My son.

[AstroParticipant 2045]

This is from an earlier thread but it meant so much to me that I had to let you know how I feel and added more:

I have a son from my first wife who was adopted out. I couldn’t support two kids (one being my alcoholic first wife) on my own. I watched his birth and it was the most bitter-sweet moment of my life. There are many “What if’s” but the deal was done. I loved him from his birth as he was so much like me. He now has a degree and we once got together and had dinner and a local brew. I gave him my list of over a thousand beers I have had as he is a “Chip off the old block”. It must be the weather as my eyes and nose are running right now. He has no idea how much I Love him. He also turned me into a grandpa but I don’t know if I will ever meet the little one. If I didn’t care, he would have been an abortion but that is not who I am. I made the best choice I could by giving him parents that could afford to give him a future that I could not, it was an open adoption or at least started that way. I still do not know if I made the right choice, it rips my heart out when I think about it. Yea, I have some pain but that is why we are all here. We need tough Love but we also need a shoulder to cry on. Only God knows how I wish I knew the son I hardly know. This damned weather just keeps making my eyes and nose leak almost as much as my pipes did….

So now you have it, I have exposed myself to the loser I am. I couldn’t even take care of my own son. It hurts me when I think about it. I missed so much and have every reason to regret what I have done. This is one of the ghosts that came back in 2017 and I deserve to be haunted by it. We called him Justin, which means “Just as” but his adopted parents changed it to Tanner. It doesn’t matter because he is still just like me. He even taught me what I was doing in my own baby picture as he had the same look when he messed himself. How does one replace the memories? How does one go from a biological father to a daddy? I don’t know….

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Its alright Sparky. You have to accept that decisions have been made and what ifs are already past. Move on with your life and become better. You have to push yourself slowly to become better. If not for you then do it for your son or grandkids. You have to become the grandpa that you wish to be…

You made mistakes but you always have the choice to make this moment better for you. Stay strong and get inspiration to move by imagining what sort of grandpa you want to be. Good luck brother…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[Anonymous 42]

I’m a loner in this sea of endless time, I have no children, no wife, no woman, and no legitimate form of government.

I’m better off this way than a life full of uncontrollable events. Men have lost all control over our destinies and it really really shows!

Try not to dwell in the past, that can be extremely unhealthy given our degraded and diluded roles in this horrible heart wrenching society.

We have arrived to the place feminism and woman’s liberation has delivered us. Make the best of it and move forward toward the cliff and by faith jump into oblivion. Last one there is a rotten egg!

[AstroParticipant 2045]

NerdTunneler wrote:

You made mistakes but you always have the choice to make this moment better for you. Stay strong and get inspiration to move by imagining what sort of grandpa you want to be.

Thank you Nerd but I may never see the little one and do not deserve to. His grandpa will not share the same blood as I and he has. That is the price one must pay with an adoption. Yet I would love to meet my grandchild, I don’t even know if it is a boy or girl. I only know I am a grandpa. It makes me high knowing that much. I AM A F-CKING GRANDPA! But at the same time, I’m not really even a dad, much less a grandpa. It tears me up. We humans have an instinct to know our children and every beast has the same instinct.

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

You have to start healing sparky. You ingested too many blue pills and need to spit it out…

You value yourself way too low. Work on yourself and move on. If you put your mind to it, you can achieve a lot of things. Dont keep making excuses. Work on yourself and ask if you can see your grandkid even if you wont be introduced as grandpa. Just seeing and knowing your seed goes on is enough.

Plus, regarding your genealogy…Stop using it as an excuse. To take a Christian example, Christ was a descendant of rape, incest, prostitution etc…His “ancestry” was flawed and God in His will used that flawed “unroyal” ancestry to bring forth the Christ…

Know that what is stopping you from becoming better is just you yourself and your fears…Remember that you are getting old (sorry for that) and that making excuses is wasting more time that you could have used to become better…or to be inspired to live in peace with your kid or grandkid…

I dont know much about your personal info but you need to move and appreciate every little victories. Heck, I was at one point in time had to force myself to be thankful that I am still breathing or that I still have eyes to see or limbs to move…Whatever moves your boat…Just move…Good luck brother…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[AwakenedParticipant 35201]

All YOU have is NOW.

All ANY OF US has is NOW.

YOU MUST START LIVING IN TODAY FOR TODAY.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[It’sallbsParticipant]

You can only go forwards Sparky, banish what ifs from your mind.

http://www.leavemeansleave.eu

[Nomad82Participant 612]

Awakened wrote:

All YOU have is NOW.

All ANY OF US has is NOW.

YOU MUST START LIVING IN TODAY FOR TODAY.

AMEN

Achieve Individual Greatness!

[Anonymous 42]

Astro wrote:

Thank you Nerd but I may never see the little one and do not deserve to. His grandpa will not share the same blood as I and he has. That is the price one must pay with an adoption. Yet I would love to meet my grandchild, I don’t even know if it is a boy or girl. I only know I am a grandpa. It makes me high knowing that much. I AM A F-CKING GRANDPA! But at the same time, I’m not really even a dad, much less a grandpa. It tears me up. We humans have an instinct to know our children and every beast has the same instinct.

Why are you clutching to that filthy rag called family when in reality a war has been waged against it by government and women hand in hand shredding family and creating more government bureaucracy to govern over the wholesale slaughter of men and the family unit?

The more socialist we become the more disparity we see. Women are socialist and communist in nature, they’ve taken over as a single minded unit we call the hive! It’s only focused on the female narrative and continues to run night and day constructing cathedrals of injustice where the men are ordered to be a woman’s slave!

With every modern family under this new and TOXIC CULTURE there is a woman with rights to everything and a man that has none, and we see where that leaves us.
MGTOW is the only solution to the madness created by modern women and their TOXIC CULTURE mandated by LAWS THAT PLACE WOMEN SECOND TO NONE!

Just ask Thomas Ball’o’fire, the man that burned himself alive after being sacrificed by the cathedral of injustice! He burned himself just outside the halls of injustice.

[Anonymous 54]

You did what was best for the child.

That makes you a good parent.

God knows this.

[Anonymous 54]

You are not a loser.

You are a Man who struggles.

The World is full of Men who struggle.

They do the best they can.

[Beast05Participant 46]

Great post and great topic. I think the best parenting advice I can give is to spend quality time with your kids. Time is the most important currency that I have and I give it willingly to a select few people. You giving your son up for adoption was the right thing to do at the time. You gave him to two loving parents and now you are seeing him. Tell him how you feel and that you would like to build a relationship with him. It’s never too late, and you don’t want to regret this on your deathbed. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[HitmanParticipant]

you are not a loser.
go FORWARD and try not to look back.
you will go insane if you live in the past..
the hungry ghosts wait behind us all…
PEDAL TO THE METAL , GO !!!

[DocParticipant]

Sparky –

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. You are a man who loves and learns.

I stand by that saying –

In order to be old and wise you first have to be young and foolish.

It’s ok to be you. Nobody has any right to tell you anything let alone judge you.

We can be our harshest critics but go easy on yourself.

You have earned your peace my friend. I hope you can find it. It’s there. Just trust you will find it.

May that peace find you Sparky.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[GregB0Participant]

Astro wrote:

There are many “What if’s” but the deal was done

Looking back is always easy and always results in thinking about other possibilities. The reality is those possibilities may or may not have been available, but that is the problem with looking back. You have to truly accept your statement that “the deal was done” and go on from there.

Anonymous wrote:

You did what was best for the child.

You indeed made the correct call. Too many parents make the easy choice for them that winds up being the hard consequence for the child.

You have and need to be involved in your Grandchilds life. Your son gave you the opportunity to do so, it you do not, then you set up a “What if” situation for your grandchild. You and your grandchild have a path to walk that only you can start.

You are already a Dad, you either continue doing the right thing or you begin doing the wrong thing. Giving your child an opportunity for a better life is a great thing.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Anonymous 12]

So this Dude stands tall now and has a Son of his own.

And you are pretty damn f~~~ing sure that elseway, he would not be who he is today, but probably be caught in the S~~~storm you are in now.

and how the f~~~ did you fail?
You made a rationale decision with … perfectly acceptable results?

I do not understand why you suffer.
You did Good.
Look at him!
He lives!
And is NOT messed up!!!!

My own father was not as wise, and the Judges took me away from that s~~~hole.
Else i would be dead now.

It was the right thing to do.
Anything else would have made him a complete wreck.

From my point of View… you cut into your own flesh and it hurts.
But look at the dude. he stands tall.
Now Hug the motherf~~~er, and tell him EXACTLY what you told us now.
He deserves to know.

[AstroParticipant 2045]

Thanks guys, I think I feel better. I am staring to communicate with him via messenger and met him once. It’s a start but I don’t want to push myself on him too hard either. I did tell him I love him but I’m not sure if he believes me. At any rate, life goes on and this is the year I want to recover and not just survive. I have been called irresponsible for adopting out my son but it was also a selfless act. He’s now a young man but he will always be my boy.

[Anonymous 12]

Technically you have given up the rights to be in his father position (you know, all that legal crap…), but alas, you are, and he is your Boy.

Maybe the best thing you can do, and no more, is to stay on the sideline, and observe him going through life.

Let him walk his path, keep in touch, and have a Jar of red pills handy should he ever need it.
And pray for him every day that he never does.

[Anonymous 42]

Anonymous wrote:

You are not a loser.

Hitman wrote:

you are not a loser.

Doc wrote:

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER.

Three’s a charm! By popular decree YOU ARE NOT A LOOSER!

WE ALL ARE!

[Anonymous 12]

[Author]

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