Need Your Advice, Can I Fall In Love but remain A Single Man Forever?

[RayBandakuParticipant 888]

Since after my divorce I was a single man for past five years.  Only once I had a sexual fling for two months in past five years.

Here is my question, because of the business I am in which is filmmaking/photography and social media marketing I do meet woman.  I do my best to not get involved with women and stay a single man.

Some times I do meet a unique woman I like and she likes me and I get a little confused because I feel happy talking to her.  I feel like I should continue talking to her and a have good time.  Then she starts to say, “I miss you”  I wish we can hang out or talk more.  This is where my issue is, I don’t want to get close to her but some times I want to.

Here is my main question.

Can I fall in love with a woman but keep my freedom to stay a single man and do what ever I want.  Is this impossible with woman because of the way they are built.

Please share you thoughts, it would help me get clarity on this matter once in for all.  If love is part of humanity, is romantic love necessary or irrelevant as a human being.

What do I really want in life?  I really want to have freedom forever, that is my first priority in my personal life.  Can this fit with falling in love while staying single.  Honestly I sound like I know what I should do but I some times don’t want to.  Is that normal or I am just a lost cause.  Give it to me straight I can take the truth what ever it may be.

Please do give your expert advice on this matter.  I only been a MGTOW man for five years, I am sure I can get advice from more experienced MGTOW brothers here.  Last thing I want to do is fall in love and lose my focus and lose my freedom because of love.

Thanks my mgtow brothers for always giving me great advice and saving my soul.

[Anonymous 14]

This is of course my personal opinion but according to human psychology there isn’t anything called romantic love or just love as put it.
Its entirely sexual. A process that involves the constant cycle of breaking down and rebuilding of ego boundaries. So if a woman tells you she misses you, all she misses is the thought of the opportunity to have sex with you. The same goes for men. But where the two sexes differ is women feel that their bodies are precious as an exotic palace and they are offering men a great privilege but letting them in. This idea is mostly patriarchal and gynocentric (you have to remember that gynocentrism is a part of patriarchy after all) but have been reinforced in women through decades of misguided and self-conceited feminism. So its outright impossible to separate love and sex.

Now since we are all MGTOWs here and each of us are going our OWN distinct ways, its all up to you. You being a MGTOW and a divorcee are already aware of the dangers of falling for the wrong woman, someone who is empowered by the society to the level of goddesshood. But you are also human and being one you are naturally susceptible to every form of human wants and desires.

Remember what Buddha said. Desires are the greatest cause for human suffering. Kill the desire and you end the suffering. And discipline is the best way to kill desires. But I am not asking you to be Buddha either. There is a time for everything. Right now you feel the way you do so all I can advice you is, to be yourself. You are intelligent and being a MGTOW has opened your mind enough to sense danger miles away.

Just rely on your spider sense and don’t forget to duck. Nuff said. Enjoy life. 😉

[Gone SurfingParticipant 216]

Just f~~~ her Ray but don’t let her move in or get married.  Keep your liabilities low and your dick high.

Or ignore what i’ve written. It’s up to you.

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

Men and women do not experience love the same way. You should consider this before attempting to create “love”. I know PUA’s know more about what they call “Venusian Arts” than I know by FAR. I’ve done research into it, and to be honest, it’s a lot of work. In the end there is going to be a price to pay, and only you can decide if it’s worth it.

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[Anonymous 0]

Hi RayBandaku,

pleased to hear from you.

Of course you can fall in love with a woman but do not expect too much from her.
I would say the more you get emtionally involved the less your single life is one.

Do you know the books De more from Andreas Capellanus ?

A Treatise on Courtly Love. Here is a Link with some extracts.

http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~chaucer/special/authors/andreas/de_amore.html

May it will help you brother.

[CPT ObviousParticipant 2730]

To answer your question:

RayBandaku wrote:

I really want to have freedom forever, that is my first priority in my personal life.  Can this fit with falling in love while staying single?

No.  Your “first priority” is not compatible with falling in love.

Once in love, the dynamics of your life will change.  You will re-prioritize aspects of your life because you are in love.  Sure, at first you WANT to make those changes.  But the longer you are in love, the more you find yourself doing things for love that you really don’t want to do.

A lot of that is the result of her expectations changing because the two of you love each other.  Let’s just use the seemingly simple scenario you mentioned:

RayBandaku wrote:

Some times I do meet a unique woman I like and she likes me and I get a little confused because I feel happy talking to her.  I feel like I should continue talking to her and a have good time.  Then she starts to say, “I miss you”  I wish we can hang out or talk more.  This is where my issue is, I don’t want to get close to her but some times I want to.

You feel an attraction to a woman, maybe some butterflies, and it feels good.  I’ve been there, I get it, nothing wrong with that.  But look at what happens next, you “feel like you should continue talking to her and have a good time.”

Now you are changing your behavior.  Your current course is altered by exchanging time and energy with her instead of on yourself.  Next you make plans to do things together and you start expending your resources.  It is your choice and you feel like you are getting something out of it, so no big deal right?

But look at your next statement.  She expresses that she misses you and wants to hang out more.  You concur that some times you want to also.  Now ask yourself, what happens when sometimes you don’t?

Suddenly that freedom you talk about potentially gets compromised as you have to make decisions to put yourself or her first.  When you add love to the equation, things get even trickier.  Women’s expectations change significantly when she is in love and it is reciprocated.

If you love her, she feels, you will always want to spend time with her.  Early on she is ok with you saying no, but that changes over time.  Women get possessive and demand attention in return.  You either acquiesce or start expending energy discussing why you said no.  Later you spend resources and time making it up to her and continuing to meet her needs.

Unless the relationship is eventually broken off, her needs will continue to grow, and you will find yourself sacrificing more of that freedom in the name of love.

It is up to you to determine if that cost-benefit is worth it.

"You don't know a woman till you have met her in divorce court."

[John DoeParticipant 743]

Ray one day you are going to die.  I will die too.  Everyone on this forum will die to eventually.  Either from old age, natural causes, an accident, etc.

Stop beating yourself up.  You will be miserable either way.  You will also find joy either way.  You cannot avoid either.

[RayBandakuParticipant 888]

CPT Obvious wrote:

Unless the relationship is eventually broken off, her needs will continue to grow, and you will find yourself sacrificing more of that freedom in the name of love. It is up to you to determine if that cost-benefit is worth it.

Wow, @CPT Obvious Thanks for your great advice.  You nailed it on the head.  I understand what you are trying to say.  The cost of losing my freedom by falling in love is not worth the price personally.  May be I have to love a woman from a distance(or not at all, I don’t know), like a writer writes about his lover even though she is no longer in his life.  Love comes in different forms.  I will find my own way to love without losing my freedom so I can have both.  It’s worth trying.

Thanks you @Triklops for excellent advice, it was very help full.  Also thank you to @Hollowmile, @Smitty the Great One, @gone Surfing, John Doe for your advice, I appreciate it.  Your advice gave clarity to me. Have fantastic day every one.

[eastugerParticipant 15]

I know the struggle, but I don’t think being a MGHOW will stop human nature. Actually after swallowing the red pill there are more females in my life. Which means more opportunities traps to fall in  love.

For my self, I’ve decided to not fight my human nature and let things flow organically. But at the same time use my superior male brain and the advice on these forums to keep my focus on going my own way. I’m currently involved with this girl and it’s going pretty well for me. But it’s also hard to do. You have to consciously think about everything you do. Is this because of manipulation, is your mangina on his period or do you actually want it and are you still going your own way.

I had a few slip ups. One time I offered her to help her with her homework. But afterwards I realized I only asked because she was nagging thus not going my own way.  What I’ve also learned about myself and I think apply to a lot of men. Is that I was constantly busy trying to increase my chances of having sex with her. Probably another reason why I offered to help her. Freeing up her time means more time for sex. And after a while you will come to the conclusion that is probably the only reason you are doing anything for her.

I thinks It’s about knowing what you want and I mean really knowing. Totally taking manipulation out of the equation. Which can be really hard. and is probably not worth the effort. So what you´ll be left with are the questions. How much do I want to have sex with this girl. Do I have to trade something with her to increase my chance. Is the trade in my favor or do I even want to trade.

Also remember that being MGTOW and being involved with woman automatically qualifies you as a jerk. No one will praise you for being your own man and doing your own thing so even with a girl in your arms it can feel lonely. It will never ever be the same again after you swallowed your red pill. I’ts the choice we’ve made and personally I’m glad I’ve made it. Made me realize that the love I thought I wanted from a woman I can give myself, by doing the things I really want to do and love to do.

[RayBandakuParticipant 888]

eastuger wrote:

It will never ever be the same again after you swallowed your red pill. I’ts the choice we’ve made and personally I’m glad I’ve made it. Made me realize that the love I thought I wanted from a woman I can give myself, by doing the things I really want to do and love to do.

Thank you @eastuger for great advise.  I am with you on this, I am realizing now that being hard core mgtow does not fit with falling in love.  It will eventually lead to pain when we breakup.  Yes there could be an exception but the risk is too high from me to try, I am too in love with my freedom for last five years.  I will always choose my freedom over romantic love any day.  it would be great to have both but in this world that is not possible, I guess it is what it is.

Thanks again

[AFTParticipant 2722]

A few months ago I met a few women through online dating, yeah I know, I dropped my standards, and I cant say I ever loved any of them. One of them told me that on our first meeting I was all about my freedom and how I was free and wanted to stay that way. I didn’t realize, I gave that impression, but I think I’ve fallen in love with my freedom, and couldn’t really give a f~~~, especially about their games. I think that’s what got me into her pants so quick, after all I still love sex, and she did too. When she was like “I feel you don’t want to be around me as much, and you have other priorities…..once or twice a week isn’t enough for me”. I knew that my love for my own freedom was too great and I’ll be happy going my own way. Still open to those once in a while freinds with benefits, and I gotta say it’s getting easier as I get older.

When the war cemeteries are half full of the corpses of dead conscripted women, only then will women have earned the right to speak of equality. Sidecar “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.” - Bob Dylan

[learningParticipant 115]

Listen my friend. I just started a thread earlier about warning  people to not fall in the love trap. Because I did.

Falling in love means the following things:

1. Because you love her, you will pay for her things.

2. Because you love her, you will pay for her things.

3. Because you love her, you will pay for her things.

That’s it.

Please don’t do it.

She will not ask for it right now. But the time to get the slave to work will come. It all starts like this…with the warm fuzzy feelings. We have all had those feelings.<span style=”line-height: 1.5;”> Right now, you are being prepared for slaughter. Please recognize the situation for what it is.</span>

<span style=”line-height: 1.5;”>Enjoy your time with her. Have sex with her…you don’t need to fall in love with her.</span>

Put it this way…If you and I met tomorrow and hit it off, we would become good friends and then we would hang out together as a result. I wouldn’t expect you to pay for my dinner and neither would you.

Why can’t you just make her a really good friend?

 

[DazzleParticipant 67]

Hi Ray. There has been some great advice here and Gametrader just about summed it up for me. Look we all have good friends which we love, care for, respect (whatever), so for me why should I treat a woman any different? Ok apart from the sex/physical contact, why should a woman get anything else? Listen, I’d do anything for my good mates and it would be/is given back without question or expectation of something in return. So for me if a women wants equality, respect and love from a man they have got to start approaching relationships in a more even handed way.  It’s this romantic love, walking on air, do anything for you nonsense men have bought into that has helped get us (man & women) into this f~~~ed up situation.

Don’t get me wrong my friend, I struggle as much as the next man and just like ATF says I too give off this “I don’t give a f~~~”  attitude which is not what I’m trying to achieve, but is what women see as cold and unfeeling, due to what I suppose is their conditioning. This just leads me to hump & dump situations (just not my thing), or increasingly I’m finding myself just not wanting to even try anymore. But this is why I am a mghow and it’s why I won’t be moved on this issue. “It’s got to be a level playing field sweetheart, or you can move on and try your blood sucking antics on some other guy!”

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