New guy here.

[ClockworkParticipant 79]

Hello all,

Earlier today I was simply browsing youtube, feeling s~~~ty about my life and relationship (a recent trend), and stumbled upon this great, liberating, movement. I read a few posts here in the introductions, and although my story is different than what I’ve read, it is also inherently similar, and made me want to create an account. So, I’m again, new here. In fact, I’m new to opening up about this period. I dont have a great relationship with my family, and even if my relationship was better, I dont want to tell them all I’ve let this woman put me through. Its embarrassing to be a doormat. Its even more embarrassing, that when I do tell people my story, they always tell me “just leave”. Yet, I must have f~~~ing stockholm syndrome or something cause I still have feelings for her, and (this is what always gets people) I guess I’ve just been devalued so much as a human I’m afraid i’ll never find another, or just somebody to treat me right in general.

So… about me, where to begin? I’m just a child compared to some of you on this forum. I’m 23 years old. I’m the father of 2 beautiful boys. I’ve been with Alexis, who has somehow managed to both be the woman of my dreams, and the woman of my nightmares, since early high school. I was a jock in high school, really popular, and like most jocks I was (an still am to some extent) a sarcastic asshole. One day I simply got on the bus after school. Alexis happened to be in the seat in front of me. Well, when the ride started, nobody was talking, I was bored, so like the little s~~~ I was, I reached up and pulled her hair (which happened to be in pigtails) just to start a confrontation. Idk, have some fun (told you I was an asshole.) So, I pull her hair. She looks back and in an extremely sexy voice says “I like it when guys pull my hair.” We’ve been together ever since.

The relationship was good at first of course. We were kids. Delinquents at that. We would simply go to each other houses, smoke weed, then f~~~ like rabbits. (Where the hell were our parents?) This continued on for a couple years. When we turned 18 we moved in to live with some friends. When we turned 19 we got our own apartment. Around the time we turned 19 alexis gets pregnant. Now, its worthy to note that I never wore a condom. I’d always brake them. So she was on birth control, but didnt follow it as she should. Anyway… I’d been screwing her for years and never came in her once, other than a few broken condom fiascos. So needless to say, I was a little suspicious, I was POSITIVE I didnt cum in her. However, I’ve had friends who pulled out and gotten girls pregnant, so I thought damn, I just got unlucky. She swore she’d never cheat blah blah blah.

So I let it ride. I focused on work, stopped smoking weed, got us a house in the country, and we lived peacefully for 2 years. Randomly one day her drive from work got 30 minutes longer, and it was happening twice a week. When I confronted her about it, she said traffic, and it stopped happening. Note: She always got up and left for work before me. One day I wake up early (4am) and notice she is already gone and she doesnt have to work for 2 hours. So when she gets home I confront her. I tell her I know something is up. She tells me she was just going in early (she was the manager.) I just completely bluff and tell her I called her work multiple times, and they said she wasnt there.

Thats when the self centered bulls~~~ started spilling. She tells me she hasnt loved me for a long time and hasnt felt emotionally connected to me. She only stayed with me because she was scared of my reaction. However she didnt want to lose me. She admits shes cheated on me- with a few different guys. Then, the whopper, she tells me with a straight face, not a tear in her f~~~ing eye, that my 2.5 year old son, named after me. A jr. Was not my biological son. The real daddy wanted her to get an abortion. So she lied to me, and used me, yet somehow loved me and hated me. Maybe my mind is different than a normal persons, I’d love for some of you to weigh in… When I told her I loved her 10 times a day, when we sat on the couch together with her/our/MY son and laughed all night, when we had sex 2 or 3 times a day, that’s what I thought was love. For her it was nothing.

I left, and part of me wishes I didnt go back, but if you think my f~~~ed up adventure is over… WRONG 😀

So in a couple days she calls me crying. She says she’s sorry, she loves me, she’s disgusted with herself,basically the opposite of what she’d been saying. Of course, its everything I wanted to hear so I listened. After a while of listening to her tell me what a piece of s~~~ she was, I was convinced she may change. So I took her back.

When I took her back things were actually pretty nice. We were both great to each other. Well, it turns out I was great to her, she only pretended to be great to me, we’ll get there. So things were actually on the up and up, It was nice. she actually SEEMED as though she cared. After a few months, I was still depressed. Please understand, James JR is my son, even today I raise him, treat him, and love him like my own. Finding out he wasnt biologically mine crushed me though. All I wanted my whole life was a son to love, to play with, to teach sports to. I still had that, but its just not the same when the love was built on the premise of a lie. It didnt just hurt me, for a while it really hurt my outlook on the world, and the way I looked at little James. Any of you who have found this out after a few years must know what I mean…. Anyway, since I was so depressed about it, and convinced that Alexis had changed, I brought up having another child. If we were going to stay together, I wanted a biological child. I dont know if that sounds selfish but I dont know how else to say it. James is my son. I love him to the moon and back, but we dont share blood. I dont know why I find that significant but I do.

So I bring up her getting pregnant again. She is very responsive, and I feel like she really wanted to do it. I made it clear, if we do this, it will be done right. No cheating, no talking to other people, If this is gonna happen, lets do it right, and maybe, just maybe, this can bring us back together.So I get her pregnant. It was good. I was the happiest i’d been since I was an ignorant doormat, and she pretended to be happy too. Thats how the pregnancy passed. So skip forward to the day my second son was born. Its was a great happy time. Until my son came out with unusually dark skin. When the major processes were over, and the doctors had left the room, I asked her why he was so dark. Can you guess what happens next? She reveals she lied throughout the pregnancy. She never stopped cheating, she never stop talking to him, and indeed, this child might also not be mine.

Luckily, I got a paternity test, and the boy is indeed mine.

So I flip s~~~. I mean I actually went kinda crazy. I jailbreak her iphone, track this guy down (guess what, he’s married), and tell him in very unkind words that if I ever catch him around her again I’ll kill him. I’ll make his kids watch, and then explain to them at length why I did what I did. Now i’m a nice guy. (You probably dont believe it from the last paragraph), but I’m nice. I was just drove to my limits. Anyway, despite being nice i’m a intimidating man. 6’4 300lbs, and that day in particular, I really didnt care if I went to jail. Was honestly thinking about beating his ass and just paying the assault fee. Did I mention he was 40 married, and my wife was 22? Sorry, that probably only matters in my resentful eyes. The point is, i’m 99% sure I scared him off so there is at least that.

So where am I now? In my house. Giving alexis yet another chance. Honestly, its less about giving her a chance than it is seeing my kids every day. I’m from NC. If you separate here, its 98% chance the kids go to the woman, even if she’s a s~~~ty person. So i’m here. Taking care of the kids. I want to leave her, but I dont want to lose my kids. On top of that, as stupid as this sounds, I love her. I love her with all my heart. And I dont know if i’ve just been demeaned to this lvl, but i’m afraid i’ll be alone, o wont find somebody to treat me better. I want a partner, I just cant stand being cheated on. I dont think I can ever forgive her, and I have no way of knowing if she’ll ever stop or has stopped. She says she wants to be a good person. She says she doesnt want her kids to grow up hating her. However this is all stuff she’s said before. I dont know where to go and what to do, I have nobody to help me, nobody to fall back on, other than the person who has betrayed me. My only constant has been my love for my boys.

Hopefully I’ll hear some encouraging things. A sense of camaraderie would be nice. I’m just so beat down I feel like all I can do is stay and take whatever comes.

Fun Fact: Upon posting this Alexis, who i’ve given 5 chances to reform herself and her cheating ways, and who also went to therapy for this, texted me and said we are over, she’s moving in with her grandma. She was logged into my email, spying on me while she was at work, and now, even though i’ve forgiven her infidelity MULTIPLE TIMES, me posting my feelings on a private site with like minded individuals is just going TOO DAMN FAR!

A man can only be stepped on for so long......

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

welcome sir.

23 is a fine year to start going your own way.

Clockwork wrote:

On top of that, as stupid as this sounds, I love her. I love her with all my heart.

the only thing i agree is that this does sounds stupid. As you age, you’ll realize love is like santa clause. it’s fake, superficial…. you’ll see as you get older.

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

Welcome home brother!

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Welcome

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

Clockwork wrote:

So she lied to me, and used me, yet somehow loved me and hated me.

And that’s the method women use to break down a man until he has no f~~~ing clue who or what he is anymore.

Most of the men here have gone through some form of this kind of cruel manipulation practice, so you’re among sympathetic ears. But be prepared to not be coddled. You are in a s~~~ty situation and the men on this forum will tell you so. But their brutal honesty is what you need more than anything else in your life right now, because it sounds like you’re in a state of shock right now and could use some clarity.

Clockwork wrote:

She says she wants to be a good person.

But she can’t, and you know it.

Welcome to the forums, brother, I’m glad you’re here. Now dig down into the Introductions section of the site and read every post like your life depends on it.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Clockwork wrote:

She was logged into my email, spying on me while she was at work, and now, even though i’ve forgiven her infidelity MULTIPLE TIMES, me posting my feelings on a private site with like minded individuals is just going TOO DAMN FAR!

YOU are going too damn far??? She had better turn her computer off because I’m gonna take her places she didn’t even know she had places.

More later….

In the mean time, Welcome very much.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Welcome, Clockwork. Pleasure to have you with us.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[TuneoutParticipant]

Welcome brother,your boys are lucky to have a father like you,most guys your age are still into partying and
pussy worship.

Lifes a bitch,but you don't have to marry one!

[BlacqueJacqueShellacqueParticipant 6890]

Welcome Clockwork. Just wait until Keymaster gets back to you. You sir are in for an educational delight. I imagine others will gather here to see what he’s written for you. Lick the red pill. Get a glass of water, you’re going to need it. 😉

[ClockworkParticipant 79]

Thats a little nerve rattling.

A man can only be stepped on for so long......

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Congratulations on finding MGTOW and welcome. I suggest you find the thread on the issue of “oneitis” I forget who started it but it will help you.

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Welcome and I applaud you for opening up – it’s often helpful to let it out. I’ve been through a lot with women – financially and emotionally. You’ve safe harbor here with 19000+ brothers.

[LookAfter#1Participant 352]

Welcome.

Don’t let this woman drag you down and hurt you. Sometimes the more you try to make a difficult relationship work, the more you get hurt.

We have all been there.

It takes time to get over a woman, but after a while you won’t miss her. In my own experience, I now feel so much happier and free without my ex. I no longer think of my ex girlfriends.

Concentrate on making yourself happy and looking after you. If she’s deliberately messing you around so bad, she isn’t worth it.

[<<>>Participant 435]

Welcome brother, all I can say is you have a roommate who also happens to be the mother of your children maybe it’s time for separate beds. If she has actually left you and went to live with her grandmother, good riddance. If she needs strange then you go get some strange yourself or opt out of the game completely. She is obviously a lying whore I’m sorry but if it quacks like a duck, this whore not only cheated on you but had a child by another man and let you believe it was your own that is “Jerry Springer” trashy whore s~~~. I’m sorry your boys have such a s~~~ty mother leave her and teach them dignity you have to be strong for them now. Hell yes, you can do better and believe a monk being alone is much better than being with a lying whore. You are not “in love” with her, love is something reciprocated you are infatuated with an ideal of a her which does not exist she’s a witch get the f~~~ away.

[bladeParticipant]

I understand the bit where there is fear with been able to see your kids.

In all honesty this chick will always f~~~ around and won’t stop even when she gets a new partner.

Lets be honest here can you see your self growing old with this c~~~ monster living happily ever after.It is inevitable the relationship is over.So work on an exit that is peaceful as possible to see your kids with out court been involved.

If you keep trying to make it work it will be much worse an ending.

I say this it is normally 6 months after the break up they go nuclear. After break up which is innovative Keep your words simple.
Buy the sounds of her and age she eill want to go out and f~~~ around wich in a kind of way will work in your favour because she will want you to have the kids.Cut your heart strings and don’t get jealous.
Keep talk simple and don’t fall into her gsmes because this c~~~ is going to f~~~ with your emotions.

Don’t send indepth or abusive texts .Keep all text she sends you.

Phone calls if you have a video camera record the calls on your mobile showing her number.

Km that was f~~~ing funny.

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[bladeParticipant]

Ps welcome and so hope you stick around.

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome home Clockwork
First of all. Are you sure she is not hacking what you post right now?
Secondly, she is p~~~ed that you exposed her. It is the same when a woman tells you how many sexual partners she has had. If you times that number by 4 or more, you will have a better idea. They all lie. Never trust a woman. Go to “Sections” at the top of the page, click on “Audio”, ” Music” then “never never trust a woman” by Tex Williams (1946). Just for laughs. And what you are about to learn will hurt but we are only trying to help. Stay with us and for Christs sake make sure she is not reading your mail. ESPECIALLY FROM YOUR LAWYER.
AND if she is reading this, F~~~ off, you lying cheating skank. He is way too good for you.

[Anonymous 0]

Clockwork wrote:

Thats a little nerve rattling.

It is only nerve rattling because you are about to learn the truth about women and relationships. We will help you thru this. I hope you stick around!

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome brother.
relax and learn.
you are in a situation in which YOU can be salvaged.
many of us have visitation with our kids..
guess what ?
i do, and at first it was the worst nightmare i ever had.
THEN it became awesome because,
my ex LOVES to party.
so i have the kid almost every day !!! WINNING !
things change in time..
you will never lose your kids if you learn how not to.
stay and learn!!!

[ShineParticipant 1696]

Welcome clockwork, some of the brothers who have been through similar blue pill hell will help you through this time.

"Society is to blame" Denton

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