My Train Wreck of a Mother

[KeepQuietParticipant 114]

So heres my dilemma.. My mother was a single mother already before she had me, my sister has a different father. My mother supposedly has a mental disorder called schizo-affective which is similar to bi-polar. All through out growing up she would go in to fits of anger and would repeatedly take it out on her family members more so on her own children. She doesnt respect me she only blurts out i love you over and over like it means anything to me.
She does not do anything to improve herself complains and criticizes everyone else but she never thinks that there is anything wrong with her.
I moved in with my dad when i was 16 I am now 33. Contact and my relationship with my mother has been failing over the years more so recently because she doesnt listen to a damn thing that i say. Now shes begging me for money.. when before she said she doesnt expect any from me.. Problem is i have no sympathy for her.

Should i just change my phone number and stop talking to the bitch… She abused me badly when i was young. I have forgiven her countless times but im tired of her s~~~.. She still wont stop pestering me with phone calls telling me she loves me only now.. she loves me and she needs money..
I gave her 200$ for christmas.. Then another 200$ a couple months later and now shes asking me for more.. Its like i paid for my own christmas and i didnt even get anything i wanted.

The thing is.. why do i have to work more so someone else doesnt have to work..
I dont want to be the bad guy and all but to me its just so trivial dealing with this person who cared nothing about her future and expected everyone else to care for her even though she abuses and treats her family like s~~~ when she snaps into her other “personality”.

My older sister does not work so my mother asks me for money because im pretty much the only breadwinner..
Im leaning towards not even bothering with her..

[EGParticipant 1895]

She sounds like a narcissist. I’ve been exploring narcissism lately – the word isn’t new to me but I never dived deep into its meaning till recently – and once you see the connection, you can’t unsee it. So many of today’s ‘empowered’ women are really just pushy sexist broads taking advantage of the men around them, and treating them like they’re lucky to get the attention. Sounds like your mom. Not that she sounds empowered, she sounds like a mess. And a narcissist. I say go no-contact.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

It doesn’t sound like you want anything to do with her. Just let her know you love her and disconnect the phone. I had to do this with my son for two years. Now he appreciates it when I call and especially if I help him out.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Simply put, I once got fed up with unnecessary drama. Regardless of the source, be it friends or family, I held firm an zero tolerance policy without exception. It has done me well. Well enough to know it works, well enough to know that it’s exactly the way things should be. Try it out sometime, you might be surprised at the results.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Nahhh she is just a woman.

They are just insane, no exception.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[MonkParticipant 17057]

@ KeepQuiet

It’s a no-brainer. Dump them both. Permanently.

Because if you don’t, you will never have a life of your own.

[SpiderHerderParticipant 3799]

Sorry you had to go through this, but yes, she sounds like a narcissist. But that’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

If you feel like watching some youtube videos to help you make up your mind about never contacting her ever again, search for user “assc direct”. He’s a psychologist who has had his share of experiences with narcissists and he never backs down from this key truth about them:” THEY NEVER CHANGE.”

So, as sad as it may be, you’ll have to let her go. No more contact, ever.

[AwakenedParticipant 35216]

I have CUT OUT parasitic cancerous family members and friends from MY LIFE, and I have NOT seen, talked to, or even heard of their existence for MANY MANY YEARS.

To this day, I HAVE NO REGRETS except that I DIDN’T DO IT EVEN SOONER.

THIS is YOUR Life, Cut THEM Loose, and START Living It for YOU!!!!!

Every Day that YOU CHOOSE TO WASTE in THEIR WORLD OF S~~~ is One Day LESS that YOU ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF to Get On With YOUR LIFE….Haven’t YOU WASTED Enough of YOUR TIME/LIFE Already On These Parasitic Life Draining Parasites??????

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Secret Agent MGTOWParticipant 22564]

KeepQuiet wrote:

So heres my dilemma.. My mother was a single mother already before she had me, my sister has a different father. My mother supposedly has a mental disorder called schizo-affective which is similar to bi-polar. All through out growing up she would go in to fits of anger and would repeatedly take it out on her family members more so on her own children. She doesnt respect me she only blurts out i love you over and over like it means anything to me.She does not do anything to improve herself complains and criticizes everyone else but she never thinks that there is anything wrong with her.I moved in with my dad when i was 16 I am now 33. Contact and my relationship with my mother has been failing over the years more so recently because she doesnt listen to a damn thing that i say. Now shes begging me for money.. when before she said she doesnt expect any from me.. Problem is i have no sympathy for her.
Should i just change my phone number and stop talking to the bitch… She abused me badly when i was young. I have forgiven her countless times but im tired of her s~~~.. She still wont stop pestering me with phone calls telling me she loves me only now.. she loves me and she needs money..I gave her 200$ for christmas.. Then another 200$ a couple months later and now shes asking me for more.. Its like i paid for my own christmas and i didnt even get anything i wanted.
The thing is.. why do i have to work more so someone else doesnt have to work..I dont want to be the bad guy and all but to me its just so trivial dealing with this person who cared nothing about her future and expected everyone else to care for her even though she abuses and treats her family like s~~~ when she snaps into her other “personality”.
My older sister does not work so my mother asks me for money because im pretty much the only breadwinner..Im leaning towards not even bothering with her..

Do you really need us to tell you what to do? Seriously? There is the rational and obvious answer here. And a little hint, its not continuing to give her more money. You gave her money twice and thats why shes asking you for more. You trained her to regard you as her provider. Realizing your f~~~ up here is critical to nevr doing it again, to anyone.

Cut ties with your mom and your nonworking sister, or prepare to be both of their husbanks. Your call.

Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

[iMickey503Participant 12468]

I’m not going to be a fan of any choice. All choices have their costs. In fact, she is your mother and she does have a mental illness.

That sort of changes things a bit. But only just barely. In fact, there is a good reason why mothers who took great care of their children have really nothing to worry about. In fact, I would wonder where is her Income.

If you want to do the Honorable thing, (it sounds like you are indeed an honorable man) get her in touch with all those social services we all pay in for and help her in that way. Not only do you feel better, but you are putting your tax dollars to work for once as they were intended.

Of course, non contact is the best solution for you. But in fact, this can cause some issues unless you are prepared for it. True, we should be responsible for our parents. It is honorable. The right thing to do. However, you have think about why you are helping? She is indeed in fact going to hit the last part of her life soon. And that life that she created is in fact her own doing.

But then we have to be honest with ourselves. We did not create this system that allowed women to become like this. It is in fact womens fault and that of the government. That should ease your pain or guilt of severing ties.

I would ask your father on what he thinks.

In fact, I don’t really feel any remorse to a woman like that. Plenty of people have disorders, and in this case, she should be collecting SSI on her disability.

Women all over the world have to work for their lives. She is no different. And in really, if she was a good mother? This question would have never been brought up. You make your choices and you have to deal with them.

Now I suggest you get her hooked up with social services, and make them do their job for once, and get her in touch with all those churches that love to take that money to help women. And do that instead. You Time is one thing and so is your labor. But money? Well, we have in the west all said that each person should take care of their own needs. In fact, she made that choice that she gave up a husband and a family. Not anyone else. So who’s fault is it?

If your father did the same to you, there would be no pity. It’s time we use the same metric. I know its hard. But it’s not your fault she put you in her predicament.

In the end, the choice sits with you. No one wants to say no to their mother. But your mother had a job, and she failed at it. She chose her path. And now she has to live that path.

If she has a home, then she can rent out a room. If she has body, she can use it to get money. Bottom line, I think you should talk to her about making her life better. That is real love.

I don’t know if you believe in god or the bible or not. It seems you may have that inclination, but I know Secret Agent Mgtow does. And I think he may be able to point you to scriptures that may be of some help.

Women as we KNOW are helpless. But they are not absolved of responsibility. GOd was not nice to those women who f~~~ed up. And neither should you be.

You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home

[AutoliteParticipant]

@KeepQuite

I had to cut my entire family out of my life many years ago. They were very toxic people and it had to be done for my own survival and sanity. And I never regretted doing so.

You’ll just have to decide for yourself if you could live with doing the same. We’re all different. What worked for me might not work for you…

[SpleeferParticipant 966]

No need to ghost her. She will go away on her own , once you learn the word No. Tell her No. If she presses you, hang up. Don’t get mad. Set boundaries on YOUR mental well being. It’s up to her, she can be nice and civil or not. When she acts like a child, hang up. Odd are she will disappear on her own, without you ghosting her. When she tries again later on down the road, apply same rules of engagement. Don’t get mad, no need to be dramatic about it, just do it.

Galatians 5:1 (KJV) Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

[DocParticipant]

Who knows how long the road ahead is and what turns there are on it.

Part of your mothers behavior is maladaptive and probably still child like in its simplicity. Respond to that with firm boundaries as you would a child. But keep the boundaries consistent. Black and white if you will. Firm.

Decide what sort of relationship you want with your mother and if that is either presently or over the long term unattainable then step back until such times it appears to become more agreeable to you.

Rule number one – DO NOT APPEASE. Do not give anything unearned. Especially money.

My mother is an alcoholic – another train wreck. Nothing anyone says to her will stop her. She has always done what the f~~~ she pleases. I give her 3-5 years tops before her boiler explodes and total catastrophe occurs. As a result I keep my distance. She doesn’t see my children. Ever. She doesn’t see my brother and sisters families either. We set the boundaries firm and we do not move. Sadly neither does she. It is what it is.

Your mother will display childlike manipulation techniques to ‘posses’ you. Meaning she wants you to think about her, feel for her and act for her. Maybe this is due to pure schizo affective disorder but it’s entiely possible that her behaviours were learned coping responses. Either way it’s not acceptable. Her condition be,songs to her. Not you. Remind her of that. Set your boundaries. Lay the conditions and remain solid.

Good luck

Doc

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[DocParticipant]

Carnage wrote:

Nahhh she is just a woman.
They are just insane, no exception.

Basically.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Handsome VicParticipant 1613]

You can cut family out if you have to.
I had to do it for a long time.
It was difficult, but necessary.

I'm going my own way. Maybe I'll see you there.

[TwistParticipant]

Go do some reading at “Raised by a borderline” on reddit. You will see how many eventually go no contact to deal with mommies like yours. Don’t worry about a specific Dx – they are so alike many will fit.

Oh – they don’t get better.

Good luck. Nothing more important than protecting your self.

[KeepQuietParticipant 114]

Now to respond to a few of the earlier posts.. my mother hasnt stopped calling my phone, Ive blocked her and i dont respond to any of their messages.
She listens to nothing that i have to say and she never betters herself. I have not changed my phone number but i think i should.
I am agnostic my mother claims to be a christian but uses her religion as an excuse for everything bad that happens to her. She forced it on me when i was young trying to indoctrinate me into her “perception” of what that religion was and then to put her own spin on it..

I do have honor and she has been nice to me in the past but the things that she has done outweigh any good that she has done.. Emotional torment and grief that my mother took out on me because my father wasnt around..

The only thing i havnt done is change my phone number. though i have stopped any kind of contact.

[Polish MGHOWParticipant 73]

@op Sorry to hear about your difficult story, brother.
My advice is: don’t enable her. Either she and your sister change for the better (i.e. even do a f~~~ing part-time job. The only excuse not to work is disability, they both have hands and legs intact, right?) or you ghost them. At least till you see some improvement.
Do
Not
Enable
Evil.
You’ve got to be strong on this one, otherwise you’ll only suffer.

I recommend Stefan Molyneaux in YouTube. A purple pill kind of guy, but his mother was a bad one – he’s cut contact with her, because she’s made her choices (abuse).
Give people around you agency/let them be responsible for their actions.

Hope it helps you and glad to see other MGTOW brothers around here ready to aid a brother in need.
Peace!

[LupusParticipant 214]

KeepQuiet wrote:

Now to respond to a few of the earlier posts.. my mother hasnt stopped calling my phone, Ive blocked her and i dont respond to any of their messages.She listens to nothing that i have to say and she never betters herself. I have not changed my phone number but i think i should.I am agnostic my mother claims to be a christian but uses her religion as an excuse for everything bad that happens to her. She forced it on me when i was young trying to indoctrinate me into her “perception” of what that religion was and then to put her own spin on it..
I do have honor and she has been nice to me in the past but the things that she has done outweigh any good that she has done.. Emotional torment and grief that my mother took out on me because my father wasnt around..
The only thing i havnt done is change my phone number. though i have stopped any kind of contact.

Honor is a fool’s prize.
It gains you nothing, just enslavement to the opinions of others.

[Author]

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