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nick123 3 years, 2 months ago.
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Hi Guys,
This is my story and I am here to seek support and advice pertaining to my experience.
It all began from a dating site where lets call her Elaine messaged me. This was approx. February 2015. I checked out her profile and responded with interest, although one thing in her profile stood out as odd to me, she stated “she was looking for someone who does not react”.
Anyway we talked over the phone a few times and agreed to meet up on a Tuesday. Suddenly on the Saturday evening prior at 9.00pm she texts me and says she can not wait to see me and to be a “sport” and meet her at the local McDonalds near me, oh and apparently her “dogs heard me on the phone and like me” she said!
So we met for the first time, she was dressed very casually and as we sat and talked she read the paper??!! I did like her though, she had a body I liked and “something” about her that got me. I asked her back to my place just to see my dog. She came, it was only few minutes away, then we took her dogs for a walk as she brought them with her in her car.
So far, all good, I was happy and we talked on the phone every day and also went out on the Tuesday we originally had planned for. This time she dressed up and I was “taken”. There was interest from her in me and me in her. As she lived nearby, I noticed she would just suddenly come to my house out of the blue, of course I welcomed her in and said to her you are welcome anytime.
So for the first approx. 4 weeks she would be over almost every night and we would talk for hours, with her asking me a lot of questions regarding my ex wife. Elaine was never married but had many short term relationships. The bizarre behaviour was about to start, here it comes.
As I was at work Monday to Friday, she only worked temping type work, I would call her or she would call me and we talked. I would ask “what time are you coming over tonight” or “are you coming over tonight” because she was always over anyway. Now one night she said to me “I don’t like your attitude, why do you expect me to come to your house, have you asked me if I have anything to do”? I was a bit confused and speechless as my questions were merely to ask if she was coming, of course if she could not come, I was fine with that, no problem. I replied to her Elaine I ask you because you mostly always come anyway, but sometimes I might have a job to do as I also had my own part time business, and I do not want you to come and me not be there and waste your time. Anyway she said to me I should not ask in the manner I ask but to ask her like this,”Elaine would you like to come over tonight”, so I did. I thought this was a bit strange but I complied, accommodated, I let it go.
Now because we were going great I asked her to, if she wants, to move in with me as she was renting a room with her 2 dogs nearby. I would cook for both of us and give her food to take home too. She was a mental health professional and used to do counselling many years ago. When I asked her why isn’t she doing it anymore she replied, “ I had no empathy”. I thought she was making a joke, that’s how I took it and thought it was ironic, but I always remembered it and thought it was a bit strange.
She did move in and all was good but her 2 dogs were causing me a little stress/anxiety due to their barking and her over the top attention to her dogs. I did get the feeling though that she valued her dogs more than me. She gave me lots of sex, morning, night and afternoons and would ask me after sex if she had scored “wifey points”. Around this time too she was indicating that I should know by 6 months if I wanted to marry her. I said to her that is too quick and rushing it. She then accused me of being indecisive and “what is wrong with you”?
A few days before she had placed a small rubbish bin in my ensuite and a few days later seemed to be very down. I asked her, Elaine what is wrong, eventually she came out with it after me prompting her and reassuring her. She said that “she felt I was not working in with her cause I was not using the bin”. I responded by saying Elaine, the bin is a good idea and ok I’ll start using it, I was just not using it cause I was not used to it and frankly have overlooked it, eventually I would’ve started using it anyway. She was upset and made a deal out of this.
It is now approx. 2 to 3 months into our relationship. One day we were walking our dogs, I walked mine and she walked hers at my local park. As we had agreed to take a drive to particular place that afternoon and as I had walked to the park, she drove, I said to her “ok Elaine I am heading back home I’ll see you there”, she heard me so I presumed all is ok and I started to walk back home with my dog. When she came home she appeared upset. I asked her what’s wrong and again had to coax it out of her, she said “ I feel you are not connecting with me, you don’t understand me”. I asked her why she felt like this as this was a surprise to me. She said “well at the park I wanted you to stay longer with me but you just left”. I responded by saying to her that as we had agreed to go out that afternoon and I had walked rather than drove the park I thought I better start making tracks for home to get ready and that I told you I was heading home, I made you aware of that, if you wanted me to stay you should have said so and I would have stayed longer, I can not read your mind Elaine. She was dismissive of my explanation and totally blew up hurling insults at me and swearing at me and then stormed out of the house. An hour later she calls me and tells me to be ready as she is coming by to pick me to go out as we had agreed. Again I thought this bizarre but I let it go.
Another day she was feeling down, she did not tell me, I had to observe these things. She was lying down on the couch, so I asked her whats wrong. Elaine told me she had a headache but to me it seemed “not too severe”, you know when one has a really bad headache and act accordingly. I made a little innocent joke, which we had been sharing for the previous 2 weeks and which anyone else would have smiled, not Elaine, she went wild! She accused me of wanting to get a reaction out of her and she yelled “well you did get a reaction out of me, just not the one you expected”!! I was floored this was totally unexpected and she yelled and ranted for 15 minutes then left the house. I was calm during this outburst but shocked. Two hours later she calls me and seriously asked me “are you over your tantrum yet”? I was stumped, if I sensed she was kidding then fine but she was serious. I proceed to remind her of what had happened, she was not responsive and hung up. Later that night she called me again from the house/room she used to rent and asked me, “so have you thought about what you did today”? I again proceeded to remind her of exactly what happened and she swore at me and hung up. She sent me many abusive texts.
There were many other things that happened but I can not write them all down otherwise this will turn into a novel. During these first few months (the relationship lasted 6 months all up) I was hooked but my internal gut instinct was telling me this is bizarre behaviour. For the first month or so I thought she was angel, perfect, nothing was too much trouble for her, nothing I did was a problem for her. She wanted to discuss housing options with me during this time, so I did. We discussed housing options but did not really come to a solid conclusion. A week later I brought up the topic again as there was either something I wanted to add or clarify, her response, “we have already discussed it! you are not committed to the discussion”. I said yes I know we have discussed but I wanted to bring it up again to add or clarify something, her response was “obviously you are not committed to the discussion and as such I can not work with you”! Eventually i got her to talk about it again but it was difficult and i got the feeling when she was talking that it was an effort for her and only talking to satisfy “the moron”….me.
We did go away on a holiday together to Phuket for 10 days but when we came back i asked her to leave and she got very upset and started yelling at me and calling me all sorts of things, for example i need to take meds! The nesxt morning she did leave but called after 2 hours and said..” i will not allow you to break us up, i want to talk’ so she came back and we talked, i took her back but 2 days later she came up with this, “i am not sure if we (her and her 2 dogs) should allow you back into our lives as you left us”. I was dumbfounded but stupidly “chased” her to get her back!
Then the bizarre behaviour continued until i confroned her a few months later about her vile and abusive texts. She did not want to talk about it all and totally dismissed me, even though i said to her Elaine, i feel upset about these texts you sent me and i would like to express myself to you, no way she stormed off. We went to bed that night, i went to work the next day and in that afternoon i received a text stating ” i have left the key on the bench, as to why, you work it out for yourself”.
That was the last i saw of her and it has been almost a month now. During the first week when she had gone for some reason i looked up narcissim on the web and stumbled across a heap of info that to me seems to relate to what had happenned to me. What do you guys think?
Anyway as I said I have left a lot of things out otherwise this would turn into a novel.
During her stay at my house her dogs chewed up my carpet on the staircase and chewed my wooden skirting boards. She refused to pay.
like a pathetic weak f~~~ing mangina i persued her, bgged her, left her test messages and voice mails to get back to me.eventually she did get back to me after about 3 weeks, with conditions if we were to get back together. like a pathetic little bitch that i was i accepted these conditions.Now, in hindsight i look back and i am so angry at myself for having NO self respect and b~~~~, i guess i wanted the good times. With Narcs, you’ll never get those good times back. anyway long story short, we were together for another 3 months approx until i had enough of her bulls~~~ and told her to come get her stuff and p~~~ off. have been no contact now for about 10 odd months.
being in a realions~~~ with narc girlfriend is a living f~~~ing nightmare. But this expereince has awoken me to the dangers out there.
13 Signs Your Wife or Girlfriend is a Borderline or a Narcissist
Anonymous18Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds very similar to mine – the woman I was involved with inadvertently led me to research narcissistic and sociopathic behavior.
What she did was classical – carpet love bombing (no one ever loved me/treated me like you do blah blah bulls~~~ bulls~~~) following by slowly devaluing you but at a steady pace so you question your own sanity before you start to join the dots. The final blow is the disposal – where you are left with the mess they brought in your life.
Although you could have done without her – it is an important lesson.
The neediness and attachment that narcissistic people induce in otherwise healthy relationships (whether it be friends, lovers, or family members) is on steroids but all women use the same techniques but on a lesser crazy scale.
Now that you know how being delusional with pussy can lead to self-destruction, apply the self-awareness and knowledge to all women. They may not but they have the capacity to ruin your life.
Welcome onboard.
That’s insane.
That f~~~in bitch was straight up crazy.
Not worth the effort to keep.
Hopefully lesson learned.That’s insane.
That f~~~in bitch was straight up crazy.
Not worth the effort to keep.
Hopefully lesson learned.Oh yes lesson learned alright! my crazy cluster B personality disorder radar is always on high alert now if i meet any potential woman. The things i’ve learnt is ….stick to your guns re your own values and ethics, trust you gut instinct, dont let them break your boundaries and have self respect. If the bitches trigger any of these RED FLAG!
nickko, you learned a hell of a lot about women in a relatively short period of time. Now you can use what you’ve learned and apply it to all women, not just the severely mentally ill ones like your beloved Elaine.
Welcome to the forums, and I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts.
Cheers!
Just to reiterate what ilearn stated:
Sounds like my relationship and marriage – many similarities.
My ex was a NPD/BPD combo of fun. But she would use passive-aggressive withdrawal and stone walling as her weapon of choice.
See, after the idealization phase, the devaluation phase is also the crazy making phase. They will go hot/cold, projection of their faults onto you, all in an attempt to increase their narcissistic supply. Once a new supply is secured, they move on (discard).
Be prepared for a reverse monkey branch attempt. Even years later. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and reading their target – be prepared.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
https://illimitablemen.com/2014/02/17/lucifers-daughter/
Article above got my journey accross manospehere going, there are many psychos out there.
The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny
Just to reiterate what ilearn stated:
Sounds like my relationship and marriage – many similarities.
My ex was a NPD/BPD combo of fun. But she would use passive-aggressive withdrawal and stone walling as her weapon of choice.
See, after the idealization phase, the devaluation phase is also the crazy making phase. They will go hot/cold, projection of their faults onto you, all in an attempt to increase their narcissistic supply. Once a new supply is secured, they move on (discard).
Be prepared for a reverse monkey branch attempt. Even years later. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and reading their target – be prepared.
lol. i got it all!
lovebombing
idealization
devaluation
…..but initially before she discarded me i kicked her out.
Then she calls me and says, ” i am not going to allow you nickko11 to break us up, i want to talk”. So, i let her back in my life after her crying and telling me family issues…i felt sorry for her. THEN 3 days later she pulls this on me, “oh i dont know if i should let you back in my life”…huh? what the f~~~ just happenned?
then came the discard phase.
Then i begged her to come back like a pathetic pos.
ETC etc.
oh yes i also got stonewalling, silent treatment and gaslighting and projection.
mate, i won the f~~~ing lottery.She’s nuckin futs !! I think my beloved is more retarded then crazy, but she definitely has her coo coo periods.
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
@Nickko11
Yes. Gaslighting too. Forgot that one.
You don’t end a relationship with a NPD, you survive one. I did 7 years with one, and 2 years of marriage. I am a very psychological strong man.
What put the delay on the fuse was that I refused to live with her premarriage- viewed from the point of view of a NPD, this must have been crack-cocaine ~ the challenges of challenges. Once we were married, and to a lessor extent engaged, it was downhill fast.
The love bombing /idealization is like heroin. It is the most euphoria high of highs. Some days I find myself slightly depressed and agitated – classic withdrawal symptoms. They get less and less, and time passes.
Don’t get down on yourself. I did as well, beat myself up for over a year. You acted out of love and the need to get your next high, like stated above.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
Until reading MGTOW content, I never once read about these different phases that a BP/Narc will put you through.
Now I realize it was that Idealization Phase you guys talk about that fueled my deep well of patience and commitment to her crazy behavior.
Now that it’s all over, and someone asks how I could possibly have tolerated such behavior, I now have an answer. I thought I was the center of her universe, and if I abandoned her, she would surly self-destruct. I must protect her.
What a mind job.
Until reading MGTOW content, I never once read about these different phases that a BP/Narc will put you through.
Now I realize it was that Idealization Phase you guys talk about that fueled my deep well of patience and commitment to her crazy behavior.
Now that it’s all over, and someone asks how I could possibly have tolerated such behavior, I now have an answer. I thought I was the center of her universe, and if I abandoned her, she would surly self-destruct. I must protect her.
What a mind job.
That exactly how I felt post marriage when the devaluation stage started.
It’s part of the process a NPD goes through to make you their supply – like a parasite.
They don’t self destruct – they move onto the next host.
Mind f~~~ is correct.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
So after all that s~~~ you still went on holiday together? Goddamn…
"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K
Until reading MGTOW content, I never once read about these different phases that a BP/Narc will put you through.
Now I realize it was that Idealization Phase you guys talk about that fueled my deep well of patience and commitment to her crazy behavior.
Now that it’s all over, and someone asks how I could possibly have tolerated such behavior, I now have an answer. I thought I was the center of her universe, and if I abandoned her, she would surly self-destruct. I must protect her.
What a mind job.
That exactly how I felt post marriage when the devaluation stage started.
It’s part of the process a NPD goes through to make you their supply – like a parasite.
They don’t self destruct – they move onto the next host.
Mind f~~~ is correct.
The sad thing is that dating sites are chocked full of women like this, with each one of them holding a special position on the Bell Curve of their own personal dysfunction.
Enter at your own risk. No Lifeguard on Duty.
What she did was classical – carpet love bombing (no one ever loved me/treated me like you do blah blah bulls~~~ bulls~~~) following by slowly devaluing you but at a steady pace so you question your own sanity before you start to join the dots. The final blow is the disposal – where you are left with the mess they brought in your life.
The neediness and attachment that narcissistic people induce in otherwise healthy relationships (whether it be friends, lovers, or family members) is on steroids but all women use the same techniques but on a lesser crazy scale.
These two passages, on second read, are pure gold to understanding narcissistic behaviour.
The slow, subtle devaluation is what makes you go “crazy”. I had this pervasive feeling that something was wrong, could not put my finger on it, but it is quickly dismissed as you psychologically revert back to the conditioning you received in the “love bombing”. This is how a narcissist mines you as their “supply”. It truly is f~~~ed up; ultimate mind trick.
The neediness and attachment, due to the idealization conditioning, is much like being brainwashed by a cult – I would imagine. My ex had me dependent. She had her mom dependent to the point of almost financial ruin I later discovered. NPD have multiple supply/sources at any one time – hence why they are prone to affairs.
Very informative ilearn.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
@hominid. Spot on, yes there are a lot of these c~~~s on dating sites. If a chick has reached the age of mid forties and has never married, well there is probably a very good reason. SHES F~~~ING NUTS.
about 2 months ago a hot looking 49 year old single mother 22 year old kid not living at home texts me from a dating site. We text for 2 weeks then have a phone conversation where i ask to meet her in person and she agrees. The night before we were to meet she texts me and says….”i got to be honest with you and myself, your height is an issue. I said what too tall or short? She replies too tall”…she’s 5.5 and I’m 6.0. What the f~~~ really. I reckon i dodged a bullet. F~~~ing bitches today think they’re hot s~~~ and expect the best. Let them c~~~s rot.@hominid. Spot on, yes there are a lot of these c~~~s on dating sites. If a chick has reached the age of mid forties and has never married, well there is probably a very good reason. SHES F~~~ING NUTS.
about 2 months ago a hot looking 49 year old single mother 22 year old kid not living at home texts me from a dating site. We text for 2 weeks then have a phone conversation where i ask to meet her in person and she agrees. The night before we were to meet she texts me and says….”i got to be honest with you and myself, your height is an issue. I said what too tall or short? She replies too tall”…she’s 5.5 and I’m 6.0. What the f~~~ really. I reckon i dodged a bullet. F~~~ing bitches today think they’re hot s~~~ and expect the best. Let them c~~~s rot.“Too tall,” she says? Really? Do you believe that or do you think she was stringing you along and used that as an excuse?
Either way, I’m sure you dodged a big, fat hollow point with that one.
Imagine what kind of c~~~ this thing would of become down the track.Another typical c~~~.Think your self lucky to of escaped it.Don’t communicate or ever utter a word to her again.That kind of bitch will return.Use holy eater and a cross,make sure bible in hand to.
THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .
Imagine what kind of c~~~ this thing would of become down the track.Another typical c~~~.Think your self lucky to of escaped it.Don’t communicate or ever utter a word to her again.That kind of bitch will return.Use holy eater and a cross,make sure bible in hand to.
Exactly right blade. Finding a good virtous woman today is impossible let alone one with a good body/pretty. All..all.all the women in my life have been a problem. Take my ex wife for example. That crazy bitch wanted me to sign a financial agreement for her assets but not MINE! what the f~~~ is that??? I was lucky i got out unscathed..no kids, good job/money, rebuilt myself have my own house great dog no steess at age 52. I answer to no one. I do what i want when i want. But what i want. My next goal is to buy myself my third sports car a 370z.all my mates are married to women id hate to stick my dick in lol but i honestly believe they are weak and conditioned to stay in a relationship with these women. God i know they have had issues but they’re still with them. Gutless and scared.
@hominid. Spot on, yes there are a lot of these c~~~s on dating sites. If a chick has reached the age of mid forties and has never married, well there is probably a very good reason. SHES F~~~ING NUTS.
about 2 months ago a hot looking 49 year old single mother 22 year old kid not living at home texts me from a dating site. We text for 2 weeks then have a phone conversation where i ask to meet her in person and she agrees. The night before we were to meet she texts me and says….”i got to be honest with you and myself, your height is an issue. I said what too tall or short? She replies too tall”…she’s 5.5 and I’m 6.0. What the f~~~ really. I reckon i dodged a bullet. F~~~ing bitches today think they’re hot s~~~ and expect the best. Let them c~~~s rot.“Too tall,” she says? Really? Do you believe that or do you think she was stringing you along and used that as an excuse?
Either way, I’m sure you dodged a big, fat hollow point with that one.
What purpose would stringing me along have served her? Entertainment? ?
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