NerdTunneler emerging

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Its time I made my introduction after lurking for awhile. I was holding my intro off because my head was incoherent and clouded by rage. I think I have calmed down a bit to make sense of what happened in my life…
I grew up a full blue pill white knight mangina. I strived to be “good” and be honorable to everyone so much so that I was considered a catch even when I was still in school. Ever so humbly, I shrugged off the acclaim and proceeded to be a white knight. I only had 2 women in my life, my first gf and my ex wife…Looking back, I regretted not banging those others who were throwing themselves to me because I was doing the “honorable thing”.
Back to my story, I met my wife shortly after my breakup with my first gf who cheated on me. So I was recovering from the breakup and feeling good being on my own again and having a good job in the mountains where I worked. There I met my wifes mother..She was a good woman who took me in and listened to my story. We became friends and I had vowed never to fall in love again because of the s~~~ and depression I went through from my first relations~~~. And I though I learned my lesson…Anyway, I somehow got manipulated by my MIL to court her daughter and eventually marry her. Mind you, my ex wife was a beauty with nice body and seemingly NAWALT. Even my parents pushed me to marry her. There were red flags during those times like when she would throw tantrums and threaten to leave me. I was conditioned to apologize for any s~~~. We got married and tried to have children. I wanted to live independently with my wife but my wife and MIL somehow convinced me that we stay at my in-laws place until we can get a place of our own since I work in the mining industry and have to leave my wife every few weeks. So it made sense. That was when my marriage became hell…I was working my ass off in a dangerous profession and my wife cant seem to be able to save what I earned. I later found out that my wife was siphoning the money I earned into the business of my in-laws. Now I was working harder to earn more because their needs keep growing despite that their business is thriving which I oftentimes helped.Then came the nagging and accusations that I was not spending enough time with her. The nerve that wench got, I usually came home from work..then I have to help in the store while my ex wife and her mother bond together. They would talk the whole day and late into the night. I oftentimes fell asleep in the room waiting for my wife who havent finished talking with her mom. This after knowing that I have to get up early in the morning to go to work.
I was able to climb the ranks quickly and became the head of a division directing more or less 300 workers. My men loved me because I led them and made their income better and their working conditions safer at a fraction of the cost to the company. Still, my inlaws were not too impressed and were conditioning my wife to force me to work outside of the country for greater pay. I got fed up from all the nagging that I relented and told them I was quitting my job and getting out of the country to work and that I am taking my wife with me. My in laws responded that my wife is going to follow me when I have established a good life outside the country. It was when I started to have my suspicions.
I quit my job and talked my wife into opening a business of our own somewhere else. We got a house and started the business. A few days before opening the business, my wife up and sudden left me to stay with my in laws citing she wasnt happy with me. I tried to reason to her and reminded her of how good I was and how much I spent on vacations she wanted and bags and shoes she wanted while I had almost nothing spent on me during those times. She wouldnt budge and kept blaming me and shaming me to the point I was depressed and contemplated suicide. My self esteem was shattered, my confidence, my future, everything gone. Then I went only to salvage something from myself…Found Paul Elam on youtube which led me to The red pill and then to MGTOW. And here I came to stay. I re evaluated my marriage and realized I was reconditioned to be a slave and to be happy to be treated like trash…Here are some of the things my ex wife did which I now found I was stupid to let happen…
1.To apologize when she feels insecure.
2.She drove my women friends away as well as all my guy friends.
3.When I get sick, she was not there for me because she was busy with her parents business which at one time I had a heart attack and she refused to go with me to the hospital because her parents need her to mind the business the next day.
4. I was an on call driver for her family.
5. She can leave for vacation anytime she wants to without telling me.
6. That I dont earn enough when I know that my salary is enough for us to have a decent life…(She meant I have to support my in law leeches).
7.I spent holidays alone because her parents need her during the holidays instead of spending time with me stuck at my workplace minding it.
8.She used my parents money to fund her parents business interest and blamed me for the loss of funds.
9.That she was flirting with her guy friends and get mad at me for calling her out on it.(I saw the messages)
10.That I have been conditioned to ask her whenever I buy something for myself which is always met with a “NO”.
11.That I lost my friends and hobbies because it was a waste of time.
And all other s~~~ that she put me through that crushed the life out of me. I was lost, humiliated, and discarded..this after being a white knight for her…giving my all for her…sacrificing myself for her and I knew in my gut she had a CHAD. Still I kept on wooing her, pursuing her, reminding her that I was good, that I treated her nice…all for nothing. I thank this site for opening my eyes that there is a life beyond blue bill and white knight. That it is not wrong to prioritize MY Happiness and needs. I had been so conditioned to put women first that I neglected myself. I am slowly reclaiming myself. To see life as my own..to grow for myself and to be myself. I am learning to love not having to ask permission to do something and just do stuff because I love it. I am slowly reclaiming my manhood and not being ashamed of it.
I have removed my wifes stuff from the house and am just waiting for her to send me the address where I can send it. Good riddance. I am starting the business on my own and slowly growing it. I am more confident now, sure of myself and not ashamed of what I want because it is for my own. I thank the Lord I found this site when I was at my lowest point and for my brothers here who shared their stories of failure and triumph. For the advice given and insights that truly where an eye opener. Thank you guys esp to the old guys who shared their experiences and gave wise counsel. Im still in my mid 30s and still have enough time to recover myself. Im sorry if I am still rambling on my story as I am still deprogramming myself from the toxic s~~~ I have been subjected into.The manipulations, the lies, the s~~~ tests, this site opened my eyes and gave me large doses of the red pill. I was once a cheerful, funny and inquisitive nerd. I was suppressed to begging for love and care from my wife who with held at her whim…No more. I thank my wife for leaving because I now am free…I am A FREE MAN…Never gain…
PS.I hope to clean up my intro after a few months when I fully realize the extent of the toxicity that was my marriage. Once a die hard white knight…Now I know better…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[BlacqueJacqueShellacqueParticipant 6890]

Welcome to the forums NerdTunneler. Glad you found our community here and looking forward to your posts once the red pill goes down. Where can you send her stuff? Make her come and get it. You’ve paid enough.

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Bank balance got to zero because I trusted her with the finances. AWALT…I think it is much better I send her stuff when she has the address because I fear that I may buckle from the pressure. She knows how to push my buttons and I am really afraid that if I see her I would go back to the madness of lying and manipulation I went through. I am smart but I was battered down to nothing and she screwed my mind over. It was a really terrible mind f~~~. It was like being a slave and being grateful for the scraps thrown at me. I felt like a loyal dog who loved a master that constantly mistreats me..I was pathetic and the damage is there in my mind. I suffered for years and thought it was love…I didnt know any better…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[BoskParticipant 111]

Welcome.
You are still young !
I should have left at that age…

[MACHOParticipant]

Welcome NerdTunneler, you found yourself a home.

NerdTunneler wrote:

There I met my wifes mother..She was a good woman who took me in and listened to my story. We became friends and I had vowed never to fall in love again because of the s~~~ and depression I went through from my first relations~~~. And I though I learned my lesson

NerdTunneler wrote:

I was conditioned to apologize for any s~~~

NerdTunneler wrote:

She wouldnt budge and kept blaming me and shaming me to the point I was depressed and contemplated suicide. My self esteem was shattered, my confidence, my future, everything gone.

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[Ranger OneParticipant 16836]

Ah, to be your age again.

All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

[Y_Participant 4591]

Welcome. Don’t fret about bank balances. That will come if you play the cards right.

Much more important is your state of mind. Too much work leads to depression. Everything in life has a balance. You are living for yourself now – as it should be. Learn to live smart – not work like a dog. You have nothing to prove.

As you get older you will realise if you don’t look after yourself no one else will.

Peace.

[Anonymous 2]

Welcome to the community my friend. Take a seat and get a beverage, because you are in the right place. It’s a good thing you shared this, because it serves as another warning as to why not get married. Marriage is nothing more than the man becoming a slave to the woman.

[Anonymous 13]

Welcome.

She sounds like a real piece of work.

Glad you got out of that s~~~ intact.

[Anonymous 1]

Welcome, brother.

I always eager to know what will happen to these entitled c~~~s once they hit the wall.

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Thank you brothers…Sometimes the blue pill indoctrination resurfaces itself and sends me to my knees. The longing, the loneliness and lack of self identity and direction. Giving my all to my ex wife was a bad idea. I was foolish to be a white knight. She left, now I am picking up the pieces of myself and rebuilding my Manhood. Its slow going, the wounds still fresh but I will get where the older brothers went. Their stories gave me hope.
I didnt know how I led a pathetic manipulated life..To be so blinded by “love” which was their tool for control…F~~~..I wished I could go back in time and tell myself to walk away and kept my promise to not date again. I rue my MIL for manipulating me to view her daughter as a unicorn when she was just using her daughter to get to my hard earned money and serve them. AWALT…Behind the smile and tears…what cold calculating bitches they are.

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[Pedal, run, rowParticipant]

Welcome brother. Glad you found us.

Having the MIL move in is the kiss of death to a marriage these days. I don’t know one that survived it, including mine and a co-worker who both had our MIL’s move in and we were both divorced within 6 months of each other.
My MIL was a twice married c~~~ who drove every man in her life to hate her, but boy could she put on the southern charm to strangers. Such a sweet old lady they would all think and say, and then the door would close behind them as they left, and the evil bitch would come back.

Better to be divorced at 35 than 45 like me…
Anyway grab a beer and settle in. Looking forward to your contributions.

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Thanks PRR…MIL was sweet and kind but was I found out pulling the strings to get my wife to another guy with a bigger wallet they can use. MIL made issues and drama. They drove me nuts trying to please them. Then when I was drained dry, tossed aside. I feel old despite my age but I thank you guys for the encouragement. I hope I can pick myself up quickly and recover before my ex wife or some other c~~~ knows what I am doing and plan to leech from me again.

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[Pedal, run, rowParticipant]

NerdTunneler wrote:

Thanks PRR…MIL was sweet and kind

Trust me, she is not.
If she were she would have respected your wedding vows with her daughter and not tried to break your marriage up.

Mine was supposedly a good Christian woman, but like yours she was actively trying to push her daughter towards another man and adultery. She is burning in hell now, surely.

Also there seemed to be a good deal of evidence that she poisoned both of her husbands, her son, and me. (not fatally in any of the cases.)

[Anonymous 6]

Greetings NT. You are welcome here. You are also amongst brothers. You’ve been through hell, so please take your shoes off and relax. The good thing is that you found us!

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Welcome to the forum. Make yourself at home.

[Author]

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