New and Coping

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

Hello and good evening to all the fine people here. I discovered this site a while back and have been reading the posts and MGTOW ideas. I think this site can help me cope with what I am currently going experiencing and with future endeavors. My intro is a little long so I apologize.

I have struggled with dating my entire life. My self-esteem runs from low to medium on most days. I would have thought things would have gotten easier by now but they have not.

I am 37 years old and work retail. It sucks but it’s a living. I make enough to live alone, pay my mortgage and my bills. I live on family estate and it’s pretty nice. I am blessed in several ways.

Recently I made the mistake of dating a co-worker. I never intended for this to happen because I got burned doing something similar years ago but it happened. Late last year I transferred to a new department and met a woman a few years older than me. She was cute and had a good personality. She had a rough background and we come from different worlds. But as time went on I started to like her and she started to like me too. Finally, one night I asked her out and we dated briefly. I ended up terminating the potential relationship over something, now in hindsight, silly. But I also suspected that this relationship couldn’t last and maybe it was best to cut ties now while we could still work and be civil. We never got to have sex (which I have mixed feelings about) but we were attracted to each other and I felt we could have got there at some point.

Not long after I broke it off I started to miss her, partly because I’m still physically attracted to her. Yes, we work together and got along well but it wasn’t the same. I was hesitant to resume things because we work together and if the break-up got ugly we may not be so lucky this time. I still had the idea, however, to rekindle this later when I plan to transfer departments again and maybe work it out. This idea nearly came to a halt a few weeks ago when I discovered and on-off again ex contacted her and she was waffling on what to do. Even though I am the one who broke it off, I began to feel jealous. I was relieved when her situation with the ex fell through. I began thinking maybe it was time to give it another go. But before this could happen I discovered last week that a friend she has known for several years has shown interest in her and she seems to think pretty highly of him. I feel it is only a matter of time before they pursue a romance if it hasn’t happened already.

Despite feeling jealous, I decided to be the bigger man and wish her well in this venture. Even so, I can’t help but to feel jealous and hurt even though she did nothing wrong. I’m tortured with thoughts of them having sex and it makes me want to vomit. The logical part of my brain tells me this is absurd. 1. I broke it off so I must deal with the consequences. 2. I don’t think it would last forever between us. 3. She is not a possession and is full right to move on. I rationalize and acknowledge this but the emotional side is bothering me. I know I’ve got to move on and I want peace but it is tougher than I thought it would be.

I’ve never had that great of luck with women. I’ve dated before her and had a few gf’s but nothing really great. I know I should move on, but the question is what to move on to. Other women with more problems? My track record is full of more disappointments than victories and I don’t know if it is worth continuing that fight. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the red pill yet, but I do find comfort here among men who have had it a lot worse than I. I’m hesitant to trust other women. Despite being poor, this woman never used me for money. I’m not rich or a model to attract 20-somethings when they can have guys their age. As for older women, professional women usually want professional men and it’s hard to find decent looking lower class women without a ton of problems. I feel like I’m at a crossroads on what to do. I’ve been told for years that I will find the right one but the older I get the less I believe it. I’m starting to think it will not happen and if that is the case I might as well choose a path for myself. Some days this does not bother me, but other days fill me with an almost overwhelming sadness.

I realize one of my weaknesses is that I can become easily attached. I believe it is because I seek a connection with someone and my lack of success in the past seems to amplify this.

So my question is this- what was your mental state when you chose the red pill? Were you sad or angry at the time or was it a rational decision free of emotion? What event(s) led you to this choice?

Sorry again for the long post and thank you if you made it this far. I look forward to gaining more wisdom and hopefully the inspiration I need from this site.

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome to MGTOW, Arrowtotheknee.

First off, the girl you talked about in your post is probably just trying to get into your head.

You say that she’s hanging around on the periphery of your worklife, making herself available. She’s kind of beneath you socially, but she’s never tried to take advantage of you or tried to get money out of you. On the other hand, she’s parading her love life in front of you and telling you about how past lovers keep popping into her life to sweep her off her feet whenever you try to take a break from her. And it works. You end up obsessing about her and the old boyfriend and start wanting her back again.

So yeah, it kind of sounds like you’re being played. Anyway, you’ve already decided once or twice to dump the chick. You need to just make a clean break. Stick to your resolution and move on.

As for this part:

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

So my question is this- what was your mental state when you chose the red pill? Were you sad or angry at the time or was it a rational decision free of emotion? What event(s) led you to this choice?

In my case, two marriages (for ten years each), two divorces. I took the red pill after my second divorce. I was so ready to leave that second marriage that I would have chewed off my own arm to get away. And the divorce was a hostile one: Two years of legal battles.

But it was worth it. I haven’t looked back. Just to be on my own and not have to worry about tending to some f~~~ing narcissist or worry about how to handle her latest s~~~-tests. Just to have time to myself to hit the gym and start getting back in shape again. Alone? F~~~ing right. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

My point is this: Everything’s relative. For me, being alone was the best thing to happen to me. After 20 years of pampering a couple privileged dimwits, it was so nice to claim that time for myself.

But for you, “alone” is a scary concept. You feel like you haven’t really gotten the relationship thing down properly or given it a fair chance. So maybe you’re not ready to be fully alone yet. No problem. I understand.

Anyway, I would dump that first chick. She’s gotten into your head, and it sounds like she’s kind of manipulated you in the process. You’ve already decided once or twice to dump her; so stick to that and just let her go.

And then if you’re not ready to be fully alone, by all means you can try again with some other gal. Women are a dime a dozen, and you’re starting to get up to that age where they’ll seek you out rather than vice versa. Just don’t marry them, and you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache and money.

And here’s some important advice no matter whether you stay alone or end up with a girlfriend: Find a hobby or pursuit of your own. Don’t let the chicks get into your head. Any expert will tell you: Don’t make some chick the objective of your life, because then your life will fall apart when things aren’t going well with the chick. Have a life and interests and pursuits of your own, aside from the girl. Find some things of your own that you like: Sky diving, scuba diving, swing dancing, stamp collecting, bird watching, whatever. Working out, reading the classics, practicing an instrument. Whatever. Just don’t make some chick the center of your world, and you’ll be a lot happier.

Again, welcome!

[Anonymous 42]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

but the question is what to move on to.

Answer: YOU

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

I’m hesitant to trust other women.

“other women” there’s no such thing as NAWALT, start placing your trust in yourself, there’s a reason you’re single and hesitant and it’s not YOU, it’s the overwhelming truth bleeding through the cracks of propaganda, women are no longer women, they have lost identities, therefore they really don’t know what they are and can’t reconnect, they’re busy trying and failing to mimic us. It’s a f~~~ed situation that has nothing to do with you, they’re defective human beings

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

I’m starting to think it will not happen and if that is the case I might as well choose a path for myself.

Chose all paths first don’t wait for the world around you to conform to any kind fairness or logic, women and the c~~~ revolt have altered it, it’s a stark gray wasteland you’re standing in waiting for a field of flowers to sprout from grey toxic soil. Don’t wait around, move on to greener pastures of awareness and reckon the toxic compounds of female delusional brainwash will be everywhere and inundating everything, see it for the mental poison it is and move onto another patch of grass.

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

So my question is this- what was your mental state when you chose the red pill? Were you sad or angry at the time or was it a rational decision free of emotion? What event(s) led you to this choice?

I was raped from both ends as a victim of both circumstance and justice, then targeted for tyrannical harassment by the letter of the law and sacrificed as legal cannon fodder (not even viewed as a human being). I WAS just a tax number to keep the tyrants and their tyranny effortlessly rolling. Now they can go f~~~ themselves and they know it!

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

Recently I made the mistake of dating a co-worker.

Made that mistake 5 times. Not much learning going on here.

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

So my question is this- what was your mental state when you chose the red pill? Were you sad or angry at the time or was it a rational decision free of emotion? What event(s) led you to this choice?

It was 3/4 of a life time of dealing with women’s s~~~. I began to notice consistent, undesirable behaviors that transcended ALL womanhood.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

Thank you all for the welcome and advice.

I would not say she is manipulating me or playing head games. I willingly discovered this information while trying to maintain a civil friendship. She is not the bad guy. If there is any antagonist here it’s me- man vs. inner nature.

I’m trying to find peace in different areas. One, in conquering my jealousy and letting go in this situation. The other trying to accept that maybe I’m not meant for relationships. I see older men around me who are divorced or alone and I’m scared of ending up like them. I’m trying to find the balance of accepting the possibility of ending up that way and being content with it.

I am glad I can talk about this here because I am ashamed to bring it up around friends and family. I feel like a weak person. I know a relationship should not define a person but it’s tough getting out of that mindset. For years I’ve struggled with seeing happy couples in public and not being among them. Some days it does not bother me, others it hurts like hell.

I try to stay busy this time of year outside gardening and it helps. I look forward to the heat going away, but I dread late fall/early winter when it gets dark early. I am dreading sitting in a dark house with my thoughts this year as I do every year. I’ve thought about therapy before but again I feel ashamed to think about it. I’m debating on going to the doctor to see about anti-depressants. I’m hoping they can lower my sex drive since it only brings me agony. Problem is I don’t want to walk around like a zombie.

[Buller100Participant 2189]

It’s the conditioning, the ‘Idea of finding a great wife ‘ but it’s just the idea, the reality is you well get bored by here, they are dull really, ok sex can be great, for a while or she may be a great cook and keep the house clean.

But you are strapped to her, have to fund her when a women is trying to get you she will do anything , when she has got you married so financially cornered, she will do anything, anything she wants…

Nothing stays the same, not people , not marriages…

But granted the idea, is what brings the unhappiness… The reality brings unhappiness…

[NeroParticipant 1466]

For years I’ve struggled with seeing happy couples in public and not being among them. Some days it does not bother me, others it hurts like hell.

You assume they are happy!! Everyone couldn’t believe I was divorcing my wife cause we looked so “happy” to anyone else outside the home. We were happy when we went out, but inside the home, where it matters, we weren’t. Don’t take too much to heart of what you observe.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Buller100 wrote:

It’s the conditioning, the ‘Idea of finding a great wife ‘ but it’s just the idea, the reality is you well get bored by her, they are dull really, ok sex can be great, for a while or she may be a great cook and keep the house clean.
But you are strapped to her, have to fund her when a women is trying to get you she will do anything , when she has got you married so financially cornered, she will do anything, anything she wants…

Buller is correct. Society pumps you full of the idea of being married and women prey upon men’s weakness for sex and companionship to trap them into it. Don’t be fooled. Read the MGTOW stories how marriage does not always bring sex or companionship for a man. Keymaster and TaxGuy and other MGTOW members have repeatedly shown how the marriage contract is a disaster for men. You are not missing anything. I have been single for over 70 years, and if you stay so, you will survive and thrive. I suggest you read the two books below. They might help you understand yourself. I assume you have also read Vilar’s The Manipulated Man. If not, please do so.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Oops. I for got to include the titles. The two books are Awareness by Anthony de Mello, and Beyond Success and Failure: Ways to Self-reliance and Maturity by Marguerite and Willard Beecher. See Amazon.com for the reviews.

[ArrowtothekneeParticipant 42]

Thanks for the titles. I’m actually unsure if I ever want to marry. The problem is finding a healthy relationship.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

The other book is:

Chinweizu
The Anatomy of Female Power
http://therawness.com/AFP.pdf

Esther Vilar
The Manipulated Man
https://dontmarry.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/the_manipulated_man.pdf

Both books are about female psychology and are online.

[ExpendableYouthParticipant 381]

Dated co-worker. Ripped my heart out, and then tried to f~~~ my roommate. Quit job, never saw her again 6 years running

I do not recommend. Welcome aboard.

[ExpendableYouthParticipant 381]

And FOR THE RECORD, do not let seeing “happy couples” alter your perspective. LOL, if you only knew what was really going on behind closed doors. Fake it till you make it, for many.

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

Thanks for the titles. I’m actually unsure if I ever want to marry. The problem is finding a healthy relationship.

Welcome brother I would just like to say the reason there is a problem in finding a healthy relationship is because you are conditioned to think that there are women out there who are NAWALT or unicorns. You have to understand that all women are AWALT and that no matter what you say or do to try to please them it will fail. The key to getting into a relationship is not caring about their feelings and not falling in love with them. They only bring one benefit in the relationship and that is sex and everything else they try to say or do is for their own benefit. They want to change you into a perfect man but they don’t even know what a perfect man is you will be losing the war before you even start a battle. A lot of us have been in long term and short term relationships with few women and many women and we have all learned the same thing. Being married or in a relationship over time will never work out in our modern world the odds are so stacked against us that we have to look out for ourselves. You were conditioned to be in a relationship by family, friends and society you need to deprogram yourself from this thought process and learn that YOU are the most important person and that you need to approach life with your goals in mind first and women are only their as barriers to your goals.

You are still young and have a lot going for you women do not complete a man, eventually bring more trouble to a relationship than they are worth and anyone who tries to shame you into thinking that you need a woman needs to be cut out of your life and that includes family. Surround yourself with positive people who support your decisions in life and anyone that is negative toward you remove them they are parasites that feed off your positive energy because they are negative. Hope this helps you be strong brother you can do this and come out on top. In the meantime if you need sex try using a fleshlight and porn or find a clean prostitute and wear a condom always until you can learn to live without women it is a great feeling once you can control the need to be with them.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Arrowtotheknee wrote:

I see older men around me who are divorced or alone and I’m scared of ending up like them. I’m trying to find the balance of accepting the possibility of ending up that way and being content with it.

What you should really be scared of is ending up with a woman for decades who only sees you as a wallet. Print off what Rhinorage says above and read it every day until it sticks. He understands that women will not bring you happiness.

[WarratahParticipant 895]

Hello Arrow, welcome!
Don’t let the fear of loneliness push you into a relationship. I was never more alone than when I was long-term married to an extremely manipulative woman.
I don’t doubt that it is possible to find a decent woman with whom to have a successful long-term relationship. But first you have to understand the nature of women. They are what they are and you have to decide if its worth it to you.
Its a bit like keeping a pet rattlesnake.
They are beautiful to look at but you have to feed and clean them. You also have to realise that you ARE going to get bitten.
Sometimes the bite is fatal, sometimes you recover. But it always hurts.
In your case, you’ve got a stable job, a stable income, a decent house. That’s quite the prize for a woman. She has three or four other possibilities circling her.
Rest assured your assets have been listed and are being compared to those of the others and you have been graded accordingly.
I don’t know the woman in question so I can’t say whether she’s mercenary or not, whether she’s looking for an early retirement plan and half your assets or whether she’s genuinely looking for a partner.
All I know is that rattlesnakes bite.

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

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