something only another free man would appreciate. I am unable/ unwilling to live any other way now. It is a good life. The bad part is that selling it is a nightmare because the housing market is dominated by women and their slaves.
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
bunker mode-
I hear you man and thanks for the links.Good luck with your escape machine. Sounds like you have a plan, plans are good, they keep you moving forward and that’s the direction we all need to be going.
You do have tough times ahead. It was the hardest thing to maintain my professional/business life going through this alone. The one piece of advice I would give to people is to find/seek someone out to talk to, the gremlins in you head are not your friends, don’t go it alone…
To be transparent, there were times I did not think I would make it through. Wished I would have known about this place sooner. I quit a job most people would kill to have, just had to step away from life for a bit and get my own s~~~ together so to speak. Its good you found this place.
Good luck to you.
Welcome
I am right in the middle of what you went through.
Yes, when men compare notes, we all seem to agree the “Meat Hole”
as I like to call is is NOT a life path. It’s warps a man’s life.I’m off to take a nap, then hit my spot to read 30 more pages of sql server AlwaysOn…engineering s~~~.
Building my escape machine.
The beauty is…. I will be able to turn off this s~~~ on… and she will never know what sites I deploy.
Then when I need cash in time… just switch on the rows in the revenue program table and I hope things respond.
If not..then advanced skills for a better gig.I think my future happiness will be skiing and just not having to the “how was your f~~~ing Day” s~~~..
More fun…
Thanks for the links,
Brother I feel for you. What you are going through and going to go through is all to fresh in my mind. Not only the angst you’ll be going through with day to day life, your property division and the emotional toll on your psyche. Let alone maintaining your day to day occupation/business life and at least displaying to others some semblance of having your s~~~ together . I ended up quitting a job most would kill to have, I just had to walk away and start over fresh in all aspects of my life. This may not be an option for most, everyone if different, its just worked for me.
Sad to say but there were times I honestly did not know if I was going to make it though or not. I did not know about this place or any place for that matter and I can tell you going it alone is “not” the way to do it. You need some support of some kind in you life.
Allot of fire to walk through but I am living proof you can emerge on the other side.
Good luck, being here will surely be a great benefit to you.
The internet is a so vast that you will never know what you will find. But however welcome to the community I hope your stay is a long one.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
Hi Vetten, Welcome!
Thanks for the intro, it helps other guys, just like it helped you to read other experiences.It didn’t take long on my own to realize that I had lost my own identity
I know the feeling well.
It wasn’t till many years later I realized it was because the focus of my life had become centered around the woman.
I’d inadvertently abandoned my own hopes and dreams as being childish and self centered and grew to believe her dreams were mine as well.
My entire life was a never ending effort to do the “Right” thing and be a “Good Man!”
Both goals are behavioral bullying masked as nobleness.Enjoy your marvelous solitude!
I very narrowly dodged this bullet. My emotional wiring told me something was wrong though… I just knew something was wrong. The woman I was with would literally criticize my happiness away, every time I showed any type of joy. I also had the feeling she was cheating on me, but I couldn’t prove it. Now I look back, and realize she just wanted to settle for me. She kept hinting around at marriage, saying she didn’t want to be stuck in a “dead end” relationship, etc. She was always trying to mold me into something else. Humans shouldn’t just be a resource to be exploited, by anyone. Now it seems it’s an exploitation contest.. I refuse to pay the entry fee.
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